ThisKillingEmptiness Posted September 15, 2005 Posted September 15, 2005 Hi everyone! I’m glad to find this site; it looks like a great community. Let me give you a little background about me before I write about my current situation… I’m caucasian, 20 years old, and moved to US for studying last year. I never had a real gf mainly because the girls that I liked were either in a relationship with another guy or didn’t seem to be interested in me… and if there was a girl that liked me (if any) I didn’t feel any affection about her. as far as I remember never been good at talking to the girls and “being attractive to women”. I’m not the type of person who has many friends; I had 3 good friends before I move to the US, and preferred to live alone all of my life. This and some other factors has made me so quite and lonely, and the bad thing is that I kind of enjoy this sense of isolation and darkness that I have. But there are times that something makes me want to come out of my shell, and I feel like I want to change. something inside me tells me this is not a healthy way to live. I’m still young and there hasn’t been any serious disaster in my life so why shouldn’t I live happily. But nothing is strong enough to overcome my unmotivated, not interested in anything and suicidal self, except love. When I’m in love with some one(very few times in my life) I feel a strong energy that drives me ahead and makes me want to “live”. After years of loneliness and getting rejected by the persons that I loved, I finally saw this girl at my college that to me is near perfection. She is outgoing has a very warm attitude and is full of life and has a great face. she's also a "international student" like me. When I first looked at her bright green eyes I felt like my cold heart is getting warm and beating life through my veins. my problem is that, as I said I don’t know how to make a conversation with people, especially if that person is the girl that I like. because it makes more nervous. I never have anything to say apart from talking about music, because my life has been so uninteresting and I don’t find anything worth talking about. But I want to change, and make the best of my life, and stop living like this. Currently I’m not hopeful about this situation because I think that she is too good to be friend with someone like me and there are too many attractive guys with big mussels that among them she wouldn’t even notice me... But I’m sick of this empty life and still want to try maybe for one last time before I give up. I’ve seen her a few time and talked to her a little bit about some random stuff. So I don’t really know her. but her impressions were good. I think all I need is a good way to approach her and try to get a little bit closer to her. I’ve found her work schedule and tried to go and talk to her after work, but when I got close to the place I thought for a moment with my self – talk about what??? And turned away… I felt awkward to just go up there and say “hi how are you doing” and hmmmm what next? What’d be a proper way to talk to her and get to know her? For example now that I know her schedule should I just stop by and try to start a conversation?? I’m full of “what….” Please share your thoughts and ideas… Thank you for reading this. -------------EDIT------------- after reading some of the similar threads, I think I might add that I've already found out that we have some similar hobbies, for example she's learning guitar and I love playing guitar too. she like rock/punk music, well not exaclt my type of music, but it's close. at least it's not hip-hop or something similar. but knowing that, how should I use these in my favor to make some kind of connection with her?
Jose Posted September 15, 2005 Posted September 15, 2005 Young man, What do you mean, with BEFORE I GIVE UP! ... But I’m sick of this empty life and still want to try maybe for one last time before I give up. Take it easy, I get the picture, you have difficulties talking to this girl and you don´t have friends and is very lonely for you, but there are so many steps you can take to change that, really you can do it, but you need to work to make the change. First, you need to dare to initiate conversations, not just with the green eye girl, but with other girls, the more you do it, the more confortable you will get talking with strangers. You can set a goal to initiate one conversation with a stranger each day, then after a while things will start to change. What to talk to this girl, talk about how was her day, what is she studying, what subjects is she taking, then tell her a little bit about you, what you study, tell her about your country, about your interests, get her going, follow her leads, for instance if she starts taking about a topic, stay on that topic for a little while, focus on her, listen carefully to what she says. THe other thing is that yoiu don´t know her, and the only way to get to know her is by talking to her. At the end of the conversation you can tell her something like, I enjoyed taking to you and I wish we can talk again soon, or something like that. Now remember, if she is not interested in you, she will let you know and it will not be your fault at all, it is just the way it is, however, you can meet other girls at your college and talk to them, eventually you will find one that will like your company and she will let you know for sure. Best of lucks and take it easy, you sound depressed, take care of yourself, and if you keep having negative thoughts and negative feelings, talk to a mental health professional in your college.
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