TiredMama4 Posted December 19, 2018 Posted December 19, 2018 (edited) My husband and I have been together for almost 11 years. We have 4 kids under the age of 9. Here is my issue. So, him and his mom are very close and summer of last year, she had a stroke and is unable to talk or move her right side. We have her at a facility and he and I visit her once a week on different days. She also comes over on holidays and long weekends, if we are both off of work. We both take care of her and I change her, since she is bedridden. Prior to this, my husband and I would split Thanksgiving and Christmas. One with my side and the other with his side of the family. Last year, we spent both at our house with his mom. This year we had Thanksgiving at our house and I was hoping to go to my parent's house for Christmas and he is not happy about it. On Thursday he says to me "You're lucky I'm LETTING ya'll go on Christmas." Yes, letting. I ignored the ignorant statement and say, well, we always split holidays and last year we didn't go to my family's at all. And he says, "well circumstances changed". I say, yes they changed, but it's also fair. I say, ya'll can come too and he says he doesn't want to. So ever since this conversation (5 days ago) he's been in a bad mood and barely talking to me. His mom will be here Saturday - Wednesday. He also has 4 siblings that could simply come to our house for a few hours and spend time with their mom, while our whole family goes, but he doesn't want to leave her at all. Am I wrong to want to go to my parent's? Edited December 19, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs
Wallysbears Posted December 19, 2018 Posted December 19, 2018 My husband and I used to have to travel all over on holidays. When we had our son we decided no more. That parents/family/friends could come to US if they wanted to see us. That our son shouldn't have to spend his holidays driving all over. It has worked really well. Might be something to consider for the future if possible. And to your question...yes, he is selfish on this. Your kids should get to see both sides of their family.
Author TiredMama4 Posted December 19, 2018 Author Posted December 19, 2018 My husband and I used to have to travel all over on holidays. When we had our son we decided no more. That parents/family/friends could come to US if they wanted to see us. That our son shouldn't have to spend his holidays driving all over. It has worked really well. Might be something to consider for the future if possible. And to your question...yes, he is selfish on this. Your kids should get to see both sides of their family. That's a great idea! However, I honestly don't want everyone at our house both holidays. I have to take care of his mom, my 4 kids, cook, and do all the cleaning up on my own. So, I would actually prefer to have just one holiday not at our house.
Mr. Lucky Posted December 19, 2018 Posted December 19, 2018 Am I wrong to want to go to my parent's? No you're not. Your H is obviously affected by this life-changing event with his Mom and may have glimpses of his own mortality in her illness. Give him time and space to process things. You're already being a great DIL by helping to care for her. Relax and have a great Christmas at your parents... Mr. Lucky
carhill Posted December 19, 2018 Posted December 19, 2018 Strokes suck... I'd suggest the sibling solution for the day; I can't imagine that they'd not want to spend at least one day with their mother either at your place or theirs, and your family visits your parents during that period. I mean, sheesh, everyone's adults they should be able to figure out something. Could be nothing more complex than dropping mom off at one of his siblings and then heading over to your parents and them bringing her back later after you've returned. It sounds like all the siblings are local so no big deal. He's the lead though. His family, his mother. I'd go visit my parents. Deal with the rest later. Good luck and welcome to LS
preraph Posted December 19, 2018 Posted December 19, 2018 He just doesn't want to do the dirty work. You go to Christmas with your family. It's not like she'll be alone or he will.
sparkler1956 Posted December 19, 2018 Posted December 19, 2018 He definitely needs more time but you shouldn’t put yourself st a disadvantage while that happens. Do what you want and be considerate of the ones around you and you won’t go wrong x
Recommended Posts