jhurtinct Posted September 15, 2005 Posted September 15, 2005 I don't know if anyone remembers reading any of my previous post here but just alittle back ground info to start I am getting backtogether/trying to work things out with my boyfriend/sons father. we have been together 6 1/2 years lived together for most of them, have had our ups and downs, both at fault for some. we both love eachother and wnat to make this work. I moved out of the house he bought for us about 2 months ago and came back home to my family, we dicided it was best because we weren't getting along and it wasn't good for our son. We have since decided we would seek counseling and try very hard because we want to be together. When my son and myself left about 2 wks later my bf's bestfriend since birth is getting a divorce and sold his house, well he moved into our house w/ my bf. My problem is this (that of probably jealousy but thats what i need to figure out) I know his friend has a ne gf who is there all the time for those 2 reasons I don't feel comfortable enough to go there I don't want to feel like a guest in the house that was ours i guess. We can't spend alot of time at my house bc my brother is still giving him the cold shoulder, so now we are limited on where we can be together. I find this very hard to handle because #1 that was/is as he says our house now someone else is sleeping there not me #2 I find myself having hatred for my bf best friend and a girl I don't even know because of it. I asked him the other night trying to explain how i feel that his friend shouldn't be there it's interfering with us because of reason above. he says he understands how i feel but what can he do, he thinks I should just go there(i don't think i can). I just don't know what the right thing to feel is and why am i so jealous and why am i starting to feel hatred toward these people and what is the right thing to do??????????? I think also I just want our life back and don't know how to take things(slow) after being together and living together for so long anyone suggestions, input, advice, personal experience................. anything that will help it's killing me and i don't what it to kill what we are trying to work out here.....
Merin Posted September 15, 2005 Posted September 15, 2005 Wow... Well IMO when you've been together for 6 years AND you have a little person together, there isn't any let's go slow or let's date... to much history is there to be erased. Secondly... the 3 of you are a family right? So while I understand not wanting to repeat the same mistakes again going forward... IMO the BOTH of you NEED to commit to this, REALLY commit and decide that being together is what you want, that means living together again as a family IMO but making adjustments where there were problems before.... such as setting aside a night (hopefully at least once a week) and getting G'ma to watch your Son so the 2 of you can focus on one another as a COUPLE not just PARENTS to your Son... Making a committment to one another to communicate.... to decide who will be responsilbe for what (bills, cleaning, childcare) BEFORE moving back in... talk about this.... AND your BF NEEDS to tell his friend that while he understands he (his friend) is going through a rough time right now, that YOU and HIS (your) SON are his priority and he's going to give him 2 weeks to find a new place to live.... Good Luck
Author jhurtinct Posted September 15, 2005 Author Posted September 15, 2005 merin- thank you for your thoughts and I totally agree with you, problem is and I do see his pov also is he doesn't want us to move back and the 2 of us fall back into the same slump that got us here to begin with. hence 'the take it slow' he wants to go to counseling and see what happens after afew sessions before he asks his friend to leave. I dont know I do see his pov I don't want to end up back in the same slump either I just want the friend out so we can spend time there as a family when we want to w/o #1 me feeling uncomfortable #2 playing threes company. thank you again:)
Merin Posted September 15, 2005 Posted September 15, 2005 You're Welcome I would also recommend counseling... and I've got to tell you that while I'm NOT a counselor, I can tell you when my now EXH and I were going to counseling (we saw a couple different ones) BOTH told us that IF we were going to make the relationship work, then we NEEDED to commit to that and live as a family (we have kids together too) in the end, he couldn't understand why I was so opposed to an open marriage and I couldn't understand why in the hell I married him to begin with So I divorced his lame ass, we never lived together again and that was it.... Not at all saying this is your case (not even close) but I am saying that I wouldn't be at all suprised to hear that your counseling therapist tells you about the same.... either have to get in and make it work, or step back.... Wish you the best, hang in there.
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