Do men like to be needed?

[Lotus_Luna]

How do men feel about their girlfriend/wives coming to them for emotional support, guidance and comfort?

 

Not to be rescued by the situation, but where she can vulnerable and let her guard down regarding it.

 

Is it an annoyance? Is it bonding?

 

How can a woman return the favor to her man to show gratitude?

[d0nnivain]

Everyone likes to be needed but that doesn't mean one should be needy. As the woman having other outlets is important. You can't turn your BF into your BFF.

 

On some level it's about trust & being vulnerable. It took a while but my husband said the fact that he can express an emotion, even grief or fear, is an amazing gift.

 

When someone does help you in your time of need, do say thank you. That is important.

[carhill]

Men in general like to preen after solving problems. Most men I know personally *do not* like being a sounding board for their wive's venting. I know this because their wives often vent to me

 

So, honey faucet leaking, oh thank you works great, man preens. Whine about other women at work, man grabs beer and heads to garage.

[Happy Lemming]

So, honey faucet leaking, oh thank you works great, man preens. Whine about other women at work, man grabs beer and heads to garage.

 

OMG!! I recently did this... My girlfriend was staying with me while recuperating from surgery, she tired to drag me into some conversation about what happened on the "Real Housewives" and how one of her friends was like one of the characters. I grabbed a Guinness, went to the garage and started cleaning the chain on my motorcycle.

 

To answer OP's question, carhill said it best. I don't like being a sounding board for gf's venting or girly stuff. If the car needs a new PCV valve installed... call me, I've got the 15/16" wrench to handle it. If she wants to talk about some issues regarding one of her female friends, call another woman.

[Mr. Lucky]

How do men feel about their girlfriend/wives coming to them for emotional support, guidance and comfort?

 

I'd cross "guidance" off the list, in my experience most women - my wife included - aren't interested in advice or solutions, they really just want to vent. And in fact, they're annoyed if you suggest something - "What do you mean just don't talk to her? I see her every day!".

 

I've learned to smile, nod and plan my escape...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Happy Lemming]

I've learned to smile, nod and plan my escape...

 

 

Come to the garage with me and carhill. (LOL)

[basil67]

Come to the garage with me and carhill. (LOL)

 

And my hubby will join you. Yes, he's happy to do a job which can be done, but he's been pretty clear that he doesn't want me to bring job woes to him.

[snowcones]

If he's pursuing you, he'll listen and help you out.

[Lotus_Luna]

I’m not talking about the annoying little things.

 

I mean the big stuff.

 

Where I come to him looking fpr comfort when a loved one died, or advice on a life changing decision.

[alphamale]

How can a woman return the favor to her man to show gratitude?

 

a nice long blow job and subsequent swallowing

[Happy Lemming]

I’m not talking about the annoying little things.

 

I mean the big stuff.

 

Where I come to him looking fpr comfort when a loved one died, or advice on a life changing decision.

 

Of course, I'm there for the big stuff... I was there for my girlfriend when her Mom died. I comforted her, helped her pack and got her to the airport so she could fly home and picked her up when she returned.

 

As far as life changing decisions, yes I helped her. She has had some surgeries and was part of an experimental study. We discussed the pros and cons, looked at all the data and we talked everything through. I didn't make the final decision, but I let her bounce ideas off of me and I played Devil's advocate, so she was able to think about all the possibilities and weigh the results vs. the risks.

 

What I avoid is when Mary said this about Sally, and Sally is just like Lisa Rinna on the "Real Housewives". When she starts that crap, then I'm heading for the garage.

[Woggle]

I would say it is more valued and appreciated. I want a woman that can stand on her own two feet but that doesn't mean I want her to treat me as a disposable accessory she can take or leave.

[ChatroomHero]

I'd cross "guidance" off the list, in my experience most women - my wife included - aren't interested in advice or solutions, they really just want to vent. And in fact, they're annoyed if you suggest something - "What do you mean just don't talk to her? I see her every day!".

 

I've learned to smile, nod and plan my escape...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

 

lol. That about sums it up.

 

 

To answer OP, give me a problem like a guy grabbed your ass at work and I will go and have a talk with him. Happy to help. Come to me about the girl at work that doesn't like you and the boss who doesn't care and the other guy that says mean things because you turned him down a year ago, I don't care much for that drama because that is stuff you should be able to handle by yourself and leave at work. You probably already pre-determined how you are going to handle it before asking me for my support anyway, so if I suggest something different you'll probably shoot it down or get mad at me and say I don't understand.

 

 

My Advice:

1. Talk to your boss

2. When someone is mean at work, tell them not to be mean to you.

3. Guy at work hits on you, tell him not to hit on you.

4. Guy at work is a jerk because you turned him down, tell him to stop being a jerk because you turned him down.

 

 

Her response:

Uggg. You don't understand, don't you think I already considered that? You don't even care, never mind, I'll handle it myself.

 

 

I find the best response is something like... wow, that sounds tough. What do you think you are going to do? But no, I don't care to be emotional support, guidance and comfort for most things. Generally it's a no win situation. I also prefer women that make their own decisions and choose their own path. I'll support that path, but don't ask me to plow it for you, that's tiring.

[gaius]

What I avoid is when Mary said this about Sally, and Sally is just like Lisa Rinna on the "Real Housewives". When she starts that crap, then I'm heading for the garage.

I'd hate if my wife had a friend like Lisa Rinna, she's a bore. Though I guess it would be better than having a friend like LeeAnne Locken. Or Kelly Dodd.

 

And yes, men like to be needed.

[preraph]

I don't think most men even want to hear about their woman's day-to-day outpourings. I think if it's something they can't fix, they don't want to hear it. I don't think most like being leaned on emotionally. I'm not saying I like it, but that' what I think.

 

Some of them are good to talk business with or something in particular. Like my dad was into cars, so his daughter having a car problem was always a welcome distraction for him. The ones I was involved with mainly talked music and that was the common interest. It astounds me how some of them would rather skip over the really important stuff. Like one guy who'd been a close friend for about 3 years saw me being in love with two different guys. He knew I'd had a recent traumatic breakup, and without ever asking me how I was feeling about that thing or finding out anything about it, he just decided it was time for him to be my boyfriend, whether that's what I wanted or was ready for or not or in any condition to be deciding and became demanding. That wasn't fair. It sometimes seems like if it's not about them, they aren't interested, but there are some exceptions, I'm sure. One of my exes is a real good listener/talker. And he remembers things forever like me.

 

However, a lot of guys like to be needed in other ways, just not emotionally. The good listener ex complained in retrospect that I didn't need him. He let a couple of women take advantage of him about money and favors and things like that. I don't like that about him. But it's because he wants to feel like a hero, so it's okay I guess. An old flame really needed to save women and feel like a hero.

Edited December 19, 2018 by preraph

[Johnson1]

The only reason I can see a dude not like being needed is if he didn't care about the woman he's with. Naturally, as with women, no one ever likes to admit to it. It's an unspoken rule to avoid being labeled as 'needy', which many women accuse men of being these days, and vice versa. I suppose it depends on what the issue is. Wouldn't guidance be considered rescuing? What is the point of mentioning what may be bothering you if you don't expect your other half help you solve the problem? It just becomes venting. As far as gratitude, only you know what the guy your with would appreciate. Use your imagination. :-D

Edited December 19, 2018 by Vocals5

[Lotus_Luna]

I just feel so damn needy asking for help!

Its not in my character to let others take care of me, but with him I openly allow it. Then I feel like a needy nitwit.

 

But when someone is older, wiser ans more experienced and you trust them it’s natural to want their guidance. When you care deeply for them then you crave their support.

 

Its just not a position I found myself in with others. My husband was selfish with his time and oftwn chastized me for needing him.

 

I dont expect to treat men as a galfriend. I only involve him if he can directly assist me. Or he meets the emotional need (im upset and I want a hug). Otherwise I have my women.

[chillii]

l'd be really disappointed if she didn't turn to me.

[Johnson1]

Its just not a position I found myself in with others. My husband was selfish with his time and oftwn chastized me for needing him.

 

You should never feel chastized or belittled by who you're with. Dismissing someones feelings and concerns is a sign you're not with the right person. Your lover above all others is the one you should be able to count on in times of need without being criticised.

[d0nnivain]

I’m not talking about the annoying little things.

 

I mean the big stuff.

 

Where I come to him looking fpr comfort when a loved one died, or advice on a life changing decision.

 

I think most decent guys know it's expected. My DH doesn't handle emotions well, mine or anybody else's. Heaven forbit the stoic marine have a feeling. But for the really big stuff, like death of course his arms will be wide open for me to cry on his shoulder. He might not understand but he will offer support & comfort.

 

I just feel so damn needy asking for help!

Its not in my character to let others take care of me, but with him I openly allow it. Then I feel like a needy nitwit.

 

But when someone is older, wiser ans more experienced and you trust them it’s natural to want their guidance. When you care deeply for them then you crave their support.

 

Its just not a position I found myself in with others. My husband was selfish with his time and oftwn chastized me for needing him.

 

I dont expect to treat men as a galfriend. I only involve him if he can directly assist me. Or he meets the emotional need (im upset and I want a hug). Otherwise I have my women.

 

Asking for help in the face of genuine problem is not needy. It's tough to ask sometimes & your experience with your EX made you reluctant.

 

What helped with my stoic husband was giving him permission not to have to try to wade through the emotions & fix the issue but just to hug me & then when I cried it out, I could generally fix it myself.

 

It's good to talk to your partner about life changing stuff . . . assuming it's not a brand new partner. Somebody you have only known for a few months might not be the best person with the most insight into how you live your life. But for example in my case I have dithered back & forth with DH & here on LS about changing careers, moving or just retiring. DH gets much less of my back & forth then LS does because he's more of a decision maker & doesn't want to process along with me as I weigh the pros & cons over & over. When I'm closer to pulling the trigger I will go back to him.

 

Even when you need them -- I'm currently struggling with what to get some of his relatives for Christmas -- the men in your life are not always equipped to help.

[Lotus_Luna]

I think most decent guys know it's expected. My DH doesn't handle emotions well, mine or anybody else's. Heaven forbit the stoic marine have a feeling. But for the really big stuff, like death of course his arms will be wide open for me to cry on his shoulder. He might not understand but he will offer support & comfort.

 

 

 

Asking for help in the face of genuine problem is not needy. It's tough to ask sometimes & your experience with your EX made you reluctant.

 

What helped with my stoic husband was giving him permission not to have to try to wade through the emotions & fix the issue but just to hug me & then when I cried it out, I could generally fix it myself.

 

It's good to talk to your partner about life changing stuff . . . assuming it's not a brand new partner. Somebody you have only known for a few months might not be the best person with the most insight into how you live your life. But for example in my case I have dithered back & forth with DH & here on LS about changing careers, moving or just retiring. DH gets much less of my back & forth then LS does because he's more of a decision maker & doesn't want to process along with me as I weigh the pros & cons over & over. When I'm closer to pulling the trigger I will go back to him.

 

Even when you need them -- I'm currently struggling with what to get some of his relatives for Christmas -- the men in your life are not always equipped to help.

 

The need to just talk it out is something I do with my girls.

 

When I need good advice then I will ask him.

 

And much like your husband, if I need to cry he will hold me. He cant fix it, but he just holds me and says its okay. I dont want him to feel responsible for my feelings. Like its his job to make me happy.

 

But I just havent allowed anyone but my best friend to see me when I’m weak. I feel like an inconvenience.

[GoodOnPaper]

How do men feel about their girlfriend/wives coming to them for emotional support, guidance and comfort?

 

Not to be rescued by the situation, but where she can vulnerable and let her guard down regarding it.

 

Is it an annoyance? Is it bonding?

 

Like a lot of people have said, to be able to be vulnerable and let your guard down with a long-term partner, especially about the big things, is very important. However, when providing support, communication styles matter. The back-and-forth bantering style that works well with BFFs would suddenly make your male romantic partner seem very emasculated and unattractive. This is a classic "Nice Guy" trap that I fell into as a teenager.

 

How can a woman return the favor to her man to show gratitude?

 

I think you need to know your partner's love language. You asked if men like to feel needed. I think that's true but that it's part of a broader need to feel admired - but not necessary just for the obvious things. Recognize something that you really love and that draws you romantically/physically that the rest of the world doesn't necessarily see. I think it was Rudolph Valentino who said treat intelligent women like they are beautiful and beautiful women like they are intelligent? Men aren't that different.

[thefooloftheyear]

No....This donkey is pretty tired...

 

TFY

[Lotus_Luna]

I think most decent guys know it's expected. My DH doesn't handle emotions well, mine or anybody else's. Heaven forbit the stoic marine have a feeling. But for the really big stuff, like death of course his arms will be wide open for me to cry on his shoulder. He might not understand but he will offer support & comfort.

 

 

 

Asking for help in the face of genuine problem is not needy. It's tough to ask sometimes & your experience with your EX made you reluctant.

 

What helped with my stoic husband was giving him permission not to have to try to wade through the emotions & fix the issue but just to hug me & then when I cried it out, I could generally fix it myself.

 

It's good to talk to your partner about life changing stuff . . . assuming it's not a brand new partner. Somebody you have only known for a few months might not be the best person with the most insight into how you live your life. But for example in my case I have dithered back & forth with DH & here on LS about changing careers, moving or just retiring. DH gets much less of my back & forth then LS does because he's more of a decision maker & doesn't want to process along with me as I weigh the pros & cons over & over. When I'm closer to pulling the trigger I will go back to him.

 

Even when you need them -- I'm currently struggling with what to get some of his relatives for Christmas -- the men in your life are not always equipped to help.

 

Like a lot of people have said, to be able to be vulnerable and let your guard down with a long-term partner, especially about the big things, is very important. However, when providing support, communication styles matter. The back-and-forth bantering style that works well with BFFs would suddenly make your male romantic partner seem very emasculated and unattractive. This is a classic "Nice Guy" trap that I fell into as a teenager.

 

 

 

I think you need to know your partner's love language. You asked if men like to feel needed. I think that's true but that it's part of a broader need to feel admired - but not necessary just for the obvious things. Recognize something that you really love and that draws you romantically/physically that the rest of the world doesn't necessarily see. I think it was Rudolph Valentino who said treat intelligent women like they are beautiful and beautiful women like they are intelligent? Men aren't that different.

 

He knows I value his intelligence and tenderness with me. I try to be respectful of him. His time, his thoughts and when he does things for me. I tell him I appreciate his efforts. That he pleases me and makes me feel secure.

 

 

But its a lot of words. I feel like those can get annoying after awhile.

[d0nnivain]

If you are truly upset or in need you are not an inconvenience.