Rheia Posted December 19, 2018 Posted December 19, 2018 (edited) My BF of 9 months regularly looks up hot women he used to have a crush on (2-3 in particular, nothing ever happened between them because they were not interested in him in any other than a friendly way) on Instagram. Im not threatened by them nor does it make me feel inferior to those girls. My problem is he lies about it and hides it even though I can see it e.g. in his Instagram search history, or when I approach him from behind sometimes and then he quickly closes the app. I myself check what my exes are up to but it happens maybe once in 2 months, no feelings involved, and I would have no problem admitting it to him. But if he does it almost every day and is so secretive about it, it makes me suspicious. Like he is ashamed of being attracted to them, or still fantasizing about them. Sometimes I wonder whether I am enough for him and then I think to myself - I dont want to be with someone who would rather be with another woman. It causes lot of misunderstandings and stupid fights but he still does it anyway. I just want to understand this - is it normal or should I be worried? P.S.: I dont take social media activity that seriously and Im not a jealous type, but this is not something I would do if I was as in love with someone as he says he is with me Edited December 19, 2018 by Rheia
kendahke Posted December 19, 2018 Posted December 19, 2018 My problem is he lies about it and hides it even though I can see it e.g. in his Instagram search history, or when I approach him from behind sometimes and then he quickly closes the app. I just want to understand this - is it normal or should I be worried? First off, you need to figure out why you abide a liar and why you're so invested in the liar. Most likely because he doesn't want to answer to you for what he's looking at; he fears reproach from you (it's like getting in trouble with mom), despite how cool you may think your outlook on this is. IMO, if he's hiding and he's supposedly doing nothing, then he's doing something and doesn't want you finding out. How did you get from him not being upfront about what/who he's looking at to you not being enough for him? Those are two completely different things. If he can't open a can of "act right", that's on him, not you. It means he's not ready for the rigors of relationship. It's really not hard to act like one has sense in their relationship. If he can't behave in a way that honors your relationship, then you dont' have a relationship: you have a potential mess on your hands. He's old enough to know how to act. If he can't handle that, then dump him. Life is too short for BS.
Author Rheia Posted December 19, 2018 Author Posted December 19, 2018 kendahke - I agree, it really is as if he fears getting into trouble for wrongdoing. Just to be clear - it doesnt make me feel not enough as a person, I have enough self-love (I think), it just makes me wonder if I am enough for HIM. If not, I dont want to stay in such relationship. But again, its only my thoughts, he does prove his love to me and I do believe him, this is just something that worries me and its been driving me crazy for long. Thats why I appreciate other people's point of view, maybe Im just overacting, maybe not, but he wont really discuss it with me.
olivetree Posted December 19, 2018 Posted December 19, 2018 Personally, I couldn't date a guy that lies like that. Much less the social media stalking. Both are super unnattractive. But that's just me.
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