jen_jen_heartbroken Posted September 15, 2005 Posted September 15, 2005 My boyfriend has a regular 9-5 job which has turned into an 9-8+ job. His work is demanding more and more of his time, plus he frequently has to travel for work. Although he lives just next door, I rarely see him at all during the week...quite a change from before....and it doesn't seem to be letting up any time soon. He comes home so drained and goes right to bed. This sucks. I miss him.
Art_Critic Posted September 15, 2005 Posted September 15, 2005 Most people do not work a 9-5 job and 9-8+ isn't all that bad. It's all about priorities. His sound like you are not on the Top. When I was in my 20's and partly thru my 30's I worked 18-20 hrs per day 6-7 days a week and alway's still had time for a relationship.. The last part of my 30's I got married and stopped working long hrs and cut them back to about 60 hrs a week.. and was alway's home in time to put my step daughter to bed and keep my marriage alive.. I think you need to talk with him and find out wht you are so far down the list because 60 hrs a week isn't too many hrs for him to be neglecting you
sundrop Posted September 15, 2005 Posted September 15, 2005 I agree with Art Critic, My ex worked M-W 7am-7pm and was gone Thurday afternoon through Sunday and he always made time for me M-W and before he left Thursday he we would meet for lunch. He can make time if he needs to.
Woggle Posted September 15, 2005 Posted September 15, 2005 I never work past 5 unless it is special circumstances and I never go in on weekends. I still do a better job and more done than people who work 12 hr shifts. It's because i find a balance so i enjoy my job and don't resent it.
Cecelius Posted September 15, 2005 Posted September 15, 2005 Do you just miss him, or are you asserting that he's not doing his b/f duty? If it's the former, he probably misses you. If its the latter, then you are going to become another job that he has to take care of. When did being moderately ambitious (and 9-8 with lots of travel is not insane by any stretch) become a liability? I thought it made a dude a catch.
alphamale Posted September 15, 2005 Posted September 15, 2005 My boyfriend has a regular 9-5 job which has turned into an 9-8+ job. His work is demanding more and more of his time, plus he frequently has to travel for work. Although he lives just next door, I rarely see him at all during the week...quite a change from before....and it doesn't seem to be letting up any time soon. He comes home so drained and goes right to bed. This sucks. I miss him. no one I know works 11 or 12 hrs per day
Art_Critic Posted September 15, 2005 Posted September 15, 2005 no one I know works 11 or 12 hrs per day Alpha.. what about your brother or your attorney friends ?
alphamale Posted September 15, 2005 Posted September 15, 2005 Alpha.. what about your brother or your attorney friends ? sure, everyone may have a very long day here and there but not on a regular basis. I think her b/f is fooling around with another woman.
Art_Critic Posted September 15, 2005 Posted September 15, 2005 I think her b/f is fooling around with another woman. Now I get where you are coming from ..Hmmmm There is a good chance you are right..I was think along those same lines but didn't want to be the one to jump there
nosybear819 Posted September 15, 2005 Posted September 15, 2005 My kinda boyfriend - um really I like to call him my potetial boyfriend works a lot. He has 2 jobs and in his spare time he plays sports. I also have 2 jobs and in my spare time I don't do anything! Anyway we usually get together every 2 weeks sometimes if we're lucky once a week. So if you're as busy as he is I guess it'd work out and you'd be more understanding. But if you're just watching him come home and leave from your bedroom window than I can see how that would "suck". Looks like we've come to the consensus that your man is cheating the fact that he goes out of town for work is even worse. Not saying that all men who go out of town are cheaters but I know a few. I think it's time you had "the talk" and find out what gives and how you can squeeze some boyfriend time outta him. Compromise! It works miracles, good luck!!
JS17 Posted September 15, 2005 Posted September 15, 2005 I think her b/f is fooling around with another woman. Jeez, and I thought I was the cynic. Jen, 9-8 isn't that abnormal especially for certain jobs and metro areas like NY, Chicago, and LA. We don't know his job situation, i.e. what he does, how ambitious he is, if there's a promotion he's going for, etc. but you do. Use your judgement. You mentioned a lack of attention in your other thread as well. Have you talked to him about it? Maybe he's just getting too comfortable in the relationship and taking it for granted. Tell him he needs to step it up.
alphamale Posted September 15, 2005 Posted September 15, 2005 Jeez, and I thought I was the cynic. . hmm lets see JS17, here are some signs: 1) working long hours 2) lots 'o travel 3) less attention and time spend together 4) comes home goes straight to bed it is not for certain that he is cheating but it may be a possibility. I think that J_J_BH should call that show "Cheaters" and have him tailed by a camera crew to see what he is doing.
Author jen_jen_heartbroken Posted September 15, 2005 Author Posted September 15, 2005 Whoa! You people are so quick to think the worst of people. No, he is not cheating. This is a simple case of his workload becoming overwhelming, too many projects, and the company is short staffed. We talked last night and he made it very clear to me that he would rather be with me when he's working late or traveling. He reminded me that he loves me and said he misses seeing me during the week too, and he would make sure to be home early enough on Friday so we could go to dinner. He said that he doesn't like his work to become the sole focus of his life, because that's not what life is about. But this is difficult for him since he's a newer employee and they've become dependent on him very quickly.
JS17 Posted September 15, 2005 Posted September 15, 2005 4) comes home goes straight to bed I kind of recall a bunch of guys on tearing the women to shreads on the insecurity thread because we thought...."his sleeping habits in relation to me must mean that he's not interested"....we got back "Stop reading into crap, maybe he's just TIRED!"
JS17 Posted September 15, 2005 Posted September 15, 2005 He said that he doesn't like his work to become the sole focus of his life, because that's not what life is about. But this is difficult for him since he's a newer employee and they've become dependent on him very quickly. See :p
alphamale Posted September 15, 2005 Posted September 15, 2005 Whoa! We talked last night and he made it very clear to me that he would rather be with me when he's working late or traveling. He reminded me that he loves me and said he misses seeing me during the week too, and he would make sure to be home early enough on Friday so we could go to dinner. so what's the problem here J_J_HB??
Author jen_jen_heartbroken Posted September 15, 2005 Author Posted September 15, 2005 The problem is that I don't want to be a widow to his work. It doesn't seem like things will let up any time soon, and that makes me very unhappy. We love each other very much, but my concern is how you can make a relationship last when logistically someone is unable to spend time with you. This is why I never got involved in an LDR, because I know it would not work for me.
Art_Critic Posted September 15, 2005 Posted September 15, 2005 The problem is that I don't want to be a widow to his work. It doesn't seem like things will let up any time soon, and that makes me very unhappy. We love each other very much, but my concern is how you can make a relationship last when logistically someone is unable to spend time with you. This is why I never got involved in an LDR, because I know it would not work for me. Jen.. you seem to be missing the part that he really doesn't work that long as to affect him seeing you. Did you read my first post about working long hours and priorities ? He has placed you lower on his list of priorities.. and he isn't working but 11-12 hours a day.. that leaves 12-13 hours left in every day that he could be spending some of it with you .. He lives next door ...... Get it yet ??
nosybear819 Posted September 15, 2005 Posted September 15, 2005 Jen.. you seem to be missing the part that he really doesn't work that long as to affect him seeing you He lives next door ...... Get it yet ?? Yeah everyone is totally leaving that out...great point Art Critic! Sounds fishy,fishy, fishy
alphamale Posted September 15, 2005 Posted September 15, 2005 The problem is that I don't want to be a widow to his work. It doesn't seem like things will let up any time soon, and that makes me very unhappy. May be time to find a new stud for the stable, J_J_HB
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