nolanola Posted December 27, 2018 Posted December 27, 2018 DUDE...you are pushing too hard. If you really want to push her and give her an ultimatum, I don't think you will like the outcome. Why are you ignoring her messages? If you are unable to deal with the fact that she is dating around, you may have to leave her alone for awhile. But you guys have been on one date since your breakup and now you're trying to tell her she either gets back together with you or it's over?!? You are putting so much pressure on her, on yourself, on the situation. If it was me, I would be really turned off by that. You have to let this breathe or it's going to crash and burn. ETA: You guys are not back together. She is allowed to go out with this other guy on NYE if she wants to. You can't control who she sees.
basil67 Posted December 27, 2018 Posted December 27, 2018 The issue is though that she is still dating another guy. I feel if I reach out to her and show her I’m there whenever she needs she is just going to take advantage of it. Basically have her cake and eat it. You describe her as the type to take advantage of you, yet you want her back anyway?? What's going on here?
Author Buckle92 Posted December 27, 2018 Author Posted December 27, 2018 Urgh I feel like I’m getting conflicting advice. She is seeing another guy whilst seeing me. She is having sex with this guy but not with me. Do I go no contact or allow her to date us both at the same time? Thanks
stillafool Posted December 27, 2018 Posted December 27, 2018 Yes for your own sanity go NC. You want her back yet she is dating and having sex with another guy, no sex for you. As a woman I can tell you that when it comes to NYE I want to be with the one I love at midnight when the ball drops.
nolanola Posted December 27, 2018 Posted December 27, 2018 I hate to even ask...but how do you know if she is having sex with this other guy? Did you ask her this? If so, I think you need to back away real quick. You are way too invested and are going to get hurt.
elaine567 Posted December 27, 2018 Posted December 27, 2018 At the moment you are the ex and she is dating the other guy. He isn't "complicated", he hasn't hurt her, she is having sex with him, not you. You need to back off with dignity here. Go NC, it will help.
Author Buckle92 Posted December 28, 2018 Author Posted December 28, 2018 (edited) So we spoke on the phone and she said I was wrong to get annoyed about her seeing another guy on NYE. I apologised. We talked s little and then I asked if she would see me this weekend, she agreed to it but she was hesitant to do anything that was romantic of sorts. I thought about it for a while and told her I needed time to be by myself and that she wasn’t to contact me. I’ve unfollowed her on all social media and will ignore anymore texts. Have I done the right thing? I just want to take a moment to thank everyone that has contributed to my post you’ve been a great help. Update - Surprise surprise she has text me straight away asking why I have deleted her off social media and if this means non contact. Do I respond? If so what should I say? Thanks Edited December 28, 2018 by Buckle92
elaine567 Posted December 28, 2018 Posted December 28, 2018 We talked s little and then I asked if she would see me this weekend, she agreed to it but she was hesitant to do anything that was romantic of sorts. That is because she is dating this other guy. She is happy to have you as a friend and go on nice little trips out, but romance is not on the cards. Update - Surprise surprise she has text me straight away asking why I have deleted her off social media and if this means non contact. Do I respond? If so what should I say? Ignore her. NC is a device to allow you to heal. You told her to not contact you and here she is contacting you. You will never heal at that rate
stillafool Posted December 28, 2018 Posted December 28, 2018 Definitely ignore her. She has put you in the friend zone. She still wants you around in case things don't pan out with this other guy. You will be viewed more attractive and strong by showing her you can go on without her. Don't respond and leave her blocked. If she comes back make sure she's made her choice or don't engage with her.
elaine567 Posted December 28, 2018 Posted December 28, 2018 She has put you in the friend zone. She still wants you around in case things don't pan out with this other guy. It may not be even be that. She may just look around for some other guy whilst still keeping Buckle as her "good friend". Besotted exes can make great friends, they know you inside out and they often cannot do enough for you...
Author Buckle92 Posted December 28, 2018 Author Posted December 28, 2018 So I did reply but simply kept it to a ‘Yes it does mean no contact’. I guess now I have to move on and see if she does get back in contact. If she does should I accept nothing less than her saying she wants to see if we can work? Thanks
nolanola Posted December 28, 2018 Posted December 28, 2018 If you are in no contact, then you are in no contact. That means no chatting back and forth. You have decided to take this step and now you need to stand by it. If you just answer her when she decides to reach out to you (which she most likely will), then you will look like you don't mean what you say. You need to decide what you want here. If you can't handle the fact that she has decided that she wants to see other people, then you need to leave her alone because you're just going to make yourself crazy.
Author Buckle92 Posted December 28, 2018 Author Posted December 28, 2018 I replied because it was only last night I stated going no contact, I also felt like it was best to be respectful at first about it and reply to confirm what I meant. From now on I won’t be replying unless I get a categorical statement of trying again. Thanks everyone
Author Buckle92 Posted December 29, 2018 Author Posted December 29, 2018 Okay so this seems never ending. She has text me asking to meet up the day before she sees this ‘other guy’. I haven’t replied yet. What do I do? Is she trying to reach out? Alls I can think is that if I don’t go or ignore her, she will see it as a sign ‘I’m not interested’ and she will see the guy on NYE without any guilt. If I do go she will see it as a sign she has me on a string and again go out on NYE without any guilt. On the other hand she could be trying to reach out. Do I ask why she wants to meet up? Do I ask if she has made a choice? I know I’m going to get a vague response from her anyhow. This all seems sooo draining. Thanks
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