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Is it normal for me to be jelaous of my boyfriend when he goes to partying?

triplomuo

By triplomuo
in General Relationship Discussion

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triplomuo New Member

triplomuo

Posted
Posted

Hello.

My boyfriend has moved to another country 2 months ago for a temporary time, he always says that he misses and loves me so much but I really don't feel it. I don't feel that he cares about me, when I say this and try to break up he cries and stops me but recently he has changed a lot. He started to go to bars and parties a lot with his new friends, and i saw on his fb friends list that he added girls from his new town. It touches on my nerves. I was acting a bit distant, as he asked me if it's all fine I said yeah and he said "good". I didn't reply as I expected him to realize that it's not really fine, but he didn't text me back. I feel that I should break up with him, it's better than living with jealousy yet I am sad.

is it ok for my bf to go to bars with boys and girls when he's away from me?

stillafool Established Member

stillafool

Posted
Posted

Yes it is okay to go out with friends when he is away from you. You have to tell him how you feel instead of expecting him to read your thoughts. If you were trying to break up with him before because you can't control your jealousy I imagine he's acting different now because he's tired of it. If this is something you can't deal with then break up and block him from contacting you. You should also be going out with people while he's away. Don't ever make any man your entire world.

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PegNosePete Established Member

PegNosePete

Posted
Posted

Yes it's perfectly fine for him to go out and have a good time.

 

But this seems to have started after you kept trying to break up with him? He probably feels that he's about to get dumped, and he is making new friends in preparation for being single.

 

It seems you've created this situation by trying to dump him...

 

Yes, if you can't trust him then you should dump him. Or you should stop being insecure. Because if you keep being insecure then it will kill the relationship!

  • Like 2
clia Established Member

clia

Posted
Posted
Hello.

is it ok for my bf to go to bars with boys and girls when he's away from me?

 

Yes, it is okay for your boyfriend to go to bars with boys and girls when he's away from you. He's living his life. Do you expect him to sit at home and do nothing when he's in a new place? Of course not.

 

It's normal to feel a little jealous as he is somewhere else meeting new people and having new experiences and you aren't there, but it shouldn't be crippling you. You should try to do the same wherever you are -- get out, meet new people, have fun, live your life.

 

Why don't you feel he cares about you? Is he staying in contact? How long will he be gone? You should be careful because if you are creating a lot of drama and tears you run the risk of pushing him away.

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted

You are not handling this LDR well. You think that because he's not home alone in the dark he doesn't love you. That is not true. But every time you cry & threaten a break up you damage the relationship & hurt him by your lack of faith. Then he goes out more with friends. It's a vicious cycle.

 

How temporary is his relocation? When will you get to see each other again in person?

 

Meanwhile you need to come up with a concrete list of things he can do to assure you that you are loved. Do you want a daily phone call? Do you want good morning texts? Do you want a certain # of Skype video chats or some snail mail? Within reason set up things that will make you feel better but don't think he has to become a hermit to prove his love.

Sarah_Smiles Established Member

Sarah_Smiles

Posted
Posted

Just talk to him about how it makes you feel, be honest and don't get upset and hear him out and see if he understands why it bothers you... if he continues on and you still feel jealous, maybe being in a long distance relationship isn't the best for you. How long till he comes back home? Since in a new place he is probably lonely and needs those new friends to be company and maybe feels he has to join them out so he isn't alone there in a different country and they bother with him.

anika99 Established Member

anika99

Posted
Posted

How long have you been together and how long will he be away?

 

If I had a boyfriend who had to move away for about six months or less I may be willing to wait it out and do whatever I could to maintain the relationship, but if I had a boyfriend who had to move away for a year or two I would probably just end the relationship. Doesn't have to mean it's over forever, you can always meet up when he gets back to see if there is anything worth rekindling. To me it's just too strange and akward to be tied down to someone far away that you don't even see in person. Usually it plays out just like its playing out for you. Somebody ends up insecure and jealous. If this is going to be a long seperation than my advice would be to set each other free, go live your lives as single people.

sabaton Established Member

sabaton

Posted
Posted (edited)
Hello.

My boyfriend has moved to another country 2 months ago for a temporary time, he always says that he misses and loves me so much but I really don't feel it. I don't feel that he cares about me, when I say this and try to break up he cries and stops me but recently he has changed a lot. He started to go to bars and parties a lot with his new friends, and i saw on his fb friends list that he added girls from his new town. It touches on my nerves. I was acting a bit distant, as he asked me if it's all fine I said yeah and he said "good". I didn't reply as I expected him to realize that it's not really fine, but he didn't text me back. I feel that I should break up with him, it's better than living with jealousy yet I am sad.

is it ok for my bf to go to bars with boys and girls when he's away from me?

 

Long-distance relationships are hard. Long-distance relationships are harder to stick to when you are attractive and your girlfriend is thousands of miles away and you're expected to stay celibate until the two of you get together, and that's even harder when you are young.

 

Are the two of you planning on having this long-term relationship become close again?

 

If you see yourself having a future with this guy, and you feel that you can see yourself waiting the time it will take for you two to finally get permanently together - carry on with the relationship.

 

If not, just end the relationship, and stay a couple of months away from the dating world, then rejoin it. There's plenty of attractive men anyway, so even if this relationship turns out to have been a waste of your time and emotional investement its still no big deal.

Edited by sabaton
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