Wife has an explosive temper - postpartum depression and bipolar

[OldLady]

Please consider that your wife is not safe with your children. There are many red flags in your story. I got chills reading your story and thought of the Andrea Yates case in Houston. A very sad ending. I feel for you.

[BettyDraper]

This is a tough situation. If a person is seriously mentally ill, this usually renders them unable to see themselves (insight) as mentally ill, this is why they act different, if they had any insight or total control, then obviously they would not behave erratic and explosive.

 

It is an imbalance of chemicals, not a personality disorder. it is closer to schizophrenia with it's difficulty in balancing and stabilizing.

 

Do you have the funds or insurance for an inpatient long term stay?

 

Mental illness is a disease, yet people seem to have little empathy or concern for their welfare. No one chooses to be mentally ill and it is no different than a person suffering Alzheimer's or Dementia, yet the latter seems to receive all the fan fare, concern, sympathy, and empathy.

 

I hope life becomes easier for all of you with better treatment plans because the current plan does not seem to be working. There are new studies showing a club drug reverses bi polar and helps many of the similar type brain diseases. The drug does not cure personality disorders.

 

The only "cure" for a personality disorder is years of DBT or perhaps CBT. I concur with all of your points about mental illness.

[BettyDraper]

OP, have you ever thought about natural supplements to help your wife's condition?

Mood disturbances are often the result of a magnesium deficiency.

There is a supplement called "Natural Calm" which works very well. It's magnesium powder which is mixed in hot water like a tea.

[stateofpapa]

This is a tough situation. If a person is seriously mentally ill, this usually renders them unable to see themselves (insight) as mentally ill, this is why they act different, if they had any insight or total control, then obviously they would not behave erratic and explosive.

 

It is an imbalance of chemicals, not a personality disorder. it is closer to schizophrenia with it's difficulty in balancing and stabilizing.

 

Do you have the funds or insurance for an inpatient long term stay?

 

Mental illness is a disease, yet people seem to have little empathy or concern for their welfare. No one chooses to be mentally ill and it is no different than a person suffering Alzheimer's or Dementia, yet the latter seems to receive all the fan fare, concern, sympathy, and empathy.

 

I hope life becomes easier for all of you with better treatment plans because the current plan does not seem to be working. There are new studies showing a club drug reverses bi polar and helps many of the similar type brain diseases. The drug does not cure personality disorders.

 

I’m active with treatment and support. She does acknowledge her mental illness. Recently she went to her psychiatrist and they changed the mood stabilizer medication in combination with her anti depression meds. This was based on her reaction to the last medication.

 

She is also trying with eating well and working out. But the edge is always there under the surface. As some noted, the illness does not excuse acting a certain way.

 

For those that say simply to go it feels as if I would abandon my kids since I would only get them at best for half time and would lose current oversight. She is trying and we are giving it our best shot. Right now I’m trying to do what is best for my two young kids.

 

Has anyone successfully worked through issues with a spouse that was bipolar or with any other major mental illness?

[BettyDraper]

I’m active with treatment and support. She does acknowledge her mental illness. Recently she went to her psychiatrist and they changed the mood stabilizer medication in combination with her anti depression meds. This was based on her reaction to the last medication.

 

She is also trying with eating well and working out. But the edge is always there under the surface. As some noted, the illness does not excuse acting a certain way.

 

For those that say simply to go it feels as if I would abandon my kids since I would only get them at best for half time and would lose current oversight. She is trying and we are giving it our best shot. Right now I’m trying to do what is best for my two young kids.

 

Has anyone successfully worked through issues with a spouse that was bipolar or with any other major mental illness?

 

When you have posted more on this forum, I will be able to send you a private message because I have extensive experience in helping those with mental health issues. My husband is not mentally ill though.

[basil67]

I can't see why you'd only get your kids half the time. If she's unstable and volatile, she should have only supervised access and you should be the primary carer. Have you spoken with a lawyer about this?

[stateofpapa]

I can't see why you'd only get your kids half the time. If she's unstable and volatile, she should have only supervised access and you should be the primary carer. Have you spoken with a lawyer about this?

 

Yes and I've spoken to a couple of lawyers. While being explosive and having rage are not good, there is no evidence of abuse to the children. While being around a negative person is not good, it is a challenge to claim that a bad temper is sufficient evidence to obtain full custody. The threshold for verbal abuse has to be off the charts from the attorneys I was speaking with.

 

I do struggle with this daily. It is draining to be around a person that is always on the verge of breaking down. Someone that simply sees the negative in everything. In reality, something has dramatically changed in her mind and she is now being treated for this mental illness. My kids are still small and I hope with support and counseling things improve but as they get older, I don't want them to see dad as someone that is disrespected and mom is simply angry all the time.

 

For now, I feel that I intervene when she gets too angry and serve as a buffer to her sporadic negativity to the kids. She also provides a lot of love and support and when she is fine, is a good mom. The yo-yo of emotions is however exhausting. I actually see the positive in the world. We have smart and beautiful kids that are healthy. We are fortunate enough to have funds to pay for support to come to our house to help. We are lucky to have healthcare to provide medication and treatment. We are lucky that she can be a SAHM as she had wanted.

 

Yet I'm also realizing that some people are just wired a different way. It is also difficult to live your life by some idealized comparison with others. Some people will never be happy.