Second Break up !!

[Sadyyy]

This might be a bit long..

My ex and I recently broke up because of communication/arguments issues. He’s the one who took the decision and I had to leave and pack all of my stuff. I felt so betrayed and rejected. After the break up I decided to use no contact for a while. After three weeks, we started to see each other again and things were pretty great! We got back together and agreed that this time we would take the time to express our thoughts and feelings to each other better and work on our communication skills.

 

The thing is...things started to go downwards when I had to see his family, especially his mother. There had always been friction between me and her but nothing major. I was so hurt from losing everything the first time that getting reattached to everything all at once was going to be hard for me. He understood in the beginning but afterwards I think he got annoyed. He would go to there cottage almost every weekend and I would stay behind, explaining that I wasn’t ready to take a step, because I wanted OUR relationship to work before jumping into the family part of the relationship. I tried talking to him about it a bunch of times...but it lead to arguments. We would say things to each other that we did not mean and he finally ended it the same exact way as the first time. He would tell me that I was making him choose between me and his family and that it could not work.

 

It’s been five days and his brother texted me that their grand mother was diagnosed with cancer. I felt so sad and texted him saying that if he ever needed to talk, that I was going to be there for him no matter what. He simply just replied that he was going to be fine.

 

Should I go back to no contact? Should I just move on?

[d0nnivain]

NC is not a tool to manipulate somebody to coming back to you.

 

Be gracious. Send grandma a lovely card & then move on.

 

You gave it a 2nd chance but that didn't work. You have your answer. It's time to let this one stick.

[Sadyyy]

I was using NC to better myself and because he had asked me to not text him.

[elaine567]

Move on.

Not sure what your thinking was in withdrawing from his family.

He was never going to choose you over them and the fact he went there every week end without you, should have alerted you to that.

[Sadyyy]

Move on.

Not sure what your thinking was in withdrawing from his family.

He was never going to choose you over them and the fact he went there every week end without you, should have alerted you to that.

 

I wasn’t quite withdrawing completely. I would go to family dinners and all but that was it for now. I’ve always felt like his mother never really liked me and wanted to stay away from that for now. Because I wanted to work things out with him first..but that didn’t happen..

[elaine567]

I wasn’t quite withdrawing completely. I would go to family dinners and all but that was it for now. I’ve always felt like his mother never really liked me and wanted to stay away from that for now. Because I wanted to work things out with him first..but that didn’t happen..

I guess she spent every weekend telling him what a waste of space you were and as you had distanced yourself from his family, he finally agreed with her and ended it with you.

He no doubt wanted to see you and his mother getting along well as otherwise he was caught in the middle of two "warring" women. Not a great place to be.

[Normm]

We would say things to each other that we did not mean

 

 

Whenever I read something like this I just shake my head and wonder why. We're adults here. Why hurl insults and say hurtful things to a person you supposedly love and care about if you don't mean it? I don't do it, I never did it, regardless of how heated things may get in a relationship. You need to realize saying these things causes damage, sometimes to the point that it cannot be undone. If you seriously cannot control yourself it's time to consider anger management counseling.