FaithInTheDark Posted December 13, 2018 Posted December 13, 2018 I'm writing this because this has happened 3 times in a row to me. I've dated a guy for a while, they end it by either saying they're not ready to commit to a relationship, say it's not working between us or just ghoast me. Soon after, literally weeks after , i find out they're in a full on offical relationship with someone else. I'm just finding this strange. I'm an attractive female, and without sounding vain...these other girls are not near as pretty as I am. So, I have to wonder. What the heck is happening. After things not working in my favour, I've reached a point where the universe is trying to redirect me away from dating. And onto focusing on myself. But these coinsentices are a bit much. Thoughts?
basil67 Posted December 13, 2018 Posted December 13, 2018 Being attractive means little in the grand scheme of things. As you've discovered, it will reel a guy in but you need compatible personalities to make it last. Those other girls have the personalities which worked for those guys. These guys who left you....would you have called any of them a great match? What have you got to offer other than the superficial? 1
Purepony Posted December 13, 2018 Posted December 13, 2018 I dated a girl that was very attractive but had a lot of issues, she could pretty much get any guy but sure enough they would cheat or drop her because her personality was very superficial and she thought she was better than everyone else. I ended up leaving her for a girl who wasn’t as attractive but I had so much more fun with and I could trust. It’s not always about looks but that also depends whatcuty you live in lol in ca it’s all about looks with these girls. Every Instagram pic has to be them wearing almost nothing and collecting likes Maybe you should take some time to just see what’s out there without any expectations .... oh and don’t even bother looking up these guys because you should be focused on you. 2
Larry56 Posted December 13, 2018 Posted December 13, 2018 You might not want to admit it. But there is something that bothers these guys about you. It might be something to do with your personality. Maybe you talk about yourself too much. Maybe you put them down. Maybe you're a bit bland. But it'll be something. Sometimes it's just how you generally treat them. If you're hot and cold...not submissive. That could be it too. 2
Cersei Posted December 13, 2018 Posted December 13, 2018 I agree. It's not all about looks. Are you clingy, rude, self absorbed, or something else not appealing? Outside of your looks what are your best qualities? What do you have to offer? Take a good look at your qualities, outside of physical qualities. Would you date you? There must be something that could use some fine tuning.
40somethingGuy Posted December 13, 2018 Posted December 13, 2018 I'm writing this because this has happened 3 times in a row to me. I've dated a guy for a while, they end it by either saying they're not ready to commit to a relationship, say it's not working between us or just ghoast me. Soon after, literally weeks after , i find out they're in a full on offical relationship with someone else. I'm just finding this strange. I'm an attractive female, and without sounding vain...these other girls are not near as pretty as I am. So, I have to wonder. What the heck is happening. After things not working in my favour, I've reached a point where the universe is trying to redirect me away from dating. And onto focusing on myself. But these coinsentices are a bit much. Thoughts? Many times women tend to rely on their hot looks to get them by. It definitely opens the door and many men are eager to see what these women are like but most would gladly trade in a 9 for a 7 if she is just super fun, treats them well, and is loyal. We don't know you and this is no judgment on you. You will have to do your own introspection. Are you aloof? Can you come off as vain or stuck up? Sadly, many men also assume that hot women have a different set of issues for the man to deal with (many guys trying to pry the girl away etc) but if you show you care and are loyal and open then you will find men who will make you a keeper.
smackie9 Posted December 13, 2018 Posted December 13, 2018 (edited) It's an ego buster for sure. I suspect you don't have the emotional connection, or the intellectual compatibility these guys needed. It's not always about looks. It may get you in the door BUT it's what you bring to the table that stimulates the brain is a key factor in having a man stick around....plus being a good cook doesn't hurt. No different than women, men like a good sense of humor that mirrors theirs, and stimulating conversations, and being flirty/ friendly banter....making it fun. Edited December 13, 2018 by smackie9 2
kendahke Posted December 13, 2018 Posted December 13, 2018 I'm writing this because this has happened 3 times in a row to me. I've dated a guy for a while, they end it by either saying they're not ready to commit to a relationship, say it's not working between us or just ghoast me. Soon after, literally weeks after , i find out they're in a full on offical relationship with someone else. Those full on relationships: are they still full on or have they burnt out? I'm just finding this strange. I'm an attractive female, and without sounding vain...these other girls are not near as pretty as I am. So, I have to wonder. What the heck is happening. What attracts a man and what keeps a man are two different things. Beauty may attract, but it rarely maintains what it has attracted without other qualities coming into play: kindness, gentleness, open-minded, not selfish/self-centered/self-absorbed, tangible and intangible things. Those other women may have the compatible personality/character qualities these men were looking for and these guys' decision had less to do with their looks and more to do with who they are as a person.
Lorenza Posted December 13, 2018 Posted December 13, 2018 Yes, I do think the universe is trying to tell you something. Perhaps you're overestimating yourself and need to take a break from dating to figure what character flaws those men find repellent. Sometimes people decide to go for a less attractive partner because of their negative experiences dating a good looking one. Can you be perceived as arrogant? Or maybe the opposite - did the previous let downs make you too clingy and neurotic? But it could also be a coincidence, or simply - they don't consider their new partners less attractive than you were. Beauty is subjective. Maybe it's something else. There is little in your post that could help analysing your situation, so it's something you have to do on your own.
dispatch3d Posted December 13, 2018 Posted December 13, 2018 I cringed quite a bit at this title, I could never write a thread like this. At any rate.... I looked through some of your past posting history. There was one guy that wouldn't stop contacting you - that guy likes you. If you played your cards right with him and took things slow enough things probably would have worked out. You have a bit of a pattern of sleeping with guys on a first date when you are initially getting to know them. There's definitely a sweet spot to sleeping with a guy, and I doubt date 1 is in that spot. So just be aware. I can't tell if the guys are responding to you being too forward and that is the reason for the lack of texting or what, but I personally cannot go a week/day etc. depending on the timing without texting or talking to the girl I like, so the guys that are saying "lets take it slow" are probably giving you feedback that even for them you are going too fast... You may also just be going for the guys that aren't that interested. If the guy doesn't seem clingy/needy then he's probably not that into you...
lexina Posted December 13, 2018 Posted December 13, 2018 It takes more than physical attraction to make a relationship work. The fact you even think you're 'prettier' than others shows a shallow side to you. Nothing wrong with thinking you're attractive, but comparing yourself to others shows you have a superior attitude. This is very off putting to anyone, not just guys! What one person finds physically attractive, another person doesn't. It's a matter of taste. Perhaps start working on the inner depth of you to become more of a keeper to these men. 2
Wallysbears Posted December 13, 2018 Posted December 13, 2018 I've read some of your past posts. First bit of advice would be to stop dating recently separated/divorced men. That may be part of this equation - you're dating these men too soon in their post-divorce life. Sort of like a rebound. Second, maybe take a little break from dating for a bit? Spend some time with your friends and family...and ask them if they've noticed any qualities that may be a "turn off" in relationships/with the people you've been dating. 1
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