LaKeiShA Posted September 15, 2005 Posted September 15, 2005 hi yall when i was younger i swore at ladies who were branded as ''home wreckers''. I utterly despised anyone who tried to or broke the sanctity of marriage. I thought of what my Mom would feel if she found out my Dad was having an affair.Today im reeling in the same boat so to speak. I met this man during a work retreat (im from a different branch within the same insitution) and we had lots of fun, but i never took it like we had hit it off or anything. The branch where i live has health facilities i.e gym, sauna, and other things courtesy of the insitution ofcourse, naturally all my colleagues come in the evenings for these facilities and thats where i met him, with his wife and it was just exchanging of pleasantries. Then he offered to buy me a drink (in the abscence of his wife ofcourse) which i had no problem with i mean a free drink....hmmm. The devil is a liar. We had many other dates and i took him only as a friend..but theres something about married men, theyre very kind, and submissive. we had sex on the fourth date, it was mind blowing, i have never had such a sexual experience in my life!!! he paid attention to my every needs. So you know the drill it was like a drug i kept going back to. but we all have a conscience, and whenever he went back home i felt absolutely guilty. i broke up with him like fifteen times but i kept going back to him. I heard endless stories of his past and how he was the greatest lay in the institution and ofcourse as a woman i felt used. I was very hurt. My friends discouraged me from asking him but i did and he went all ballistic on me. He said we should just remain as friends if i dont trust him. I dont know how to fight for a relationship so i said if thats what you want fine. He doesnt call me anymore, i have the urge of calling him, he doesnt write me anymore messages anymore, he treats me with utter disregard when he meets me, and we are having an annual inter-bank sport event and we are both in the swimming team how am i supposed to treat him, when he says hello, when he tries small talk? he flirts with women there infront of me i feel so crushed right now. The night before icried in the dark on the floor of my living room all alone for three solid hours. I love him like crazy, he knows that thats why he treats me with indifference, i miss him, i miss the hell out of him. i dont know how much longer i can hold on to this pain. What shall i do. i have never been in such pain before.
Maria46 Posted September 15, 2005 Posted September 15, 2005 From your post you already know what you should do. Right now, the pain seems unbearable to you, but you will get thru this. Spend time with friends and family to keep busy. You deserve more than he will ever be willing to give you and you need to remember that. When the sports event comes, keep a smile on your face and try not to let it show that you are hurting. Be cordial t him. You can do it!!! From what you say, there will probably lots of other women that have been in the same boat with him. Keep your chin up! I'm sorry you are hurting now.
Author LaKeiShA Posted September 15, 2005 Author Posted September 15, 2005 From your post you already know what you should do. Right now, the pain seems unbearable to you, but you will get thru this. Spend time with friends and family to keep busy. You deserve more than he will ever be willing to give you and you need to remember that. When the sports event comes, keep a smile on your face and try not to let it show that you are hurting. Be cordial t him. You can do it!!! From what you say, there will probably lots of other women that have been in the same boat with him. Keep your chin up! I'm sorry you are hurting now. thanks for the advice. unfortunately i live alone and dont get to see my family quite often.and since i work where i live i cannot move out because my parents live a long way off. I dont have many friends either a handfull really. gosh im in such turmoil now dear.
Maria46 Posted September 15, 2005 Posted September 15, 2005 don't you have friends? A hobby? You just need to find something to keep your mind busy. So some volunteer work....just keep busy. Check out the guys!!
newbby Posted September 15, 2005 Posted September 15, 2005 i understand how you feel having also been where i never thought i would be. i managed to move the relationship on to a friendship, somehow, however he does not speak to me anymore. it is somewhat different as i did not get the pleasure of seeing him flirt with other ladies, it must be quite awful. the absolutely best thing you can do is to not in any way let him see that he has affected you. the guy must have his own set of insecurities which makes him neeed other women to fall in love with him. remember this. it helps. try to think of him as a bundle of insecurities and not as a great god of a man who has women falling at his feet. be strong in front of him, do your own flirting if you like, or just be cool. keep your tears for the dark only. you may feel alone and lonely, but how did you feel before this ever happened? if you felt the same then, then try to find ways to work on this and see this as a blessing that bought to light things that you need to work on for yourself. if you didnt feel this way at all before, then aim to get back to how you did feel. make him as small as possible in your mind. use visualisation techniques. you can look these up on the internet. explore various forms of alternative and spiritual therapies. add a new dimension to yourself and your life, and be satisfied in the knowledge that you have found this and do not need to use other people to make you feel better, as he does. ((hugs))
Author LaKeiShA Posted September 15, 2005 Author Posted September 15, 2005 i understand how you feel having also been where i never thought i would be. i managed to move the relationship on to a friendship, somehow, however he does not speak to me anymore. it is somewhat different as i did not get the pleasure of seeing him flirt with other ladies, it must be quite awful. the absolutely best thing you can do is to not in any way let him see that he has affected you. the guy must have his own set of insecurities which makes him neeed other women to fall in love with him. remember this. it helps. try to think of him as a bundle of insecurities and not as a great god of a man who has women falling at his feet. be strong in front of him, do your own flirting if you like, or just be cool. keep your tears for the dark only. you may feel alone and lonely, but how did you feel before this ever happened? if you felt the same then, then try to find ways to work on this and see this as a blessing that bought to light things that you need to work on for yourself. if you didnt feel this way at all before, then aim to get back to how you did feel. make him as small as possible in your mind. use visualisation techniques. you can look these up on the internet. explore various forms of alternative and spiritual therapies. add a new dimension to yourself and your life, and be satisfied in the knowledge that you have found this and do not need to use other people to make you feel better, as he does. ((hugs)) thanx newbby. i will honestly try ''keeping cool'' considering all the time i get to see him and he walks upto me to say hi i almost die, my heart dances on my tongue. i have this urge to pick the phone and call him, i have deleted his mobile number from my cell phone so when im high i dont get any silly ideas to call and start crying....''why did you leave meeeee'' hehe. then i have this constant pain down on the side of my tummy, im listening to Christian Music right now in the office i want to cry, its lunch time peeps have gone out for lunch, im all alone in the office tears at the brink of pouring. My eyes also well up whenever i see him talking to another woman. gosh
newbby Posted September 15, 2005 Posted September 15, 2005 it sounds awful. you will get through it though, believe me.
newbby Posted September 15, 2005 Posted September 15, 2005 go to the coping section and read no foolins guide to the long walk, it is extremely helpful
nosybear819 Posted September 15, 2005 Posted September 15, 2005 I know everyone is gonna hate me for this 'cuz I'm going against the grain. But if you wanna see him then I think you should suck it up ( swallow your pride i mean) and next time you see him gesture for him to come over and ask if you 2 are still "friends". Are you upset that he stop talking to you or 'cuz you're missing all the good sex? I think you hurt his feeling when you called him out about being "a great lay" maybe that's why he was so defensive. Anyway if you wanna talk to him - do it! Unless he's been ungodly rude to you and you hate him now. But I say give it a try. If that doesn't work go back to listening to your christian music in the office and crying in the dark. I agree with everyone here about the whole coping thing - you will get through it but don't give up without trying. He did afterall say "you should remain as friends" clearly not what it seems like to me. Good luck.
DesertDweller Posted September 20, 2005 Posted September 20, 2005 Be mad, not sad. Would you treat another person the way he has treated you?
joodee Posted September 20, 2005 Posted September 20, 2005 Hi, In reference to you saying you have broken up with him many times, I can understand what you are going through. I did that too, and it's hard when the mm keeps coming back. But please don't be sad, do get mad, like the last poster said. I've been back and forth with a MM and it's when one gets mad is when healing really starts. It's not fair how the man treated you and all the other women. You sound like a caring person with a big heart, don't give up on yourself. And I was like you too, thinking that the OWs in the world were homewreckers before I became one...much how like you did. I have much more sympathy and understanding, and after two years I still struggle to say away from the MM. Hugs to you.
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