lana-banana Posted December 20, 2018 Posted December 20, 2018 He booked this trip before he met you, has been in regular contact, told you he wants to be exclusive, and even showed you texts to other women where he puts you first---and you're still worried? Look, this guy is a social person. Anybody who willingly stays in hostels and takes group vacations is going to enjoy making new friends and meeting people, which includes new social media connections. You are going to have to deal with that. But he hasn't given you any reason to distrust him yet, so you shouldn't. Please also ignore the disturbing and frankly pretty ignorant suggestions that no one goes to Thailand, a beautiful country with incredible sights and culture, for any reason other than sex tourism. Thailand is a gorgeous country and a lot of downtown Bangkok is filled with hostels for travel groups like this guy's.
Author sensitivegirl0 Posted December 21, 2018 Author Posted December 21, 2018 He booked this trip before he met you, has been in regular contact, told you he wants to be exclusive, and even showed you texts to other women where he puts you first---and you're still worried? Look, this guy is a social person. Anybody who willingly stays in hostels and takes group vacations is going to enjoy making new friends and meeting people, which includes new social media connections. You are going to have to deal with that. But he hasn't given you any reason to distrust him yet, so you shouldn't. Please also ignore the disturbing and frankly pretty ignorant suggestions that no one goes to Thailand, a beautiful country with incredible sights and culture, for any reason other than sex tourism. Thailand is a gorgeous country and a lot of downtown Bangkok is filled with hostels for travel groups like this guy's. thanks, I agree with you. Not everyone who goes to Thailand goes there for sex. it turns out that the girls he added on social media are from his group. and he also added the guys as well. as you said he booked it before we met. when he comes back we will resume dating. i will continue getting to know him. this trip made me realise a few thing. what i can accept what i cannot when i am in an exclusive relationship. obviously if we decide to be exclusive. we will talk about these things.
Author sensitivegirl0 Posted December 21, 2018 Author Posted December 21, 2018 why haven't you had sex? you wanted to wait? he doesn't seem to be a swinger (he hasn't been like that with you) so he may not even be comfortable having sex with strangers there. I wouldn't say anything for now. See how it goes after he comes back. he seem a bit reserved. he doesnt open up easily.he respects me. he doesnt want to make a move then mess things up he said. we kissed after 1 month of dating because he was waiting for the right moment.
Mrs._December Posted December 21, 2018 Posted December 21, 2018 (edited) I think it's interesting timing that he wants to be exclusive AFTER he gets back. So that screenshot of his convo with the ex doesn't really mean anything. Ever been to Thailand? Hooking up at beach/pool/jungle parties is very common amongst young travellers. Or pretty much anywhere with alcohol and drugs. I agree 1000%. I too found it extremely ODD that he mentioned wanting to be exclusive AFTER he gets back. The minute I heard Thailand, I had to roll my eyes because we all know what Thailand is famous for. I'm not saying he has to travel all the way to Thailand to get himself some action, but I think he's been putting on a bit of a show for you with the texts turning down his ex and then suddenly making sure to start following guys on Insta. I'm assuming you probably asked him about the new girls he was now following on Instagram and that's likely why he's started adding guys - he knows you're watching. Edited December 21, 2018 by Mrs._December 1
kendahke Posted December 21, 2018 Posted December 21, 2018 OP, instead of getting your nerves worked over by fanciful and most likely "is not happening" scare scenarios, just wait til he gets home and observe how he is with and around you. That's pretty much all you can do right now outside of dumping him.
Author sensitivegirl0 Posted December 21, 2018 Author Posted December 21, 2018 I agree 1000%. I too found it extremely ODD that he mentioned wanting to be exclusive AFTER he gets back. The minute I heard Thailand, I had to roll my eyes because we all know what Thailand is famous for. I'm not saying he has to travel all the way to Thailand to get himself some action, but I think he's been putting on a bit of a show for you with the texts turning down his ex and then suddenly making sure to start following guys on Insta. I'm assuming you probably asked him about the new girls he was now following on Instagram and that's likely why he's started adding guys - he knows you're watching. I actually didnt ask him at all. He called me yesterday, we talked but I didnt mentioned anything ahah. Me being a big stalker I found a group on FB where everyone in his travel group are in. And i can see who he is with. The girls and guys he followed are from the group. But again, his trip is not over and ofcourse he might get wild anytime. I will just wait and see how things go. But one thing is for sure: this trip happened in a very bad timing.I feel that it will ruin everything or it will make us stronger
Author sensitivegirl0 Posted December 21, 2018 Author Posted December 21, 2018 (edited) OP, instead of getting your nerves worked over by fanciful and most likely "is not happening" scare scenarios, just wait til he gets home and observe how he is with and around you. That's pretty much all you can do right now outside of dumping him. Yeah, he is there for another week. I just need to decide if i want to continue dating him tbh. all depends on how he will treat me. I am more calm now. whatever he does its his choice i cannot control. what i can control is, i can choose who i want in my life and who i dont. And i know very well that, I dont want a trush man who gives me problems and who is not trustworthy. If he is one of those, then NEXT! Edited December 21, 2018 by sensitivegirl0
BaileyB Posted December 21, 2018 Posted December 21, 2018 Yeah, he is there for another week. I just need to decide if i want to continue dating him tbh. all depends on how he will treat me. I am more calm now. whatever he does its his choice i cannot control. what i can control is, i can choose who i want in my life and who i dont. And i know very well that, I dont want a trush man who gives me problems and who is not trustworthy. If he is one of those, then NEXT! The thing is, has he given you reason not to trust him? He has been in touch regularly, he has made plans to progress the relationship when he returns home... honestly, don’t get your knickers in a knot until you know there is reason to end the relationship. As it relates to his previously planned trip, he is likely thinking “this new relationship is very bad timing.” It actually happened to me once - I was travelling for the first time to Europe, big trip planned for several weeks and I met a really nice guy the week before I left. I emailed him from europe and we got together when I was home... but I would have been VERY unhappy if he assumed that I was not trustworthy because I decided to go ahead with my trip and met some nice people from all over the world while travelling. Just saying, try not to worry until you know there is reason to worry. You may well sabotage a really good thing here, because you are anxious and afraid.
Emilia Posted December 21, 2018 Posted December 21, 2018 When a guy expresses interest in going to Thailand or other party destinations with friends or his own, I question straight away whether we are likely to have a long term relationship (if that's the goal) because clearly he is still in the experimenting stage. I have been to Thailand and to party towns in other countries and there is literally nothing else to do but drink, take drugs and talk to the opposite sex in various stages of being under the influence. If a guy is still into that, he is not ready for anything committed, IMO.
Author sensitivegirl0 Posted December 21, 2018 Author Posted December 21, 2018 When a guy expresses interest in going to Thailand or other party destinations with friends or his own, I question straight away whether we are likely to have a long term relationship (if that's the goal) because clearly he is still in the experimenting stage. I have been to Thailand and to party towns in other countries and there is literally nothing else to do but drink, take drugs and talk to the opposite sex in various stages of being under the influence. If a guy is still into that, he is not ready for anything committed, IMO. TBH I was thinking about this too. whether he is still in the experimenting stage. He booked it in April this year i think. How can I find out if he is not ready for a committed relationship? he said he is.but he might not be?
Author sensitivegirl0 Posted December 21, 2018 Author Posted December 21, 2018 The thing is, has he given you reason not to trust him? He has been in touch regularly, he has made plans to progress the relationship when he returns home... honestly, don’t get your knickers in a knot until you know there is reason to end the relationship. As it relates to his previously planned trip, he is likely thinking “this new relationship is very bad timing.” Just saying, try not to worry until you know there is reason to worry. You may well sabotage a really good thing here, because you are anxious and afraid. yes, I agree with you totally.
Emilia Posted December 21, 2018 Posted December 21, 2018 TBH I was thinking about this too. whether he is still in the experimenting stage. He booked it in April this year i think. How can I find out if he is not ready for a committed relationship? he said he is.but he might not be? Too soon to tell. You'll know when he comes back though. if he looks like he is fixed on his holiday and spends too much time on facebook with these people, you'll know.
Author sensitivegirl0 Posted December 21, 2018 Author Posted December 21, 2018 Too soon to tell. You'll know when he comes back though. if he looks like he is fixed on his holiday and spends too much time on facebook with these people, you'll know. Thanks, I will observe when he is back. I will also ask him if he wants to go another holiday like this in near future. his answers should show me his intensions. 1
Emilia Posted December 21, 2018 Posted December 21, 2018 Thanks, I will observe when he is back. I will also ask him if he is planning another holiday like this soon. his answers should show me his intensions. good girl.
Author sensitivegirl0 Posted June 19, 2019 Author Posted June 19, 2019 (edited) Hello everyone, I posted here back in December about the guy I started to see back then. He went to Thailand in December for two weeks on his own (with a travel group tho and random people who all met in Thailand and spend around 14 days together). We were in a funny place before he left. We were dating for almost three months but we weren't exclusive. We were actually just starting to speak about exclusivity but he told me after Thailand it will happen. ( I was also in a very stressful time, I had one month to submit my PhD thesis when he left). I was worried about him "cheating" when in Thailand even though we were not technically exclusive. Anyways, fast-forward, he asked me to be his gf on the day I submitted my thesis. And we are in a relationship since then. (6 months now). A couple of weeks ago I asked him over text when he got tested for STD last time. He said to me, end of January. He wrote: "I saw that we were getting serious, so I wanted to be on the safe side and get tested before we started having sex". And prior to that, he had a blood test for a general health check-up in May 2018. BUT he told me also that (another time I think) last time he had sex was in May 2018 and it was protected sex. In fact, he said he always used condoms and never had unprotected sex. He went even further and said he didn't have so much sex until now (he is 28). He showed me the email from STD check results the same night we had this conversation, and I saw that he got tested for chlamydia and gonorrhea. He did one of those home kit tests. When I saw that I was shocked. I right away thought he must have done something in Thailand. I asked him he said he didn't do anything. and he said that he knows I am a smart girl, he knew I would right away think he did something when he showed me the test results (or tell me he did a test in January). But according to him, because he didn't do anything, he could tell me about it. I am not sure if I should believe him. Why would he do gonorrhea and chlamydia test if he didn't have sex since May 2018??? I know these infections can be in the body without any symptoms for a long time, but the timing is just weird. and he didn't say, back in January anything like "I am going to get tested because we are getting serious, etc...". Just so strange. Am I overthinking? And please don't comment things like " you weren't even exclusive, why does it matter even if he did something". Because we talk about how lying, hiding things or cheating is something I will never tolerate because even my father cheated on my mum when I was a kid. And he promised he would never do anything to hurt me. Plus he messaged me every day when in Thailand, trying to show me that and telling me that he will only have eyes for me. Edited June 19, 2019 by sensitivegirl0
Juha Posted June 19, 2019 Posted June 19, 2019 I have read this and your other thread. At first I assumed he probably went to Thailand for sex on the situation you laid out, now that was not fair of me and I take that back. Who knows what went on in Thailand, only the people there do. I do not know if you have asked him about the trip and what went on. See you did ask about sex and he said it's been a while since he has had some. You seem to be very nervous and let your mind think up worst possible scenarios being in a relationship. I am not sure you are ready to be in a real committed relationship
Calmandfocused Posted June 19, 2019 Posted June 19, 2019 A famous woman once said “if it doesn’t make sense, it’s not the truth”. This doesn’t make sense. Let’s look at the facts: He doesn’t make you exclusive before he went away even though (in my opinion) he had plenty of opportunity and time in which to do so. He then offers you exclusivity whilst he’s on holiday for when he gets back. Hmmm..., I think he’s trying to lull you into a false sense of security so you wait (and pine) for him, holding onto his promise of exclusivity on his return. He doesn’t want you to go with anyone else hence the “I’m committed to you” text. Meanwhile, he’s free to do whatever he pleases without a guilty conscience. I think his plan is to enjoy his remaining freedom in Thailand and then settle into a relationship with you when he gets back. If you’re ok with that fine, but make sure he gets a std test before you sleep with him again.
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