Mr. Lucky Posted December 19, 2018 Posted December 19, 2018 And much like your husband, if I need to cry he will hold me. He cant fix it, but he just holds me and says its okay. I dont want him to feel responsible for my feelings. Like its his job to make me happy. But I just havent allowed anyone but my best friend to see me when I’m weak. I feel like an inconvenience. I feel like you're overthinking something that happens organically in most successful relationships. Just be you. He'll love some parts, like others and be annoyed with a few. You're not doing him any favors by trying to emotionally outguess him and you'll only frustrate yourself. The truth is, if you've been together for a while, the template for your relationship is already set... Mr. Lucky 2
Author Lotus_Luna Posted December 19, 2018 Author Posted December 19, 2018 I feel like you're overthinking something that happens organically in most successful relationships. Just be you. He'll love some parts, like others and be annoyed with a few. You're not doing him any favors by trying to emotionally outguess him and you'll only frustrate yourself. The truth is, if you've been together for a while, the template for your relationship is already set... Mr. Lucky This is all true. I just spent a long time with someone who undermined my feelings and couldn’t/wouldn’t support me. It was about him. Having my needs addressed feels unnatural and selfish. He said he respects and values that I am weak with him. So it’s probably not burdensome to him. 1
Malin889 Posted December 19, 2018 Posted December 19, 2018 I think guys like to help when they can fix things or solve a problem. Things they can’t fix- like venting or gossiping - I don’t think they like. I think anyway. I’m a woman, so what do I know, lol!
preraph Posted December 19, 2018 Posted December 19, 2018 The need to just talk it out is something I do with my girls. When I need good advice then I will ask him. And much like your husband, if I need to cry he will hold me. He cant fix it, but he just holds me and says its okay. I dont want him to feel responsible for my feelings. Like its his job to make me happy. But I just havent allowed anyone but my best friend to see me when I’m weak. I feel like an inconvenience. The one thing you want to be careful about is he doesn't start feeling like a father to you and you don't start feeling like a child to him. Otherwise, sounds like he handles your issues okay. 1
SophieG Posted December 20, 2018 Posted December 20, 2018 I can only tell you what I see from my bf. Really early in our relationship (while we were still dating), I had 2 or 3 bad situations (sister in law almost died during delivery, my dad was abusive with his gf, and my cat almost died)... each time, he's the one I called. He took the time to talk to me, calmed me down, and during the day, he'd text me to see how I was feeling. Beside those, I'm an extremely emotional person (it's ridiculous)! I cry in movie all the time, I cry when I feel tension, I cry when I'm anxious or angry... in other words, I always cry. When I do, he'll sometimes chuckles (when it's movie related) and he'll take me in his arms and cuddle. In other situations, he'll ask me if there's anything he can do and he'll do it, or if not, he'll be there for me (cuddling, playing with my hair) until I settle down. I'm there for him the same way. Sometimes, he gets super anxious and I'll just do whatever I can to help him (whether it's be there or go back home). When he's feeling down, he'll call me and talk it out. There was an evening where he was super sad, but didn't know why. He asked me if I could come over, which I did. I think we're both there for each other for the little and big things. He's not my entire support system, but he's a big part of it.
sabaton Posted December 22, 2018 Posted December 22, 2018 How do men feel about their girlfriend/wives coming to them for emotional support, guidance and comfort? Not to be rescued by the situation, but where she can vulnerable and let her guard down regarding it. Is it an annoyance? Is it bonding? How can a woman return the favor to her man to show gratitude? Well, it's complicated. Usually when women come with a problem or with a grievance, they want to be heard, listened to, and above all understood and agreed with. Men hear what they're saying, and they start thinking about ways to solve those issues, but that ends up with their partner feeling that the guy wasn't listening and didn't care. I guess I figured this one early in life, because I was present when my mother would talk for hours and hours to my father and he'd nod and say yes and another word or two, and my mother would leave the convo feeling happy and a lot better than she was feeling before talking to dad. I'm easy to talk to, and I am easy to listen to. Because I don't talk with my mouth but with my eyes and with my ears.
Wallysbears Posted December 23, 2018 Posted December 23, 2018 My husband is my rock. Always there for me for anything. But if I’m going to go all gossip, catty talking his eyes glaze over. And he’s like “why don’t you call one of your harpies?” Then retreats to his man cave LOL
See-Me-Feel-Me Posted December 23, 2018 Posted December 23, 2018 It's not whether they come to us (men) for comfort/support but how. I don't want to have someone assume I know that there is a need for me to step up. And I definitely can't stand when I hear "well, the least you could have done was". I am not a generic male--one assumed to get angry at everything. I value trust that I WILL respond appropriately and can therefore be told straight on that my g/f, wife et al is in some kind of quandary (if it isn't already obvious). There there, baby. Come to daddy.
edgygirl Posted December 26, 2018 Posted December 26, 2018 (edited) Wow. Extremely important thread thank you everyone responding. Very illuminating Men are indeed from Mars... we must not forget that. (not in a bad way) It's almost a cruel joke that nature has made us so different in terms of needs and personality that it's an eternal struggle to adapt. OMG!! I recently did this... My girlfriend was staying with me while recuperating from surgery, she tired to drag me into some conversation about what happened on the "Real Housewives" and how one of her friends was like one of the characters. I grabbed a Guinness, went to the garage and started cleaning the chain on my motorcycle. To answer OP's question, carhill said it best. I don't like being a sounding board for gf's venting or girly stuff. If the car needs a new PCV valve installed... call me, I've got the 15/16" wrench to handle it. If she wants to talk about some issues regarding one of her female friends, call another woman. Edited December 26, 2018 by edgygirl
alphamale Posted December 26, 2018 Posted December 26, 2018 Wow. Extremely important thread thank you everyone responding. Very illuminating Men are indeed from Mars... we must not forget that. (not in a bad way) It's almost a cruel joke that nature has made us so different in terms of needs and personality that it's an eternal struggle to adapt. men and women are opposites because it creates and maintains attraction so that we breed and make more little humans. if men and women were the same the human race would have died out long ago
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