Trueno86 Posted December 20, 2018 Posted December 20, 2018 I met this girl this past summer, & it was love at first sight for me. I didn't make a move because I knew she had a boyfriend. We had a platonic relationship til I made a bold move a few weeks ago...I told her how I felt about her. She was shocked, but flattered. I told her that I couldn't help the way I feel, and I left it at that. So fast forward to tonight, I get a text from her. She wished me a Happy Birthday with a bunch of blushing emojis. It was a relief because she's been on my mind, and I needed to know how things were between us. Should I ask her out knowing she's dating someone else???
GTR King Posted December 20, 2018 Posted December 20, 2018 If she has a boyfriend then best to leave her be.... The more you message her etc the harder it will be for you,
ExpatInItaly Posted December 20, 2018 Posted December 20, 2018 No, you should not ask her out. If she wants to be with you, she will make herself single. She hasn't done that; read between the lines there and move along. 2
BaileyB Posted December 20, 2018 Posted December 20, 2018 No, you should not ask her out. If she wants to be with you, she will make herself single. She hasn't done that; read between the lines there and move along. Exactly this. Leave it alone, until she is single and available to date. 1
PRW Posted December 20, 2018 Posted December 20, 2018 I met this girl this past summer, & it was love at first sight for me. I didn't make a move because I knew she had a boyfriend. We had a platonic relationship til I made a bold move a few weeks ago...I told her how I felt about her. She was shocked, but flattered. I told her that I couldn't help the way I feel, and I left it at that. Sorry man, but that is what every guy who doesn't know what he is doing,...does. I think it comes from watching too many stupid movies. Swoop in onboard the platonic airplane,...sneak in under the radar,... and then drop the "I Love You" bomb when you get over the target and think no one is looking. Google the term "Beta Male Orbiter". Don't let it fool you, you don't have to be a Beta to be one, but it is called that because the behavior is Beta. It is time to educate your self on this stuff, before you are a middle aged man still doing the same thing. So fast forward to tonight, I get a text from her. She wished me a Happy Birthday with a bunch of blushing emojis. It was a relief because she's been on my mind, and I needed to know how things were between us. There isn't anything "between us" because there is no "us". Some girls just like the extra attention,...they know it is safe because they know it won't go anywhere. 1
ShadeOfGreen Posted December 20, 2018 Posted December 20, 2018 I didn't make a move because I knew she had a boyfriend. Your initial instinct was correct. You recognized that she's committed towards someone else, and you didn't want to rock the boat. We had a platonic relationship til I made a bold move a few weeks ago...I told her how I felt about her. You continued interacting with her until your feelings grew to the point where you didn't want to contain them. Now she needs to make decisions about you and her own relationship. Your friendship is forever changed. So fast forward to tonight, I get a text from her. She wished me a Happy Birthday with a bunch of blushing emojis. It could be nothing in some other contexts. However, this response is concerning, because it comes after you told her of your non-platonic feelings towards her. Should I ask her out knowing she's dating someone else??? You are officially what some on this forum call an orbiter. You continue interacting with an attached person while knowing you have feelings for them. You await for an opportunity, and contemplate moves that could play a role in jeopardizing an established relationship. Ask yourself if you really want to be that guy who's texting a girl romantic feelings while she's sitting on her couch with her boyfriend. Imagine you are him wondering why her attention is on her screen, and the anxiety felt if he were to see what's being texted. I totally get it. It's amazing to think that you might have a common connection with someone. However, the progression from that to a relationship heavily depends on timing. She's committed to someone else right now. She may leave him, and she may not. You may play the role of breaking them apart or not. You might be better served to devote your time and mindful bandwidth towards others who are available. It's cleaner, and doesn't risk the feelings of others. 2
Author Trueno86 Posted December 20, 2018 Author Posted December 20, 2018 Ok I understand that its wrong for me to ask her out. It's not easy because we just seem perfect together. Its hard finding someone like that these days. There's other girls I know, but I'm just not feeling it. What I'm trying to get is does she feel anything towards me?? I mean, yeah I flirt with her, and she was kinda into it. But getting a Happy Birthday text with all those flirty emojis??? Last time I got texts like that was from my ex girlfriend lol.
PRW Posted December 20, 2018 Posted December 20, 2018 What I'm trying to get is does she feel anything towards me??You're BS'ing yourself. I mean, yeah I flirt with her, and she was kinda into it.Kinda into it? More BS'ing yourself. Even if it was true, the best you could end up is being the hand-wringing boyfriend writing into us in about a month because your chick is text-flirting with some other Beta Orbiter and you,... "Just don't know what to do!" We get about 2-3 of those a week here. But getting a Happy Birthday text with all those flirty emojis???I'm sure the way her thumbs skitter across the on-screen keyboard of the phone has a pretty sexy rhythm too. You're BS'ing yourself. You're mom could send you the same message.
Wallysbears Posted December 20, 2018 Posted December 20, 2018 Ok I understand that its wrong for me to ask her out. It's not easy because we just seem perfect together. Its hard finding someone like that these days. There's other girls I know, but I'm just not feeling it. What I'm trying to get is does she feel anything towards me?? I mean, yeah I flirt with her, and she was kinda into it. But getting a Happy Birthday text with all those flirty emojis??? Last time I got texts like that was from my ex girlfriend lol. No. She doesn't feel anything for you. She is in a relationship with someone else. If she felt something for you, she would be with YOU not the guy that she is with. You aren't her type.
elaine567 Posted December 20, 2018 Posted December 20, 2018 You're BS'ing yourself. Kinda into it? More BS'ing yourself. Even if it was true, the best you could end up is being the hand-wringing boyfriend writing into us in about a month because your chick is text-flirting with some other Beta Orbiter and you,... "Just don't know what to do!" We get about 2-3 of those a week here. ...or moaning about how your new gf keeps contacting her ex... 1
d0nnivain Posted December 20, 2018 Posted December 20, 2018 Should I ask her out knowing she's dating someone else??? If you want to get rejected, sure go ahead & ask. She wished you a Happy Birthday because she is a polite, kind person. It was not secret code for encourage me to cheat. Since she knows you like her if she was really interested in you, the BF would be history by now. When you expressed your interest you gave her a choice. She picked him. For you to reiterate your desire to date her is you making a pest of yourself & trying to be a homewrecker. Her text is evidence that she wants to be your friend. The "blushing" emoji simply means she likes that one over a plain smile. 1
PRW Posted December 20, 2018 Posted December 20, 2018 The "blushing" emoji simply means she likes that one over a plain smile. Hmm, I might not have picked up on that on my own. Sometimes it is just the emoji that seems the most "cute" rather than there being some deep secret hidden meaning to it?
alphamale Posted December 20, 2018 Posted December 20, 2018 as the Joker said: "never rub another man's rhubarb"
GTG Posted December 20, 2018 Posted December 20, 2018 I was the girl in this position. One of my best friends confessed his feelings for me. Though I turned him down, he kept widdling away at me until I had so many doubts about relationships and my feelings that I broke up with my then boyfriend. After half a year of emotional torture, we got together, but I never forgot the boyfriend I left and so a year later we also broke up. If she still cares about her boyfriend, you will both be in for a world of hurt because she will feel regret, guilt, and resentment towards you and herself that could last years depending. I think it is best to leave her be to save you both grief. 1
ShadeOfGreen Posted December 20, 2018 Posted December 20, 2018 What did she actually say when you told her about your feelings? You mentioned she was "shocked" and "flattered". I know there are different ways that people handle this. If a friend ever told me this while I'm in a relationship, then I take a very clear stance. I remind them of my strong commitment to my relationship, and that I love my partner. I don't leave any ideas that anything else is possible. I guess that's what bothered me about the blushing emoji part. It doesn't match the type of distance I would put between me and that person, but I also understand that some people treat such texts with no significant meaning behind them. I guess my point: Don't read too much into it. Even if it comes out that she likes you, do you really want the drama of getting at all involved with someone who's already attached? There's so many other people in the world.
ExpatInItaly Posted December 20, 2018 Posted December 20, 2018 OP, some people use emojis like punctuation. You're reading way too much into a blushing cartoon-face. 1
rightondude Posted December 20, 2018 Posted December 20, 2018 buddy you keep this up and you might end up with your azz whooped 1
preraph Posted December 20, 2018 Posted December 20, 2018 Ok I understand that its wrong for me to ask her out. It's not easy because we just seem perfect together. Its hard finding someone like that these days. There's other girls I know, but I'm just not feeling it. What I'm trying to get is does she feel anything towards me?? I mean, yeah I flirt with her, and she was kinda into it. But getting a Happy Birthday text with all those flirty emojis??? Last time I got texts like that was from my ex girlfriend lol. She doesn't feel enough to ditch her boyfriend. She likes him better than you. 1
Author Trueno86 Posted December 20, 2018 Author Posted December 20, 2018 What did she actually say when you told her about your feelings? You mentioned she was "shocked" and "flattered". I told her something like "I think you are gorgeous, and a great person. I think I have feelings for you. Sorry I can't help but tell you." She said "OMG...thanks for telling me..." I can't remember what really happened after that but she seemed happy. BTW, the blushing emoji was the used emoji on OK Cupid, a dating site soooooooo.....
smackie9 Posted December 20, 2018 Posted December 20, 2018 Make yourself scarce. Yes that's right, back off. You gave her a little sample, now if she wants it she's gonna have to chase it. If you stick around, she's just going to keep you around to absorb any attention you may give her....just don't do it.
Author Trueno86 Posted December 21, 2018 Author Posted December 21, 2018 Make yourself scarce. Yes that's right, back off. You gave her a little sample, now if she wants it she's gonna have to chase it. If you stick around, she's just going to keep you around to absorb any attention you may give her....just don't do it. That's what I've been doing since opened up to her. It was killing me inside, that's why I was surprised when she texted me last night.
Giraffe-A Posted December 21, 2018 Posted December 21, 2018 Best thing you can do is tell her that her man is very lucky to have her. If you don’t respect their relationship, it will come back to you. She’ll feel guilty for hurting her bf and go back. F 1
Author Trueno86 Posted December 21, 2018 Author Posted December 21, 2018 Best thing you can do is tell her that her man is very lucky to have her. If you don’t respect their relationship, it will come back to you. She’ll feel guilty for hurting her bf and go back. F I haven't brought up her BF with her, nor did she mention anything about him. Makes me wonder how serious their relationship is.
ShadeOfGreen Posted December 21, 2018 Posted December 21, 2018 I haven't brought up her BF with her, nor did she mention anything about him. Makes me wonder how serious their relationship is. Only they know. With respect to the primary question on whether she wants you or not, we can only guess. There's very little data for us to crunch on. The emoji text can mean anything, and it's safest to assume it's a simple friendly gesture. Figuring other people out can be difficult. Even people who've been in a relationship for years can struggle to understand what's going on in their partner's mind. This is usually the case when communication is really inadequate. Trying to make conclusions from non-verbal cues can lead to big misunderstandings. I find it's best to only put stock in someone straight up telling you they have feelings for you. It helps to save oneself from the guessing games. If you want to know if someone wants you, then ask them. Anything other than a confident yes means any further pursuit is a waste of time. Life is too short. Most people come to this forum to help repair and maintain relationships. You will mostly likely get negative responses if it seems you are playing a role that can tear a couple apart. Please be kind.
Mrs._December Posted December 21, 2018 Posted December 21, 2018 I told her something like "I think you are gorgeous, and a great person. I think I have feelings for you. Sorry I can't help but tell you." She said "OMG...thanks for telling me..." I can't remember what really happened after that but she seemed happy. BTW, the blushing emoji was the used emoji on OK Cupid, a dating site soooooooo..... TWO POSTERS have told you that you're a Beta Orbiter and that's exactly what you're doing, you're orbiting her like a lovesick puppy and it makes you look silly, weak, and desperate. While she's enjoying the compliments and being flattered that you're acting like a lovesick fool, the fact remains that it makes YOU look like a desperate little boy begging for love. So unappealing. It's not your place to decide how serious her relationship with her boyfriend is. It's about RESPECT. I'm not sure which Disney movie you think you're living in, but in the real world, you need to respect other people's relationships. Let's say you do end up with this girl - how will you feel when some other orbiter a year from now starts professing his love to her and disrespecting YOU? I'm willing to bet the farm you'll have a whole different view about it when it's YOU being disrespected. 1
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