I secretly despise that the guy I'm dating is a single father. Should I call it quits

[snowcones]

My only advice to you is to find someone who is just like you. You’d be more compatible.

[Indigo.Cranes]

I wish his child didn't exist.

I'll never be cool with his snakey ex having an open door in his life.

I wish they would have aborted that child and parted ways for good.

I don't ever want to meet the child or have to deal with the burden of getting a kid's approval, being expected to fulfill some sort of motherly figure minus the actual benefits of being a mom, Jesus, it all sounds like a neverending chore.

 

Thank you guys for showing me the light! I will ride this thing out as long as I can without ever having to be around that child.

[Indigo.Cranes]

You seem very invested in what other people do with their "reproductive organs." Interesting.

 

Also, you might want to step far away from your moral high ground sometime soon. People had sex and it resulted in a child. You are disgusted by this, which is up to you, but where are you finding justification to use a man for your "fun"? A few posts ago he was your "soul mate."

 

If this is how you treat people you supposedly care about - it's a good thing for this man that the unassailable deal breaker of his fatherhood is in place.

 

It's not so much of moral high ground as it is common sense. Children get cheated out of so many important childhood aspects when irresponsibly horny people act like their orgasm is more important than anything. "People had sex and it resulted in a child" isn't good enough. For the child most of all. I just hope she doesn't follow in her mother and grandmother's footsteps.

 

 

==========

 

 

False. Not "people" in general. This post isn't about people in general, obviously. This post is about two specific individual and how their sleazy, irresponsible decision has a negative, burdensome, direct impact on MY life.

 

You ignoring how incredibly irresponsible it is to procreate in a romantically futureless, unstable situation says A LOT.

Edited December 13, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Indigo.Cranes]

You seem very invested in what other people do with their "reproductive organs." Interesting.

 

Also, you might want to step far away from your moral high ground sometime soon. People had sex and it resulted in a child. You are disgusted by this, which is up to you, but where are you finding justification to use a man for your "fun"? A few posts ago he was your "soul mate."

 

If this is how you treat people you supposedly care about - it's a good thing for this man that the unassailable deal breaker of his fatherhood is in place.

 

Seriously...to you and anyone else who would like to assume I'm just some virgin who needs to step down from a moral high ground: Stop pretending that being a single parent isn't dangerous and potentially hazardous for children. It's different if a marriage didn't work out or if a spouse died but there are a lot of uniquely toxic phases children of single parents may go through while simultaneously getting cheated out of a certain type of childhood and robbed of a certain familial unit aspect. It presents a whole host of problematic ripple effects for everyone involved so please don't try to write me off as some unreasonable, morally uptight virgin for simply being logical and realistic about long term aftereffects.

 

Do you have any idea how many young boys and girls get molested and sexually abused by Mommy's boyfriend? There are actually websites on the dark web instructing predators how to scheme single mothers to get to their kids.

 

So sorry but in this day and age with male and female contraception, "Two people had sex and made a child" isn't good enough.

[NuevoYorko]

This post is about two specific individual and how their sleazy, irresponsible decision has a negative, burdensome, direct impact on MY life.

 

People who are lusting after each other have sex all the time. It's awesome; not sleazy or irresponsible.

 

What other people do sexually has nothing to do with you. You're responsible for the miserable time you're having. Just don't date parents. Or anyone who has ever had sex. Or, for that matter, anyone who enjoys sex or who thinks about their penis / vagina / etc. in terms other than as "reproductive organs." There are a lot of you out there, you just need to find each other. I wish you, and especially the victims of your misdirected ire, the best of luck!

Edited December 13, 2018 by NuevoYorko

[Wallysbears]

I wish his child didn't exist.

I'll never be cool with his snakey ex having an open door in his life.

I wish they would have aborted that child and parted ways for good.

I don't ever want to meet the child or have to deal with the burden of getting a kid's approval, being expected to fulfill some sort of motherly figure minus the actual benefits of being a mom, Jesus, it all sounds like a neverending chore.

 

Thank you guys for showing me the light! I will ride this thing out as long as I can without ever having to be around that child.

 

Please do not ever say that you wish a child had been aborted. That's really cruel.

 

And I'm glad you aren't going to meet the child.

 

I think you should just separate from this man immediately.

[basil67]

This post is about two specific individual and how their sleazy, irresponsible decision has a negative, burdensome, direct impact on MY life.

 

Exactly. You don't really care about the child or it's outcome at all. All your blather about the impact on the child is random vitriol.

 

When it comes down to it, you're just mad because of your own desires aren't getting met.

[Ronni_W]

You ignoring how incredibly irresponsible it is to procreate in a romantically futureless, unstable situation says A LOT.

Indigo.Cranes,

 

Do you give any credence to the possibility that Life, as it is manifest on Earth, is also subject to forces that are beyond just the physical-material (Matter, or biological) mother and father?

 

Not "people" in general. This post isn't about people in general, obviously. This post is about two specific individual and how their sleazy, irresponsible decision has a negative, burdensome,

direct impact on MY life.

Not to set you off, but,

how did you come to think-believe that these two specific individuals should have constrained their sexual impulses/desires just to be considerate of how the consequences might impact YOUR life?

 

That is, did the guy even know you, before he became a father?

[basil67]

Not to set you off, but,

how did you come to think-believe that these two specific individuals should have constrained their sexual impulses/desires just to be considerate of how the consequences might impact YOUR life?

 

That is, did the guy even know you, before he became a father?

 

I do wonder if Indigo was raised believing that the world revolves around her. It could explain some of the way she's feeling.

[Lorenza]

Just to add - some people don't regret having children, even if the pregnancy wasn't planned and they don't intend on staying together. More likely than not, both your guy and his ex are still thankful having that girl in their lives and wouldn't change that for anything. He can still be a decent father figure and from you've told us, it seems like he's highly involved in both of their lives. Sorry you can't be his number 1. But being number 2 isn't too bad when you're with your soulmate, or?

[Trail Blazer]

I wish his child didn't exist.

I'll never be cool with his snakey ex having an open door in his life.

I wish they would have aborted that child and parted ways for good.

I don't ever want to meet the child or have to deal with the burden of getting a kid's approval, being expected to fulfill some sort of motherly figure minus the actual benefits of being a mom, Jesus, it all sounds like a neverending chore.

 

Thank you guys for showing me the light! I will ride this thing out as long as I can without ever having to be around that child.

Why don't you just cut all the BS and leave, immediately? To me it seems like you're spoiling for a fight on here more than you're looking for advice. You've been given all the advice you need on here. Just leave this man ASAP!!!

[ElKay]

I read this whole thread, post by post. I'm a little confused. Did he actually get downgraded from "soulmate" and "love of my life" to "fun fling"?

Seems kind of weird.

[Indigo.Cranes]

Y'all, I'm weak!!! After last night, I can't resist this man! My dumb a** is going to fall in love with him and love his child like I love him!!

[Indigo.Cranes]

Please do not ever say that you wish a child had been aborted. That's really cruel.

 

And I'm glad you aren't going to meet the child.

 

I think you should just separate from this man immediately.

 

You're right, that was really mean and cold-hearted. Thank you for holding me accountable.

[Indigo.Cranes]

Exactly. You don't really care about the child or it's outcome at all. All your blather about the impact on the child is random vitriol.

 

When it comes down to it, you're just mad because of your own desires aren't getting met.

 

True story, bro.

 

Perhaps I was wrong...life is one massive learning/growth experience. Thank you for contributing.

[Indigo.Cranes]

Indigo.Cranes,

 

Do you give any credence to the possibility that Life, as it is manifest on Earth, is also subject to forces that are beyond just the physical-material (Matter, or biological) mother and father?

 

Not to set you off, but,

how did you come to think-believe that these two specific individuals should have constrained their sexual impulses/desires just to be considerate of how the consequences might impact YOUR life?

 

That is, did the guy even know you, before he became a father?

 

 

Thank you for contributing such an excellently beautiful point. I've been a whole a**-hat and I'm grateful there's someone as eloquent as you to voice that without harsh judgment or criticism. For all I know, his "illegitimate child" could be the one to discover the cure to AIDS...and there I was selfishly acting like my realm of reality was all that mattered

Edited December 14, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Indigo.Cranes]

I do wonder if Indigo was raised believing that the world revolves around her. It could explain some of the way she's feeling.

 

Lmao, I wish!! I was in my feelings with a needy, drunken rant . It's really not that deep.

[Indigo.Cranes]

Why don't you just cut all the BS and leave, immediately? To me it seems like you're spoiling for a fight on here more than you're looking for advice. You've been given all the advice you need on here. Just leave this man ASAP!!!

 

But he's just sooo YUMMY! Personality and all! Freaggin makes me feel so warm and snuggly inside! Cannot resist his company. I might give him baby #2,3,4, & 5!!!!!!

[DKT3]

I do wonder if Indigo was raised believing that the world revolves around her. It could explain some of the way she's feeling.

 

As I said in the beginning of this thread, she likely grew up with this unrealistic idea of what life would be. She seems unequipped to deal with deviations from that view.

 

In the end, this will leave her a bitter lonely old lady. Or she will learn to except people dont live to fit into her views of the world.

 

To answer the main question of the thread, yes she should absolutely end the relationship. Her clear resentment of this child and mother is very toxic and unhealthy

Edited December 14, 2018 by DKT3

[Indigo.Cranes]

I read this whole thread, post by post. I'm a little confused. Did he actually get downgraded from "soulmate" and "love of my life" to "fun fling"?

Seems kind of weird.

 

Lmao! I have no comment. Christmas party is tonight after an amazing, loving, goofy night last night. I may just have to swallow my pride and make this man my husband. He's [] beyond amazing.

Edited December 14, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Language

[DKT3]

Lmao! I have no comment. Christmas party is tonight after an amazing, loving, goofy night last night. I may just have to swallow my pride and make this man my husband. He's [] beyond amazing.

 

Please don't marry the man. His child will suffer from the union.

[Trail Blazer]

But he's just sooo YUMMY! Personality and all! Freaggin makes me feel so warm and snuggly inside! Cannot resist his company. I might give him baby #2,3,4, & 5!!!!!!

 

This about face makes you come across as slightly unhinged. You can't flop flop about. You need to be unwavering in your own expectations, whatever they are, and stick to them. For relationships to work, people need to remain true to themselves.