IrishAngel Posted September 15, 2005 Posted September 15, 2005 I've been having a pretty tough time with the whole male gender lately My last serious relationship was almost a year ago, and since then, I've been trying casual dating, but failing pretty miserably. Either I end up wanting things to be more serious, or less often, the guy ends up wanting to be more serious. Frankly, I have a lot of baggage left over from one really bad breakup a couple years ago, and I haven't really allowed myself to be happy as a single. More recently, one of my best friends from online came up here to visit me, and in the process we found out for sure that we both really like each other as more than friends. However, there's been quite a few times where something about our relationship just makes me squirm... just doesn't feel just right. So we had a week of a lot of cuddling and being super close, but the day after he went back home, I started doing my usual paranoid worrying. After nearly a month of thinking things through, I've decided I'm simply not ready for a relationship with him, if at all. Big problem though... he's very serious about me. When someone says they love you, and you care about them a ton, it shouldn't make you squirm, right? Anyway, so I've been agonizing over how to talk to him when he's so excited about moving up here and us getting to see each other more often. I finally got the nerve to talk to him, and he seemed to take it okay. He knew I'd been stressing out about things, and knew he was partially to blame. But it gets worse. He's VERY insecure about his looks and about girls. My telling him to back off is bad enough, but now there's another guy in the picture. This guy I met online as well, but lives less than a 5 minute walk away from me. He's far from my usual type, but very persistant, and very full of surprises. I've been spending some time with him just to get to know him, and fully expected him to be a sex-crazed jerk, but am pleasantly surprised to find I like him more and more each time I see him. However, he is very blunt about what he wants, even if he has to wait for me to get out of another relationship. There was no way to hide this guy's persistance away from my friend, and so when I first decided to break things off, at least temporarily with my friend, he immediately accused me of leaving him for a better looking guy. This is completely untrue... I'd decided things were too uncomfortable before the second guy had ever spoken up about his interest. However, now I feel guilty that I'm attracted to this new guy, and I really don't have a clue about what I'm going to do when my friend moves up here in a week. With my friend, I'm utterly comfortable around him while he's there, but afterwards sometimes there's too much deja vu from my ex. With this new guy, he's a very near opposite of my friend, very confident and forward. I'm attracted to both their minds and personalities. My friend was the first guy I ever was really physically attracted to, and this new guy is my second. Generally looks don't even regester to me except for the instinctual "safe" and "unsafe". But still, I'm needing a lot of advice right now, because nothing that has been said to me about this helps at all. I can't date both guys, because that would be casual dating, and I just feel it's wrong. And while I feel I broke things off with my friend, I think he still believes we're just on hold or something, and I'm VERY close to actually dating this new guy. Any ideas on how I can handle this before I go crazy with worrying?
Merin Posted September 15, 2005 Posted September 15, 2005 IF the Guy who lives LD is moving there to be with you, then PLEASE tell him NOT TO. Don't allow him to pack up his life where he's at and move there with the thought or idea that the 2 of you are going to be in a romantic relationship that you're really not feeling... While I know that will be difficult you NEED to let him know in NO UNCERTAIN TERMS that you like him as a person and a FRIEND but you're not wanting a romantic relationship with him. It is far worse to give someone the hope or belief that you're all about a relationship with them, when you're really not then to date casually and allow things to develop on their own time to see if something more serious come about. Good Luck
Author IrishAngel Posted September 15, 2005 Author Posted September 15, 2005 yeah, he's assured me over and over again when I've asked him that he's moving up here because he wants to, not because I'm up here. *sigh* still, I worry about it. Thanks, though
Merin Posted September 15, 2005 Posted September 15, 2005 yeah, he's assured me over and over again when I've asked him that he's moving up here because he wants to, not because I'm up here. *sigh* still, I worry about it. Thanks, though As long as you've made it CRYSTAL CLEAR to him that you're NOT interested in a romantic relationship with him then IF he still chooses to move there, thats on him... but again.... Please make sure he's CERTAIN without DOUBT of how you feel....
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