nikkiz Posted December 12, 2018 Posted December 12, 2018 I met a guy a few weeks ago. We had lunch. All went well and he insisted that we get together for lunch again. He even sent me an email reiterating this, to which I repliex and asked him to propose a date so that I could make the necessary changes to my schedule. I responded this way because his present contract requires him to travel quite a bit and I am in no position to take more than an hour for lunch. He never replied. Did I provide the wrong response? The next week, I had to attend a conference for work. To my surprise, he was there; he was replacing one of the speakers. He noticed me sitting in the crowd. He seemed quite nervous. He gave his talk, said things that were a bit out of character and asked a series of questions, rhetorical and other, that were based on my personal and professional interests. Seeing that these questions had nothing to do with the topic of his speech, I merely smiled and laughed on occasion, if the statement was funny, as did others -- I did not feel comfortable being singled out of a crowd in this manner. When the session ended, I approached him to ask him a few questions about his talk. He was abrupt and practically told me off, so I left. What exactly happened? What did I do wrong? How do I go about fixing it?
JanuaryAquarian Posted December 12, 2018 Posted December 12, 2018 Can you say more about what he said to you? The context is a bit unclear.
smackie9 Posted December 12, 2018 Posted December 12, 2018 You didn't do anything wrong IMO. I have a feeling something or someone interrupted his plans to date you. For all we know he could have a wife or GF, or he was blowing smoke up your butt and ghosted. It was rude of him, so that speaks volumes on how he conducts himself in these types of situations. 1
kendahke Posted December 12, 2018 Posted December 12, 2018 (edited) sounds like he didn't get that communique at all... are you sure he got it? He's acting like you blew him off, so he's going to shut that road down to you, too. Edited December 12, 2018 by kendahke 1
smackie9 Posted December 12, 2018 Posted December 12, 2018 MMMM even if he didn't get a reply, she did agree to having lunch again verbally. I'm sure he would have contacted her with a date and time to meet. I don't think that could be reason enough to blow her off like that....but hey maybe he missed it and got all owly about it....still makes him fail if that's how he behaves.
Author nikkiz Posted December 12, 2018 Author Posted December 12, 2018 I'm pretty sure that he got my email and by no means did I intend to blow him off. I do agree with smackie9. Something or someone has interrupted his plans with me. I found out this afternoon that my boss has contracted his firm for a 3-month project starting mid-January. I don't know whether he will be part of the team and I did not want to ask. However, I do feel that I need to resolve this animosity between the two of us for the sake of professional endeavors. Any advice on how I should approach him without making it seem that I am chasing him?
olivetree Posted December 12, 2018 Posted December 12, 2018 I'm pretty sure that he got my email and by no means did I intend to blow him off. I do agree with smackie9. Something or someone has interrupted his plans with me. I found out this afternoon that my boss has contracted his firm for a 3-month project starting mid-January. I don't know whether he will be part of the team and I did not want to ask. However, I do feel that I need to resolve this animosity between the two of us for the sake of professional endeavors. Any advice on how I should approach him without making it seem that I am chasing him? It's not your responsibility to clear the air. You did nothing wrong. If you make it your responsiblity, you ARE chasing his validation. He's the one being weird. Let him approach you if he wants to make things right. 1
preraph Posted December 12, 2018 Posted December 12, 2018 I mean, he may be overly sensitive and always fearful of rejection and might have taken your response as "lukewarm," which would be such a stretch that if he's that big of a sensitive pessimistic mess, you dodged a bullet. If it's not that, could you have talked to someone about it and it got back to him and he's trying to be secretive for whatever good or bad reason?
smackie9 Posted December 12, 2018 Posted December 12, 2018 wait and see if he does become a part of the team you will be working with...if he does, then you can pull him aside if he acts like a dip %^&*
Grey40 Posted December 12, 2018 Posted December 12, 2018 The ball was in his court to setup a date, and he didn't do it. Not much you can do there. You could always reach out and say, "hey, did you ever want to meet up for lunch or dinner again?" but that's up to you. His silence kind of speaks volumes imo.
Author nikkiz Posted December 13, 2018 Author Posted December 13, 2018 Thank you all for your advice! I'll do nothing for now. I've been spending way too much time focusing on my career that these relationship issues have all become a blur to me.
Author nikkiz Posted December 21, 2018 Author Posted December 21, 2018 Just to update you guysÂ… He sent me a number of reference manuals that I use for work; he had extra complimentary copies. Last week, my boss had me do the yearly wine shopping for our contractors. Conference fellow was on the list. We normally hand deliver the bottles ourselves. I took the ones over to him and his colleagues, as I am most familiar with them. When I saw him, he was happy to see me and, after nearly a month, acknowledged to receiving my email. I gave him the bottle of wine. I purchased it with my own funds as it was more expensive. I told him that in addition to it being a gift from the company, it was a small token of my appreciation for the manuals. LetÂ’s face it, he could have given them to anyone and he chose me. It was flattering. Anyway, he did not unwrap the bottle and thanked me for wine. He also said that he would call me and that we should make plans for lunch after the holidays. Today, I received an email from him complementing me on my work and wising me a Merry Christmas. Nothing else. I was surprised to receive the email. Is he blowing me off? Did he figure out that I am into him? Thanks again for your advice. Happy Holidays!
sabaton Posted December 21, 2018 Posted December 21, 2018 I met a guy a few weeks ago. We had lunch. All went well and he insisted that we get together for lunch again. He even sent me an email reiterating this, to which I repliex and asked him to propose a date so that I could make the necessary changes to my schedule. I responded this way because his present contract requires him to travel quite a bit and I am in no position to take more than an hour for lunch. He never replied. Did I provide the wrong response? The next week, I had to attend a conference for work. To my surprise, he was there; he was replacing one of the speakers. He noticed me sitting in the crowd. He seemed quite nervous. He gave his talk, said things that were a bit out of character and asked a series of questions, rhetorical and other, that were based on my personal and professional interests. Seeing that these questions had nothing to do with the topic of his speech, I merely smiled and laughed on occasion, if the statement was funny, as did others -- I did not feel comfortable being singled out of a crowd in this manner. When the session ended, I approached him to ask him a few questions about his talk. He was abrupt and practically told me off, so I left. What exactly happened? What did I do wrong? How do I go about fixing it? 1 - He's Married/has a girlfriend and his partner found out about you, which made him abort any attempts he had planned to sleep with you. 2- he met someone he's more attracted to and is now pursuing her/him. 3- He's finally managed to take to bed the woman he's been pinning on about for years, I dunno. Just write this guy off and go out there, there's lots of guys for you to meet. don't waste your time worrying about one dude.
snowcones Posted December 21, 2018 Posted December 21, 2018 Could he be married and didn't tell you? I find that married men act weird like this.
Author nikkiz Posted December 21, 2018 Author Posted December 21, 2018 I doubt that he’s married. He doesn’t wear a wedding band. Also, he has quite high ethical and moral standards, so much so that he gave up his career for his current job. In view of this, I never asked him or his colleagues in fear of upsetting him.
sabaton Posted December 21, 2018 Posted December 21, 2018 I doubt that he’s married. He doesn’t wear a wedding band. Also, he has quite high ethical and moral standards, so much so that he gave up his career for his current job. In view of this, I never asked him or his colleagues in fear of upsetting him. Not wearing a wedding band doesn't make him not-married. My grandfather used to take his wedding band when he'd go off, working as a door-to-door salesman when he was a young man, and just like you the housewives just assumed my grandpa was single. What do you mean he gave up his career for this current job? What made him give up his lucrative career for that job?
Author nikkiz Posted December 21, 2018 Author Posted December 21, 2018 He was a sales exec and could no longer deal with the company’s policies and practices.
Versacehottie Posted December 23, 2018 Posted December 23, 2018 It's not your responsibility to clear the air. You did nothing wrong. If you make it your responsiblity, you ARE chasing his validation. He's the one being weird. Let him approach you if he wants to make things right. I agree. Do nothing. Except act professionally IF he is in your presence due to work., i.e. talk about work without emotion when required to only. He should relax IF it's the case that you end up working together when he gets comfortable with the fact that you have no other motives. I don't think he necessarily has someone else but i think he is not interested in dating you. You will find someone better. Good luck
Giraffe-A Posted December 23, 2018 Posted December 23, 2018 I have been reading your initial response over and over. On one side, I can agree with the other comments that he may actually be taken. Someone who is taken may have perceived your response as someone not spontaneous. Taken men need someone with lots of free time. On the other, it may have been taken as if you were treating this as a business lunch. But he doesn’t call you. He emails you. I would find out more about him first. Many men don’t wear their rings.
See-Me-Feel-Me Posted December 23, 2018 Posted December 23, 2018 You're squared with him. Whatever happened wasn't you're shortfall. I suggest you write his ass off. Make him chase if he's into you. If he doesn't it's not on you--it's just how it goes.
smackie9 Posted December 24, 2018 Posted December 24, 2018 (edited) Sounds like he's just been professional this whole time, and the lunch was never intended to be a date. His last message doesn't show anything there that says "I want to date you". Time to throw this one off to the side and look elsewhere. Edited December 24, 2018 by smackie9
Author nikkiz Posted December 30, 2018 Author Posted December 30, 2018 Thank you all for your insights! I apologize for not getting back to you sooner. I was and still am quite busy with work. Anyway, just to fill you in on the latest. Conference guy will be part of the group of subcontractors. In order to brief him, my boss asked to prepare a report and email it to conference guy. This report has many parts and there is no way that I could finish it in a couple of days. So, I wrote to conference guy to tell him that I will forward the report to him in 2 weeks. He did not agree with this and asked me to email him section by section. To avoid any possible disputes, I agreed to do so. Since, my last post on this forum, I have emailed him ten times. He only acknowledged receipt of one email. In that response he wrote "Thanks, this is great! Happy holidays." That's it. He's back to being cold again. At first, I thought that this was a dimented way to get me to chase him. But the more I think about it, the more I am convinced that something isn't right here. I have one last email to send him on Monday. Will he respond? Will he ask me out to lunch again as he said he would? Time will tell. However, in case he does ask me out to lunch, I will not accept. His behavior is far too unsettling. Wishing you all the best in the new year! Nikki 1
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