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I regret how crazy I acted w/a past guy?

I'veseenbetterlol

By I'veseenbetterlol
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I'veseenbetterlol Established Member

I'veseenbetterlol

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I def regret losing my dignity over this loser. We met online and started a LDR after I flew down to see him. I did my hw, friended him on social media and had quite a few vid chats w/him prior to me meeting him. I stopped dating/talking to other guys completely.

 

He flaked a few times on our vid chats, but I still went to see him a 2nd time. He didn't help me pay for anything other then some activities we did. I paid for the ticket, hotel (didn't feel comfortable sleeping at his place) and even uber rides.

 

I had to beg him to come and visit me. He only paid the plane ticket, stayed at my house and I ended up footing the bill for a lot of the activities. He was lazy, carried a chip on his shoulder and always made excuses why he couldn't work for a certain company. He was always broke, spending a lot of money on dumb things. Also 20 years old, no ambition and no plans on college, not even community college.

 

The thing that really bugs me is that I lost my marbles over this dude. He didn't just break up w/me, oh no he went the vague half in half out route. I struggled for days over him not texting. I text bombed him begging for an explanation. This was awhile back and I feel ashamed. I have a decent job, a degree and doing pretty well for myself. Here I was tearing out my hair for a bum who would prob freeload off of me if we were together. Does anyone else have regrets?

 

I've been outright rejected and I deal well w/that. The thing that screws w/me is guy who says he is interested, then doesn't text or call.

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Lotsgoingon Established Member

Lotsgoingon

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Of course, others out there including me have deal with some version of this situation.

 

Here's what I've learned: What people say is of course important, but at the start, it's more important, I've learned the hard way, is to pay attention to how I feel. If I'm feeling neglected, pay attention to that. If I'm feeling ignored, pay attention to that! Doesn't matter what the other person "says."

 

There are liars for one ... and also, and there are people who can pick their words so carefully ... so that technically they aren't lying ... but they know how to give us the impression of saying something. Words need to be attached to concrete deeds of affection, interest, generosity and so on.

 

In a good relationship, I don't feel ignored, period. If I'm having to even think about whether I'm being neglected or not prioritized, then that itself shows there is a problem. Frankly, if you're working hard to be understanding and tolerant and all of that in the first three months of a relationship, you're in trouble. Things aren't going to work.

Edited by Lotsgoingon
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I'veseenbetterlol Established Member

I'veseenbetterlol

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Of course, others out there including me have deal with some version of this situation.

 

Here's what I've learned: What people say is of course important, but at the start, it's more important, I've learned the hard way, is to pay attention to how I feel. If I'm feeling neglected, pay attention to that. If I'm feeling ignored, pay attention to that! Doesn't matter what the other person "says."

 

There are liars for one ... and also, and there are people who can pick their words so carefully ... so that technically they aren't lying ... but they know how to give us the impression of saying something. Words need to be attached to concrete deeds of affection, interest, generosity and so on.

 

In a good relationship, I don't feel ignored, period. If I'm having to even think about whether I'm being neglected or not prioritized, then that itself shows there is a problem. Frankly, if you're working hard to be understanding and tolerant and all of that in the first three months of a relationship, you're in trouble. Things aren't going to work.

 

I learned this the hard way. I was always feeling alone and like something was off.

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Happy Lemming Established Member

Happy Lemming

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Does anyone else have regrets?

 

Yes... I have two large regrets in my life. One was a long distance move that I delayed (but eventually made) and the other was a way I handled a breakup with a woman. I lost my dignity, begged like a little child and just acted poorly. Later, when I had time to sit down and think; I reflected on the day and my immature actions displeased me greatly. I hated myself for the way I acted, so I promised myself to never/ever do that again. If a woman wants to leave me, I wish her well, turn and leave.

 

As we go through life we learn many things, and try not to repeat our mistakes. Don't beat yourself up, just promise yourself not to let it happen, again. You lost a little bit of money, but not enough to devastate your long term finances.

 

In the end, you are a good person and this incident will pass.

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preraph Established Member

preraph

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Well, cliches come to mind: actions speak louder than words. He was what he was. There's two. He was down with sex, but not really interested otherwise.

 

I hope to God that you are not thinking of trying to explain yourself or contact him in any way. Anything else you do is digging your hole further. He doesn't care.

Lorenza Established Member

Lorenza

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I've had 3 boyfriends in my life and all of them are in my list of regrets, lol. The first one was simply not compatible with me but boy did I try to force a square through a circle. The second was somewhat of a narcissist with a false sense of grandeur who would look down on me when he saw fit. The third stringed me along and fed me bs

No wonder I took a few years off relationships for some personal growth.

If being crazy for a wrong guy is your pattern, I highly recommend doing the same :D

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SunnyWeather Established Member

SunnyWeather

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I def regret losing my dignity over this loser.

,,,

The thing that really bugs me is that I lost my marbles over this dude. .

 

((((hugs))))

 

sorry. we've all done things we regret or feel humiliated over. Just learn from it and graciously fade out...and tell yourself to never, ever do that again.

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Trojan Member

Trojan

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Honestly I feel that you were a bit delusional in this situation. There were so many red flags that you just completely ignored. When he flaked on you the first time that should have been a clue. Then You stated that you had to beg for him to come visit you? Really? From what I am seeing you were the only one in the relationship and I honestly feel like you lost because you can’t handle rejection very well. I say suck it up as a life experience and move on. You have a lot going for yourself and I think you’ll meet the right person someday.

Edited by Trojan
dispatch3d Established Member

dispatch3d

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Everyone has been there. The last girl I liked stringed me along with no intention of ever getting together... It was as awful as it sounds, so glad to be done with her.

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Gretchen12 Established Member

Gretchen12

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We learn about ourselves this way. I'm not sure if your guy really did anything wrong. He's being himself. You become aware that you might be lonely and in the future don't lose your head.

 

I regret helping out a bf out with rent. I gave him $3000 and later on, when we took a trip together, he drove and he actually wanted me to split the gas money down to the cent! I refused.

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I'veseenbetterlol Established Member

I'veseenbetterlol

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Well, cliches come to mind: actions speak louder than words. He was what he was. There's two. He was down with sex, but not really interested otherwise.

 

I hope to God that you are not thinking of trying to explain yourself or contact him in any way. Anything else you do is digging your hole further. He doesn't care.

 

Gosh no, I would never. I'm in a happy relationship. I just sometimes reflect how I acted and cringe inside. To that guy, I do not need to explain myself, he isn't worth the words.

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Cersei Established Member

Cersei

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In a good relationship, I don't feel ignored, period. If I'm having to even think about whether I'm being neglected or not prioritized, then that itself shows there is a problem. Frankly, if you're working hard to be understanding and tolerant and all of that in the first three months of a relationship, you're in trouble. Things aren't going to work.

 

Oh so much wisdom here! Great post.

 

I think until we are actually in a good relationship it's hard to see what you really do to yourself. I have so many regrets over past relationships. I allowed myself to be treated that way though. Nobody to blame but myself. It's made me who I am today though.

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