sadpanda3 Posted December 16, 2018 Posted December 16, 2018 Hi guys! I am posting this in the break up forum, but I'm not sure it really belongs on here. Me and my ex have been broken up for a few months. We were on and off for a while, broke it off for good four months ago but have stayed in touch. We talked for a bit, and he admitted to having had sex with 5 other people during one of our off periods. All of them no strings attached one night stands he met online. After that we got back together, but he never mentioned anything about that to me. I completely lost it when he told me today and insulted him, so he ended up blocking me. "He doesn't want to hurt me further, so it's better we cut contact". He told me he'd get back in touch to tell me about his STD results and would block me again after that. I completely agree. But my feelings are all over the place. I feel betrayed, disgusted about everything, even though he didn't technically cheat. I'm also surprised I even care so much about it. I even cried, and I don't even love the guy anymore. I don't really know what kind of advice I'm looking for. But I need to talk and don't want to bore my friends with this.
Blanco Posted December 16, 2018 Posted December 16, 2018 Five people is a lot for that time span. And I understand that you're feeling hurt, even though he technically did nothing wrong to you. Unfortunately, this is one of the downsides of staying in touch with someone you're no longer dating. They are technically free to plow anything that moves and you don't have a right to be upset, even though it makes total sense logically. I recently reconnected with an ex. I have no intention on dating her again and we've been apart for quite some time. Still, it wasn't a great feeling to hear of her exploits of recent vintage. I think with some people, you never get totally comfortable with them moving on, even if you know you're not going to be together again. If this guy hasn't slept with you after his little tour de force, I would say it's not necessary for him to update you on the test results. Do the tough thing now and block him, and start to carve out a life he's not at all part of. 1
Author sadpanda3 Posted December 16, 2018 Author Posted December 16, 2018 If this guy hasn't slept with you after his little tour de force, I would say it's not necessary for him to update you on the test results. Do the tough thing now and block him, and start to carve out a life he's not at all part of. He did, that's why he will be updating me. And even if I wanted I couldn't contact him, he blocked me and I deleted everything from my phone. I don't even have his number anymore.
stillafool Posted December 16, 2018 Posted December 16, 2018 Sounds like your relationship has run it's course. It's doubtful you will forget the 5 one night stands he's had. It's best to stay blocked after finding out the test results. Don't be afraid to unload your emotions onto your real life friends. That's what friends are for.
Blanco Posted December 16, 2018 Posted December 16, 2018 He did, that's why he will be updating me. And even if I wanted I couldn't contact him, he blocked me and I deleted everything from my phone. I don't even have his number anymore. Yikes. Yes, that's a bit concerning, since the implication is that he did not use protection with some or all of these people, nor with you. I'd suggest getting tested yourself so that you can have some peace of mind. 3
elaine567 Posted December 16, 2018 Posted December 16, 2018 I would not wait till he contacts you, I suggest you go and get tested asap. 3
FMW Posted December 16, 2018 Posted December 16, 2018 Get tested yourself, don't wait to hear what his test results are. Don't trust anyone else with your health. 1
preraph Posted December 16, 2018 Posted December 16, 2018 You're broken up. It's on you if you kept sleeping with him anyway. Of course he's out there playing the field. Do get tested.
GoreSP Posted December 16, 2018 Posted December 16, 2018 You were broken up. Whether you like it or not, he was well within his right. Though, that doesn't invalidate your feelings about it. A lot of people aren't all sunshine and puppies when their ex have a new partner so it's perfectly normal. Where he f'ed up royally is by not getting tested then and potentially exposed you to any STD he could have contracted during that time, and you have every right to be angry about it. That being said, you don't need to wait for his test results. Block him, get tested, and move forward. Good luck.
Giraffe-A Posted December 21, 2018 Posted December 21, 2018 That may not technically be cheating, but it is a total lack of respect for himself, those women, and your relationship, especially if he knew he could come back to you at moment's notice. You have a right to feel hurt. Do you realize that every time you guys hit a rough patch, this will be how he deals with it? If you look away now, you'll have to look away for the duration of this on/off relationship. 1
Author sadpanda3 Posted December 21, 2018 Author Posted December 21, 2018 Yeah, blocked him and got tested. Im good. Still upset about the lies though. He had so many opportunities to be honest. And even after I found out he continued lying. First he didn't want to admit it, then he lied about when that happened and rationalised it as "I thought you didn't want to know". We weren't even together, why does he have to lie about it! 1
d0nnivain Posted December 21, 2018 Posted December 21, 2018 Yeah, blocked him and got tested. Im good That is the most important thing. When it comes to other people's sex lives, even those with whim we are intimate, I am a firm believer that you are entitled to medical info but no other details. If he had unprotected sex you should have been told that & he should have been tested before having sex with you. the other stuff -- the number of other partners, the details, etc, -- are none of your business. I'm sorry you feel hurt. Because you do, it's a good thing you broke up
BaileyB Posted December 21, 2018 Posted December 21, 2018 While he is certainly entitled to have sex with as many people as he likes when we are not together... The fact that he had sex with five people would absolutely guarantee that this relationship is over, for me. I'm sorry that you have been hurt. Get yourself tested and know, there is something better in the future for you.
BaileyB Posted December 21, 2018 Posted December 21, 2018 Yeah, blocked him and got tested. Im good. Still upset about the lies though. He had so many opportunities to be honest. And even after I found out he continued lying. First he didn't want to admit it, then he lied about when that happened and rationalised it as "I thought you didn't want to know". We weren't even together, why does he have to lie about it! He lied about it because he knows it is not exactly socially acceptable, he knows that you will not be happy, and he may well be embarrassed by his own behavior.
Michelle ma Belle Posted December 21, 2018 Posted December 21, 2018 I'm not all that surprised. If you've been on and off for a while, I can see how and why he might want to go hog-wild after yet another break-up. Seeking out NSA sex is probably exactly what he wanted after what you've been through together. Not condoning it but, like others have already pointed out, you were broken up so (technically) he didn't do anything wrong and do whatever he wants. The only concerning part is if he had unprotected sex with these ladies and then had unprotected sex with you without first disclosing that info. That should be the only thing you should be upset about. I agree with all those who encouraged you to not wait around and go get tested yourself immediately! Why on earth would you wait on him for HIS results?? Be glad it's finally over and done with. Probably long over due. Plenty of fish in the sea after all. Good luck.
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