jgraham11 Posted December 11, 2018 Posted December 11, 2018 This girl I just went out with last week with is already mentioning kids to me. Now I'm not like 20 years old, but I'm not about to hit 40 and pressed for time either. She's 30, which is older than me and generally I like to date younger than me. I generally go for girls between 23-28 (I'm 27). Kind of for this exact reason I think. I've noticed girls older than me are generally very aggressive and I like to take my time with dating. She's coming off as extremely desperate, like she has no time left to have kids. I can appreciate that I guess and it's good that she knows what she wants, but I mean after the first date!? Kind of crazy no? 1
Surfer Joe Posted December 11, 2018 Posted December 11, 2018 You might want to think about walking away from this one. That said, maybe at least mention to her your concerns. Give her a chance to clarify - there is wishful thinking as in "kids would be nice one day" and then there is I need to meet a guy so I can have kids right now. At the end of the day - one date is not enough time to have that discussion...not even close.
Els Posted December 11, 2018 Posted December 11, 2018 I wouldn't say it's "crazy", but she's certainly incompatible with you. Good that she let you know right away though, no? 1
Author jgraham11 Posted December 11, 2018 Author Posted December 11, 2018 Yeah I guess. She even saids something about freezing her eggs. I was like uhhh okay? I don't know I just think something like that needs to be spoken about after like 5-6 dates or when someone is getting to the point where a title will be put on a relationship. Probably going to walk away from her cause it's just too much too soon for me.
Art_Critic Posted December 11, 2018 Posted December 11, 2018 (edited) You didn't say in your post that you're having sex, if you are then mentioning kids is all part of the game. You are using your genitals which is used to reproduce and produce kids. However if you're not having sex then mentioning kids is a little early, maybe not desperate but she may be using it to filter out non father prospects since her goal is to find someone who wants kids Edited December 11, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator spelling 2
preraph Posted December 11, 2018 Posted December 11, 2018 You just need to tell her you're not in any hurry and she will just want to move on to the next guy, because she is wanting kids and it takes a while to develop a relationship to do that, so she needs to move on. 1
elaine567 Posted December 11, 2018 Posted December 11, 2018 Yeah I guess. She even saids something about freezing her eggs. I was like uhhh okay? I don't know I just think something like that needs to be spoken about after like 5-6 dates or when someone is getting to the point where a title will be put on a relationship. Probably going to walk away from her cause it's just too much too soon for me. Why waste her time going on 5-6 dates with you when you are not on the same page? Having kids may not be a priority to you but to others they cannot afford to waste time with no-hopers. She is wise to bring this up early doors. 4
d0nnivain Posted December 11, 2018 Posted December 11, 2018 Any chance you are over reacting? Context & tone are important here. If she said casually that she wants kids eventually simmer down unless you are dead set against the little buggers. She is probably OK with taking your time in dating she just wants to make sure you are not one of those guys who already had his mind made up that he never wants kids. 1
basil67 Posted December 11, 2018 Posted December 11, 2018 Generally speaking, older women (this woman and the other "aggressive" older women you've dated) know what they want and aren't inclined to waste time with someone who doesn't want the same thing. You aren't on the same page as this one, so she's just saved you a heap of time and money. I see it as a win. 1
smackie9 Posted December 11, 2018 Posted December 11, 2018 You both are to way off the page for each other...move along, don't waste anyone's time. 1
kendahke Posted December 11, 2018 Posted December 11, 2018 This girl I just went out with last week with is already mentioning kids to me. Now I'm not like 20 years old, but I'm not about to hit 40 and pressed for time either. She's 30, which is older than me and generally I like to date younger than me. I generally go for girls between 23-28 (I'm 27). Kind of for this exact reason I think. I've noticed girls older than me are generally very aggressive and I like to take my time with dating. She's coming off as extremely desperate, like she has no time left to have kids. I can appreciate that I guess and it's good that she knows what she wants, but I mean after the first date!? Kind of crazy no? No. She's a grown woman who isn't here to play games with you. She's letting you know what her future encompasses so that you can decide whether or not you want to go on this journey with this end result on the horizon. If that ain't you, then bounce. You should stick to younger girls who haven't figured out what their life trajectory is. 4
RecentChange Posted December 11, 2018 Posted December 11, 2018 Kind of crazy no? I don't think its crazy, I always mentioned kids WAY early when dating. Why? Because I do not want any - I am not having kids. I think that is an important thing for a guy to know right off the bat. If he is dating for the purpose of finding a long term partner, and he wants kids some day, I am not his gal. You didn't say in your post that you're having sex, if you are then mentioning kids is all part of the game. Yes, this too, for this reason, again, very early on I made it clear how important multiple methods of birth control are to me, and that again I am NOT having kids. So - what if you were like me? Knows that you never ever want kids? Wouldn't you want to know that she really wants them? Wouldn't you want to know that you should really protect your fertility?
stillafool Posted December 11, 2018 Posted December 11, 2018 I would think a 30 year old woman who is ready to get married and have kids would not look at a 27 year old unless he were extremely mature and expressed the same interest. OP stop dating her now and go back to dating 24/24 year olds. You two are not on the same page. 1
Author jgraham11 Posted December 11, 2018 Author Posted December 11, 2018 Jesus Christ guys... r-e-l-a-x I do want kids, I'm 27 I'm not a spring chicken either. Mentioning it on the first date is rare, at least to me. Especially considering we haven't even gotten physical yet. I'll probably be moving on from her, but that's actually not the main reason.
Author jgraham11 Posted December 11, 2018 Author Posted December 11, 2018 Only this forum and Reddit could make it seem completely normal to bring up marriage and kids on the 1st date, I swear haha
RecentChange Posted December 11, 2018 Posted December 11, 2018 Hey put it this way. It was a nice warning for you - a reminder if you were to get intimate to wrap it up..... Someone that really wants children probably wouldn't be devastated by an "opps" pregnancy. 1
Author jgraham11 Posted December 11, 2018 Author Posted December 11, 2018 Hey put it this way. It was a nice warning for you - a reminder if you were to get intimate to wrap it up..... Someone that really wants children probably wouldn't be devastated by an "opps" pregnancy. Well, it won't even get that far, but yeah it is quite the warning.
SophieG Posted December 11, 2018 Posted December 11, 2018 Depends! I sometimes bring the subject on the first date, since for me, having kids is quite important, and I wouldn’t want to waste my time with someone who doesn’t want any. If she’s talking about having kids with you, picking names, saying she would love to have a family with you... that would be a little intense on the first date. The guy I’m seeing asked me once, in the first month of dating, what I would do if an unexpected pregnancy happened! I thought it was a fair question to ask since we were being intimate (protected). 2
Gretchen12 Posted December 11, 2018 Posted December 11, 2018 I think it's a waste of time to date people that are not what you're looking for. You might say you are making an exception for this person, but soon you find it really doesn't work. Too many people "make exceptions" on age, physical type, career, educaton, relationship history, etc. These tend to end soon or bring about a lot of stress. It's not worth it, so don't do it unless you're looking for casual sex and you tell her. The driving force behind "giving someone a chance" is your own lack of options which is a sort of desperation.
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