She has feelings for me but decided to go back with her Ex, Why?

[BigTeddyBear]

Hi All!

 

Is it honestly possible that my ex girlfriend has decided to give her ex/actual boyfriend an honest chance after breaking up 2 times in 10 years knowing she has feelings for me but has denying them and rejected them for more than a year now?

 

The scary part is that she has decided to get a house, to move in back with him and to even get kids with him just to make sure she is never gonna get close to me or in touch with me. That's what she told me. Knowing also that she had an abortion 2 years ago when she was still with him because she doesn't want kids, she doesn't want that and has been repeating that many, many times.

 

She has been coming back to me so many times after I showed her how I can treat her instead of her ex. She has opened slightly to me and her feelings in the past 2 months than she ever done it but she has decided to cut me off her life.

 

There is so much details but I think the most obvious is that when I asked her who am I to her? She replied to me that it doesn't matter that she can't change her mind and that telling me who I am to her will not change the things because she has decided to give her ex an honest chance after he knew everything that happened between us and she has decided 5 months ago to be the person to tell the truth instead of her a snake fake friend that has been manipulated by the "ex/actual boyfriend" for trying to get her back.

 

I hope this make sense?

 

I need help, honestly. I came to a point where I'm thinking really dark because I know what I've seen in her eyes, I've seen love and I am in love for her but she decided to go with him even tho the last time we saw each other, we started to hug and she was feeling fuzzy, she started to feel the urge and the need to hug me tight, to kiss me and wanted more.

 

I came here, on LoveShack knowing that people who don't know me will have no interests than sharing their point of views and telling me their own experiences and I need that please.

 

Cheers,

 

 

Arnaud.

[PRW]

Nothing unusual or unexpected here. She has way more history and emotional investment in the EX than she does you. We always tend to look at the past with rose-colored-glasses so as time passes she starts to forget the "bad" and her strongest memories are the "good",...so she is emotionally drawn back to him.

 

Wether it is a good decision or a bad one is totally irrelevant,...she's not a computer making math decisions.

 

Just move on. You need to ALWAYS keep in mind this is a chance you are taking with anyone who has an EX,...and who doesn't today?

[ExpatInItaly]

Is it honestly possible that my ex girlfriend has decided to give her ex/actual boyfriend an honest chance after breaking up 2 times in 10 years knowing she has feelings for me but has denying them and rejected them for more than a year now?

 

The scary part is that she has decided to get a house, to move in back with him and to even get kids with him just to make sure she is never gonna get close to me or in touch with me. That's what she told me.

 

She is lying through her teeth.

 

She is doing these things with him because she wants to do them - with him. She's telling you it's to stop herself from going back to you, but I assume you're an intelligent man who recognizes this is just her convoluted way of letting you down.

 

You don't really have any choice but to let go. She has made her decision to build a life with him. Whether or not it makes sense to you isn't important, ultimately. What matters is that she made this choice and is sticking to it.

[preraph]

She's in love with him, whether it seems to make sense or not, and you can't change that. She may be making some stupid decisions, but if I were you, I'd block her and get well out of it.

[BigTeddyBear]

I believe when you are in love and I've seen that within a year now that no matter if you are smart or not you don't chose what you feel.

 

Her and me had a real, I would say Epic relationship.

 

I've seen the love in her eyes for me. I did I have never been accepted the way I am by any other woman in this world and that is the same for her, she told me I am the only one that does accept her like that.

 

I guess I should really lay down all the details but that would be too long.

 

I appreciate the kindness in your replies all.

 

I know she told me she feels like she still has the strengh to fight for him based on the past and I can understand.

 

There is so much that she has showed me by her behavior, the way she thought she acts but she has been able to act differently by being more mature with me that she has been with him.

 

I guess I am not ready to listen to anybody and I guess I have to deal with all what I feel on my own because I am not ready to accept that it is over, not after the fact she came back to me more than once when she was still living with him.

 

I believe he is abusive to her and I believe she is scared and that she rather pick him as an easy choice because she is scared of her feelings knowing she is a control freak than opening her heart but also scared that as she said if he would know we would be really together that she has no clue if he would kill us both, she knows he would kill me that's for sure. She've seen him beating him dude because a dude was talking to her in a club.

 

This situation is killing me not because I wanna save her from him but because I know the smile I put on her face and the fact I asked her many times if she was happy with him, she has never been able to tell me yes, she was only able to say yes when I asked if she was happy with me.

 

Thanks again Peps!

 

Peace!

[ExpatInItaly]

You might have had a nice relationship, and she might still have love for you on some level - but at the end of the day, it sadly doesn't matter.

 

She made a choice to be with him which is all that you need to know.

 

You will heal and move on. Be patient with yourself. Just don't put yourself on hold for her when she's been clear she isn't coming back.

[BigTeddyBear]

That's the thing.

 

She said the same thing that we were over and she was never come back to me in June last year. She came back in August.

 

In January of this year I pushed her away because of her lying about her feelings and I was living in London at that time. She blocked me on IG, Snapchat, Whatsapp and removed Skype. I came back in March to her place to pick some stuff up and we got back together again because we had a small conversation and she started to texted me. She was already talking with her ex at that time.

 

She was also clear and blocked me like she did it this time in July of this year when she said she was gonna give him a chance. The things didn't go well in August when I sent her mean messages on Whatsapp via my working mobile number. I wanted to apologize and to end the things properly and I came back to her in September to apologize and from that we started to talk and talk and talk via Skype for hours everyday.

 

Then I moved back to Belgium so we were closer, instead of having 500 km of distance we only had 20 km now and we saw each other dispute she was back with him and we slept again together. When you are happy and in love with someone you don't go and see the other .dude you that makes you feel fuzzy, that give you butterflies in your tummy when you see him and that you feel comfy and can be yourself without being scared of being yelled at.

 

She has been the one calling me everyday for more than 20 months everytime she was done with her shift (she is a nurse). She has been the one always calling me every night until she would fall asleep even 2 weeks ago when we were still talking she was still calling me when she was back at her place.

 

It's not that I don't wanna heal, her and me has been special and we both know it. We had a long distance relationship and none of us was giving a hard time to the other one because of the distance, we were missing each other but we knew it would take time to get closer because I was living in London at that time.

 

I know I make her happy, I know she told me she was scared things would get boring like it got boring with him and she is scared it would be the same for us (which I asked her if it ever happened and she said no), she told me for months she was scared of me, she knows I can see trough her mind like no one else, she knows I understand her and I have been accepting her like no one else.

We have been working in the same building for 2 years, we talked to each other for 2 minutes and we only started to talk by FB in Februrary 2017 and we clicked right away, she told me just after a few days that we clicked and that it doesn't happen to her everyday at all and she came to me with her attachement and feelings for me, not me.

 

I am not gonna lie, for now I am tired of all the fights and drama, I miss her cause I feel myself with her, I am not judged, she never judged me when every woman I have met did in the past.

To me she is a bird, she doesn't deserve to be put in a cage like he did, the way he is abusive with her, not physically but mentally.

To me she is not a woman, she is a human being and that is the first time in my life I don't see her as a woman but as a person because of the respect, the love I have for her, it goes beyond what anybody could understand.

I am pissed because I would want the world to see how kind and good she is even if she is breaking my heart cause she really is but she just want the past because it is better and comfy to get stuck in the past than to look upon the present and to hold my hand.

[ExpatInItaly]

So, let me get this straight - she has done this before, gone back to her ex, and bounced back to you. Now she's gone back to him.

 

She had sex with you while in a relaitonship with him again.

 

Now she's claiming she's going to start a family and future with him, to stay away from you.

 

OP, at the risk of being blunt, have you not dated much before? This woman is not the Heavenly Angel Who Breathes Fairy Dust that you imagine. She is not a great catch, man. Unless you don't have much to compare her to, I am at a loss at to why you are so hung up on a woman who's not very high-quality.

 

You need to take off the rose-coloured glasses and look past the feeling of being wanted by someone. You can do a lot better than her.

[BigTeddyBear]

In the beginning we started to talk we haven't seen each other once while she was still with him. She left him in August 2017 and we saw each other two months later.

 

In March she was barely talking with him but she had contact and it was just Hi, how you doing, hows the family, that's all.

 

We saw each other and we slept together a month ago while she was apparently back with him yes. That is the first time she has done that and the first time she has cheated on him if I may say.

 

This is not my first real relationship but

- I am bisexual, no other woman has really accepted that, at all. Really.

She is bisexual too and I fully understand the needs and the feeling she can have sometimes and that is ****ing hard to find out.

Not only that she is human, she is not acting like most of girls like asking to depend from a man for everything, she is independant and never asked me for money or help or anything.

- She has never asked me to justify myself with any friends I was when I was in London and neither do I, I never asked her " who were you with an hour ago ", I feel free with her

- have you ever felt like one perso understands you, can fully get you around and you don't feel judged but you feel pushed to the right side?

- have you ever felt like it goes beyond what the common humain being really call love?

 

I can't explain everything because everything has been for both of us something we didn't expect, the fact that a girl like her would have never been the kinda girl I would have dated.

 

I really appreciate that you are trying to cheer me up and I am not depressed. I can feel down sometimes but I am not in the dark side yet.

I just believe that my guts are telling me that I should not give up yet, I should let her do her stuff, seeing by her self that the same dude who just showed up to her place two weeks ago, flipped everything around, asked her the key of his appartement at 11 AM and then at 3 PM is trying to call her to talk quietly is a ****ed up psycho.

 

I should have maybe never told her that I still had one dream to accomplish and I guess she has been pushing me away from her because she also has dreams and want to accomplish that before anything else even tho she is giving him an "honest chance".

 

All that to say I should maybe step away from my own life and try to get out of my comfort zone.

[sabaton]

Hi All!

 

Is it honestly possible that my ex girlfriend has decided to give her ex/actual boyfriend an honest chance after breaking up 2 times in 10 years knowing she has feelings for me but has denying them and rejected them for more than a year now?

 

The scary part is that she has decided to get a house, to move in back with him and to even get kids with him just to make sure she is never gonna get close to me or in touch with me. That's what she told me. Knowing also that she had an abortion 2 years ago when she was still with him because she doesn't want kids, she doesn't want that and has been repeating that many, many times.

 

She has been coming back to me so many times after I showed her how I can treat her instead of her ex. She has opened slightly to me and her feelings in the past 2 months than she ever done it but she has decided to cut me off her life.

 

There is so much details but I think the most obvious is that when I asked her who am I to her? She replied to me that it doesn't matter that she can't change her mind and that telling me who I am to her will not change the things because she has decided to give her ex an honest chance after he knew everything that happened between us and she has decided 5 months ago to be the person to tell the truth instead of her a snake fake friend that has been manipulated by the "ex/actual boyfriend" for trying to get her back.

 

I hope this make sense?

 

I need help, honestly. I came to a point where I'm thinking really dark because I know what I've seen in her eyes, I've seen love and I am in love for her but she decided to go with him even tho the last time we saw each other, we started to hug and she was feeling fuzzy, she started to feel the urge and the need to hug me tight, to kiss me and wanted more.

 

I came here, on LoveShack knowing that people who don't know me will have no interests than sharing their point of views and telling me their own experiences and I need that please.

 

Cheers,

 

 

Arnaud.

 

She doesn't love you. She wouldn't go back to her ex-boyfriend if she was happy with you. She breaks up with you to go back to this guy for the second time in 10 years. Hello, OP? Are you reading what you write after you write it? Would you be doing this to someone if you told that person you love her?

 

 

No, you wouldn't. Give it a couple of months, then go back to dating. Meanwhile delete her phone number from your phone, forget it, delete her and block her from facebook/instagram/twitter/what have you, and move on. No one is worth all that drama.

[ShadeOfGreen]

This whole push-pull-push-pull repeating cycle you've been stuck win with this person is very unhealthy. Your chance at happiness dramatically increases if you invest time and resources into someone who is genuinely into you and nobody else.

 

Look. It really sucks to be so into someone that doesn't share the same affections towards you. No amount of hope, pleading, or dissecting the details is going to change that. You deserve better.

[BigTeddyBear]

I have noticed different reply to my post.

 

Some are with a lot of empathy showing that it sucks but I should move on and think about myself.

 

Some think based on their own relationship that no feelings was involved from her end.

 

I came to the point that in the end no relationship is the same.

How can you judge someone based on what I am giving to you. No one will ever feel and see what I have seen.

 

This forums is not gonna help me because there is in the end a lot of negativity and less questioning.

 

ExpatinItaly I appreciate the time you've taken replying to my post, really.

You've tried to show some interest without being negative and I really appreciate.

 

Cheers !

[ExpatInItaly]

ExpatinItaly I appreciate the time you've taken replying to my post, really.

You've tried to show some interest without being negative and I really appreciate. Cheers !

 

You're welcome, OP.

 

I don't think anyone's objective is to be negative with you. The problem is that what you have described of her and your on-off relationship really does not sound promising at all to casual, outside observers. I don't doubt you two shared a connection and some high points, but I believe posters hear fear you will hang on to what now seems like a dead end with this woman.

 

You say you feel you shouldn't give up - what's the alternative? I mean that as a sincere question. What is it you're planning to do? Continue waiting for her in the hopes that she changes her mind, or?

[FMW]

It doesn't sound good for you at all, OP.

 

I don't say this to be mean but to maybe let you see you shouldn't place so much value on this - in my last relationship he told me all the time that he loved me, that I was special. I would swear, even until this day, that I saw love in his eyes when he was looking at me. I could FEEL it. That didn't stop him from choosing to be with someone else, choosing to NOT be with me.

 

You can choose to keep fighting and holding on if that's what you feel you have to do. The comments you see as negative here are simply trying to save you more heartache and wasted time and emotion. And yes, of course, they come from each poster's own experience. Most of the time our situations are not unique and we can learn from what someone else has gone through.

[Gretchen12]

very likely she will come back, even with a kid from that guy, because it is a pattern, so it will probably repeat.

You may be open minded to share her with another man. But that other guy is not willing. She probably has something very special with him too. People who have these special loving connections can have more than one, because they're love addicts, it's intoxicating, so they are very capable of having multiple intense connections, each one special in its own way. It doesn't mean what you have with her is less. That's why she wants both of you men, and maybe a woman too.

[gcp]

I’ve recently dealt with a girl leaving me for an abusive ex. I too could of swore she meant it when she said she loved me. But what helped me, was one talking to a counselor. This is not uncommon. You need to look at people who leave for abusive exes over and over again as addicts. Even if they know it’s not healthy, they go back to what’s familiar once something triggers them or they reach their emotional threshold with you. You probably were a great man to her, but she’s on her own journey now, let her go and hope one day she gets the clarity or help she needs to break they cycle. You can’t do that for her. You deserve better. In all honestly yes relationships take work to some degree, but they shouldn’t be this hard.

[BigTeddyBear]

Hi All,

 

I appreciate no matter what the fact that people are trying to pull me up from this negative situation cause in the end nothing is growing. I really appreciate.

 

What is my plan for now? I have nothing to be honest, no plan at all.

I am already trying to make the best out of the holiday season which is my favorite and this is really, really hard.

 

For now I just let the things going on and I try to focus on my self to be honest, I just can't get her out of my head.

 

I know she did pick him I know, there is so much that I could talk and I know people will keep on saying she picked him I know but I am not god, I don't pretend to know the unknown, I just have that feeling that it ain't over.

For someone to block and reject me like she did two weeks ago, for saying what she said to me after a fight we had is really deep to say " I have started that process to move in back with him, to buy a house and to get kids so I can make sure we will never talk anymore " ... one of the fear I gave her so much is that I got in her heart, not only in her mind but in her heart and that she thought he was gonna be the only one to make her feel what I made her feel in a few weeks. He took 10 years to really know her when it took me a couple of months. I could go on and on and I know your goal people is to push me out of this toxic situation, cause I know in the end it is toxic for me.

 

In a way I am glad this is over because this situation was killing me but this is the first time I felt in love, I am not lying. I thought I knew what love was before her and I was wrong.

 

Honestly been accepted the way she made me feel no matter the ups and downs, you have no idea people how I feel that I am not alone in this world when I talk with her or I am with her.

 

I think Gretchen you are right, but I can't share her with another man, I can't, I am not selfish, I want her to be happy but I can't. The funny thing is that I have opened my mind about sharing in a threesome in a sex situation with her and I wouldn't not be jealous but that is different from the discussion. Love wise, I believe she care about him yes, she maybe does have still feelings for him yes but like many times when I asked her if she opened the door of her feelings about me, she says no. She only realised in July when she decided to give him a chance her feelings for me, for a year she pushed everything away she always have been scared of the way she can feel vulnerable with me and she hates that because she is a control freak.

 

For my point of view a dude doing what he does is not respectful. She claim she wanted her freedom and I gave her that ... a month ago he was taking her phone and going through all the messages ... it's like she is under his bad influence and she says no to me but she let him do. I just don't get that point. He always have been against her bisexuality but he knew she was bisexual. Also I really don't understand how toxic he is and she can't see it, she used to see it a year ago when she was feed up and she took off and decided to leave him but yeah apparently he " changed " but the recent event showed me the hasn't changed and I don't get how she doesn't open her eyes, that's the thing.

 

I am 33, there is more than 3 billions of women in this world but yeah ... it had to be her and I don't know why