orionstar Posted September 14, 2005 Posted September 14, 2005 Hey Everyone, Today is Wednesday, September 14th. I am home on a vacation day. I am new to this site as of this week. I have a problem or should I say maybe I think I have a problem but I am not sure, but I could use some good, strong critical advice on what to do with my dilema. I would truly appreciate anyone's input who has been in my shoes (male or female) but would really love to get a man's true point of view on what I am about to type out. But before I type the problem...let me give you a a little background info on me so you can analyze the situation clearly with enough facts to come up with a possible theories and/or solutions for my problem. Excuse me for writing out a long novel, but I read so many people's post and sometimes people leave out details, and it would be hard to give proper feedback, if they leave out certain specifics. I need advice and help, and I wanted to make sure that whomever took the time to read this, got the full 9 yards, so they could carefully analyze this for me, with as much information as needed. Again, thatnks for taking a moment in reading this and helping out. About Me: I am a female. I am 32 years old. I have been out of the dating seen for almost 2/12 years now. The reason I stopped dating was because I really needed a break from my friends whom only cared about hitting the clubs and doing nothing with their lives. I have goals that I would like to pursue and I am independent. I work very hard for everything I have. Compared to my female counterparts, I can honestly say we attract the same out of men. No one person in my female group gets more men than another female. Everything is equal. The only problem I have, is that I have never been that good at keeping a man. I only had 1 boyfriend, and less than 2-3 short-term serious relationships. My girlfriends on the other hand, can hold relationships for 12 months or longer. But while they are holding the relationships, they are dealing with all the usual bs: cheating, fighthing, lying, and everything else that goes with the dating scene. I on the otherhand, can attract the quality people, maintain long-standing friendships but nothing more than that. My male friends tell me I am to nice of a person. And they are right. I do right by others and treat people with honesty and respect. I do not play mind games and I tell it like it is. I rather be single and happy then in a relationship that has no substance. In addition, to be giving up dating, I also gave up 95% of my social life. I concentrated on work. Yes, perhaps I was working a lot to take the load of my shoulders of worrying about being burned or hurt again by some jerk who did not appreciate a decent woman. The few times I go out, yes,.....I still have the charisma and charm to attract the males as in the past, but I never go out of my way to take phone numbers anymore and I never make the effort to iniate the dates. I just honestly tell men I am not interested and that I am concentrating on work and making a life for myself. I am not some boring person, I just wanted to follow the goals I set for myself that my other friends were keeping me from achieving. I still get asked out a lot but have not made the attempt to accept any dates. But I am still friends with the few men I have met but NO MORE THAN THAT. So that is the basis of what of I wanted to underline for what help and advice I need on. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- My Story-The Beginning: Approximately 6 weeks ago, I was shopping in the grocery store. I was over near the fresh cheese and meats section. I was deciding on which cheese to buy when some guy asked me if I was the girl from the local gym. I said yes. I was not dressed all that great, my hair was not even really combed, but when I looked at this guy, he sorta caught my eye. He is not all that good-looking by my friend's standard but to me, he was. But I did not let this show. (I guess he caugh me off guard, as one migh say). While he was preparing my cheese for me, we had a nice small 15 minute chit chat. Nothing special in the conversation except to say that he was glad he met me in person. I was about to leave and he asked for my number. For some unknown reason, I just gave it to him. Something I never do. But I did. He said he would call sometime and maybe try to get together. I said fine and went about my way. I came home about 45 mins. later, thinking nothing of the meeting and he called me. I was surprised because I did not expect it. (And yes, I did have a smile on my face but I made nothing out of it, I thought it was nice). He left a message saying that he would call me later in the week to chat. This was on a Tuesday. Thursday he called and we had a nice conversation. He did not ask me out but said he would call again. This is how it was for us for the next 3 1/2 weeks. Please note I never bothered to call him one time during this time. Remember, I was not really big on guys at this point, so I did not take it seriously. In addition, I also remembered how the old me use to be crazy with the phone and would call a guy a 100 times a day...a big no-no. So....this time around, in my sub-conscious....I think I wanted to play by the rules for once. So, this guy called me every other day for literally 31/2 weeks. Each conversation was really nice and brief. (I made sure I ended the conversation first and not him). During the 1/2 week he finally asked if could get together. (Before that, it was impossible for us to get together for he was studying for his Series 7 and working in the evenings.) Unfortunately, the times he had availbable did not match mine, but he said one way or another we would get together. That day finally came. The week before Labor Day weekend he called me on Tuesday to see if I would be free on Friday to hang out. I said I was free. He called me again on Wednesday to confirm and three times on Friday. When the Friday before Labor Day rolled around he called me, I was starting to feel a bit nervous. I know this is such a stupid reason, but I nervous about meeting and hanging out with a guy, for it had been over 2 years, and I knew I was not good at this. He did not know this of course, but I was afraid to actually hang out with this guy for fear it would be great but later to turn out to be another sad love song, if you know what I mean. So, when he called the 3rd time, I told him I was not sure if I was ready to come over yet. But he kept insisting. During the 3rd call, he said if I changed my mind to come between 4:30-6:30 pm, for he had to take care of some things with his father. I said I would let him know. At 5:00pm, I finally got the courage to go meet him (he lived only 10 minutes from me) and I called to let him know I was coming. He was happy. I arrived at 5:15 pm and left at 6:00pm, remembering in the back of my head to make sure to leave first without him rushing me out of the door. I knew he had other plans that evening. Well....the short time I was there, I was a bit nervous, (thank goodness it did not show) and I had fun. I met one of his 2 roomates and we all hung out. It really was a good time. We just all sat around and talked about the news and music and etc...., so, as I walking out the door, he gave me a kiss on the cheek and said he would call me later after Labor Day weekend to get together again. I said great...and went home. I got home at 6:15 pm, and at 6:30 pm, I receieved a phone call. It was him. I was again surprised. He called to tell me that he was happy that came over and that he was looking forward to seeing me again. He also mentioned that he thought I looked really nice that day. That was all he said in like 1 minute. I did not know what to expect, but I will be honest say this guy had my cheeks turning red. For the first time, I felt this slight warmness in my heart that I thought I would never feel again. No....I am not talking about love, but just a nice feeling that something nice was happening for me in the romance department. So, I went about and did my things over the Labor Day weekend. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Monday, the day of Labor Day, I called him to say that I hoped his weekend with his father and other family members went well and that I looked forward to seeing him later in the week. Note, this was my only 2nd time calling him. He called me back on Tuesday to make plans for Thursday of that week after Labor Day. He called me on Tues, Wed and Thursday. Thursday was the 8th of September. On Thursday afternoon, I was home for a vacation day and my good friend had to come over to use my computer for her's was broken. She is a good friend and she moved from my hometown up north. So, I rarely ever saw her. She had to use my computer for business/personal purposes so she wanted to spend the evening with me. I told her I had plans with this guy, but I would ask him to see if he had a friend or his roomate that might want to go out and go to the local pub, since is was football games would be playing. So, when the guy called me, I told him what was up and he said it was a great idea to bring my friend along, for one of his roommates was having company over and he and his other roommate did not want to be at home. So we all agreed to meet at the local pub. When I got there, he was with the 3rd roommate, the one I never met and another friend whom he knew from the grocery store. I already saw he had ordered drinks, so my friend and I bought our own drinks. (And no, I was not expecting him to buy my drink, I was not like that, I did think that maybe he would offer, but he did not, and I did not think anything bad of it.). So, when we sat down and did all the introductions, everyone was really having a good time. After being there about 15 mins, the guy took my hand in his and held it. I do not mean he held my hand, but he intwinded both of our fingers. I thought it was sweet. Oh, I forgot to mention, I am not a big drinker, either, I had 1 beer that I did not even bother to finish. My friend ordered a long island ice tea, her usual drink but what i did not know what that she ordered it super strong. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Now here comes the problem. Everyone was having fun and me and my friend went to the ladies room. She gave me a thumbs up on the guy and said she thought I might have found myself a winner. She said his friends were nice. She only said she thought it was odd he did not offer to buy a drink and I said it was not that big of a deal to me. She said, well, if he get another pitcher and does not offer, to keep that in mind, that he might be cheap. I told her...yeah....yeah....for I know how she is when it comes to men being cheap. So, we went back out and like she said, they ordered another round of drinks, without asking us if we wanted anything. So, my friend ordered another drink. The same as before. This time when I sat down, the guy that I like took my hand was tickling the palms of hand. I have to admit, it was a bit of a turn-on, but I kept a hidden smile but I was getting warm. Then his roommate got this phone call about a job offer to play guitar so we all celebrated that his hard work paid off. My friend then, decided to call this other girl who lives in my town (whom I really do not care for) over to hang out. It turns out the 3rd girl knew the friend of the roommates. She came to the bar and bought my friend and herself a drink. Then things started to happen. While we were all having fun, and the guy I like kept holding my hand and kissing me on the shoulder (everyone thought it was cute) , my friend started dancing. Now, my friend hates to dance. In fact she is sooo not into dancing that it takes her literally more than 7-8 drinks to get a slight buzz to start dancing. But this was not dancing, she was swaying around and "thumping" people on the head. The guys laughed thinking she was enjoying herself but I knew better. This was going to be trouble. After we took some group pics, I told my friend to calm down for she was getting loud and making a fool of herself. She told me she was having fun. I told her this is not like you, I think that your drink was maybe to strong. She told me and everyone else that she asked for them to make it strong. The guys tooks a sip of her drink earlier and told me it was pretty strong. Still, I told her to calm down for she was making a scene and it was not becoming. So, the guy that I like, his roommate told us to bring the party back to their place and we did. When got back to the apartment, the other roommate whom I met a week earlier was there came up and greeted with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. After doing another round of introductions we all headed to the babysit and hung out. They all drank, but no one was buzzed except my friend, whom I told her not to drink anymore. She would not listen. She started to get up and dance and everyone was having fun. The 3rd girl was sitting on the staircase not par-taking in the fun. (She was actually on the phone with her boyfriend, and finally I told her to leave.) I told her it was rude to come over if she was gong to sit on the phone all nite and not be part of the group. I told her no one was hooking up here, all was innocent and it was making look bad that she acted liked she did not like them. So, she left still jabbing on the phone. I went upstairs to get some water and the guy I liked followed me and he gave me a kiss....a real actual kiss and it was nice. And then we just kissed on and off and were just hugging eachother. I told him I apologize for my friend's behavior and her friend's anit-social behavior. He said no need to say sorry, it was the alcohol talking. He was just glad I was there. So, we both went back to the basement and we both saw my girlfriend dancing a wilder than ever. Then I his roommate (the one who plays guitar and that got the record deal) was about to play a song for us, because my friend and I asked him earlier to play and my friend shot her mouth off. And when I say she shot her mouth off, I am not saying she was like drunk and laughing when she asked him not to play, she litterally screamed at the top of her lungs with every profanity in the book, telling him shut up and saying that "i don't want to hear that blank and blank, who gives a blank and blank about ur guitar playing",..I wanna hear some real music". I was stunned. The guys just laughed.....but I did not find it funny and neither did his roommate. In fact, his roommate walked out of the room. I told everyone she did not mean it, and I told her to sit down and to shut up. I went to say something to the roommate. Now, the roommate only had 2 beers, so he was by no means drunk. I told him, how sorry I was for my friend's outburst, and I said do not hate on her, she is drunk. He said he knew she was drunk, but it was really rude. He told me that I was cool, and that my friend was really cool, but she wrong for saying that. (I think he was interested in her earlier, for they wer getting along quite well at the bar). We both went back to the basement. My friend continued to spout her mouth off and I told her to get her act together and apologize or that we would be leaving. She said half-heartedly she was sorry. Then next thing you know, she was throwing up. And guess who helped her out......yep...the roommate whome she screamed at. I was trying to help get her to the bathroom, but the roommate told me to hang with the guy I liked, for he liked me, and that he would take care of my friend. Again, he said he was not mad at her, and he would watch her. So, I took the cup she gagged in to the kitchen to clean up, but he came after me and said he would clean it and that it was okay. I thought what a real nice guy. So, I was in the other room upstairs with the guy I like, while my friend was in the bathroom gagging. All of us checked on her, borught her seltzer, water, bread to soak up the alcohol and a pillow. We told her to stay in there until she got as much as she could out of her system. The guy and I continued chatting in the room. Note, that while we were kissing on and off, her NEVER ONCE, triend to sex me in any way or by any means. His hands never went to places it should not be going and when he kissed me, he aways cup my face in his hands. He never tried to go up my shirt or down my pants. Once again, I told him how bad I felt how the evening turned out and that I hoped he would not judge me based on my friend's behavior. He told me he knew she was drunk and would never judge me or her. I said are you being completely honest, because if are going to get know one another and become better friends, then I need to beleive that I can trust you to always be honest and forthright with me and to be open with me about anthing....basically...be communicative. He told me that he liked me very much and enjoyed my company and that he wanted to see this Sunday. He went on further to comment, that had the situation been beem being drunk, that honestly, he would make sure I was taken care of and that I got home safe, but after that, he would probally not ever speak with me again. I said, you really mean that and why? He said, ( he is 25 yrs. old) ....that when he was in high school and in college, he admittedly played the field. He said it is so easy to get sex. But he said he does not want that. He just started this new job and he wants things in his life to be better. He does not have time for games and people who are materialistic. He told me he liked me for me. He said, that everyone here at the apartment are adults. He said that everyone is entitled to have fun and even get drunk. But he says, everyone has a limit. He said that at the bar, my friend admitted openly to everyone that she had them mixed the drinks stronger, and yet she ordered to more. He said she knew what she was doing but did not care to take a step back. He said he does not like that in people. He told me, if you know the drink is way to strong, then one should be enough, but my friend ordered more. He said that if I had done the same thing, he would of lost respect for me. He said if I ever saw you out, that he would still say hello, but nothing more would come of it. But he said, because he saw I was looking after my friend (she ended up gagging on the carpet and me and the other roommates cleaned up the mess-I was so humilitated).......he knew I was not like that. He said he does not judge me and he would not hold it against my friend. He just felt it was not cool for her loud mouth, but he did not want to feel it was my fault. I told him, I appreciated his opinion and glad he was honest with me. He asked me for my opinion. I told him, I would feel the same as him, had it been him, but with one exception. I told him, I would not walk away from you because of one incident. I told him I would give him the second chance, but I clearly understood where he was coming from. We kissed some more. He is such a great kisser. So, after my girlfriend gagged on the carpet and it was cleaned up, we started to leave. Both his roommates came up to me and gave me a hug and kiss on the cheek. They said to me in front of the guy that I liked, that I was good with them, and that they liked me and hoped to see me again. The guy I liked walked me and my friend to the car. My friend was still acting stupid and I say bye to him and was about to open my side of the door, when he grabbed me around the waist and pulled me in for a long kiss. Then we went off to front of the car, so we could keep an eye on my friend, who was talking to herself, and he said that he would call me over the weekend to see if I was free on Sunday, which was the Sept. 11th. He told me he had a good time, despite my friend. He said again, how much he liked me and that this Sunday, we would be alone.....which is something we have not been able to do. Now, note, I said he mentioned about "getting" together on Sunday....so these were tentative plans, nothing was set in stone. Please take note of this, when analyzing all of this. Then we kissed some more, and I went home. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- We got home and I let my friend have it. I told her how much she truly embarrassed me and herself in front of everyone. She told me to get over it., I said for her that she has no idea how ridiculous she looked that evening and that she made a bad impression on everyone. I told her half-azzed apology was of no help. I told her it was very rude how she yelled at his roommate after he found about the record deal and you turn around an cut him to pieces. I also told her, if I never here from this guy because you, I would never be able to forgive her for this. I said you are my friend, but tonight, you showed ur true colors. I told her I have seen u acted this in the past, but never when there some guy I liked was involved. I told how much she made me upset and I was trying to cover her tracks. She told me she was sorry...(yeah..okay)...and she said if he never calls me again,.......then he is a real jerk. She said it would be messed on his part if he does not talk with me anymore because of her (which is right) because I was innocent. She also said that he was very cheap that he did not offer to buy us a drink. I told her get off the guy's always having to buy a drink thing. I told her that was not the issue here. I told her behaviour was rude, embarrassing and out of control. I said, has it ever occurred to you, that people tend to view other people by the what types of freinds you hang with. She ignored that question. My aunt always told me to hang out around people who brought out the best in me and to be surrounded my positive people and not people who are always negative and have no lives. I think she is right. My friend just laughed at me...and told me to get over it. She ended up passing out. I went to bed......pondering those thoughts.....WILL I EVER HEAR FROM HIM AGAIN???? ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Weekend and Aftermath: So......Friday afternoon, after things got back to normal, my friend said she was sorry. She said if she sees them again....she will tell them how bad she feels and that she never meant to get that out-of-hand. I told her honestly, I think they will never let me have you come over anytime soon., She said, if this guy truly likes me, he will get a hold of me, and if he does not, and if I were to find out it was because of her, then he is not worth it. Then she said he was a coward. She said only cowards hide in the closet. She said do you really want that in a realationship or friendship, no matter what level it is? She said, she really does not think it has to do with her, but he that maybe he is playing me. She said, has it ever occured to me that maybe he is seeing a few girls at the same time. Maybe he has a girlfriend and has not been completely upfront. I told her, to my best of my knowledge, that he is single and he gave me no reason otherwise to not think so. She said, keep that mind. She said give him a call at lunch time. I did. I called to say hi and to make sure he got to work on time. I told him I had great time last night and that I LOOKED "forward" to this Sunday, if we he was free. Well....Sunday came and went. I had to run the city for business for work, and I only called 2 times on Sunday, which was the 11th. I called the first time on my way into the city on the bus, this was at 12:00 pm....to tell him I would be back around 4 pm and to get a hold of me to let me know what was going on. I ended coming home at 6:30pm. The second time I called was at 5:15pm.....being that I did not get any messages from him, saying I was on my way home and was wondering if something came up and to let me know, and maybe we could do something later in the week. NOTICE ......I never once said, "hey, we had plans"...what is going on"....I was careful in voicing my words. I never called after that. Today is Tuesday, Sept. 13th. I can honestly tell you I am a bit disappointed and sad. But I am confused because I do not understand who, what, where, when and why? I feel that I was made a fool of, not only by friend who embarrassed everyone and herself and me, but by the guy I like. I honestly believed with all my heart and based on what I knew about him, that he was the kind of person, that would of least called me back if something came up. I am not an angry person nor do I get jeolous. I do not like being kept in the dark. I rather for someone to be upfront with me and tell me the truth, good or bad..............so, I am a bit surprised....that he did not neither....... I am personally giving it till the end of the week. If I do not hear from him, I will call one last time in the eveing....say, like this Thursday, Sept. 15th. I will call in the evening, when I think he will be home right before he goes to bed. If he answers, great if we can talk. If he does not pick up the phone, I will leave my last message. If after that, nothing happens, I know he was not worth my time. At least, I will have prepared myself to cushion the blow a bit. I know I am a sensitive person. Is is alright to go about in this manner? I am not into chasing people. Another thing.........for the first time in a long time......I am feeling that '"pang" of disappointment in my heart. I feel like I did something but I know I did not. I feel like "why is this happening to me, again",,,,,,I played by the rules, I did not over call nor over step any boundaries...that I am aware of....so here are my questions: Questions: 1. Could this guy be playing me for the fool? 2. Could this guy be avoiding me or blowing me off, based on the actions of my friends's rude behavior? 3. Did he lose interest for some other reason, that I am completely unaware of? 4. Is he playing hard to get? 5. Did I do something wrong? 6. Could it be, he and his roommates told me one thing, but when I left, they got a chance to conversed, and saw how my friend acted, and maybe his roommates think all my friends act like this, and out of respect for them, since he has to live with them, that he avoiding me because of them? 7. Do you think he will call me again? 8. Last but not least, am I being PARANOID over nothing???? Any help or advice would be much appreciated. I do like this guy. I know he is not my lover or boyfriend. I know we are still in the acquaintance stage. I am aware of all this. I just feel sorta empty...I meet someone good and something good happens for me, then something comes along and takes it away, out of my control.........so yeah....it does hurt a bit............... Thanks, Everyone! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
kitkat826 Posted September 15, 2005 Posted September 15, 2005 I will be honest, I did not read more than a half paragraph of your post. But looking at the questions at the end, I would say to due to experience (both mine and that of the other members here) that one or more of #1 through #4 are probably true, and that #8 is definitely true. Any guy that makes you write a post that long and has you stressed in such little time isn't worth it.
Merin Posted September 15, 2005 Posted September 15, 2005 1. Could this guy be playing me for the fool? I don't see this as him playing you for a fool.. you did nothing wrong or foolish. 2. Could this guy be avoiding me or blowing me off, based on the actions of my friends's rude behavior? He could be avoiding you or blowing you off, BUT I doubt very much it was based on your Friends behaviour.. IME when a Guy likes you even if your Girlfriend(s) are puking all over and making a'holes of themselves IF that Guy is really interested in you, then he's just glad you're not the one who was acting like that. 3. Did he lose interest for some other reason, that I am completely unaware of? Honestly.. could be for some reason you're not aware of.. he DID tell you that he "used" to play the field a lot right? IMO if he was bold enough to ask for your number at the grocery store, who's to say he didn't ask for someone else's as well? 4. Is he playing hard to get? Hmm.. Well I wouldn't say he's playing hard to get.. I would lean more towards he isn't looking for more than a casual date and perhaps he got the impression from you that you're looking for more. 5. Did I do something wrong? No you didn't do anything wrong.. I do think you went a little overboard in apologizing for your Friend... not to say you shouldn't have said you were sorry for her behaviour at all.. but IMO you took more responsibility for her than you needed to, or should've. 6. Could it be, he and his roommates told me one thing, but when I left, they got a chance to conversed, and saw how my friend acted, and maybe his roommates think all my friends act like this, and out of respect for them, since he has to live with them, that he avoiding me because of them? I'm sure him and his roomies did talk after you left.. but again NO I don't think his friends told him not to see you anymore because you have an obnoxious friend when she's drinking.. AND I'll also mention that IF this Guy would NOT see you anymore because his friends said he shouldn't, then this isn't a Guy you'd probably want anyway.. kind of like you NOT allowing your Friend to decide IF this Guy is cheap or whatever... see what I'm saying? 7. Do you think he will call me again? Hard to say.. when you've left him a couple of messages and he has NOT returned them, I would say his interest level isn't great.. again this isn't because of something you did or your friend.. could be that he simply changed his mind or decided there wasn't chemistry... or decided he probably wasn't going to get any... 8. Last but not least, am I being PARANOID over nothing???? I think your worrying yourself sick over someone you've just met.. I know you've gone over all the possibles as to why he hasn't called and worried you've done something or your friend has damaged your chances here... BUT honestly IMO maybe this Guy isn't all you thought he was/is.. IMO his not returning your calls is rude and I don't care IF he is your BF or your Lover.. he is suppose to be at least a New Friend right? you don't treat someone that way ESPECIALLY when you're first trying to get to know them and make a good impression. I actually DID read your whole thread and you sound like a Girl who's got her head on straight... I just think you're so worried about getting hurt again or things not working out that rather than take a chance sometimes you withdraw out of fear... there is no way of knowing IF a relationship will work out or not UNLESS you try. When you meet someone you like, then good to go.. give them a chance BUT if you start to see behaviour that is UNACCEPTABLE to you, cut it off, don't invest more time or energy into it and shrug it off as he just wasn't the one for you.. and thats okay it doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you. My feeling is... DON'T call him again. He knows where you live, he knows where you work out, hell he even knows where you shop! Make him work for it a little and if he doesn't want to, his loss. Hang in there
orionstar Posted September 15, 2005 Posted September 15, 2005 Thanks for the respones. TO the One who left the last reply...thanks so much. I actually feel better getting someone else's point of view. I did not mean to write so much...I am not good at those things...but you pointed out some things that I did not see myself. No...he has not called and I am taking a break from my friend. Right now...honestly.....they both make me ill....I am starting to think that they deserve eachother. One is rude, manipulitave and embarrassing with no conscience for her actions and the other is a coward. but you pointed out something that I will remember for future use. You said he was "bold" enough to get my number at the grocery store, who is to say he does not get a lot of numbers.....never thought of that one. Good thing I wrote the whole "novel" out...because you pointed this out. I posted on some other forums with good insight...but not like the one you pointed out. I always say you need to get as much info as u can from the information and evidence that is provided right in front of you. I feel so naive...........darn. Thanks again.! =0)
bellaD Posted September 16, 2005 Posted September 16, 2005 DO NOT CALL HIM!!!! LET HIM CALL YOU!!!!if he doesnt, then it wasn't meant to be. Don't chase someone who doesnt want to call or pick up or return your phone calls!!
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