Why does he make me feel so bad about myself?

[frankspeci]

OP. Your personal description and reccollection of the scene in which you were laying naked on your bed and he told you that you were the ugliest girl he'd ever slept with made me gasp.

 

Theres a culture of "negging" in the male pickup artist community in which men attempt to tease or criticize women as an artificial way of "demonstrating high value." There's insensitive jerks, both men and women, who make thoughtless remarks to their significant other. In my opinion, what you are discribing has crossed into verbal abuse, based on that comment in addition to the frequency of other criticisms.

 

That's just my opinion. Again, I think you should end it. Your self respect is in tact but I think you run the risk of your self esteem and validation taking severe blows the longer you stay in this. It's obvious that your feelings for him strengthen the impact of his words to you. A therapist can also help with this by the way.

[smackie9]

Abusive behavior takes on different forms...it's not always physical, most of the time it's emotional. Putting you down, but joke about it, is passive/aggressive, and that is a form of verbal abuse. He may have a joking tone, but he's damn serious about what he says.

 

 

 

It's possible he has no clue he is hurting you. Maybe in his mind he thinks he is encouraging you to be a better person physically. It's time to let him have it. Tell him how it hurts you, and that it belittles you. If you don't speak up firmly, the behavior will continue. Now if he blows it off as you being silly, that's when you end this relationship because there is no respect, and you can't have a healthy relationship without it. Love is not going to save it.

[Starswillshine]

Oh honey, this made me cry. Please see this man for who he is. He is an abuser. There is something wrong with him for him to out you down like this, and it isnt your problem to fix. I'm sure he is amazing 90% of the time, and that is what will keep you hanging on, but I promise all he does... there are men out there who do those good things, too, without the hurtful and abusive remarks. Dont let this man devalue you and make you feel bad about yourself. If he doesnt love and cherish you for exactly who you are, he isnt your person. You have invested 9 months with this guy, do not invest more. Dont spend years and have children and be tied down to this man forever.

[I'veseenbetterlol]

Unfortunately he criticizes me everytime we hang out, I am never perfect lmao

 

You need a new bf. This isn't a norm in a happy relationship.

[rightondude]

"he said "I think you're probably the ugliest girl I've ever slept with" while laughing.. when my face dropped he said "im jooooking geez""

 

What? Get this guy on the comedy circuit today, this is gold and he's missing out on a career. No, I'm serious, get him out the door and on the road like now.

 

You could try a "joke" yourself and tell him you think he's the smallest guy and worst at sex you've ever been with! It's just a joke, geeeez!

[Mrs._December]

I have self-respect and he's not just clear cut mean to me all the time, it's always a joke.

You're contradicting yourself.

 

You defend his verbal and emotional abuse in the quote above, but in your first post you said:

What I want to know is how do I fix this or tell him what he's doing is hurting me? I have never felt like this with any of my ex-boyfriends but is this common in other relationships? My boyfriend is attractive but in no way a model, he has many flaws like me but I never point them out because I would never want to hurt his feelings.. so why does he want to hurt mine?? I really love him, how can I fix this situation?? I'm tired of being constantly criticized

Don't defend his nasty abusive behavior when you know you can't stand it and it causes you pain.

 

What he's doing is called 'leveling.' That's when someone feels insecure because they feel they're not on your level, so they'll systematically insult you and make you feel bad about yourself to try to drag you down to their level, so to speak. It's an abusive and manipulative tactic and it says VOLUMES about your boyfriend's insecurity.

 

Don't ever stay with ANYONE who can't show you the respect you deserve.

[ChatroomHero]

I find it odd to read posts on here where some say, my bf doesn't care much for pottery classes, I'm thinking I should dump him...others say, my bf is straight up awful to me and treats me like garbage. How do I get him to change as I do not want to leave him.

 

 

If someone acts like that to you, multiply it by 50 and that's what your life will be like over the years. You'll be 50 times as hurt and 50 times as upset and tired of the abuse as you are now. If you like that, then by all means tell yourself "he is perfect except...". If it really bothers you tell yourself the truth, he is not perfect. He is an ass with no respect for you and move on.

 

 

It's totally your choice to take the abuse or cut him free. If you say you want to stay with him, the only answer to your post is he is not a great guy, treats you like crap and will never change. It's pretty basic and you already knew the answer to your question I expect. Nobody is really going to say if you try hard enough you can change his behavior successfully.

[guest569]

The question shouldn’t be “why does he make me feel bad about myself?” It is “why does he say nasty, rude and inappropriate things?”

 

What I’m trying to get at is that it’s not your fault for feeling hurt or feeling bad about yourself,because his jokes are not funny in the slightest. Do you truly think that it is comedy? He says it is a joke because it lets him off the hook for saying horrible things, and places the blame on you for being unable to understand a joke or because you are too serious and should lighten up. He is blaming you for being hurt by his terrible behaviour.

 

If my partner said that I offended or hurt his feelings my stomach would sink and I would feel really crappy and apologise. Unless I thought that what I said was fair and okay.