My girlfriend doesn't trust me and I've done nothing wrong

[I'veseenbetterlol]

She showed up at my house today before I left for work. Still trying to negotiate with me. Telling me she knows she can do it and give her at least a little time. Crying her eyes out the whole time and I'm starting to feel really guilty about it. Shes trying to say I should at least try because I'm not giving her the opportunity to prove herself. If in a couple months i dont think it's going to work then call it quits. I'm trying to tell her that it's not going to help anything for her to stick around. The resentment I've already built up isnt going anywhere and if anything will get worse.

 

Shes still trying though. Any tips on how to handle this? I guess there is no easy way to do it?

 

She will not change, that kind of behavior takes time, a lot of time and effort on her part. Tell her to leave you alone and stop replying to all of her messages. Block her everywhere. Do not feel bad because she is mistreating you and that behavior will become abusive. She has had many opportunities to prove herself and just falls into the same patterns.

[jas098]

Another day of me feeling horrible.. but I think I found the root to her problems.

 

I know her dad has always been kind of a bad father. He buys her things yeah, but he puts her down a good bit. Not so much her mom but her and her mom do get into it sometimes. She ALWAYS takes up for them though after she tells me. It's weird because she loves them to death. She says that when they argue there is just no holding back. I've never seen it personally but I do know him and can see how maybe he could be like that. He obviously wouldn't do anything like that in front of me though if he actually does. For example: she's told me she started going to the gym because her dad forced her to go because he said she was fat. He tells her things like she's ugly, she's already ruined her life, etc. He has diabetes and she tells him he needs to eat better since he's always eating sweets and he gets mad at her.

 

She loves her parents so much though she always does great things for them. Looking back on everything you guys said.. I was thinking about maybe her childhood is really a big factor in this. She acts like it doesn't phase her much. It bothers her but she kind of brushes it off. I think now maybe she just hides the pain. I know some people who hate their parents because they were awful and are perfectly fine.. so I never thought about how much it could affect her until you guys mentioned childhood. I know her brothers said they don't come around anymore because they think their father is a bad dad.

 

She's been blowing my phone up everyday even though I told her stop. I feel like she guilt trips me a lot because it's always "you need to give us a chance, dont give up on us, do you love me?, why do you have to make me heartbroken? etc..". But today she told me she finally told her dad about us and apparently he told her he agrees with me, I deserve better, she deserves her HIV, and some other extreme stuff. Whether this is true or not idk.. but she isn't the type of person to make something up about somebody, especially her parents. She said she can't wait until she moves out.

 

She's telling me she has nobody to talk to because she can't even talk to her own parents. I told her I think her dad is a huge part of the reason the way she is. She said he is probably 75% of her problems and why her mind is so messed up. I tried to tell her talk to her cousin she is close to but she doesn't want to push her problems onto somebody else.

 

I feel even MORE guilty now because she has nobody. How do I go about handling this? I've stood my ground this entire past week.. but after hearing that I can't help but feel way way worse. I can't figure out how to approach this situation.

[newyorker11356]

Another day of me feeling horrible.. but I think I found the root to her problems.

 

I know her dad has always been kind of a bad father. He buys her things yeah, but he puts her down a good bit. Not so much her mom but her and her mom do get into it sometimes. She ALWAYS takes up for them though after she tells me. It's weird because she loves them to death. She says that when they argue there is just no holding back. I've never seen it personally but I do know him and can see how maybe he could be like that. He obviously wouldn't do anything like that in front of me though if he actually does. For example: she's told me she started going to the gym because her dad forced her to go because he said she was fat. He tells her things like she's ugly, she's already ruined her life, etc. He has diabetes and she tells him he needs to eat better since he's always eating sweets and he gets mad at her.

 

She loves her parents so much though she always does great things for them. Looking back on everything you guys said.. I was thinking about maybe her childhood is really a big factor in this. She acts like it doesn't phase her much. It bothers her but she kind of brushes it off. I think now maybe she just hides the pain. I know some people who hate their parents because they were awful and are perfectly fine.. so I never thought about how much it could affect her until you guys mentioned childhood. I know her brothers said they don't come around anymore because they think their father is a bad dad.

 

She's been blowing my phone up everyday even though I told her stop. I feel like she guilt trips me a lot because it's always "you need to give us a chance, dont give up on us, do you love me?, why do you have to make me heartbroken? etc..". But today she told me she finally told her dad about us and apparently he told her he agrees with me, I deserve better, she deserves her HIV, and some other extreme stuff. Whether this is true or not idk.. but she isn't the type of person to make something up about somebody, especially her parents. She said she can't wait until she moves out.

 

She's telling me she has nobody to talk to because she can't even talk to her own parents. I told her I think her dad is a huge part of the reason the way she is. She said he is probably 75% of her problems and why her mind is so messed up. I tried to tell her talk to her cousin she is close to but she doesn't want to push her problems onto somebody else.

 

I feel even MORE guilty now because she has nobody. How do I go about handling this? I've stood my ground this entire past week.. but after hearing that I can't help but feel way way worse. I can't figure out how to approach this situation.

 

It's normal to feel bad for her, don't hate yourself for that.

 

However, at the end of the day, her past isn't your fault. You can't change what happened, and for her to take it out on you isn't fair on your part. She needs massive therapy to overcome this, and could take months/years (if at all) for her to do so.

[olivetree]

Just to shed some light on this, she has anxious attachment style.

Look it up.