Does not respond to text, but is seen Online at Dating Site

[Insoc]

I think I was right to go with my gut or intuition here, but I need some other opinions.

 

Say someone is not responding to text messages promptly, sometimes 24 hours + or longer, or doesn't seem to be too serious anymore yet is seen logged into Match.com (you know that little green circle that is solid green when logged-in) throughout the day, but is avoiding you and not responding to text messages, nor will call or answer the phone when called.

 

Well this Woman I met, who is long distance and I never met in person, was doing this. I planned a trip to meet her in person since the city she lived in was an area I was considering relocating to for work next year, after I made the arrangements she became even more distant.

 

So I became dubious she was playing games or wasn't who she said she was and I sent her a text message telling her it's over but I'm still going through with my trip to see the area.

 

She responded back saying she was in another state due to the death of a family member, cracked a joke about Match.com saying a friend is watching her Dog and was using her Desktop Computer and was probably snooping around her computer and said "HaHa", I said to myself, your joking during this tough time in your life? Say what?

 

Anyways, I responded back, it got ugly and I flat out told her that she needs to learn how to communicate with people, not telling me in a simple text that this happened was her mistake and that you can log into Match daily but cannot send me a text tells me that you are just playing me and I'm not into games.

 

So I knew, it was time to cut if off, I felt bad maybe I should have waited another week, but my senses were saying otherwise. I had feelings for her, I mean I liked her but it wasn't the same the past week, I think she was married or was living with a Boyfriend, because she never called me from home, only when she was out, hmm??

[Giraffe-A]

Rule of thumb, until both of you have the exclusivity talk, they have every right to be on the site. You have invested money on this.

 

Second, if you are not receiving the feedback that you hope for, stop and continue your search. The very first time I got on one of these sites, I didn’t respond to the guy I would eventually date for the next 3 years until a month later. I was glad to have gotten really bad dates out of the way before dating him. He became a breath of fresh air. Patience is a virtue.

[Gretchen12]

She was not interested. Showing low interest is not playing games. Showing possible interest retroactively (telling you she was in another state after you told her it's over) was quite unnecessary.

[Insoc]

Rule of thumb, until both of you have the exclusivity talk, they have every right to be on the site. You have invested money on this.

 

Second, if you are not receiving the feedback that you hope for, stop and continue your search. The very first time I got on one of these sites, I didn’t respond to the guy I would eventually date for the next 3 years until a month later. I was glad to have gotten really bad dates out of the way before dating him. He became a breath of fresh air. Patience is a virtue.

 

True, she was just telling me she wanted me to come up as soon as possible to visit her and that she didn't want me talking to other women and she was doing the same with me. She would also say things to me about going places together soon, travelling and etc. Reason I said "playing games", but online is never what it seems.

[Insoc]

She was not interested. Showing low interest is not playing games. Showing possible interest retroactively (telling you she was in another state after you told her it's over) was quite unnecessary.

 

She was initially, wouldn't leave me alone, was texting me all day long and was getting possessive. I think with me telling her to slow down on the sexual stuff may have changed her mind, she even apologized about moving too fast.

 

I mean she was telling me last weekend she wanted to travel here and go there with me, saying we will go together and that I'll come to visit her, which I planned. I think she got nervous because she was hiding something, living a fantasy, I seen this before, my Ex was cheating on me online with a guy, living a double life.

 

I did take it as she was no longer interested, the lack of communication but I also read sometimes women will test you by not responding to see if anything comes out, insecurities or lack of confidence or trust, problem was much of that was not there prior on her part, trust and evasiveness which made me kinda dubious going into it. Lack of communication just causes all types of issues.

 

I had other dates locally with women who are legit, feel comfortable with them, so I don't feel the same way nor am I texting them daily, I have no insecurities it will either blossom or it won't.

[Giraffe-A]

Insoc, talk is very cheap. You really can’t take these things to heart when you havent met. I wouldn’t even believe them until they were actually happening.

 

But the whole “now online” thing is a real buzz kill. With Apps and all that phone stuff these days, that light will actually stay on wherher you are on or not. You will have to learn to see past it. Again, once a relationship progresses, you both can have a talk about it.

[Insoc]

Insoc, talk is very cheap. You really can’t take these things to heart when you havent met. I wouldn’t even believe them until they were actually happening.

 

But the whole “now online” thing is a real buzz kill. With Apps and all that phone stuff these days, that light will actually stay on wherher you are on or not. You will have to learn to see past it. Again, once a relationship progresses, you both can have a talk about it.

 

I agree, I'm too impatient for a relationship since I'm coming out of a bad lacking marriage, I suppose reason I fell for it. It all felt like a fantasy to be honest.

 

I tested Match.com, you have to log in to get the icon to be solid, you can log out and it will stay solid for up to 30 minutes plus, also you can be logged in for a while and it will go to a circle, meaning you were online recently. So yes, hard to tell but my phone makes me log in each time I use the app, even the desktop version does the same thing.

 

I think her excuses were just poor and the lack of communication (if her story was true) was lacking. I also think she was in a state of dismay that I was actually going to be visiting the area she lived in and probably started to get cold feet because she was hiding something. I kinda wonder if I kept my mouth shut, arrived at the City, called or texted her that she would have even showed up. I know people who fell into similar traps, not often scams but just that the person was lying about their marital or relationship status and didn't want to take it offline.

 

I never tried online Dating, I have mixed feelings on it, not sure I'll still use it in a few months?

[chillii]

Yep , the writings been all over the wall that's pretty obvious sorry.

[basil67]

If this happens to you again, don't bother contacting them to call them on their absent behaviour. Just ghost. There's no reason to tell them that it's over.

[SunFeel]

I agree until you’ve had the “we’re together talk” there is not much you can do

[elaine567]

Anyways, I responded back, it got ugly and I flat out told her that she needs to learn how to communicate with people, not telling me in a simple text that this happened was her mistake and that you can log into Match daily but cannot send me a text tells me that you are just playing me and I'm not into games.

 

 

 

It is not your job or place to "get ugly" with women online who do not meet your expectations...

 

She was obviously not interested, and no doubt panicked that some guy she doesn't know is going to just turn up at her front door.

I'm too impatient for a relationship

If you are going to be dating online you need to calm down a bit.

[Mrs._December]

So I knew, it was time to cut if off, I felt bad maybe I should have waited another week, but my senses were saying otherwise. I had feelings for her, I mean I liked her but it wasn't the same the past week, I think she was married or was living with a Boyfriend, because she never called me from home, only when she was out, hmm??

Look. ANYONE you 'meet' on the internet is just a fantasy until you meet them in the flesh. Hell, even THEN it's no guarantee they are who they say they are.

 

I'm not quite sure exactly what you were referring to when you told her "it's over" - what's "it?" You didn't have anything with this person except some computer pen-pal romance with a supposed woman whom you've never even met. Sorry, but that's the REALITY of it.

 

Like many trolls, this one is just having fun on Match - engaging men in fantasies about places she wants to go and things she wants to do with them, knowing full well none of it's going to happen. I can pretty much guarantee you that you're NOT the only one she's playing this fantasy game with on Match and likely other dating sites as well. She probably would have continued playing you for a lot longer had you not told her you were coming out her way which means she'd actually have to meet you. And well, you know...that just wasn't part of the game.

 

Because she never intended to meet you.

 

You're right on target about her living a fantasy.

 

Go watch the TV show "Catfish." 9 times out of 10, the person on the other end of these silly online romances is NOT who they'd portrayed themselves to be. They're usually very unattractive (and a lot of times very overweight) people pretending to be someone ELSE.

 

The simple lesson here is, stop falling for people you've never met.

[Giraffe-A]

I agree, I'm too impatient for a relationship since I'm coming out of a bad lacking marriage, I suppose reason I fell for it. It all felt like a fantasy to be honest.

 

I tested Match.com, you have to log in to get the icon to be solid, you can log out and it will stay solid for up to 30 minutes plus, also you can be logged in for a while and it will go to a circle, meaning you were online recently. So yes, hard to tell but my phone makes me log in each time I use the app, even the desktop version does the same thing.

 

I think her excuses were just poor and the lack of communication (if her story was true) was lacking. I also think she was in a state of dismay that I was actually going to be visiting the area she lived in and probably started to get cold feet because she was hiding something. I kinda wonder if I kept my mouth shut, arrived at the City, called or texted her that she would have even showed up. I know people who fell into similar traps, not often scams but just that the person was lying about their marital or relationship status and didn't want to take it offline.

 

I never tried online Dating, I have mixed feelings on it, not sure I'll still use it in a few months?

Welcome to the single life. Don’t stop your search after this one experience. Just don’t focus on one person too much either. You seem to be desperately trying to fill a void and you’re bound to really, REALLY hurt a hopeful girl that answers your ad. A lot of us are on that boat having dated seperated and recently divorved people.

[ExpatInItaly]

You need to slow down and not invest in someone you’ve never met, man.

 

It is a red flag in and of itself when a stranger online is texting you all the time and getting “possessive.” That should have been your clue that this woman was not a candidate for anything serious.

 

Try to stick to local women and not engage in text romances without having met. It creates too much of an illusion of intimacy and generates unrealistic expectations.

[Insoc]

If this happens to you again, don't bother contacting them to call them on their absent behaviour. Just ghost. There's no reason to tell them that it's over.

 

Point noted, should have done that but was reading up on how to respond to women who like to play games.

[Insoc]

It is not your job or place to "get ugly" with women online who do not meet your expectations...

 

She was obviously not interested, and no doubt panicked that some guy she doesn't know is going to just turn up at her front door.

 

If you are going to be dating online you need to calm down a bit.

 

I know, my bad. Well initially she came on very strong, was almost too strong, that's where I got suspicious, she was very attractive, not that I'm not handsome, I been told by people for years I am so but I dont' have an ego about it. I told her to slow down, she got pissed disappeared for 2 weeks then we reconnected, she wasn't acting the same way, after I told her I booked my flight she changed.

 

I do need to calm down on this online thing, I know.

[Insoc]

Look. ANYONE you 'meet' on the internet is just a fantasy until you meet them in the flesh. Hell, even THEN it's no guarantee they are who they say they are.

 

I'm not quite sure exactly what you were referring to when you told her "it's over" - what's "it?" You didn't have anything with this person except some computer pen-pal romance with a supposed woman whom you've never even met. Sorry, but that's the REALITY of it.

 

Like many trolls, this one is just having fun on Match - engaging men in fantasies about places she wants to go and things she wants to do with them, knowing full well none of it's going to happen. I can pretty much guarantee you that you're NOT the only one she's playing this fantasy game with on Match and likely other dating sites as well. She probably would have continued playing you for a lot longer had you not told her you were coming out her way which means she'd actually have to meet you. And well, you know...that just wasn't part of the game.

 

Because she never intended to meet you.

 

You're right on target about her living a fantasy.

 

Go watch the TV show "Catfish." 9 times out of 10, the person on the other end of these silly online romances is NOT who they'd portrayed themselves to be. They're usually very unattractive (and a lot of times very overweight) people pretending to be someone ELSE.

 

The simple lesson here is, stop falling for people you've never met.

 

She did say to me once that she is not a "Catfish", I acted dumb and and go what's that, she never responded.

 

I suspected something, but I did do extensive research online and verified she was indeed real, she did give me a fake last name, but enough info on herself and her family to figure it out via Facebook, I found her sister and etc, got her last name and then verified her info, everything she told me was true, age, where she lived, one guy she was in a LTR with, it all showed on the search.

 

Still though, she wasn't telling me the truth 100%, she was evasive and would never call me from home or answer the phone if I called her, that alone was a red flag, I know she wasn't married because no marriage license came up in the background check, but I suspect she was living with a Guy (Boyfriend) and was hiding it from him, maybe?

 

Her pics on her match profile matched the ones she sent me, but she appeared to be using older pics, a few times she wasn't shower her face in pics I asked her to send, which made me wonder. Her phone number was in the area she lived, wasn't blocked or hidden. Talked on the phone a few times, she seemed real, but I have heard stories of people getting photos of a friend or someone they know, via Facebook or having access to their PC (roomate) and posing as the said person.

 

Who knows? She was constantly on my case about coming up to see her, too soon and too fast, within 2 days of meeting online, she was talking sex and sending me nude pics, I told her it was too much too soon, she got pissed and I didn't hear from her for 2 weeks, then we reconnected and she just wasn't acting the same way, I just felt I was being played and had to hang it up.

 

I will avoid getting involved in any long distance things on Match, 100% of the people I met local were who they said they were and did not act like this, that is 2 days in talk about Sex and having it ASAP. Just didn't seem normal.

[Insoc]

Welcome to the single life. Don’t stop your search after this one experience. Just don’t focus on one person too much either. You seem to be desperately trying to fill a void and you’re bound to really, REALLY hurt a hopeful girl that answers your ad. A lot of us are on that boat having dated seperated and recently divorved people.

 

I think I need to learn how to be single again, maybe that's my problem? I thought about just waiting till my Divorce is final, 6 months or a year then start looking, but I am impatient, because the last 5+ years of my marriage was like living with a roommate.

 

I don't have a lot of friends yet, because I moved across the country from everything I know to be where I am now, so being alone is not something I'm use to, when I was single I had family nearby and friends.

 

So this is an adjustment for me, I am too impatient and have some insecurity issues because of what my Ex did to me, it's hard for me trust anyone and I need to work on that.

[Simple Logic]

I didn’t read any of the other responses, but you really told someone you have never met who lives in another city it was over? I am sure they were devastated.

[Insoc]

I didn’t read any of the other responses, but you really told someone you have never met who lives in another city it was over? I am sure they were devastated.

 

I basically told her I'm done playing games and that I felt she wasn't who she said she was, not matter the amount of background checking i did on her, I could not confirm without meeting her in person, she was indeed the person I thought she was. I heard of stories where roomates will assume the identity of someone else and use their pics on dating sites and also claim to be that person, maybe because the other person is more attractive or they are jealous of them?

 

She seemed upset about it, I mean she didn't respond to my text in 2 days, but after telling her what I did, I got two paragraphs via text in 5 minutes that sounded like she was in shock and talking totally different, because I read that's how game players react when you tell them your done playing, more of knocking the wind out of their sails.

 

No more long distance online dating for me, all the locals I met have been legit and had zero issues.

[Gretchen12]

You can't know who's playing games online ahead of time. All you can do is make sure you have the skills for a healthy relationship when you encounter a healthy woman.

Right now, you're not looking so good. You were suspicious and impulsive. That will ruin good things. And you can't always say "she made me behave this way." Online dating requires patience because much is mysterious and yet to be discovered. I have no idea why you would pretend to not know what catfish means. You're not a straightforward type and that makes everything even more complicated.

[Insoc]

You can't know who's playing games online ahead of time. All you can do is make sure you have the skills for a healthy relationship when you encounter a healthy woman.

Right now, you're not looking so good. You were suspicious and impulsive. That will ruin good things. And you can't always say "she made me behave this way." Online dating requires patience because much is mysterious and yet to be discovered. I have no idea why you would pretend to not know what catfish means. You're not a straightforward type and that makes everything even more complicated.

 

Good point, she is only one of several women I met who did this, reason being the rest were local and I met them in person within a week meeting on Match. I have had zero issues with anyone else local I met. So no more long distance for me.

 

I purposely have my profile set to within 25 miles radius, so she was an exception.

 

It does require patience, that's for sure, even local. I have it, but sometimes I need to control my feelings.

 

Well I know she lied about the death in the family, I looked at her Sister's Facebook page this afternoon, saw they posted trip pictures from a vacation they are on. Well she posted a comment on her sister's post and it didn't sound somber at all, along with that her Mother posted a comment, there was no tone that said there was a death in the family, also the person who I think was used as the "death" was mentioned so obviously still living.

 

If there was a death in the family, you wouldn't be posting vacation photos and talking about how great it was, so I know she lied, which is plain sick I would never stoop so low. Maybe that alone say's much about her, not my type at all.

 

I could see "Oh I lost my phone" "Or it went kaput", but not Death, that is lower than low. Someone said she said that in the heat of the moment, to retract why she wasn't in communication, but that is quite serious a claim.

Edited December 24, 2018 by Insoc