Author Mac0908 Posted December 18, 2018 Author Posted December 18, 2018 Thank you for explaining, your original comment came across quite harsh. I stand by my original thought that you need to wait till you meet someone before proposing a casual relationship. Just live and learn from this experience. Or I can try and redeem myself since what I did wasn’t what anyone would consider “bad”. Tired of living and learning. Thanks for understanding though.
Beachead Posted December 18, 2018 Posted December 18, 2018 (edited) Hey Mac, You didn't really make any mistakes here. The only thing is you're beginning to overthink because you're interested now. Keep in mind her actions aren't all about you. She has things going on in her life that impacts this that you may not know about with no way to know..and when all is said and done, you can only be the best you can be and hope that's enough. You asked if she wanted to meet twice now. She knows that. She also knows its now on her to get back to you. There's nothing else for you to do here. One thing I will point out is you didn't care whether you ended up with her or not in the beginning it reflected in your behaviour and your messages. Then, things went well and your interest climbed and with it, your anxiety and the fear of screwing up/being rejected. Ultimately, that has begun to translate into concern about trying to do right by her to win her. This will reflect in every message you send and every single thing you do in front of her. You need your mind to remain balanced so that you can remain your best self so that you can continue having good, sincere interactions with her or someone else. At the end of the day, women want a man who can live his life without them. Someone who can walk away. It's backwards and ironic, but its the truth. Especially in the beginning. So my advice to you is to immediately get back to not caring. You won't be able to do this by willpower. It'll have to be done by continuing to live life. Don't message her again unless she messages you. Continue to online date. Continue building yourself. Just continue. If she contacts you, you can certainly respond back. If she doesn't, believe that you gave it your best and you made no mistakes here. She simply wasn't meant to stick around and that had to do with things going on with her. - Beach Edited December 18, 2018 by Beachead
LoverOfDance Posted December 18, 2018 Posted December 18, 2018 @beachhead - Speaking as a woman, i'd say no, we do not want "someone who can walk away". You are getting it wrong. Women like confident men. This does not automatically translate to someone who can walk away whenever or someone who has so many options that they don't really care if you come or go. We simply want confident men. If you as a man can figure out and master confidence then you've seriously achieved something great. MANY men, including you beachead, do not know what true confidence means. True confidence is not aloofness or indifference. It is not cockiness and it is not arrogance. True confidence is a nice BALANCE of many things but balance is hard to achieve so I can understand why TRUE confidence is difficult to obtain. A confident man knows when to give a woman space and when to show affection. One thing that actually helps in the achievement of confidence, is being selfless. Do things that benefit her and never tell her. Don't force yourself into her life. If it seems like she needs space, give her space. Do things FOR her as opposed to trying to feed your ego or desires. If a woman doesn't seem to want you, let her be. Not because you think being aloof or indifferent will suddenly make her see the light. Let her be because you genuinely wish her the best. Continue on with your life. If she comes back, good. If she doesn't come back, still fine. You should be hoping that she is happy as opposed to hoping that she is happy with YOU. True confidence comes during those times in our lives when we are able to achieve inner balance. Fight for the things you want but force nothing. 1
Author Mac0908 Posted December 18, 2018 Author Posted December 18, 2018 @beachhead - Speaking as a woman, i'd say no, we do not want "someone who can walk away". You are getting it wrong. Women like confident men. This does not automatically translate to someone who can walk away whenever or someone who has so many options that they don't really care if you come or go. I think you took what he said in the wrong context. I think he meant more along the lines of a guy who can walk away and not wine about whatever the problem is to her. A guy who IS confident and can say go about his business without stressing (like i'm actually doing, lol) about his problems. It's more about a guy's confidence more than being able to actually legitimately "walk away".
Author Mac0908 Posted December 18, 2018 Author Posted December 18, 2018 (edited) Hey Mac, You didn't really make any mistakes here. The only thing is you're beginning to overthink because you're interested now. Keep in mind her actions aren't all about you. She has things going on in her life that impacts this that you may not know about with no way to know..and when all is said and done, you can only be the best you can be and hope that's enough. You asked if she wanted to meet twice now. She knows that. She also knows its now on her to get back to you. There's nothing else for you to do here. - Beach Thanks for the reply, Beach. I just hope you read the entire thing through with all my posts. I did end up trying to casually reach out to her once, on Sunday night. No response. Hard to feel like there was no mistakes involved on my part if she's pulling a legit ghost job. Personally I don't FEEL like I didn't anything horribly wrong, but the reality is I probably did. Edited December 18, 2018 by Mac0908
Beachead Posted December 19, 2018 Posted December 19, 2018 (edited) Thanks for the reply, Beach. I just hope you read the entire thing through with all my posts. I did end up trying to casually reach out to her once, on Sunday night. No response. Hard to feel like there was no mistakes involved on my part if she's pulling a legit ghost job. Personally I don't FEEL like I didn't anything horribly wrong, but the reality is I probably did. Well lets say you did make mistakes. Wouldn't someone worth it let it slide? It's not like you did something horrible or intentionally. Wouldn't they show respond back to you and let you know if something is going on in their life that is affecting their mood or communication? Wouldn't they atleast tell you they need a little space to sort something out in their life? And if they weren't interested at all, wouldn't they just tell you they aren't feeling it rather than ghosting you? Interested people or good people for that matter, are about solutions and moving forward. They are about communication and respect. They treat you like human beings. When they like you, all the doors are open. They want you to succeed with them so there's very little resistance. If they can't confirm on plans for a particular day, they'll return to you with an alternative date. They want to see you and talk to you often. They want to get to know you more. They laugh at your jokes and make time for you..and they certainly don't want to take risks by doing something that might negatively impact what what the two of you share...because they see something with you in the future. The responsibility of a successful relationship isn't solely your responsibility. You have no control over what baggage she brings into this, how she feels about what has happened to her in life. How she reacts to things. What she chooses to do as a result of it. Therefore, you shouldn't and cannot blame yourself. It's not your fault. This is on her as well as she is the other partner in this tango. She's needs to be giving as well. Take a step back from her, and get back to you. You have to bring your mind back to its balance. Give yourself a timeline that offers her the benefit of the doubt plus a little extra just for your conscious. Maybe wait 2 more weeks for example. If you hear nothing, delete her number. You waited long enough and deserve better. Something like that. But in the mean time, you keep on keeping on. - Beach Edited December 19, 2018 by Beachead
Author Mac0908 Posted December 19, 2018 Author Posted December 19, 2018 (edited) Well lets say you did make mistakes. Wouldn't someone worth it let it slide? It's not like you did something horrible or intentionally. Wouldn't they show respect back to you and let you know if something is going on in their life that is affecting their mood or communication? Wouldn't they atleast tell you they need a little space to sort something out in their life? And if they weren't interested at all, wouldn't they just tell you they aren't feeling it rather than ghosting you? Interested people or good people for that matter, are about solutions and moving forward. They are about communication and respect. They treat you like human beings. When they like you, all the doors are open. They want you to succeed with them so there's very little resistance. If they can't confirm on plans for a particular day, they'll return to you with an alternative date. They want to see you and talk to you often. They want to get to know you more. They laugh at your jokes and make time for you..and they certainly don't want to take risks by doing something that might negatively impact what what the two of you share...because they see something with you in the future. The responsibility of a successful relationship isn't solely your responsibility. You have no control over what baggage she brings into this, how she feels about what has happened to her in life. How she reacts to things. What she chooses to do as a result of it. Therefore, you shouldn't and cannot blame yourself. It's not your fault. This is on her as well as she is the other partner in this tango. She's needs to be giving as well. Take a step back from her, and get back to you. You have to bring your mind back to its balance. Give yourself a timeline that offers her the benefit of the doubt plus a little extra just for your conscious. Maybe wait 2 more weeks for example. If you hear nothing, delete her number. You waited long enough and deserve better. Something like that. But in the mean time, you keep on keeping on. - Beach Perfectly said IMHO. I know I didn't do anything horrible. Knew it from the start. The ghosting spoke volumes about her personality. And as "wrong" as I may have been for maybe making it seem like all I wanted was something sexual (even though I absolutely didn't and never even implied it or said it), I actually would never ever ghost someone, short of them being a straight up lunatic to me. Thanks man. Edited December 19, 2018 by Mac0908 1
Beachead Posted December 19, 2018 Posted December 19, 2018 (edited) @beachhead - Speaking as a woman, i'd say no, we do not want "someone who can walk away". You are getting it wrong. Women like confident men. This does not automatically translate to someone who can walk away whenever or someone who has so many options that they don't really care if you come or go. We simply want confident men. If you as a man can figure out and master confidence then you've seriously achieved something great. MANY men, including you beachead, do not know what true confidence means. True confidence is not aloofness or indifference. It is not cockiness and it is not arrogance. True confidence is a nice BALANCE of many things but balance is hard to achieve so I can understand why TRUE confidence is difficult to obtain. A confident man knows when to give a woman space and when to show affection. One thing that actually helps in the achievement of confidence, is being selfless. Do things that benefit her and never tell her. Don't force yourself into her life. If it seems like she needs space, give her space. Do things FOR her as opposed to trying to feed your ego or desires. If a woman doesn't seem to want you, let her be. Not because you think being aloof or indifferent will suddenly make her see the light. Let her be because you genuinely wish her the best. Continue on with your life. If she comes back, good. If she doesn't come back, still fine. You should be hoping that she is happy as opposed to hoping that she is happy with YOU. True confidence comes during those times in our lives when we are able to achieve inner balance. Fight for the things you want but force nothing. When I said women want men who can walk away, it implies they want confidence. It implies a man who can do this is confident. He who understand himself, knows what he has in his life, know what he wants in his life and is therefore able to establish his boundaries/limits so that if he is ever pushed to those limits/boundaries, he then knows it is time to walk. It doesn't mean it is easy for him. He hurts. He cries. But he respects himself and cares about his well being. Nobody will respect anyone who will devalue or disrespect themselves continuously, to be with them. This goes for both men and women. This isn't about games. I don't advocate that and I don't care for it. Read Mac0908's response to what you just wrote here and you will see that he understood my post just fine. Next time, ask for clarification before making assumptions. Thanks Edited December 19, 2018 by Beachead
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