aviva_dawn Posted September 14, 2005 Posted September 14, 2005 I am in college and have met a nice guy who I've become very close to in the last two weeks. (Platonic relationship, no romance or lust involved at all.) He happily told his gf that he had met a nice girlpal at school and she gave him "an evil look". I have no romantic interest in this guy and he is madly in love with his gf (whom I'd like to meet, as I've already met some of their other roommates.) AND I am happily attached myself. We are in the same Algebra class and sit next to each other, helping the other with alebra, talking before and after class. We have a lot in common and have had similar experiences while growing up. This is my question to you all: Why is it when an attached person meets a friend of the opposite sex, the SO of one of the people in the friendship becomes suspicious, even when there is NOTHING going on now and there will be NOTHING in a non-platonic sense going on ever?
LucreziaBorgia Posted September 14, 2005 Posted September 14, 2005 Because nine times out of ten, with opposite sex friendships - attraction plays a role, or will eventually on either one side or the other. Its not mistrust of you specifically, so much as it is mistrust of the situation. I would wager that this guy's g/f will probably never completely trust the situation, and it will cause problems in their relationship.
lost_in_chgo Posted September 14, 2005 Posted September 14, 2005 The "platonic" relationship is disrespectful of their relationship. Have you told your BF about him? You didn't say "a guy I know" you said "a guy who I've become very close to". That's significant too.
RainyDayWoman Posted September 14, 2005 Posted September 14, 2005 The "platonic" relationship is disrespectful of their relationship. Have you told your BF about him? You didn't say "a guy I know" you said "a guy who I've become very close to". That's significant too. how old are you guys? i have the same kind of situation (opposite sex friends from school). i feel nothing for these boys, they're just my friends, we all have significant others. we would not be associated except that we have school in common. the fact that i am 25 and in a serious relationship may have something to do with it also. i've known these people for over a year and it has remained and will remain platonic...there's just no attraction in that way. however, my boyfriend doesn't have a problem with it because i am honest with him about everything else, i give him no reason not to trust me otherwise....and the big one is this...i don''t have ONE particular friend who happens to be a guy that i "got very close to" and talk about to him on a regular basis. it's always "my friends this, my friends that." and he knows it includes girls as well, including some of their girlfriends who also go to school with us. i have all kinds of friends, and guys just happen to be some of them. i don't ever go on and on about one specific guy and make him a focus in my life to my boyfriend. maybe your friend has an attraction to you that you don't even know about, may never know about, and as much he may be hiding it from his girlfriend, he could be giving it away by always bringing up your name in conversations to her. or, she's just jealous. it probably makes her uncomfortable...you've gotten very "close to him" in TWO WEEKS, you've met their other roommates and they've met you. you're obviously a well-known subject in your new friend's relationship right now. i think that would make any one uncomfortable, even if they still trusted their significant other. you're considered a "threat" and you can't really blame her. or, as LB said, it's because very often these friendships change into something more...for one or both people. i second the question...does your boyfriend know? and how does he feel about it?
Author aviva_dawn Posted September 14, 2005 Author Posted September 14, 2005 My bf knows, and he doesn't care a bit. (Especially because he knows that all save one of my friends is male....and I haven't had the least bit of romantic feeling for any of them.....) So, are you guys saying that I should cut off the friendship so that their relationship isn't disrupted? I may do this, because I'm not the type who wants to continue any issues that my behavior has started. Yes, this guy has become very close to me. I never say " a guy that I know". I have friends and associates, and if one of them isn't a casual "hi,bye" friend, I normally say " guy that I've gotten close to..." if I feel comfortable to tell this person about some things about myself that I wouldn't tell a "guy that I know" and also if whoever I am speaking to about the friendship (in this case all of you.) would have no idea what the friendship would mean if I simply said "a guy that I know". My friend is 23. I am 21. His gf is 25. My bf is 29.
RainyDayWoman Posted September 14, 2005 Posted September 14, 2005 My bf knows, and he doesn't care a bit. (Especially because he knows that all save one of my friends is male....and I haven't had the least bit of romantic feeling for any of them.....) So, are you guys saying that I should cut off the friendship so that their relationship isn't disrupted? I may do this, because I'm not the type who wants to continue any issues that my behavior has started. well, i don't think it would be fair to you to have to cut him off completely...that would be his job to do in respect for her in he valued their relationship and it actually came to the point of him choosing. he is still your friend. but maybe remind him that he should make it clear to his girlfriend that you're only his friend. as long as you don't do anything to get inbetween them, (REALLY don't do anything) the status of the trust in their relationship isn't your problem, or your responsibility. it's between them.
Author aviva_dawn Posted September 14, 2005 Author Posted September 14, 2005 well, i don't think it would be fair to you to have to cut him off completely...that would be his job to do in respect for her in he valued their relationship and it actually came to the point of him choosing. he is still your friend. but maybe remind him that he should make it clear to his girlfriend that you're only his friend. as long as you don't do anything to get inbetween them, (REALLY don't do anything) the status of the trust in their relationship isn't your problem, or your responsibility. it's between them.[/QUOTE] I told him that this morning and he says that he'll make this clear to his GF. I have no intention of getting in between anyone's relationship, let alone the one that my friend is in.
RainyDayWoman Posted September 15, 2005 Posted September 15, 2005 well, i don't think it would be fair to you to have to cut him off completely...that would be his job to do in respect for her in he valued their relationship and it actually came to the point of him choosing. he is still your friend. but maybe remind him that he should make it clear to his girlfriend that you're only his friend. as long as you don't do anything to get inbetween them, (REALLY don't do anything) the status of the trust in their relationship isn't your problem, or your responsibility. it's between them.[/QUOTE] I told him that this morning and he says that he'll make this clear to his GF. I have no intention of getting in between anyone's relationship, let alone the one that my friend is in. oh, i didn't think you were trying to do that. i was working for you, not against you.
housebaby Posted September 15, 2005 Posted September 15, 2005 I think the real issue here is the INSECURITY of the "girlfriend/boyfriend". If they were trusting people, there probably wouldn't be a problem. Maybe they have been decieved before? cheated on before? who knows! My best friends in this world are male. I mean, we can trust/depend on each other, share good times and bad, Openly talk about any issues we have, we are there for each other - and appreciate the time we spend together - there is a very strong bond that runs very deep. I think there is a common misconception that in a "platonic friendship" one person or both have alterior motives or an attraction to the other person. Untrue. Maybe for some people, but not everyone....there are exceptions to all rules. The difference in me is that I see people as people - regardless of gender/creed/religion/color, so maybe if more people were accepting of humans as that instead of their appearance - we would have less confusion.
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