Impatient after first date ?

[Pearl_x]

So I had a first date with a guy I met online on Sunday. We had already supposed to go out a week ago but he cancelled on me and I felt he hadn’t put much effort into organising the date but he did come to my part of the city which I thought was at least worth some credit.

 

He had said over text messages that I was quite mysterious and he couldn’t work me out but he would crack me eventually. I took this to be a good thing.

 

On the date he said that I had come across as very guarded and I asked if I was different in person he said yes a bit. I admit that I can be very guarded with people in the beginning but I did try to be open with him and also asked him questions about his life so I felt we had been quite open with each other.

 

It was a good date, we laughed a lot, no awkward silences, a few subtle touches here and there and I definitely felt attracted to him. He dropped me home I thanked him and gave him a kiss on the cheek. I got a text a short while later and we exchanged a few messages he said maybe next time I will kiss him and we kind of teased each other from there (not sexual) and he said he was going to sleep so we said good night. A short while later I remembered something I couldn’t remember on the he date and sent him the link, he replied in the morning, I wished him a good day and that was that.

 

I haven’t heard from him since then so that was Monday and now Thursday. What do you guys think do you think he thinks I wasn’t interested to see him again because I was too guarded? Why would he text that night and mention ‘next time’ if he didn’t want to see me again? Or am I being impatient?

Edited December 22, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[d0nnivain]

It may be that he's ghosting. It may be holiday stress -- with year end stuff at work & preparations for the holiday. He's probably multi-dating since this was OLD. You seem to have done everything "right" so there's a disconnect on his part. Next Monday send him a Happy Christmas text but other that that write this off.

[Pearl_x]

It may be that he's ghosting. It may be holiday stress -- with year end stuff at work & preparations for the holiday. He's probably multi-dating since this was OLD. You seem to have done everything "right" so there's a disconnect on his part. Next Monday send him a Happy Christmas text but other that that write this off.

 

I considered all of this. Also I am travelling after Christmas for a few weeks so I figured if he wanted to see me before then he would make an effort to and I didn’t want to message him before that and appear to be pushing for a date but thought I might do the Happy Christmas txt.

[alphamale]

wait for a few days more, guys like to play it cool

[Simple Logic]

I am a man and I was was guarded on a first dates.. relax and quit worrying. He will call you or he won’t. No reason to worry about things you cannot change.

[Wallysbears]

Go on some dates with other guys and enjoy yourself. Don't think too much about this one.

[Pearl_x]

Yeh I hear that, I just don’t really come across people online that I am remotely interested in going out with let alone feel attracted to.

[Gretchen12]

First date from OLD is often to assess physical type and to a lesser extent, personality type. You showed interest with the last text so if you don't hear from him in a week, I think it was not a match.

[PRW]

The kiss on the cheek was a bad move. Kisses on the cheek are for grandma. If you are not comfortable with a direct kiss then go for a big enthusiastic hug. Many of my first dates don't end with a kiss and I am fine with that, but I will refuse to kiss on the cheek if they turn their cheek toward me,...they aren't my grandma.

 

Other than that I don't see where anything went wrong (and yes, I can usually find a lot). I think the problem you have is not understanding OLD. You are not the only woman in the "que". He may have several that he is trying to meet and figure out who he likes better,...you should be doing the same. OLD tends to be assembly line dating.

 

If you want to improve your odds and avoid the excessive competition,...stay away from OLD and meet people in person and learn to get good at it. Since most people don't do that, it will give you a big advantage.

 

As far as this guy, just wait to hear from him,...but if you don't write it off and move on.

[Pearl_x]

The kiss on the cheek was a bad move. Kisses on the cheek are for grandma. If you are not comfortable with a direct kiss then go for a big enthusiastic hug. Many of my first dates don't end with a kiss and I am fine with that, but I will refuse to kiss on the cheek if they turn their cheek toward me,...they aren't my grandma.

 

Other than that I don't see where anything went wrong (and yes, I can usually find a lot). I think the problem you have is not understanding OLD. You are not the only woman in the "que". He may have several that he is trying to meet and figure out who he likes better,...you should be doing the same. OLD tends to be assembly line dating.

 

If you want to improve your odds and avoid the excessive competition,...stay away from OLD and meet people in person and learn to get good at it. Since most people don't do that, it will give you a big advantage.

 

As far as this guy, just wait to hear from him,...but if you don't write it off and move on.

 

Maybe right about the cheek thing but I feel it’s always a little awkward when sitting in a car anyways.

He deleted his online profile before we even met he said he didn’t have time for it.

[PRW]

Maybe right about the cheek thing but I feel it’s always a little awkward when sitting in a car anyways.

He deleted his online profile before we even met he said he didn’t have time for it.

 

Don't wait till you are in the car,...or have him walk you to the door so that you are out of the car. Yea, shifter to the ribs is awkward when kissing.

 

Not every guy has the view of the cheek kissing that I do, but it sounds like he did and he picked up on it.

 

Anyway, I assume he has your contact info, wait to see if you hear from him.

[Pearl_x]

Don't wait till you are in the car,...or have him walk you to the door so that you are out of the car. Yea, shifter to the ribs is awkward when kissing.

 

Not every guy has the view of the cheek kissing that I do, but it sounds like he did and he picked up on it.

 

Anyway, I assume he has your contact info, wait to see if you hear from him.

 

 

What’s your opinion on the ‘Happy Christmas’ suggested by d0nnivain if don’t hear from him by then?

[Michelle ma Belle]

Personally, I think you did everything "right" as well including the kiss on the cheek. Nothing wrong with a kiss on the cheek especially if someone really likes you and wants to keep seeing you.

 

His lack of response probably has much more to do with the fact that he is multi-dating and has now redirected his attention and focus on someone else now that he's gotten the first out of the way with you. As someone already mentioned, first dates are usually a means to gauge chemistry and compatibility. Just because YOU feel something, doesn't mean the other person did even if on the surface it appears to be going well. Sometimes we try our dates on for size to see how they feel as a potential partner before going home to unpack the night and decide if they're worth pursuing.

 

It sounds like he did this and has moved on for the time being. Welcome to online dating.

 

I think it would be fine to send him a Happy Holiday text if you feel comfortable doing so but then be done with him after that. Nothing worse then chasing someone who doesn't want to be caught. Personally, I wouldn't even bother doing that but that's just me.

 

If someone is sincerely interested in you, they will make every effort to connect to you. That's a fact you can take to the bank! His lack of response speaks volumes. Up to you how far you want to stick your neck out for this one.

 

Good luck!

[BC1980]

It's been 3 days, which seems too long not to make contact in the initial stages of dating. Contacting someone the next day to set up a second date seems normal to me. If he doesn't contact you by Monday, I'd move on.

[Pearl_x]

It's been 3 days, which seems too long not to make contact in the initial stages of dating. Contacting someone the next day to set up a second date seems normal to me. If he doesn't contact you by Monday, I'd move on.

 

I think so too. Even if you’re playing it cool.

 

There was something that made me think he is maybe holding back and another reason why I don’t want to go chasing is he mentioned something that indicated his financial status so perhaps he’s just waiting so see if I will go after him because of that. Or maybe just plain and simple not interested lol. Online dating isnt really for me it seems, I overanalyse too much.

 

I don’t think I will send that holiday text because it will just make me feel bad if he didn’t reply.

[olivetree]

You felt like he didn't put effort into the first date that he ended up cancelling.

And since then and after your first date that went through, it doesn't sound like he's been initiating a lot and you need to step up and reach out or anything.

You already initiated texting after you'd already said good night.

 

I'd suggest not trying to guess why he hasn't been in touch and trying to come up with reasons other than he's just not that interested.

 

If you want to gauge how interested he really is, let him reach out to you next and ask you out again.

Masculine minded men like to hunt - if they want you, they will make it known.

[PRW]

What’s your opinion on the ‘Happy Christmas’ suggested by d0nnivain if don’t hear from him by then?

 

He might be a little unsure of you, but I don't see any glaring problems at this point. No situation is ever perfect.

 

Yes, you can give him a Christmas greeting, but keep it short and simple. Don't hound him if he doesn't respond. Even if he doesn't respond at first he might change his mind and respond a little later, but he may not if you hound him. There is always a little bit of a "rolling the dice" thing with this stuff.

[Pearl_x]

You felt like he didn't put effort into the first date that he ended up cancelling.

And since then and after your first date that went through, it doesn't sound like he's been initiating a lot and you need to step up and reach out or anything.

You already initiated texting after you'd already said good night.

 

I'd suggest not trying to guess why he hasn't been in touch and trying to come up with reasons other than he's just not that interested.

 

If you want to gauge how interested he really is, let him reach out to you next and ask you out again.

Masculine minded men like to hunt - if they want you, they will make it known.

 

This is what I needed to hear.

[d0nnivain]

You felt like he didn't put effort into the first date that he ended up cancelling.

And since then and after your first date that went through, it doesn't sound like he's been initiating a lot and you need to step up and reach out or anything.

You already initiated texting after you'd already said good night.

 

I'd suggest not trying to guess why he hasn't been in touch and trying to come up with reasons other than he's just not that interested.

 

If you want to gauge how interested he really is, let him reach out to you next and ask you out again.

Masculine minded men like to hunt - if they want you, they will make it known.

 

I understand not chasing a lukewarm man but there is something to be said for taking action on your own even if just to make sure that you gave the guy an accurate impression of your interest.

 

Years ago I met a man at a singles event. He turned out to be in the market for a professional service I provide. We talked about his need for a while. When I gave him my business card I said I'd be happy to help with his professional problem but I'd be happier if he called for personal reasons. Later the man admitted to me that if I hadn't said that he never would have called.

 

That experience taught me that you have to make it really easy & stress free for a man.

[olivetree]

I understand not chasing a lukewarm man but there is something to be said for taking action on your own even if just to make sure that you gave the guy an accurate impression of your interest.

 

Years ago I met a man at a singles event. He turned out to be in the market for a professional service I provide. We talked about his need for a while. When I gave him my business card I said I'd be happy to help with his professional problem but I'd be happier if he called for personal reasons. Later the man admitted to me that if I hadn't said that he never would have called.

 

That experience taught me that you have to make it really easy & stress free for a man.

 

I think that it all depends what you're looking for.

 

If you want a manly man that isn't afraid to go after what he wants, who doesn't need you to spell it out for him or a guarantee that you'll say yes.

 

By letting him contact her, she is weeding out both the less assertive men and the men who aren't that interested.

[Pearl_x]

I think that it all depends what you're looking for.

 

If you want a manly man that isn't afraid to go after what he wants, who doesn't need you to spell it out for him or a guarantee that you'll say yes.

 

By letting him contact her, she is weeding out both the less assertive men and the men who aren't that interested.

 

It’s for sure not something I feel comfortable doing to chase a man and I am more attracted to the alpha male type so I think you’re right.

 

I generally hold back in the beginning until I am sure of someone because that’s just who I am naturally I guess that’s why he and a few before him have said I am guarded. But I think if someone is confident in themselves (and interested in you) they will come after you.

 

I think I am more worried actually that I am TOO guarded overall than I am about this guy in particular. But that’s just me I don’t do it purposely to be mysterious or play hard to get.

[Pearl_x]

I understand not chasing a lukewarm man but there is something to be said for taking action on your own even if just to make sure that you gave the guy an accurate impression of your interest.

 

Years ago I met a man at a singles event. He turned out to be in the market for a professional service I provide. We talked about his need for a while. When I gave him my business card I said I'd be happy to help with his professional problem but I'd be happier if he called for personal reasons. Later the man admitted to me that if I hadn't said that he never would have called.

 

That experience taught me that you have to make it really easy & stress free for a man.

 

I think your story is a good example of making your interest known in the first instance rather than the position I am at now.

Edited December 21, 2018 by Pearl_x

[olivetree]

It’s for sure not something I feel comfortable doing to chase a man and I am more attracted to the alpha male type so I think you’re right.

 

I generally hold back in the beginning until I am sure of someone because that’s just who I am naturally I guess that’s why he and a few before him have said I am guarded. But I think if someone is confident in themselves (and interested in you) they will come after you.

 

I think I am more worried actually that I am TOO guarded overall than I am about this guy in particular. But that’s just me I don’t do it purposely to be mysterious or play hard to get.

 

I am like you.

It takes me a while to warm up and men can't completely read me in the beginning.

However, I think I make up for it by still being easy to talk to, asking questions, friendly, etc. and if I'm interested I will say yes to a date.

But I don't pursue and I naturally lose interest if the guy isn't putting in a lot of effort.

So I end up dating men that are really into me and I'm really into them.

 

Just be yourself!

 

Edit: of course, if there are areas you can improve, do so.

Edited December 21, 2018 by olivetree

[NuevoYorko]

Many of my first dates don't end with a kiss and I am fine with that, but I will refuse to kiss on the cheek if they turn their cheek toward me,...they aren't my grandma.

 

Maybe they're European - if you're particularly unlucky, French women, who will expect kisses on both cheeks.

[mortensorchid]

The 48 Hour Rule is in effect once the date concludes no matter what did or didn't happen when the two of you were actually together : If you haven't heard anything from him within 48 hours, you will not hear from him again 90% of the time. He might call or text you a few days later, you might even have a 2nd get together with him, but he doesn't really care if you say yes or no, and he'll just be a friend.

 

Hard things to accept but ... It's what it is.