olivetree Posted December 19, 2018 Share Posted December 19, 2018 What are you looking for in a relationship OP? If you're looking for someone you can settle down with, who knows early on he sees a future with you, is totally smitten and wants to lock you down, who keeps communication consistently with you, even while he is away, who doesn't follow hot girls on social media, I'd say he's not the guy for you. And yes, men like this do exist. I think you need to decide what you want independent of other's opinions here and not settle for less than that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
I'veseenbetterlol Posted December 20, 2018 Share Posted December 20, 2018 Another date of no text from him. Last night his name did pop up in the "friend suggestion" on my instagram so i followed him (along with a few other people that were suggested to me). Woke up this morning to find that he requested to follow me back. So, no, he didn't NOT have internet. He still has his phone and has time to reply to internet notifications. He just doesn't want to contact me. This hurts. And i browsed his instagram a bit today. He did not post anything on it apparetly, but he does follow a bunch of LOCAL (ie in our city) instagram girls who constantly post photos flaunting their bodies and what not...and he liked a few of their photos too... And these girls look nothing like me. Most of them are blonde. I have black hair. All of them are thin and have well-defined assets. I am just your average nerdy girl who dresses very modestly... In the past, he has poked at my tummy fat many times and told me to go to the gym. I thought he was just teasing me in a playful way (you know, poking is playful), but i guess it was not fun afterall. My god, i am so hurt right now ☹️ He doesn't sound super interest. Him having internet and being active on social media, means he does have the ability to text you, he doesn't. Personally I'd be looking for another guy. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 20, 2018 Share Posted December 20, 2018 You would have been better served reaching out to him & texting him, being proactive rather than passively following him on IG. But since you are now hurt, protect yourself. Unfollow him, write this off & move along. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pc31 Posted January 7, 2019 Author Share Posted January 7, 2019 I just want to update everyone, and express my sadness a bit more.... So the guy extended his 2-week vacation to 3 weeks because according to him, there was nothing do in the office... I connected with him on instagram, like I mentioned earlier. and one time he liked one of my photos, so I used that as an excuse to reach out to him. We did text for a bit during the holidays. Very minimal though. And he did wish me happy holidays on both christmas and new years. But again, very minimal, and all the while, i continued seeing him liking and following new girls in bikinis on instagram. That said, he got back to our city yesterday (according to him), and he did reach out to me to let me know that he was back. We texted for a little bit, but he did not make any plan to meet up. Also last night, I noticed that he just updated his online dating profile with new photos (we met online). and this morning, continuing the trend, following new sexy girls on instagram. I am beyond disappointed at this point. I don't think I will bring up the exclusivity conversation at all, because clearly at this point, since he JUST updated his online dating profile, it is clear that he is not ready for any kind of commitment. Instead, I will propose that we continue dating/hanging out, but definitely cut back the sex, because sex was what messed my feelings up, and I will start seeing other people too. Questions: I'm wondering if I should verbalize these things with him, or just quietly do it? I'm wondering if I should also cut all the holding hands and kissing? If we do hang out, what is the line between casual dating and platonic friendship? Link to post Share on other sites
edgygirl Posted January 7, 2019 Share Posted January 7, 2019 (edited) Why would you continue dating a guy who is clearly looking for other women and only contacts you when it suits him? If you were merely wanting FWB, fine. But you like him and want a committed relationship. I know deep down you think you will "conquer" him with time and love, but I learned it's better to let go, break it up with dignity and be the one who got away instead of being... the doormat. Sorry for the harsh words, I just feel you have to protect your heart. I noticed that he just updated his online dating profile with new photos (we met online). and this morning, continuing the trend, following new sexy girls on instagram. Exclusivity??? He doesn't seem interested in that at all. Again, why continue dating someone who is not that into you? Do you really really think "cutting back on sex" will do it? Lost cause, sister. I don't think I will bring up the exclusivity conversation at all, because clearly at this point, since he JUST updated his online dating profile, it is clear that he is not ready for any kind of commitment. Instead, I will propose that we continue dating/hanging out, but definitely cut back the sex, because sex was what messed my feelings up, and I will start seeing other people too. Edited January 7, 2019 by edgygirl Link to post Share on other sites
AriesDude Posted January 7, 2019 Share Posted January 7, 2019 yea looking at everything i cant see a single inkling that he would really wanna be exclusive unless he doesnt get any attention on the dating sites anymore in which case you will see a sudden flow of messages from him again asking you to meet up... platonic friends my butt.... he will 1000% at some point ask you to "cuddle" again if you dont stop talking to him but yea your choice girl...either block his butt or expect 5-10+ years of mind numbing games where he is having fun and you are hurt as hell 24/7. i can promise you that. there are men out there that can treat you much nicer. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pc31 Posted January 7, 2019 Author Share Posted January 7, 2019 Fundamentally it is because i am also lonely and in need of having friends (i just moved to this city 3-4 months ago). I think without intimacy, we can be friends because he is a good person (who is just not into me). I will test it a little bit to see how i feel. I don't intend to be fwb. Link to post Share on other sites
olivetree Posted January 7, 2019 Share Posted January 7, 2019 I don't think a friendship would work. You're either going to be jealous of other women he spends time with, or if you get a bf, he's not going to be thrilled about you hanging out with a guy you slept with. So why invest in a friendship that is just going to cause issues or leave you with no one in the end? If you need friends, go make girl friends at meetups. You should just let this guy go altogether. He hasn't even made plans to see you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author pc31 Posted January 9, 2019 Author Share Posted January 9, 2019 (edited) Last night he messaged me making some small joke, but i ignored him, thinking that i would reply sometime tonight. But then today at noon, he sent another message asking if i would be available to get dinner with him today... Part of me wants to say yes because I havent seen him for 3.5 weeks and I miss him. But part of me wants to cut it off completely because i know how casual he still is. Rationally I know he is not wrong for updating his profile, or add girls on instagram, or text me sporadically, because we havent had the exclusive talk and we've only been hanging out for ~2 months (had sex 3 times) It is just me who got attached. I am bad at this casual game. I am afraid of being hurt. I kind of want to tell him all of these above, and stop at that, to see what he says. But i dont know if it is even worth it...sigh :/ Should i go to dinner with him and talk to him? Any advice? Edited January 9, 2019 by pc31 Link to post Share on other sites
olivetree Posted January 9, 2019 Share Posted January 9, 2019 (edited) It depends what you want. If you're okay with everything that has transpired, go for it. I don't think you are though. It doesn't matter if he's within his rights to have loads of monkey of sex with randos all over the place... if that's not what you want in a man, you should not accept it. Besides... if he sees he can get away with not putting in much effort and you'll still be there, his investment is going to be low. People want what they have to work hard for. I would not be interested in the type of man that adds a plethora of girls on Instagram, that barely kept in touch on vacation and that hasn't asked me to be his gf after 2 months. I would have lost interest/moved on a long time ago. I think next time you need to keep sex off the table till you've fully assessed what kind of man/relationship you want, because you seem to get easily attached and your judgement is clouded. Edited January 9, 2019 by olivetree 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author pc31 Posted February 1, 2019 Author Share Posted February 1, 2019 Can you guys please give me some perspective??? Details here: https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/675915-being-rejected-low-self-esteem Thank you. I am so devastated ((( Link to post Share on other sites
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