Impatient after first date ?

[Mrs._December]

Maybe right about the cheek thing but I feel it’s always a little awkward when sitting in a car anyways.

He deleted his online profile before we even met he said he didn’t have time for it.

Never a good sign when they suddenly 'delete' their profile. There's a reason for it and it ain't because he 'has no time.' Guys don't GET lots of messages on dating sites, so unless he looks like George Clooney, it's kind of doubtful that he's SO overwhelmed with his crazy social life. LOL.

 

He likely blocked you or simply hid his profile.

 

Methinks someone may be married or otherwise committed...

Edited December 21, 2018 by Mrs._December

[Emilia]

I think he was only after sex. That's what he meant by 'guarded'. He is a complete stranger after all, from what I've seen on OLD, guys who are after casual are very keen to get you off the site on whatsapp and to start crossing boundaries.

[Dodgersfan11]

He's not interested. You should NEXT. I know guys like these. If he was interested he would have contacted you by now, no excuses. And it doesn't take 8 hours to send someone a text. Heck, I can be pooping and still send a text message to my date.

[Dodgersfan11]

Or just take the initiative and shoot him a text, what's the worse that can happen? Most likely he will respond out of common courtesy, but like they tell woman, "let him come to you."

[Pearl_x]

He’s not married but possibly in a relationship, there were a few red flags in the beginning like he only had one photo and used a different name on the site (he said because he signed up with Facebook and he uses his middle name on there) and about a week after we had been talking on WhatsApp he blocked me for a day (said he didn’t) and unblocked me again.

 

I showed our text thread to two friends one said I did come across as a bit cold the other said not really but he might have taken my teasing the wrong way. I also asked another guy I have been talking to if he thought I was guarded and he said Yes it makes you feel you’re not going to get anywhere with me, not sure what he meant by that but yeh maybe sex.

 

Anyway regardless I don’t think I will be texting him I would rather sit with my disappointment than make myself look silly.

[Insoc]

It's easy to become impatient, I'm on Match and I met some people, several local one long distance, and now with the Holiday's upon us, it's not a good time to date or meet people I think because they are so busy with family and etc.

 

I'm going through a Divorce and have been deprived of much the past 5+ years, reason I'm hungry like the wolf lol. I had people tell me to wait a year but I'm way too impatient.

 

I had two dates last weekend, first one was a NO for sure, the 2nd one was a yes and we seem to connect but you never really know, even kissed on the lips, I initiated it, she even followed up with a round of her own. Said we will talk to each other after the holidays, texted her soon after saying I had a nice time, she said likewise, will connect after the holidays.

 

It's been several days, have not heard anything but it's not past the holidays so I'm trying to be patient, I do see her logged into Match still daily. So you never really know, you kinda have to go into a date knowing their history, in this case she was divorced for over 9 years, probably hard to please? I dunno?

 

It's hard to be patient, but if you're not you may regret it later being pushy or passing judgement, I tend to go with my gut or intuition, often I feel it's right.

[Pearl_x]

It's easy to become impatient, I'm on Match and I met some people, several local one long distance, and now with the Holiday's upon us, it's not a good time to date or meet people I think because they are so busy with family and etc.

 

..........

 

I had two dates last weekend, first one was a NO for sure, the 2nd one was a

It's hard to be patient, but if you're not you may regret it later being pushy or passing judgement, I tend to go with my gut or intuition, often I feel it's right.

 

Agree it’s not the best time to meet new people but if you like someone there’s always time to send a quick text :-)

[Insoc]

Agree it’s not the best time to meet new people but if you like someone there’s always time to send a quick text :-)

 

You'd be amazed how you think someone who likes you would not send a quick text at all, I had this issue recently and it caused a big falling out, how hard is it to send a quick text you ask? For some people, it's quite difficult, because they don't care obviously, that's my conclusions with one Woman I met online and was long distance. In this day and age, not sending a text or responding in a timely matter is a poor excuse, I look at slow responses as a "not interested" or game playing tactic. I hate texting to be honest.

[Pearl_x]

Yes I guess Texts can be misunderstood that’s often my problem

[Giraffe-A]

You will be running into many guys like this online. His interest is not there and it’s got nothing to do with you. When they cancel a date and don’t reschedule or set a new one, don’t even bother answering.

[Pearl_x]

You will be running into many guys like this online. His interest is not there and it’s got nothing to do with you. When they cancel a date and don’t reschedule or set a new one, don’t even bother answering.

 

He did set a new one that’s how we ended up going out. I just felt he didn’t put much effort into it by way of planning where to go. We ended up somewhere nice and as I said he came to my part of town but still....

[Pearl_x]

Sorry this is a long one and I did already ask a question about this but I can’t get it out of my head and I didn’t put the details of our final conversation on my last post but feel free to skip to final paragraphs...

 

So I start talking to this guy around a month ago-He was new on the app the day we started talking and deleted it a week later. He suggests that we meet for a drink but we both had trips coming up so we set a date for the following Saturday. He was texting me quite frequently but not too much then Thursday before our planned date I noticed I was blocked on WhatsApp. Later that evening he messages me, I asked how come you blocked me now you’re messaging me-He said he didn’t block me although I knew he did but he was still talking about meeting. Friday I don’t hear from him and Saturday morning he asks if we could reschedule for during the week as he had some crisis come up at work that he had to deal with so I told him sure and to call me during the week. Later that evening he text me and I replied but didn’t respond to his last message as I suspected that he was lying about the work thing and was probably going out with someone else. By Thursday I hadn’t heard from him but as I didn’t reply to that last message I decided to text him. He replied right away and asked if I was free to meet Sunday or next week, I said yes to Sunday (assumed he was busy Friday/Saturday). Sunday arrives and clearly he hasn’t put much thought into planning the date and where to go so he ends up driving to my area and we go to a bar that I suggest.

 

Before and during the date he mentioned that I came across as guarded especially over text messages and when I asked him what he did last night he said he didn’t do anything...So I am thinking why didn’t he ask me out for Saturday!? Anyway, I would say the night went well, we talk and laugh a lot, definitely some chemistry and he drops me home. 10 minutes later he texted me asking if I hated him as much as I thought I would. I thought he was being sarcastic as he often is and gave a sarcastic response. We continue texting and he said maybe next time I will kiss him, again I give a sarcastic response. He did laugh but also used sad face. I did also give him some compliments trying to show I wasn’t totally disinterested but I majorly regret my sarcastic responses now as it’s been almost 2 weeks and I haven’t hear from him.

 

I know there were lots of things in the start that pointed towards low interest on his part but for the fact he said I was guarded (which admittedly I am) and my sarcastic response perhaps he thinks I wasn’t interested?? I want to text him because I did like him after the date but I don’t want to be chasing someone who doesn’t want to be caught...I feel so bad about the sarcastic comments because looking at them they were not very nice that I even just want to text to say sorry and that he’s right I did have my guard up and then delete him. I know that won’t get me anywhere but I dunno it might make me feel better. Or should I just forget it?

[SameMistake]

Sounds like you made a lot of assumptions about him and his interest level while simultaneously giving him signals that you were uninterested.

 

If YOU wanted to meet up on Saturday, why not suggest that instead of expecting him to. Sarcasm doesn't come off well in texts and frankly it's exhausting trying to decipher the meaning behind it. I also feel it's intellectual laziness.

 

If he hasn't responded in weeks it's time to move on.

[Pearl_x]

Sounds like you made a lot of assumptions about him and his interest level while simultaneously giving him signals that you were uninterested.

 

If YOU wanted to meet up on Saturday, why not suggest that instead of expecting him to. Sarcasm doesn't come off well in texts and frankly it's exhausting trying to decipher the meaning behind it. I also feel it's intellectual laziness.

 

If he hasn't responded in weeks it's time to move on.

 

Yeh you’re right and after I had written all of that I realised that no matter what I said or did after reaching out again is indeed chasing him.

 

Maybe my comments were not well received and I just have to learn to be more open and less sarcastic in future.

[Lotsgoingon]

You can go a few ways here.

 

One, just assume you guys have a communication problem and things wouldn't work out between you.

 

The other is to send him a quick text. Actually much better would be a phone call ... and explain look, I'm sarcastic. But I do like you. I worry my style has gotten in the way here.

 

Finally, you might want to rethink that sarcasm ... as it might be getting in the way of connecting with people you actually like. Sarcasm can be a protective measure, a way to play things safe and hold back your real feelings ... or sometimes it can be a thin disguise for real anger and unhappiness. Only you can really answer these questions.

 

Of course, you might just need to find a guy who gets your sarcasm and doesn't experience it as an obstacle. My guess is more along the lines of your sarcasm is getting in the way without really serving a useful purpose. Experiment perhaps with dialing it down ... until later in a relationship.

[Pearl_x]

You can go a few ways here.

 

One, just assume you guys have a communication problem and things wouldn't work out between you.

 

The other is to send him a quick text. Actually much better would be a phone call ... and explain look, I'm sarcastic. But I do like you. I worry my style has gotten in the way here.

 

Finally, you might want to rethink that sarcasm ... as it might be getting in the way of connecting with people you actually like. Sarcasm can be a protective measure, a way to play things safe and hold back your real feelings ... or sometimes it can be a thin disguise for real anger and unhappiness. Only you can really answer these questions.

 

Of course, you might just need to find a guy who gets your sarcasm and doesn't experience it as an obstacle. My guess is more along the lines of your sarcasm is getting in the way without really serving a useful purpose. Experiment perhaps with dialing it down ... until later in a relationship.

 

100% I have used it as protective barrier and mask my true feelings I could have easily responded with ‘well I had a nice time so I guess not so much’ but no I had to throw myself under the bus.

 

I read something earlier about men not bouncing back from critism or being emasculated as quickly as women think and I guess by being sarcastic that’s exactly what I was doing.

[Giraffe-A]

Am I the only focused on why he deleted the App and blocked her on WhatsUp? Many attached guys do that. They sneak a peak into a dating App, find someone and delete it in case there’s some gf or wife watching. He’s not in a position to answer why a random girl is tecting. Idk.

[Pearl_x]

Am I the only focused on why he deleted the App and blocked her on WhatsUp? Many attached guys do that. They sneak a peak into a dating App, find someone and delete it in case there’s some gf or wife watching. He’s not in a position to answer why a random girl is tecting. Idk.

 

I mentioned it because it was definitely a red flag to me so I’m glad someone picked up on it. The deleting of the app I do understand because I do it all the time myself but why he blocked me on WhatsApp I do not know...to then unblock me and message me right away. He was insistent that he didn’t but for sure he did. Lots of things make me think he isn’t attached but who knows.

[Lotsgoingon]

OMG, I missed the deleting you from the app. Definitely extreme ... and he may indeed have been attached ... and/or just not on your same wavelength of humor and seeing the world in upside down ways.

 

I'll make a gut judgment here. You seem pretty balanced ... that you would even post here putting your sarcasm in question ... suggests to me that the right guy could see through your sarcasm and even enjoy it ...

 

I have some fun memories of going out with women who were highly sarcastic ... Here is the thing I noticed. The people who knew how to wield their sarcasm deftly ... would make a few sarcastic jokes ... and then almost pause and interject a soft, reassuring comment ... or they would smile or gently touch my hand ... almost like a reassurance to say, get the humor here buddy.

 

And oh my, when I was in sync with someone's sarcasm ... nothing funnier. Absolutely nothing.

 

As for men feeling emasculated, there is a certain smarts in sarcasm for sure because you're saying so quickly what you're "not supposed to say" or saying the opposite of what you mean. Definitely some verbal dexterity involved in that. This guy could have been intimated by your smarts implied by the sarcasm (as well as by your boldness to speak it) and confused about how to react. (If you don't instantly "get" someone's sarcasm, you really are at a lost for how to react.)

 

Just make sure you are controlling the sarcasm as opposed to the sarcasm leading you ... Maybe save the full flavor for when you have built a bit more trust ... though nothing wrong with seeing if a guy is on your wavelength by throwing a piece of it out there early. He laughs. It's on!

 

Good luck.

[Pearl_x]

He was also sarcastic himself at times and even said to me once you don’t get sarcasm do you. So I honestly thought he would get me but maybe I took it too far especially in the context that he was probably trying to gauge my interest. My friend even said aww you’re so mean, that’s why I feel bad now :-(

Edited December 29, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[moreno]

Maybe you shouldn't worry that much... He is just a guy... wait till the end of the week, and if he doesn't reply send him Christmas message or some other holiday message..

But if you feel insecure or unsure maybe you can search him thru some public records site... just to see who is the guy

I'm active on a dating site and much often using public records just to be sure that i'm not gonna get catfished.. try with socialnetworkfinder.com