Men: Here is how to earn some brownie points with the ladies!

[Woggle]

I think what some of you men are failing to see is this....If you don't make me happy and I am mad at you you ain't seeing my pu--y dude. When you do nice things for me I want to go out of my way to put a smile on your face.

 

I know this is going to sound cold blooded but if a woman thinks her stuff is so important that she can treat me anyway she wants then there are other women who would gladly take her place. What makes me wife so special and indispensable is her personality and the fact that she is such a good partner. If she just treated me like crap which she never would then I would leave and play the field. Better have the affection of many woman than the resentment and contempt of one.

[Shining One]

In high school, I burned an audio CD for my girlfriend with her favorite songs. I made a custom label and booklet with all of the lyrics. This was in the 90's, so it was a huge deal at the time. She broke up with me when she left for college and slept with her new boyfriend a few months in, despite telling me she was saving herself for marriage.

 

I was seeing a girl in college for a couple months. She had a birthday coming up, but I didn't have a lot of money. I ate nothing but ramen noodles for over a month to save money to get her a present and take her out for the day. A week after her birthday, she started a fling with a local musician.

 

Another girl in college. She was having trouble in various classes, so I helped her out. She was really stressed with finals coming up, so I planned a nice day out. I got her 18 roses and hid them at the park. I then took her to park and we walked around collecting them. We had a picnic with her favorite dish. After finals, she ghosted me. I later found out she was sleeping with one of the faculty members while seeing me.

 

Sadly, I have more of these. I'm understandably wary of doing sweet gestures for women I'm not already sleeping with.

[thefooloftheyear]

I think what some of you men are failing to see is this....If you don't make me happy and I am mad at you you ain't seeing my pu--y dude. When you do nice things for me I want to go out of my way to put a smile on your face.

 

You think you got the only one on Earth??

 

Sorry, sis...I am who I am, and never needed to kiss anyone's ass for anything....Those that know me will be clearly aware what I will do for them..I am a kind and considerate person, but I never needed that angle to attract or sway any woman..

 

I don't "work" to make anyone happy...Just showing up has always been quite sufficient...

 

TFY

[losangelena]

I think the “brownie point” thing is rubbing people the wrong way.

 

I agree. I wonder if this thread would've stayed more on-topic had it just been started as a compendium of the cute/charming things our SOs (of any gender) do, rather than what could be construed as an unsolicited piece of gendered advice.

 

I know you didn't intend it that way, Cersei, but I think maybe that's why you're getting a bit of blow-back.

[Lorenza]

In high school, I burned an audio CD for my girlfriend with her favorite songs. I made a custom label and booklet with all of the lyrics. This was in the 90's, so it was a huge deal at the time. She broke up with me when she left for college and slept with her new boyfriend a few months in, despite telling me she was saving herself for marriage.

 

I was seeing a girl in college for a couple months. She had a birthday coming up, but I didn't have a lot of money. I ate nothing but ramen noodles for over a month to save money to get her a present and take her out for the day. A week after her birthday, she started a fling with a local musician.

 

Another girl in college. She was having trouble in various classes, so I helped her out. She was really stressed with finals coming up, so I planned a nice day out. I got her 18 roses and hid them at the park. I then took her to park and we walked around collecting them. We had a picnic with her favorite dish. After finals, she ghosted me. I later found out she was sleeping with one of the faculty members while seeing me.

 

Sadly, I have more of these. I'm understandably wary of doing sweet gestures for women I'm not already sleeping with.

 

A lot of people have stories like that.

Another ex (not the one I've mentioned) ended up cheating and treating me like crap despite me cooking for him every night, letting him stay at my place cause it was close to his (university even though that meant more expenses for me), buying him gifts.

[thefooloftheyear]

At the end of the day, you should be with someone that makes you feel good naturally and without jumping through hoops or meeting standards...

 

You find women get pissed off at their guys if one sends flowers and the other doesn't or one got a bigger rock on her finger than the other..Its crazy..I think this is just another manifestation of that...

 

Everyone likes nice gestures...It should only be seen as "icing on the cake", not like some scorecard or entry exam you keep on your SO..

 

TFY

[Cersei]

I agree. I wonder if this thread would've stayed more on-topic had it just been started as a compendium of the cute/charming things our SOs (of any gender) do, rather than what could be construed as an unsolicited piece of gendered advice.

 

I know you didn't intend it that way, Cersei, but I think maybe that's why you're getting a bit of blow-back.

 

The blow back is fine because It shows how we all view this so differently man or woman.

I just really surprises me.

[snowcones]

I can't even comprehend how people would get upset by this post.

 

It should be same no matter the gender.

[JuneL]

Just curious: What have you done to earn brownie points with the guys?

 

Hi. Maybe this is a corny thread but oh well. Here goes.

 

I was chit chatting with a friend of mine and we were talking about small, kind gestures men have done that make you melt.

 

Let me tell you, unless I am different than most women, the happier you make us women feel the more we want to get you in bed!

 

I will provide 2 examples and perhaps others want to share kind gestures that they have experienced.

 

1. Boyfriend picked me up in his vehicle. It's really cold here and when I sat down the heated car seat was already warm! Such a thoughtful, selfless thing to do. In the past guys have either sent an "I'm here text" or honked the horn. Lol

 

2. I happened to mention to him that "sometime" I wanted to see a certain movie because it had an actor from a show we both watch. I showed up one night to watch a movie and he had it already qued up and ready to watch. I had forgotten all about that movie to be honest but uhm....we didn't get to that movie for a while. Lol

 

Men: treat your ladies well and they won't be able to keep their hands off you. But don't do it just for sex. Do it because she deserves to be treated great!

[Woggle]

I can't even comprehend how people would get upset by this post.

 

It should be same no matter the gender.

 

I am not upset by it but any guy with any experience with women knows she is either hot for you or she isn't. Trying to earn brownie points is just an exercise in futility.

[Cersei]

What I did for him recently?

 

He wanted me to come over to watch a hockey game at his place with him the other night. I brought "pub type" appetizers, cooked them up and served them.

 

I knew he was sleep deprived and exhausted with lots of work to do. I was out and about in town and called him to see if he wanted me to bring him a coffee.

 

That kind of thing. He was very appreciative too.

[LoverOfDance]

@Thefooloftheyear - not like i'm taking sides or anything but just so you know, cakes without icing have a tendency to be bland.

[thefooloftheyear]

@Thefooloftheyear - not like i'm taking sides or anything but just so you know, cakes without icing have a tendency to be bland.

 

Depends on what's inside....some need no icing...They are great right out of the oven...

 

TFY

[Wallysbears]

I don't think women or men "deserve" to be treated great.

 

 

I love and respect my husband and he loves and respects me. I treat him well and he treats me well because that's what lovers do.

 

I don't want any false "brownie point" nonsense. Don't waste money sending me stupid flowers or some absurd thing to try to win "points". This isn't a game.

[lucky-girl]

I think these generous "little" acts of generosity and thoughtfulness help sustain a good relationship.

 

But thoughtful actions in themselves don't ignite interest in the absence of other feelings of attraction.

 

I've never ignited a woman's fire (or had my fire ignited) by thoughtful deeds and attentiveness. And once I fell into the doghouse with a woman, doing these little deeds did not get me out of the doghouse. One sign that a relationship is in serious trouble is when one or both partners feel so disenchanted that they can't really credit their partner for being generous.

 

The upset partner sees the good act. It intellectually registers on them, but their hearts feel nothing. We've all seen relationships caught in this dynamic.

 

These little actions only carry power if they are done simply to take care of the other person, done for the pleasure of knowing someone you love will derive happiness from it.

 

You don't do these things to win anyone over.

 

The men in my life won my love by simple thoughtful acts, because they weren't done to win me over but a reflection of the considerate, caring people they are.

Unfortunately when you live with such thoughtfulness every day for many years it becomes the norm and taken for granted. Being treated well when you don't expect it makes a much greater impression.

[Sinister]

Originally Posted by Cersei

"Men: treat your ladies well and they won't be able to keep their hands off you. But don't do it just for sex. Do it because she deserves to be treated great!"

- No. If you're going to do it, do it because it brings you satisfaction. Thats actually treating someone out of love and from a place of strength.

If you don't "get something" in return there's no loss. But if you're expecting "something" in return you'll be disappointed (no matter what you get).

Remember: No good deed goes unpunished.

[Kitty Tantrum]

I don't know how I feel about brownie points or rewards in relationships, but here are some of the things I love about my fiancé:

 

- He is a man of his word. He is so honest, and honorable, and consistent, and congruent in his words and actions - I have never been so easily able to recognize my own insecurities as I can against the backdrop of his steadfastness. He is regarded as a good and trustworthy man by everyone I've met who knows him. He is unafraid to give me answers I will hate when they are TRUE - and I love him for that perhaps more than anything.

 

- He is a good provider. I don't mean he makes a bunch of money, because he doesn't. What I mean is that he is willing to accept a less opulent standard of living so that I don't have to work for anyone else once we're married. I have met scarce few men truly willing to entertain that arrangement. He believes me when I say that I can contribute more value to our marriage and household directly with my time and energy than by selling those things for a wage, and he respects my desire to have a traditionally structured marriage and family. He is a hard worker and has many skills and talents he can employ to make money, and in the event that something goes really wrong, as long as he's not severely disabled I know that I can always count on him to provide food, water, fire, shelter, and protection.

 

- He knows how to make decisions, and how to tell me what to do. He kinda blew my mind really early on (I don't even remember if we had hooked up yet) when I was cleaning out the refrigerator in the kitchen of the big house where we met as housemates. I came across a mason jar that was full of something black and moldy and juicy, with the cap bulging and straining against the ring. I stood there holding it up and making a face at it for a moment, and I would have set it in my queue of jars to be emptied and cleaned, but he looked at me and said, very firmly, "Throw that one away." I have never given myself permission to throw away a mason jar, no matter how many millions of them I've accumulated accidentally. It was so liberating to have that decision made for me. It was an excellent and perfectly reasonable decision (saved more time and unpleasantness than any jar is worth) that I never would have made on my own. He's done similarly on occasion when he's seen me staring blankly at restaurant menus.

 

- He is competent and self-driven. I don't have to tell him what to do. I don't have to micromanage any of his affairs. He tends to his own business, and then he does things that he sees need to be done. He is clear and concise and kind in seeking my help when it suits him. We've never really had a conversation about division of labor, but he generally does the "men's work" before encroaching on my chore list. Not all of our previous housemates did a whole lot of housework, and I always liked that I'd be puttering around cleaning the common areas and doing the community laundry, and he'd be splitting firewood or mowing the grass or fixing something. On the other hand, if he decides to do the dishes or vacuum, I never have to worry that he's doing it to be passive aggressive - he actually wanted to do it.

 

- He opens doors for me. I feel like this is the mark of a decent person. I open and hold doors for people all the time - at nearly every reasonable opportunity. That he does so for me almost religiously, and will go out of his way to do it, is very touching.

 

- He is an excellent driver. Not necessarily the "obeys every posted limit" sort (that's me), but I've never felt safer as a passenger with anyone. I absolutely trust his ability to test the limits of a vehicle, AND to discern where and when it is (or isn't) appropriate to do so. I can fall asleep in the car while he's driving! I usually can't do that with anyone else driving unless I'm incredibly tired. He has actually taken several professional/high performance driving courses, and has a very good understanding of the physics and mechanics involved - and it shows. This is a skill/area of competence that I'd recommend EVERYBODY develop to the greatest extent they reasonably can. People spend an awful lot of time in cars these days. It's such a genuine pleasure, as a passenger, to have a good driver. Especially one who knows how to do things that feel crazy and fun - safely.

 

I could go on like this for pages and pages, but I'm going to stop there.

[Shining One]

He has actually taken several professional/high performance driving courses, and has a very good understanding of the physics and mechanics involved - and it shows. This is a skill/area of competence that I'd recommend EVERYBODY develop to the greatest extent they reasonably can. People spend an awful lot of time in cars these days. It's such a genuine pleasure, as a passenger, to have a good driver. Especially one who knows how to do things that feel crazy and fun - safely.

In my experience, only a select few women enjoy being the passenger in a high performance driving situation. I would say I've lost brownie points with some women for this.

[Kitty Tantrum]

Agree that not everyone enjoys high performance driving and wants to be a passenger during such. But I think most people appreciate a driver who has a good/confident command of their vehicle.

 

I remember one time when my Ex-H was driving and it had just snowed a couple inches. The snow was fresh, unplowed, nobody had driven on it yet, couldn't see any lines on the road, etc. He was going a bit faster than I thought was wise, so I asked him to slow down a little bit... and instead of just easing off of the accelerator, he pressed the brakes. I knew exactly what was going to happen before it happened, and before I could say "no, not the brakes!" the car had lost traction and was sliding/spinning down the road. We did at least a full spin and a half and ended up facing the opposite direction. We were fortunate that it was a long, fairly straight stretch and there was no other traffic, and that the car stopped before sliding off the road into a ditch.

 

He wasn't a newbie driver and he wasn't a particularly BAD driver, but I was flabbergasted that anyone could have driven through however many winters in our state without ever learning NOT to do that. I've since realized it's pretty common for people to not have any idea how their car will handle in anything but near-ideal driving conditions.

 

My fiancé doesn't do much crazy driving with me in the car, but he understands how various factors and external conditions affect the scope of what he can do and still maintain control of the vehicle.

[fred123]

I always like when a guy would open my car door for me and wait til I was in and ask if I am okay and then close door, is just a sweet little gesture that means something. ( My dad did this for my mom and I always loved seeing it)

 

I like head kisses in public when isn't the place for full PDA but you get a little something-something to know you are loved anyhow.

 

One ex took it upon himself to call my work because I was sick and felt I shouldn't go in and while I was throwing up and getting ready he made the call and made me a tea and said he called and I am off for the day so relax and recoup.

 

if i called my exgfs work for the same reason she would have been mad at me for calling them without her permission. i dont do sweet things like this anymore cos i get scolded at. never again

[Wallysbears]

Antithesis of “brownie points” but example of sweet

 

My husband was off today...randomly.

 

Called me at 10am “hey babe, got lunch plans?”

 

I didn’t. So he showed up and picked me up and we went to an awesome Asian Fusion place I’d be wanting to check out.

[fred123]

Antithesis of “brownie points” but example of sweet

 

My husband was off today...randomly.

 

Called me at 10am “hey babe, got lunch plans?”

 

I didn’t. So he showed up and picked me up and we went to an awesome Asian Fusion place I’d be wanting to check out.

 

women i date didnt like sweet things. i was always told off. i guess it was cos they were ashamed or embarrsed by me

[elaine567]

if i called my exgfs work for the same reason she would have been mad at me for calling them without her permission. i dont do sweet things like this anymore cos i get scolded at. never again

 

 

Your ex gf was hardly the best example of womanhood was she?

So you are going to let this what sounds like a highly dysfunctional relationship colour your whole life...