fred123 Posted December 14, 2018 Posted December 14, 2018 in relation to a thread " am i being petty..." i have a question. what does it mean when the girl you meet or seeing says she is guarded and has her guard up because of previous hurt and wont let it down so easy. is that her way of saying shes not that into you? would she let her guard down easy for ronaldo? hmmm
ChatroomHero Posted December 14, 2018 Posted December 14, 2018 My experience, yes. It's a polite rejection. It's very cliche. If she really "had her guard up" she's not going to state it, it would be internal if she was interested in you. She wouldn't basically say, I'm hard to date, I'll be difficult and make you jump through hoops to date me because of something unrelated to you. She might like you enough for you to buy her dinner, but she'll be gaurded when you try to kiss her. At least that's what I've found. If she was interested she would never tell you reasons not to be interested in her. 2
Garcon1986 Posted December 14, 2018 Posted December 14, 2018 you will see a trend amongst women where they are more deeply hurt by being rejected by people they like compared to men. You'll hear lots of women here wondering how they could be rejected. Conversely, men do the same thing towards women but don't generally get so hurt. This is because women seek out the emotional connection a little more strongly than men do. If the woman you seek out told you she is slow to warm up, its potentially a yellow light for you to go slowly. Many women here explicitly told us that they relentlessly tested their boyfriends and put them through hell because, they were scared of being hurt by their man. It's the only way they knew to be shielded against a revolving door of being rejected after they have sex (one of the top pet peeves of women). Therein lies the difference in dating perspective - many men want as much sex with as many women as possible. Many women want meaningful sex with strong emotional connection with one man. Ronaldinho may indeed get a cold woman to open up quickly. But we aren't all that good looking. This won't happen with everybody of course. You'll just have to play the dating game in a way that is acceptable to her. 1
Author fred123 Posted December 14, 2018 Author Posted December 14, 2018 you will see a trend amongst women where they are more deeply hurt by being rejected by people they like compared to men. You'll hear lots of women here wondering how they could be rejected. Conversely, men do the same thing towards women but don't generally get so hurt. This is because women seek out the emotional connection a little more strongly than men do. If the woman you seek out told you she is slow to warm up, its potentially a yellow light for you to go slowly. Many women here explicitly told us that they relentlessly tested their boyfriends and put them through hell because, they were scared of being hurt by their man. It's the only way they knew to be shielded against a revolving door of being rejected after they have sex (one of the top pet peeves of women). Therein lies the difference in dating perspective - many men want as much sex with as many women as possible. Many women want meaningful sex with strong emotional connection with one man. Ronaldinho may indeed get a cold woman to open up quickly. But we aren't all that good looking. This won't happen with everybody of course. You'll just have to play the dating game in a way that is acceptable to her. i totally understand your post and makes sense. but i recall my ex said the same thing with me and i respected her and took things slowly. she made very clear how she didnt want to do coupley things and i was the first proper guy she was seeing since her last ex bf. funny enough though when we broke up the next guy she met her guard was non existent and started doing things coupley! so actually maybe sometjmes a girl who says that she is guarded is bull**** but only says that to you! she didnt seem very guarded after we broke up lmao. explain that!
Garcon1986 Posted December 14, 2018 Posted December 14, 2018 (edited) Well you've just found the paradoxical thing that is women's pickiness and illogical approach to dating. This woman simply did what felt right to her regardless of whether or not it made sense to a man's internal rubric of what he thinks she should do. Women don't generally follow Airbus A330 checklists to pick men, to the chagrin of many logical men in the world. I would drop this case and find a more wholesome woman who appreciates what you put on the table. You ask a woman why did you pick this man over that man? A lot of times she won't be able to verbalize the explicit reasons. Edited December 14, 2018 by Garcon1986 1
Wallysbears Posted December 14, 2018 Posted December 14, 2018 I've never heard of a woman saying this to a man. To her girlfriends? Yes. But directly to a man? Never heard of it. It seems odd that you'd tell someone that you have your guard up with them in the context of an early dating phase.
elaine567 Posted December 14, 2018 Posted December 14, 2018 i totally understand your post and makes sense. but i recall my ex said the same thing with me and i respected her and took things slowly. she made very clear how she didnt want to do coupley things and i was the first proper guy she was seeing since her last ex bf. funny enough though when we broke up the next guy she met her guard was non existent and started doing things coupley! so actually maybe sometjmes a girl who says that she is guarded is bull**** but only says that to you! she didnt seem very guarded after we broke up lmao. explain that! When a person has been very hurt they often enter the next relationship very cautiously, their level of confidence is low,they do not want to go all in and then find themselves disappointed again, they hold themselves back - their guard is up.. Once they regain their confidence, they may then ditch the person who "saved" them and get right back into the dating scene with renewed vigour. It is one reason it is such a bad idea to date people who are not really fully recovered from a previous relationship, they tend to use you as a soft landing spot then bounce back to normal and leave you in the dust. 2
smackie9 Posted December 14, 2018 Posted December 14, 2018 not hot enough....if you are really hot, the guard gets tossed into the wind with vigor. 1
Author fred123 Posted December 14, 2018 Author Posted December 14, 2018 not hot enough....if you are really hot, the guard gets tossed into the wind with vigor. wow is this actually true? good to hear this from a womens perspective
Garcon1986 Posted December 14, 2018 Posted December 14, 2018 Women and men alike reject each for a hotter specimen - it's been happening since time immemorial, all are guilty of such things. I regret to say I just did it last week. 1
ChatroomHero Posted December 14, 2018 Posted December 14, 2018 you will see a trend amongst women where they are more deeply hurt by being rejected by people they like compared to men. You'll hear lots of women here wondering how they could be rejected. Conversely, men do the same thing towards women but don't generally get so hurt. This is because women seek out the emotional connection a little more strongly than men do. I don't know if I really see this much. I do see a lot of women actively looking for guys get hit on and have no interest say, "I'm just out of a bad relationship" only to be dating someone a few days later. Whereas guys put in the effort and have to sack up and ask a girl out. A guy has to invest a lot in confidence, planning dates and making the first moves and trying to guess if she is interested because she already knows he is, so when it ends he's like, "I have to go through all that again?" He has more invested. She goes out to the bar the next night and has 3 guys walk up to her. Plus, when she says she was in a bad relationship, if you talk to the guy you'll get a picture that she was at least 1/2 at fault or he will tell you her behaviors and you'll understand she wasn't some sweet angel that a big bad guy screwed over. If she thinks you do it for her, she'll go from hurt to fine in about a minute. I just find a girl telling you, "I was hurt" is an excuse. If she really was hurt or guarded, she's not trying to scare away someone she wants.
smackie9 Posted December 14, 2018 Posted December 14, 2018 Women and men alike reject each for a hotter specimen - it's been happening since time immemorial, all are guilty of such things. I regret to say I just did it last week. Yes I wasn't singling women out....everyone (well most) have done this. It's human nature to go after shiny. "SQUIRREL!"
Garcon1986 Posted December 14, 2018 Posted December 14, 2018 I don't know if I really see this much. I do see a lot of women actively looking for guys get hit on and have no interest say, "I'm just out of a bad relationship" only to be dating someone a few days later. Whereas guys put in the effort and have to sack up and ask a girl out. A guy has to invest a lot in confidence, planning dates and making the first moves and trying to guess if she is interested because she already knows he is, so when it ends he's like, "I have to go through all that again?" He has more invested. She goes out to the bar the next night and has 3 guys walk up to her. Plus, when she says she was in a bad relationship, if you talk to the guy you'll get a picture that she was at least 1/2 at fault or he will tell you her behaviors and you'll understand she wasn't some sweet angel that a big bad guy screwed over. If she thinks you do it for her, she'll go from hurt to fine in about a minute. I just find a girl telling you, "I was hurt" is an excuse. If she really was hurt or guarded, she's not trying to scare away someone she wants. Indeed everybody will go after a cuter or bigger or shinier hooomin.
preraph Posted December 14, 2018 Posted December 14, 2018 It's rejection. Doesn't really matter if it's even true or not. She just said she's not doing it.
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