fujisan123 Posted December 19, 2018 Posted December 19, 2018 Hi all, My gf (F/25) and I (M/30) have been together since June 2017, met in India and were together 9 months and lived together about 7 months. We did long distance for a while but I broke up with her in March but we got back together in June, I saw her again last July, and we have been doing long distance again since August. We have been doing good if you ask me, we talk every day and always saying how we love each other. We have had some fights along the way but have both worked on ourselves and gotten over them. We are even discussing marriage and she has told me she does consider us to already be engaged. The problem is that over the last week I have had this feeling she has cheated on me and I can’t seem to shake it. It happened when a week ago we were talking and she was almost asleep as she was talking and called me another guys name. At first she said she didn’t know anyone called that name since a kid but I did look at her recent Instagram contacts and his name was her most recent follower but they don’t seem to have liked any posts. A few days later I mentioned it again and she said briefly meet some guy called that at a work event she attended. Now to get to the night where I think something may have happened, the next day she had to attend a networking event after work that went on from 10-1am she finishes work at 11 and arrived there at 12 because free champagne. At 1am I get an accidental missed call from and a text saying she misses me. I guessed she was going home as 2am is her bedtime and she had work next day. Still haven’t heard anything and am wondering where she could be as the event had been over for hours and she has work next day. I send a goodnight message at 3:30am her time and see it go through which never happens if she is asleep and briefly saw her go online a bit later but no reply. At 5.20am her time I think it’s really weird she hasn’t let me know she is back as she lives in a very dangerous place so ask if she is back okay then notice she has put a selfie on Instagram at about 5am her time. This is very odd for her and in it the wall looks like her apartment but I see both her arms are at her side so possible someone else took it. I text saying I saw her story and glad she is safe. At 5.35am her time she texts me simply saying she got back safe. Next day she has a fever and doesn’t go to work. Next few days she seems to be acting a bit strange, she keeps saying multiple times she wants to spend her life with me (bit much for her that frequently), asks if I trust her, says she never wants to hurt me, keeps saying how much she misses me, mentions the lack physical stuff is hard, we are getting into video sex but she suddenly just completely loses the mood and has this strange attitude...she also said that she got home at 2am that night and slept, but woke up to text me she was safe (And post a selfie apparently). She also sleeps like a log and I’ve never known her to wake up after sleeping. Taken all together this has left me paranoid and I don’t know what to do..... I did mention to her that she has been acting a bit strange and reassure her that she can tell me anything and that we would work through it but she didn’t admit anything other than she has been missing me a lot lately. What should I do? Is this stuff suspicious or am I just being insecure? If you suggest asking her if she has cheated can you give me a non-confrontational way to go about it? Also, I should mention, she says she has never cheated on anyone before and that since a kid telling the truth is the most important thing to her. I on the other hand cheated on every other gf I have had, often multiple times but have been straight for some years now and never dreamt of doing it again (Makes me wonder if I am seeing my past in some of the things she says). I also believe she thinks that I will definitely break up with her if she cheated and it has been an insecurity of her that I would break up (even had a few panic attacks in the past but better now). Sorry for the essay! Thanks TL/DR suspect gf may have cheated, some of the things about her night out seem off and she has been acting out of character since, want advice on to confront her or not and how to do it.
smackie9 Posted December 19, 2018 Posted December 19, 2018 Just sounds to me she's really struggling with the distance, not cheating.
Larry56 Posted December 19, 2018 Posted December 19, 2018 It does sound to me like she cheated. Especially if she isn't interested in video-chat/sexting you. If she suddenly got turned off during a video chat she might of gotten a message from him. Sorry to break it to you. She sounds like she's struggling to pick between you two.
fromheart Posted December 19, 2018 Posted December 19, 2018 There's nothing anyone can really tell without meeting her. It sounds at least, that the long distance is doing her in. 4 months is a long time. You are also very attached to her, which is not helping. A long time apart may break a relationship. She MAY be starting to be aware of other men. What would be the best thing is to just tell her that you understand the distance may be too much, and if she wants to go she can, you;ll be fine with it. If there is anyone else involved, she can let you know. If her reaction is very neutral, then you know that's what she probably wants. I personally, would just leave it open and amicable, and then disappear. Maybe meet up on the road at a later date, for more fun.
central Posted December 19, 2018 Posted December 19, 2018 (edited) Long distance is always difficult, and unless you have a specific plan and time frame to be in the same location, it's very unlikely to work out indefinitely. I also think that you should trust your gut feelings, and see if you can find out more. If you can't, then given the LDR, I think it would be wise to end things. I've had LDRs, but the only ones that worked were either NOT exclusive, or, we could see each other at least every couple of weeks. I am a sexual person, and want to date sexual women, so long term periods of enforced celibacy are not going to work for me. Edited December 19, 2018 by central
RideTheLightening Posted December 19, 2018 Posted December 19, 2018 Well... that does sound like cheating. I’d ask her point blank about it and see what she says.
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