Did I Really Screw This Up Badly?

[Mac0908]

If you have too much pride to pick up the phone, then wait for her to get back to you or move on.

 

Considering the fact that you are dating this girl casually, she has NOT ghosted you. In fact, i'm not sure you can actually ghost someone in a casual dating scenario. She can literally get back to you in 5 months and that SHOULD be fine because YOU ARE DATING CASUALLY.

 

I don't think you understand what casual dating is.

 

Feel free to wait around or miss out on a possibly good connection because of your pride.

 

This has nothing to do with pride. It's common sense. I texted her. I tried to communicate with her. Do you get that?

 

If you are so old school and hung up on this phone thing to the point where texting is some sort of irrelevant/fake means of communication to you, then no offense, but you're wrong.

 

In addition, I get where you are coming from with the whole "casual" and ghosting combo, but we were talking everyday for over a week. Now she didn't get back to me. That's called a ghost job. Doesn't matter how you want to slice it.

Edited December 17, 2018 by Mac0908

[Wallysbears]

Also, she's a single Mom and it is truly the busiest time of the year with school activities, holiday plans, etc.

 

She probably doesn't have a whole bunch of free time right now nor are there babysitters just readily available for an unplanned vague date night.

[Morello]

As others pointed out, you were not putting your best foot forward in this since the beginning.

 

I think that if you want to be valued by someone, you need to value them first. Most things you have done would make any normal woman think you're not that into her and just wants casual sex. I'm not sure your actions warrant a respectful reply or her letting you know that she doesn't want to date you anymore, regardless of having texted for a couple of weeks. You initiated it by suggesting casual sex only and confirmed this by inviting her to your place instead of suggesting a nice date. Had you acted like you were actually interested in her as a person from the beginning your chances (to keep dating or at least get a reply from her) would be much better. Actions speak louder than words.

 

It hasn't been even 2 days so maybe she's still just thinking before acting. She might be thinking whether she really wants to go ahead with this or not, to make an informed decision. It's not looking good though.

Edited December 17, 2018 by Morello

[smackie9]

This is the worse time of year to date. The kid is sick. Real difficult to get a sitter. She has her hands full. Plus the baby daddy is probably going to be around, so she wants to keep whatever you two have been up to, quiet. She probably didn't respond because it's going to be her telling you she real busy anyways. RELAX. You may hear from her after Christmas, which is fair IMO. You only had two dates, there's no obligation for her to communicate. Is it crappy? sure, you don't have to put up with it now do ya.

[LoverOfDance]

Op, SHE IS NOT TAKING YOU SERIOUSLY. That is all this is. The irony is that YOU asked for it.

 

Just FYI, i'm pretty sure that i'm younger than you.

 

Your ego is bruised but YOU brought this on yourself so how much can you really be mad at her?

 

If you don't want to call then just wait for her or move on. Nothing else you can do.

[Mac0908]

As others pointed out, you were not putting your best foot forward in this since the beginning.

 

I think that if you want to be valued by someone, you need to value them first. Most things you have done would make any normal woman think you're not that into her and just wants casual sex. I'm not sure your actions warrant a respectful reply or her letting you know that she doesn't want to date you anymore, regardless of having texted for a couple of weeks. You initiated it by suggesting casual sex only and confirmed this by inviting her to your place instead of suggesting a nice date. Had you acted like you were actually interested in her as a person from the beginning your chances (to keep dating or at least get a reply from her) would be much better. Actions speak louder than words.

 

It hasn't been even 2 days so maybe she's still just thinking before acting. She might be thinking whether she really wants to go ahead with this or not, to make an informed decision. It's not looking good though.

 

@morello If I do not hear from her by let's say, Thursday, do you think it would be a good idea to send one final short text saying how I hope she didn't get the wrong idea about me and that I actually really wanted to get to know her better? Or is a text like that better off being sent weeks down the road?

Edited December 17, 2018 by Mac0908

[olivetree]

If I do not hear from her by let's say, Thursday, do you think it would be a good idea to send one final short text saying how I hope she didn't get the wrong idea about me and that I actually really wanted to get to know her better? Or is a text like that better off being sent weeks down the road?

 

If you think ghosting is "disgusting" then it should be a dealbreaker.

So no, you shouldn't reach out at all.

 

Maybe the connection just wasn't as strong for her as it was for you anyway.

[Morello]

@morello If I do not hear from her by let's say, Thursday, do you think it would be a good idea to send one final short text saying how I hope she didn't get the wrong idea about me and that I actually really wanted to get to know her better? Or is a text like that better off being sent weeks down the road?

 

At this point I wouldn't do anything and just forget about her. If she contacts you, then reassess the situation.

 

She might be put off or just be busy. You don't know. Let her come to you when and if SHE finds appropriate. If she does, just act normal and ask her on a date again, that dinner you suggested. Ask her when is she free to go on a date with you. That will give you a clue of her level of interest.

 

Don't overthink this. The fact she's taking long to or might not reply is not a red flag given you gave this a 'casual' label to begin with.

[Mac0908]

At this point I wouldn't do anything and just forget about her. If she contacts you, then reassess the situation.

 

She might be put off or just be busy. You don't know. Let her come to you when and if SHE finds appropriate. If she does, just act normal and ask her on a date again, that dinner you suggested. Ask her when is she free to go on a date with you. That will give you a clue of her level of interest.

 

Don't overthink this. The fact she's taking long to or might not reply is not a red flag given you gave this a 'casual' label to begin with.

 

Thanks for your reply, but I just think you are misunderstanding the big picture here. The girl is clearly not interested anymore. Let's not be naive, she's not "busy". It's no coincidence that this is the first time she's never texted me back. She also doesn't work on Mondays.

 

I asked her to go out for dinner last week and she first said the dreaded "maybe" for a day next week and when I tried to put her on the spot about a day, she said to let me see about a babysitter situation and I never heard from her again. If in the event she does have a small % of interest level left in me and reaches back out, me putting her on the spot about the dinner probably wouldn't be a great idea in this scenario.

 

Don't you feel like it's almost at last resort time and I have to try and reverse this situation that I obviously messed up and went about wrong, etc?

Edited December 17, 2018 by Mac0908

[damni]

You put your cards on the table for casual dating. She decided that was okay. Then she either got a better offer from someone more relationship oriented, or changed her mind. So you got ghosted. You might hear back from her again if her other option doesn't work out, but don't hold your breath.

 

You didn't really do anything wrong.

 

Yep, agree. I bet she realised she did not want go through the casual route and another guy who is more relationship material popped up at the same time as you.

 

Single moms dont usually have time to date more than one man at a time, so something had to give and it was you.

 

Next time, dont tell a woman you want casual before you even meet them. How do you know? stop making pre assumptions about people.

[Morello]

Thanks for your reply, but I just think you are misunderstanding the big picture here. The girl is clearly not interested anymore. Let's not be naive, she's not "busy". It's no coincidence that this is the first time she's never texted me back. She also doesn't work on Mondays.

 

I asked her to go out for dinner last week and she first said the dreaded "maybe" for a day next week and when I tried to put her on the spot about a day, she said to let me see about a babysitter situation and I never heard from her again. If in the event she does have a small % of interest level left in me and reaches back out, me putting her on the spot about the dinner probably wouldn't be a great idea in this scenario.

 

Don't you feel like it's almost at last resort time and I have to try and reverse this situation that I obviously messed up and went about wrong, etc?

 

You obviously know your situation better than I do. But I don't agree with you.

 

I don't think interest is binary, 0 or 1. Yes or No. She is clearly not too interested at this point, that one is for sure, but that can change over time. That's why I'd wait for her to contact. When she does, set a date. This is not putting someone on the spot, but just acting confident that she wants to see you given she is contacting you. If she comes with another excuse, just tell her she should contact you when you she knows her schedule. Don't start a huge text exchange. Make her feel curious about you and want to go on a date.

 

To be honest, I sense a bit of an attitude from you that you almost expect it to go wrong. That you were already expecting it to fail even when things were going ok. When she shows little interest, you already jump the gun and think you messed up. You were thinking of sending her ANOTHER text when she ignored your last one. That's clingy behaviour and not confident.

 

Sometimes we need to just act confident. Wait for her to contact you and when she does, assume she wants to see you. Don't mention anything about the casual/sex situation. Just pretend everything is fine and she was just busy. Don't assume she's not interested. You have to assume that she is, because you're a catch and know your worth. And if she doesn't want to pursue further, it's her loss not yours.

 

You seem to be acting under a 'scarcity' assumption. A guy with options wouldn't be giving this woman another second of thought before she reaches out again. You might not have other options now but you surely need to act like you do. Women can sniff desperation from a big distance.

 

I do think you made some mistakes as pointed out earlier but there might be a way to still fix this if she contacts you. If not, just move on to the next one.

Edited December 17, 2018 by Morello

[Mac0908]

You obviously know your situation better than I do. But I don't agree with you.

 

I don't think interest is binary, 0 or 1. Yes or No. She is clearly not too interested at this point, that one is for sure, but that can change over time. That's why I'd wait for her to contact. When she does, set a date. This is not putting someone on the spot, but just acting confident that she wants to see you given she is contacting you. If she comes with another excuse, just tell her she should contact you when you she knows her schedule. Don't start a huge text exchange. Make her feel curious about you and want to go on a date.

 

To be honest, I sense a bit of an attitude from you that you almost expect it to go wrong. That you were already expecting it to fail even when things were going ok. When she shows little interest, you already jump the gun and think you messed up. You were thinking of sending her ANOTHER text when she ignored your last one. That's clingy behaviour and not confident.

 

Sometimes we need to just act confident. Wait for her to contact you and when she does, assume she wants to see you. Don't mention anything about the casual/sex situation. Just pretend everything is fine and she was just busy. Don't assume she's not interested. You have to assume that she is, because you're a catch and know your worth. And if she doesn't want to pursue further, it's her loss not yours.

 

You seem to be acting under a 'scarcity' assumption. A guy with options wouldn't be giving this woman another second of thought before she reaches out again. You might not have other options now but you surely need to act like you do. Women can sniff desperation from a big distance.

 

I wasn't looking to send this message today, but eventually.

 

Look, you do know your stuff though. I'll give you credit. I get the whole "Let her come to you" and "Be confident and just ask her out when she does" type of mentality. The only reason I viewed this situation as different is bc clearly I f-cked things up, so I felt(or feel) obligated to maybe set the record straight.

 

But fine, maybe I won't contact her. But my point and my bottom line is, if the reason she's no longer contacting me or wants to see me is bc she's not interested in the casual thing, then I don't see how and when or why she'd ever reach out in the future. You're asking me to play the waiting game when I think the odds are very low that works out.

 

Should I have more options and not give this a second thought? Yes, probably. But I liked her. Sue me. And yes, I admit I did have a negative mentality expecting it to go wrong, but only after she initially turned down my invite for her to come over with no counter. I don't think that was a bad "attitude" but more just some common sense. The girl set our first two dates in the blink of an eye. Then that completely changed. Thank you.

[olivetree]

You both participated in the first two dates being at home.

No it's not the greatest way to start out but you did try to recover by inviting her on a proper date.

 

Women get asked all of the time to come over for a home date before they are ready.

They simply decline or suggest a date out and if the guy is cool with it / takes the hint, then all is well (for now).

Women file it in the back of their minds but ultimately if you still show you really want to get to know them then that says you're not just after sex.

 

I think her interest isn't high enough that she didn't bother to give you the benefit of the doubt.

That could have been compounded by the fact that you didn't keep in touch while presuming she was trying to find a babysitter.

 

I agree that your behaviour was not so horrible that you should be chasing her now, and it will give off desperate vibes if you continue to contact her with no response.

 

If she wants to get in touch, she will know where to find you.

[smackie9]

OK you are getting whiny now. You are just assuming how she feels and it's getting your panties in a knot. Beating yourself up over it does nothing. Telling her you weren't expected to smash will make her even more suspicious, if that is her impression of the 3rd date. Dude just be kool. There is nothing you can do to make this better. If she has that in her head, there is nothing you can say that will change that.

 

 

My impression is, she's needing to take a step back to kool things down. Maybe she felt she had a loss of control, and wanted to make the right decision. But seriously now, if she is into you, with some time to think, maybe she will contact you again. BUT for now, you need not to push this any further.

[Mac0908]

OK you are getting whiny now. You are just assuming how she feels and it's getting your panties in a knot. Beating yourself up over it does nothing. Telling her you weren't expected to smash will make her even more suspicious, if that is her impression of the 3rd date. Dude just be kool. There is nothing you can do to make this better. If she has that in her head, there is nothing you can say that will change that.

 

 

My impression is, she's needing to take a step back to kool things down. Maybe she felt she had a loss of control, and wanted to make the right decision. But seriously now, if she is into you, with some time to think, maybe she will contact you again. BUT for now, you need not to push this any further.

 

Good post. Thanks.

[Lotsgoingon]

She also specifically tells me how she's "Ok" with casual dating and "I'm not looking to get married tomorrow"

 

OP, buried in your initial story about meeting this woman is the above line. Frankly, I did NOT read her statement above as saying she was really interested in casual dating.

 

By "casual," I assume you mean sex without exclusivity, sex without commitment, sex without a lot of promises to be around and be a supportive partner.

 

Look at her words ... I'm not looking to get married tomorrow ...

 

Here's the way I interpret her words: I AM interested in a serious relationship and ultimately in meeting someone I want to marry. But I don't want to pressure myself right now into a serious relationship. So I'm open to going out with you AT LEAST ONCE OR SO and I'll see how it goes and see how I feel.

 

Sure single moms get as horny as anyone else. But just imagine her kid got in trouble in school and she's really worried about him and doesn't feel good going out "casually" right now (which could easily be the case). She's not going to want to share her thinking with you because it's too revealing and intrusive for a "casual" relationship with a guy who apparently just wants to get into your pants.

 

Ironically your behavior--including your repeated statement to her that you could be understanding-- strikes me as the actions of a guy who is rushing way too quickly to find a girlfriend much more than the actions of a guy looking for a casual hookup.

 

My guess: she simply concluded that she doesn't have time or room in her life right now for casual hookups.

[Mac0908]

OP, buried in your initial story about meeting this woman is the above line. Frankly, I did NOT read her statement above as saying she was really interested in casual dating.

 

By "casual," I assume you mean sex without exclusivity, sex without commitment, sex without a lot of promises to be around and be a supportive partner.

 

Look at her words ... I'm not looking to get married tomorrow ...

 

Here's the way I interpret her words: I AM interested in a serious relationship and ultimately in meeting someone I want to marry. But I don't want to pressure myself right now into a serious relationship. So I'm open to going out with you AT LEAST ONCE OR SO and I'll see how it goes and see how I feel.

 

Sure single moms get as horny as anyone else. But just imagine her kid got in trouble in school and she's really worried about him and doesn't feel good going out "casually" right now (which could easily be the case). She's not going to want to share her thinking with you because it's too revealing and intrusive for a "casual" relationship with a guy who apparently just wants to get into your pants.

 

Ironically your behavior--including your repeated statement to her that you could be understanding-- strikes me as the actions of a guy who is rushing way too quickly to find a girlfriend much more than the actions of a guy looking for a casual hookup.

 

My guess: she simply concluded that she doesn't have time or room in her life right now for casual hookups.

 

Thanks for taking the time to read everything.

 

Look, I messed up. I know that. I said the "casual dating" thing to protect myself since I'm not big on dating single moms. I didn't want to give her the wrong idea that I'm some guy looking to jump into a relationship with her. Then it all came back to haunt me badly when I realized that I actually liked the girl and subsequently asked her to come over my place on a Friday night which to any level headed girl means sex which she obviously wasn't ready for with me. That being said, for what its worth, I never once told her I'm all about sex. I even offered to take her out to dinner after I saw she wasn't all about coming to my place for dinner. Guess the damage was done though in her mind.

 

But with regards to something being up in her life like her kid "being in trouble at school" or something, if she doesn't want to go out that's fine. But to ghost me? That's just plain rude IMO.

Edited December 17, 2018 by Mac0908

[Lotsgoingon]

Thanks for taking the time to read everything.

 

Look, I messed up. I know that. I said the "casual dating" thing to protect myself since I'm not big on dating single moms. I didn't want to give her the wrong idea that I'm some guy looking to jump into a relationship with her. Then it all came back to haunt me badly when I realized that I actually liked the girl and subsequently asked her to come over my place on a Friday night which to any level headed girl means sex which she obviously wasn't ready for with me. That being said, for what its worth, I never once told her I'm all about sex. I even offered to take her out to dinner after I saw she wasn't all about coming to my place for dinner. Guess the damage was done though in her mind.

 

But with regards to something being up in her life like her kid "being in trouble at school" or something, if she doesn't want to go out that's fine. But to ghost me? That's just plain rude IMO.

 

Actually you can invite a woman over without asking for sex or setting an expectation of sex. It takes some careful work and signaling ahead of time and a genuine desire NOT to sleep with someone right away. Trust me, I've met women I've liked that I really want to find out more about before I sleep with them. But that's another topic.

 

OP, we learn from experience. I think you were surprised at how much you liked her ... And it's understandable that you didn't adjust your strategy on the spot. That would have been really hard to do. As for ghosting ... in this situation, here's how I possibly see it. I think she's ghosting you ... as much to keep herself away from you as much as to keep you away from her.

 

Meaning I think she likes you ... and actually is quite tempted by your offer of the casual fling. But she's decided she can't "give in" to that for whatever reason. So to be sure she doesn't "give in" to your offer, she is ghosting you.

 

She doesn't trust that she could withstand talking to you directly and hold her ground and not head to bed with you. This is all a compliment to you, btw.

 

But relax ... not sure you did anything wrong ...

[preraph]

It's possible that it's just super hard to find a sitter for her and also that trying to date may be a wakeup call to her that it's not going to be easy because of the child. On top of which, I don't know if you actually saw the son, but it was a close call and much too soon and that ought to have spooked her. If he knew someone was there, he may have told his father and caused a big trainwreck and fighting. My guess is she realized it's going to be hard to date. Easiest is bringing the kid or her being home at her house, but it's too soon for that with the kid. On the other hand, of course she wants real dates. So I just think this got to be too much of a challenge and some crap hit the fan but that you'll hear something from her hopefully sometime.

[TheFinalWord]

Hey all. So I got a message from a girl on Match.com. Saw she was a single mom and truth is I have never had much interest in them aside from anything casual. I quickly went the flirty route to try and feel her out, saying we can go back to my place for a glass of wine if our first date goes well, etc. Stuff like that. She tells me that casual doesn't work for her and writes "Thank you for being honest. Good luck". I say that's too bad, really wanted to meet you and by casual I don't mean sex but more along the lines of casual dating with "no serious commitment right now". Translation for you guys = Me dating a single mom would take something REALLY special. She suddenly says my definition of casual is ok and our date is set for that night down the block from my apartment. On the date, something shocking happened that I hadn't experienced in a long, long time. The girl is BETTER looking than her pictures, and on top of that we are hitting it off beyond belief. I truly enjoyed her company. I was floored. She comes back to my place for glass of wine and we end up having a serious makeout session (and a bit more). With regards to sex she tells me she doesn't want to be a "first date girl" and she just has to get to know me better. However she does say she wants it really bad and can tell we would have great chemistry. She has to force herself to hold off. I tell her I completely understand all that and don't want her to feel pressured. I offer to drive her home which she loves and texts me saying it was "beyond sweet". She also specifically tells me how she's "Ok" with casual dating and "I' not looking to get married tomorrow". We even make plans for a second date on the way home. Hand holding on the ride home as well. One of the nicest first dates I've personally ever had. In a nutshell, i was considering wanting to really get to know this girl. A complete 180 from my thoughts just a few hours earlier.

 

Date #2 is a few days later on last Saturday 12/8. She can't get a babysitter to go out and has no choice but to invite me over her place after her son is asleep. I was all for it. We do takeout and watch TV. The chemistry is still amazing and we are both having a great time. The kid actually WAKES UP though about 2 hours in and isn't feeling well so unfortunately I have to leave. She's very upset about it all but I tell her not to worry and how I totally understand. I give her a kiss goodnight. She texts me saying I’m “amazing” for being so understanding. Also says she was having fun for the time being and was “really looking forward to seeing me today”. I tell her "Same here". All was still fine IMO.

 

Then it happened. Things for some reason seem to slowly go downhill. The next day (Sunday) I texted her asking how the kid was. She says thanks for asking and he's doing better with meds. We send a couple texts back and forth and the convo fizzles out. I didn't want to go right in with asking her on date #3. I wanted to wait a day or two. I've learned from experience that going full steam ahead within the first few weeks of dating someone typically isn't the best idea. Monday there was no communication. Then Tuesday around noon I text her. I invite her over MY place for Friday night and say I will cook for her. While she was at work all day until 7:30pm, she did NOT respond to this text message until 8:30pm. She has written back at work to me before. She says she's can't Friday bc she has a "holiday party". NO counteroffer. Asks how my day was though. Immediately I saw right through what likely happened. I had screwed up. She was likely turned off by the invite right back to my place on a Friday night and figured that meant sex which she wasn't ready for and she didn't feel she knew me well enough. The unfortunate irony is I didn't even intend for that to definitely happen.

 

The next night, Wednesday, I try and clean up my mistake and ask her to go out to dinner at a restaurant by her tomorrow and if not its no big deal. She responds upbeat and says she can't tomorrow bc she's working late but writes "Maybe I can try and get a sitter for next week??". I tell her sure what day works for you? Lets plan ahead so you can get that sitter. She responds an hour later saying "Ok let me see what I can do about a sitter". That was Wednesday night 12/12. I have not heard from her since

 

So what really happened here? Was me asking her over for dinner such a FATAL mistake that it messed up this great start that we both had? Or can this be saved? You must remember that while not the best idea to invite her over for dinner so early on I suppose, the girl DID come back to my place on the FIRST date and got into some pretty heavy action with me. Sure she turned down sex, but still, I told her I completely understand. I know that probably doesn't mean much, but I just didn't think it would come to this now. Would definitely like to see her again but its looking pretty obvious at this point that may not happen. I feel like the only way out of this might be to text her sooner than later telling her that I hope she didn't get the wrong idea about me and that I'd really like to see her again. I don't know. Any advice is appreciated.

 

I haven't read the other responses, but my initial hunch is she knows if she comes over, you two will have sex. You told her casual was not just sex, but that's exactly what's happening.

 

So, she doesn't want to put herself in that situation. Wait a few days and try to set something up outside of hanging out at home.

 

You also have to know her kid will always come first. It's one of the frustrating things about dating a single mom and why I don't bother.

Edited December 18, 2018 by TheFinalWord

[Mac0908]

So, she doesn't want to put herself in that situation. Wait a few days and try to set something up outside of hanging out at home.

 

I'll save you the time of reading everything. The next night I asked her to go OUT to dinner. She responds sounding upbeat and that she can't do the night I suggested but said "maybe I can get a sitter for a day next week?". I said sounds great! Never heard from her again. I tried reaching out last night casually, to feel her out and what not. Got ghosted.

 

She doesn't trust that she could withstand talking to you directly and hold her ground and not head to bed with you. This is all a compliment to you, btw.

 

 

Lol thanks. But something tells me that's a bit of a far fetched theory.

 

she likes you ... and actually is quite tempted by your offer of the casual fling. But she's decided she can't "give in" to that for whatever reason. So to be sure she doesn't "give in" to your offer, she is ghosting you.

 

The girl is 32. Seemed mature. A mom. If this scenario was ever true all she had to do was nicely tell me she's not interested in anything casual right now. That would also actually be great as I could have the opportunity to tell her she got the wrong idea about me. Instead she ghosts me. Terrible. Wrong. Immature. Hurtful. Ghosting is just not acceptable to me, at least in this situation, at all.

 

On top of which, I don't know if you actually saw the son, but it was a close call and much too soon and that ought to have spooked her. If he knew someone was there, he may have told his father and caused a big trainwreck and fighting.

 

i didnt see the kid, but in any event, why would it be assumed that this would cause a huge fight between the two parents? They are split up for a reason. Both are free to date whoever they want in life.

Edited December 18, 2018 by Mac0908

[Versacehottie]

I know it sounds like I’m just looking for some credit, but I really feel like I deserve some in the sense that I didn’t do anything DRASTIC here imo to ruin this. I asked her to come over too soon. Ok. While clearly a factor in all this that likely turned her off, was it really something TERRIBLE? Was it the end of the world? Did I deserve for that to mark the unofficial end? No IMO , and then the next night anyway I do the right thing by asking her OUT to dinner and she implies she can do it next week and then she’ll see what she can do about a sitter. After that I don’t hear a word from her for days but your thoughts are I should have been staying on her keeping momentum. Not a bad idea at all, but at the same time why should I have REALLY had to? we had two great dates and then I asked her out for a third. That was that. Yes asking her to my place was the mistake but if she didn’t have interest in the going out to dinner offer she should have either been honest with me or just ghosted. Instead she implied that she’d get back to me and never did. How is that right?

 

Ok I love whoever used the word "binary" such a good description of your overly logical thinking. It's not helping you.

 

First of all, you need to put aside "shoulds". I thought this thread started out with what you should do to recapture her attention and how to make her see you as a more serious prospect. Giving you answers for that, not for you to get all caught up in what is right/wrong/past gone by. Nothing you can do about that. You basically want her to look at you with fresh eyes and have a chance to kind of resurrect yourself so why are you harping on credit needed to be given or wrongs you feel she has done to you?

 

TBH you are acting a little hysterical--and by that i mean hysterical hysterical, not funny hysterical. You are flip flopping all over the place, either you want to date her and make your efforts to do that or you decide that her 'ghosting' you is a deal breaker--which is both hysterical hysterical and hysterical funny. I say that because you said you texted after 10pm and were on here at what may have been 8-8:30 AM (!!!!!) griping that she GHOSTED YOU??!?!?? Keep in mind and put it in context that you asked for "casual" and have only been out twice. I think you should also post what you texted her (to actually have us help you with why she hasn't replied yet). To be fair to her, if i had doubts about a guy that he just wanted to hook up and said casual, i'm not responding to a text after 10pm like i'm on the hook like a gf or some desperado! It's not urgent, you've put in virtually no work and what work you did put in wasn't clear with your intention. If she likes you she will reply--guessing within a day or two--and yeah it also depends on what you said in the text.

 

I don't think what you did was disgusting or so fatal but neither is anything she did. You can't expect full participation from this girl when you have made missteps and were one foot in, one foot out. And maybe just the time frame alone doesn't justify full participation from either of you just yet. Just relax.

 

ok let us know what you texted. I hope it wasn't lame sorry it seems like you have somewhat of a thick skin in some ways--so yeah i seriously hope it wasn't lame.

[Mac0908]

Ok I love whoever used the word "binary" such a good description of your overly logical thinking. It's not helping you.

 

First of all, you need to put aside "shoulds". I thought this thread started out with what you should do to recapture her attention and how to make her see you as a more serious prospect. Giving you answers for that, not for you to get all caught up in what is right/wrong/past gone by. Nothing you can do about that. You basically want her to look at you with fresh eyes and have a chance to kind of resurrect yourself so why are you harping on credit needed to be given or wrongs you feel she has done to you?

 

TBH you are acting a little hysterical--and by that i mean hysterical hysterical, not funny hysterical. You are flip flopping all over the place, either you want to date her and make your efforts to do that or you decide that her 'ghosting' you is a deal breaker--which is both hysterical hysterical and hysterical funny. I say that because you said you texted after 10pm and were on here at what may have been 8-8:30 AM (!!!!!) griping that she GHOSTED YOU??!?!?? Keep in mind and put it in context that you asked for "casual" and have only been out twice. I think you should also post what you texted her (to actually have us help you with why she hasn't replied yet). To be fair to her, if i had doubts about a guy that he just wanted to hook up and said casual, i'm not responding to a text after 10pm like i'm on the hook like a gf or some desperado! It's not urgent, you've put in virtually no work and what work you did put in wasn't clear with your intention. If she likes you she will reply--guessing within a day or two--and yeah it also depends on what you said in the text.

 

I don't think what you did was disgusting or so fatal but neither is anything she did. You can't expect full participation from this girl when you have made missteps and were one foot in, one foot out. And maybe just the time frame alone doesn't justify full participation from either of you just yet. Just relax.

 

ok let us know what you texted. I hope it wasn't lame sorry it seems like you have somewhat of a thick skin in some ways--so yeah i seriously hope it wasn't lame.

 

I appreciate your thoughts. I'm ok with constructive criticism. I guess you're right. Though she's up rather late, expecting a text back after 10pm was wrong. I wasn't surprised really. What I was surprised about was nothing today, therefore an official ghost job IMO. You guys on here, including yourself, have written stuff like oh she'll get back to you eventually. I don't really understand that. The girl had an entire day to write back. She didn't. That's bad news. That's ghosting IMO. Especially when she's never pulled this before.

 

What I texted her wasn't lame. I mentioned something about a football team that she follows and is a fan of. Something with regards to the final score of yesterdays game. It was casual. It was fine. I feel like you're trying to make excuses for her about time frames and this and that. All I'm pointing out is common courtesy and reality. She never got back to me about the babysitter/date. Then on top of that she didn't respond to my reaching out. This is over now IMO and all I can do is move on and maybe she'll reach out eventually, but even if she does I don't see how I'd ever be able to forget about the memory of her behavior here this last week. YES, I know how casual doesn't warrant nonstop communication everyday or plans every week and all that, but in my mature opinion, it DOES warrant respect, and I have not gotten that from her here in the end.

Edited December 18, 2018 by Mac0908

[TheFinalWord]

I'll save you the time of reading everything. The next night I asked her to go OUT to dinner. She responds sounding upbeat and that she can't do the night I suggested but said "maybe I can get a sitter for a day next week?". I said sounds great! Never heard from her again. I tried reaching out last night casually, to feel her out and what not. Got ghosted.

 

If you were making out, you would have just needed to use push pull. All that "I'm not that kinda girl" is BS. She's a single mom, which is the epitome of being that kind of girl. She just needs to feel like sleeping with you was your fault and you didn't give her that excuse. I can't believe that she said "oh yeah, that definition of casual is okay"...LOL She knows what casual means, she just needed to be able to blame you for sleeping with you. Now you're chasing her and she thinks you're beta. She's not looking for a boyfriend either. She wants causal, she just doesn't want to admit it. I've had this happen a bunch of times.

 

You lost frame bro.

 

Never contact her again. If she reaches out, there is no taking her out. She comes over to your place, or nothing. Count it up as a lesson and move on. You don't want to get into anything with her anyway, she's a single mom.

Edited December 18, 2018 by TheFinalWord

[Mac0908]

If you were making out, you would have just needed to use push pull. All that "I'm not that kinda girl" is BS. Now you're chasing her and she thinks you're beta. I've had this happen a bunch of times.

 

You lost frame bro.

 

Never contact her again. If she reaches out, there is no taking her out. She comes over to your place, or nothing. Count it up as a lesson and move on. You don't want to get into anything with her anyway, she's a single mom.

 

Lol ok Corey Wayne, so what are you saying? I should have somehow forced her into sex on a first date? I didn't lose any frame, at all. I was courting her and trying to play it cool. The issue here was misunderstandings and miscommunication. I said casual at first. She thought she wanted that. Then she had second thoughts after my invite for her to come back over so soon after she clearly told me she needed to get to know me better (on the first date). I tried to save things. It didn't work. End of story.

Edited December 18, 2018 by Mac0908