Emin Posted December 20, 2018 Posted December 20, 2018 Hi everyone, I need 2nd opinion on this since I think I'm thinking subjectively after a few months of thinking. I work closely with a female co-worker which is sitting right next to me and involved in my work on daily basis. Basically she's in my sight constantly and we communicate all the time. The nice thing is, I do have feelings for her. The not so nice thing is, she's weird (for me). Weird in terms of she's not communicative, overthinks everything, gives up easily on simple conversations, pushes people away from her, insecure, not socially active and so on. I would say that she is inert person (not sure if correct). Maybe that is what triggers me so much, the unknown, the weird, the slow progress I make in the communication etc. Why i said weird for me is that I am more of an open person who wants to communicate and wants to express my feelings and say whats on my mind. This girl is the totally opposite of what I am and I find it extremely difficult to ease things and get closer to her. This does not apply only for me, but to everyone else at work she's communicating with. Here's the situation. We talk almost on daily basis in private hours, but we talk very limited since she doesn't want to spend time on social media and is easily distracted by everything. This also doesn't apply only for me since we've talked about this already, if maybe I have offended her in any way that she didn't reply for 2-3 hours and it turned out she's simply like that and does that to her friends, family and so on. She also writes to me during work hours, sometimes sends me flirty messages, sends me heart emojis, memes, love gifs, laughs at my jokes, touches / pampers me frequently on the shoulder/arm. I really try not to start the whole thing and be more passive at work, but she's popping out of nowhere with conversations and makes me go nuts. When I feel those situations, I go into the loop and give the signals, but it ends again with limited conversation and feels as if she backs off. I don't care about the whole work dating stuff really, but I do care If I assume something and it turns out the opposite. f**k!
PRW Posted December 20, 2018 Posted December 20, 2018 I work closely with a female co-worker which is sitting right next to me and involved in my work on daily basis. Where you going to sit after you date (or try to date) and it fails? I don't care about the whole work dating stuff really, Yes you do or you wouldn't have framed the context as you did. but I do care If I assume something and it turns out the opposite. You need to get better dating and relationship skills. A guy who has the right skills to succeed is not going to be confused about any of this. A good book for this that I recommend a lot is Corey Wayne's book, "How to be a 3% Man" There isn't enough information to say more about the specifics, but it doesn't sound like she has the inter-personal skills to maintain a dating relationship unless the guy she is dating really really understands what he is doing and can bridge the gap with her,...but then a guy with those skill probably would not want to deal with her. 1
Author Emin Posted December 20, 2018 Author Posted December 20, 2018 Where you going to sit after you date (or try to date) and it fails? You have a valid point here. Yes you do or you wouldn't have framed the context as you did. I really, really don't I know that either one of us won't be here much longer. You need to get better dating and relationship skills. A guy who has the right skills to succeed is not going to be confused about any of this. A good book for this that I recommend a lot is Corey Wayne's book, "How to be a 3% Man" There isn't enough information to say more about the specifics, but it doesn't sound like she has the inter-personal skills to maintain a dating relationship unless the guy she is dating really really understands what he is doing and can bridge the gap with her,...but then a guy with those skill probably would not want to deal with her. Thanks for the book suggestion. I definitely suck at this dating stuff, considering that i was in a long term relationship. You are probably right about not dealing with her since she'll probably be a pain in the ass, but **** it the heart says differently.
lurker74 Posted December 20, 2018 Posted December 20, 2018 It sounds like she may be on the spectrum, in which case you'll have to learn how she communicates and how she is different from those not on the spectrum. And FWIW, if you take the time to understand someone on the spectrum, it can be a very rewarding experience. 2
PRW Posted December 20, 2018 Posted December 20, 2018 I definitely suck at this dating stuff, considering that i was in a long term relationship. LTRs make you lazy and you fall out of practice,...and out of touch with what the current dating culture is like. The worst daters are the guys who just found themselves divorced after 20 years of marriage. The last time they dated was over 20 years ago. Think of just the cultural differences between now and 20+ years ago,...and then throw in "out of practice" on top of that. 1
Author Emin Posted December 20, 2018 Author Posted December 20, 2018 LTRs make you lazy and you fall out of practice,...and out of touch with what the current dating culture is like. The worst daters are the guys who just found themselves divorced after 20 years of marriage. The last time they dated was over 20 years ago. Think of just the cultural differences between now and 20+ years ago,...and then throw in "out of practice" on top of that. Couldn't agree more... I didn't cheat or took advantage of the relationship in any way which made me rusty thus here I am.
rightondude Posted December 21, 2018 Posted December 21, 2018 You will figure it out. I did after 11 years. BUT you will also hear "your heart" telling you things you should really ignore or at least play cooler than you are now. If you're not planning on being at this job for the long haul just ask her out for a drink or something after work. Yes or no, Boom, done. Don't get attached though.
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