pc31 Posted December 13, 2018 Posted December 13, 2018 (edited) What is a good, sensitive way to ask the man I am seeing to improve his spoken and written English?!! How should I bring up this communication issue?? I really like him, and I'm trying my best to make it work. His weak English is really challenging for me - thick accent and grammatical errors everywhere... The thing is, he has been doing fine with his life without needing much English. So there's no practical reason to ask him to do so suddenly. He's prioritizing his time to learn other things like French and artificial intelligence... Learning English is just for ME, it is a selfish desire, really, but I really want to make us work More details of us here: https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/671239-mixed-feelings-after-great-sex Edited December 13, 2018 by pc31
BaileyB Posted December 13, 2018 Posted December 13, 2018 You do not have the right to ask another person to change, for you. If he feels that his English is a problem, he will decide whether he wants to work at improving it, or not. Let’s say he decided that you need to learn algebra, or learn how to cook gourmet meals... if your lack of knowledge about algebra is not a concern for you, or you have no interest in gourmet cooking - how do you think you would feel by his request? Would you be willing to do something you had no intention to do - to please this other person? All you can do is communicate your frustration with the communication difficulties you have been experiencing. And then, you have a decision to make - if it’s truly that frustrating for you and he is not interested in improving his English, this may not be the right relationship for you. Good luck. 1
Lorenza Posted December 13, 2018 Posted December 13, 2018 Language barrier is not a joke. It's a serious challenge, even if you speak the language fairly well. When you can't have verbal transparency and good communication, it gets tiresome pretty fast. Can you build a relationship when your partner expresses himself about as well as a 4-year old child? I've seen such couples. Both sides get frustrated. When I meet someone who's not that good at English or Swedish, but then I hear them speak their own language fluently, I feel like I don't know who they really are. It's like their personality is filtered. Can you date someone you don't really know? If he doesn't put effort in learning the language himself, you can't do anything to make him.
Wallysbears Posted December 13, 2018 Posted December 13, 2018 I guess I'm wondering how you managed to go on more than 1 date with a person you can't communicate with?
elaine567 Posted December 13, 2018 Posted December 13, 2018 I guess I'm wondering how you managed to go on more than 1 date with a person you can't communicate with? According to her other thread she understands about 80% of what he says... but the sex is out of this world...
basil67 Posted December 13, 2018 Posted December 13, 2018 How are you going with learning his language? Most couples I know where one has a foreign language, the other picks up the basics of the language. Makes it far easier to communicate with their family and when visiting their homeland.
Author pc31 Posted December 13, 2018 Author Posted December 13, 2018 How are you going with learning his language? Most couples I know where one has a foreign language, the other picks up the basics of the language. Makes it far easier to communicate with their family and when visiting their homeland. If we survive to be in a committed relationship, i will consider it. His first language is Spanish, which is a major language internally, so i guess he might have a certain pride and doesn't bother to correct his pronunciation. It is just my speculation though..
Author pc31 Posted December 13, 2018 Author Posted December 13, 2018 Language barrier is not a joke. It's a serious challenge, even if you speak the language fairly well. When you can't have verbal transparency and good communication, it gets tiresome pretty fast. Can you build a relationship when your partner expresses himself about as well as a 4-year old child? I've seen such couples. Both sides get frustrated. When I meet someone who's not that good at English or Swedish, but then I hear them speak their own language fluently, I feel like I don't know who they really are. It's like their personality is filtered. Can you date someone you don't really know? If he doesn't put effort in learning the language himself, you can't do anything to make him. Thanks for understanding me I think it is fair that i should at least let him know it bothers me. Then it is up to him to do anything about it. But what is a nice way of bringing this up and discussing it? Any tips pls?
Author pc31 Posted December 13, 2018 Author Posted December 13, 2018 If we survive to be in a committed relationship, i will consider it. His first language is Spanish, which is a major language internally, so i guess he might have a certain pride and doesn't bother to correct his pronunciation. It is just my speculation though.. Typo: internally -> internationally
introverted1 Posted December 13, 2018 Posted December 13, 2018 In your other thread, you said it was his accent that was the problem. You also mentioned concerns that your friends might not be accepting of him due to his less-polished English. Is the issue actually a language barrier?
Lorenza Posted December 13, 2018 Posted December 13, 2018 Thanks for understanding me I think it is fair that i should at least let him know it bothers me. Then it is up to him to do anything about it. But what is a nice way of bringing this up and discussing it? Any tips pls? I know, it's a touchy subject. Most people get offended even if you correct their speech, as it takes a certain level of maturity to not take that as an insult. Telling someone their language skills aren't sufficient can be tricky. I'd try redirecting it to myself, something like "I'm very verbal person and need someone with whom I can speak for hours" instead of "Your English is too weak". Well, you can phrase it in a way he understands... But have in mind that even if he picked up English lessons and tried his hardest, it might take a few years until he can express himself fluently enough. Took me 10 years to speak completely fluent Swedish and I'm not even a slow learner lol
Lorenza Posted December 13, 2018 Posted December 13, 2018 In your other thread, you said it was his accent that was the problem. You also mentioned concerns that your friends might not be accepting of him due to his less-polished English. Is the issue actually a language barrier? If it's the accent, then the issue might never go away. In most cases, our mother tongue shapes our vocal chords in a certain way and it's very exhausting trying to get the sounds right 1
SunnyWeather Posted December 14, 2018 Posted December 14, 2018 If you were totally into this guy you wouldn't be nit picking over his accent, you'd find it adorable and probably would've already enrolled in Spanish classes. I say move on and stick to dating only North Americans who fit into your narrow view. 1
fiskadoro Posted December 14, 2018 Posted December 14, 2018 You seem oblivious to how obnoxious (at the least) it is to demand someone improve their language to meet you and your friends approval. I say you just go for it and express your wishes, then please come back and post the results! 2
SunnyWeather Posted December 14, 2018 Posted December 14, 2018 you seem oblivious to how obnoxious (at the least) it is to demand someone improve their language to meet you and your friends approval. I say you just go for it and express your wishes, then please come back and post the results! lol .......
Garcon1986 Posted December 14, 2018 Posted December 14, 2018 have you considered becoming proficient in Spanish via duolingo in exchange for him being more proficient in English? Learning English from being a native speaker in Spanish is a incredibly tough language because Spanish has many rules you can follow which will lead you to correct speech. English has tons of exceptions which are pure rote memorization for someone who didn't grow up. You are asking for a lot, and it may be more palatable if you tell him you adore him very much, but you want the both of you to grow together in language skills so you can both be bilingual - and you visualize both your lives being better with the added skill. Just asking him to speak better English is quite a tall order.
chillii Posted December 14, 2018 Posted December 14, 2018 (edited) Don't get the fuss , if there's anything between you why is it all so formal that you don't just talk about it long ago? My gf speaks very broken English and a very strong accent but we chuckled about things with in hours of back when we first met , which still do all the time at some of our mix ups. Mind you we're also extremely connected and talk about absolutely anything for hours on end and know exactly what we're on about with more ease than two people from the same language most of the time. Funny things are though usually just the every day stuff of the simplest of things if we're tired . like the other day she yells out you want toast, heard it 100 times know exactly what she means same with 100s of other things. But she doesn't say toast , it's like toot or something and if l'm half out there at the time l think wtf you sayin baby, she'll say toot, toot. l'm like chuckling in my head ok whatever love thank you, too tired or out there at the time. Then she'll bring out toast and l'm ahhhh, of course ,,, dahhh. And it's funny too she gets like that with me some days too and has no clue what l'm sayin all day. Other days your 300% connected, we just chuckle, we know each other and how it goes. You'll notice too some days he's accent will be totally different even blended in with bits of his home language, 1/2 words of each and all . l often throw a few swear words out in her language at those times kidden her round and we'll have a laugh. Usually if one or both of us is tired but normally usually your just getting each other and it doesn't really matter. She wants to do english classes but l keep sayin baby it's more fun like this don't worry about it. Edited December 14, 2018 by chillii
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