Arieslove93 Posted December 24, 2018 Posted December 24, 2018 Me and my ex dated for a year, he was charming knew what to say gave me so much attention cuddled me the whole 9. Everything was good but he ended up losing his job so I tried to help him as much as I could until he found a job I ended up noticing that he had a drinking problem and he ended up telling me that he was an alcoholic. I found myself buying him liquor frequently it bothered me I’m not going to lie but I just wanted to be there for him and help him as much as I could eventually I got tired of spending my money on him and then I started to feel like he was taking advantage of me because he wasn’t really trying very hard at finding a job so I started to tell him know or I started to get upset when he would ask me for a bottle of liquor when I just had bought him one two days ago. I noticed that when I would say no he would get really nasty with me and became very manipulative it was like he was a different person like I would often think what happened to this charming guy that I met long story short he ended up breaking up with me randomly saying we had too many problems which was a lie we did have a good relationship we really only argued when it was about money because he was always trying to control me and I didn’t like that right after he broke up with me he was with another woman. I had just Facebook and I found out everything he was cheating on me for months with this girl she would buy him anything he wants whenever he wanted was supporting his habit he didn’t even have to ask for the liquor she would just bring it to me I guess that’s what he liked so he left me for her it’s been eight months and I’m still grieving he is still with the girl he left me for it now she is pregnant when I found out it made me cry because I am still very much in love with him and it really hurts I just feel like I never meant anything to him because he just do our relationship away so quickly for this girl I feel very worthless and it sucks and I wanted to start my life with him and have a family as well and now he’s starting his life with this woman and they’re having a child together really hurts my heart but I’m just trying to get through this and I know that God is really sparing me I guess everything really happens for a reason.
Giraffe-A Posted December 24, 2018 Posted December 24, 2018 Do you even know how lucky you are that he broke up with you? Feelings aside, he lost his job, has a driking problem, which probably contributed to him losing his job, and he was using you. What makes you think he makes a good partner, much less a good parent? What type of fairy tale are you getting out of this? It’s too soon for you to appreciate this other woman right now, but you will. You had the strenghth to cut him then. You are awesome for that. Don’t feel sorry for men. They are supposed to figure their problems on their own. If you want to support them, trust them that they will figure it out. Don’t do what you did with this guy. Let this be a lesson learned and try to move on.
ExpatInItaly Posted December 24, 2018 Posted December 24, 2018 Why on earth would you want a family with an alcoholic? You speak as though his new girlfriend won something. Believe me, she didn’t. He is not a catch and is certainly in no shape to be a good partner, let alone a good father. I would strongly encourage you to re-evaluate your own boundaries and standards. Your desire to hang on to a dysfunctional situation is the signal you need to investigate what’s going inside you that makes any of this look like healthy love. It wasn’t.
Simple Logic Posted December 24, 2018 Posted December 24, 2018 This is not an uncommon story. He is manipulator. Truth be known he cheated on someone else while he was hooking you. He will cheat on the woman he is with now while he hooks the next. You got played, learn from it and drive on.
nolanola Posted December 24, 2018 Posted December 24, 2018 Throw yourself a party because one day you are going to be so happy this guy attached himself to another woman. Alcoholics and addicts will suck the life out of everyone around them and then come back for more. They can be sooo charming, but it's like a mask they wear. When the mask comes off, it is not pretty. They hate themselves and will transfer that to everyone around them. I know it's hard to see it right now, because you feel rejected and it hurts. Anyone would feel that way. But please trust me, just sit back and wait. This relationship he's in now will likely blow up as well and she will be left hurting too. Until they get help, addicts will burn everything down. Their behavior doesn't change until they take steps to change it (meaning getting sober and going through therapy/recovery). If he is still drinking and she is enabling him, he is going to treat her like crap just like he did to you. He will cheat on her and probably leave her too. Hang in there. Maybe seek out some therapy as to why you are so attached to someone that treats you in a way that you don't deserve.
Author Arieslove93 Posted December 24, 2018 Author Posted December 24, 2018 Throw yourself a party because one day you are going to be so happy this guy attached himself to another woman. Alcoholics and addicts will suck the life out of everyone around them and then come back for more. They can be sooo charming, but it's like a mask they wear. When the mask comes off, it is not pretty. They hate themselves and will transfer that to everyone around them. I know it's hard to see it right now, because you feel rejected and it hurts. Anyone would feel that way. But please trust me, just sit back and wait. This relationship he's in now will likely blow up as well and she will be left hurting too. Until they get help, addicts will burn everything down. Their behavior doesn't change until they take steps to change it (meaning getting sober and going through therapy/recovery). If he is still drinking and she is enabling him, he is going to treat her like crap just like he did to you. He will cheat on her and probably leave her too. Hang in there. Maybe seek out some therapy as to why you are so attached to someone that treats you in a way that you don't deserve. I’m so broken he seems happy with her and it hurts me so bad, it’s different with him tho he’s the type to treat you good as long as your giving him what he wants and she’s doing that so he’s the man of her dreams right now. He’s not going to leave her he’s going to stay where the liquor is and even if he does end up getting a job he’ll still stay cuz he has no where else to go and they are having a kid together. and what makes it worse is that he doesn’t care nor does he’ll feel he did anything wrong in his sick mind he feels he made the right decision leaving me for her bc she giving him what he wants and that’s what he went for it’s like a survival mode for him. And now I feel like his feelings are different towards her now bc she’s having his kid. He’s giving her the love that I wanted. This is a horrible feeling I wouldnt wish this pain on my worst enemy.
nolanola Posted December 24, 2018 Posted December 24, 2018 Addicts do not love anyone. They use and discard. Like you said, she is giving him what he wants and it's working for him right now. This guy is going nowhere but down a bad road. Do you want to be the one bailing him out of jail in the middle of the night? Do you want to be the one apologizing for his behavior when he embarrasses you in front of your friends? This is the life that awaits her and now she will be stuck with him because they will be tied together with a child. I was involved with an addict for years. He started with alcohol and moved onto pills. We broke up so many times because he cheated on me. He would come back and I would take him back like an idiot because I "loved him". He became abusive and would yell at me and say terribly mean things. I became so entangled in him that I couldn't tell if he was abusive or not. I remember distinctly googling "am I in an abusive relationship?". We did this for years. Finally, he went to rehab because he was busted with illegal prescriptions and was going to lose his job and go to jail. He got sober but didn't change his behavior and we kept going back and forth for another 2 years. I was so depressed I could barely function. I would sit at home and cry and obsess about what he was doing, while he was out on dates with other women. Finally, one day I had enough and stopped talking to him. It was the hardest thing I have ever done and it took me about a year to feel good again. Today, I can see how toxic he was and how toxic our dynamic was. I could not see it at the time. I wanted him back, even though he hurt me so badly. I wanted him to come back and apologize for the things he had done. Over time, I stopped wanting him. Today, I would run the other way if I saw him coming. I never want to see him again. He almost destroyed me and I am still dealing with why I participated in all this. After all that, you know what's funny? He did come back...after 5 years. By the time he came back, I was so over it. So I do understand. Trust me. You have an addiction too...to this person. You have some work to do on yourself too. Focus on that and trust that you are going to be happy that he left you. I know you cannot see it right now. 1
Author Arieslove93 Posted December 24, 2018 Author Posted December 24, 2018 Addicts do not love anyone. They use and discard. Like you said, she is giving him what he wants and it's working for him right now. This guy is going nowhere but down a bad road. Do you want to be the one bailing him out of jail in the middle of the night? Do you want to be the one apologizing for his behavior when he embarrasses you in front of your friends? This is the life that awaits her and now she will be stuck with him because they will be tied together with a child. I was involved with an addict for years. He started with alcohol and moved onto pills. We broke up so many times because he cheated on me. He would come back and I would take him back like an idiot because I "loved him". He became abusive and would yell at me and say terribly mean things. I became so entangled in him that I couldn't tell if he was abusive or not. I remember distinctly googling "am I in an abusive relationship?". We did this for years. Finally, he went to rehab because he was busted with illegal prescriptions and was going to lose his job and go to jail. He got sober but didn't change his behavior and we kept going back and forth for another 2 years. I was so depressed I could barely function. I would sit at home and cry and obsess about what he was doing, while he was out on dates with other women. Finally, one day I had enough and stopped talking to him. It was the hardest thing I have ever done and it took me about a year to feel good again. Today, I can see how toxic he was and how toxic our dynamic was. I could not see it at the time. I wanted him back, even though he hurt me so badly. I wanted him to come back and apologize for the things he had done. Over time, I stopped wanting him. Today, I would run the other way if I saw him coming. I never want to see him again. He almost destroyed me and I am still dealing with why I participated in all this. After all that, you know what's funny? He did come back...after 5 years. By the time he came back, I was so over it. So I do understand. Trust me. You have an addiction too...to this person. You have some work to do on yourself too. Focus on that and trust that you are going to be happy that he left you. I know you cannot see it right now. I get what your saying, I see that god is sparing me really I do I’m just still hurting badly. Thank you for your advice. Thank you all!
Recommended Posts