I secretly despise that the guy I'm dating is a single father. Should I call it quits

December 11, 2018

I have been following this thread biting my tongue so to speak. The OP was asked more than once her age and has not given an answer that I can see. So I am going to assume she is quite young. Correct me if I am wrong OP.

I am not young. 47 to be exact. I met an amazing man not all that long ago. He is a full time Dad! I have no kids. He never hid that from me. In fact the day we met she was with him. I can't imagine life without him! He has a kid but he is worth it. He is kind, patient and considerate. I know it's because he is a caring Dad.

Would I rather go for an evening of wings and drinks over tobogganing? Hell yeah! But let me tell you that kiddo keeps me young. She adores me. I am not trying to be a Mom. I read up on "how to date a single Dad" and it said to act like a cool Auntie. Oh and let me tell you that sneaking around for "alone time" can be pretty risk-aaaay and fun too.

To the OP: You are far to young to settle down and get with one man. Date men, go out and party, find guys with no kids! When you have experienced life a bit more you will be far more ready to settle down with one man for the rest of your life.

I am glad that you opened up and let your anger out but please have some fun in life before settling down; you only live once.

December 11, 2018

Say I meet that child...and the sight of her makes my heart drop. Say her cheerful smile in her daddy's arms makes all my fiery, Sagittarian, b*tchiness instantly melt...she will never truly be mine to cherish and adorn. Not according to law. Not according to biological logic. Not according to the basic, expected process of parenting. She has a mother. She has an integral influence that dominates her every psychological move. Am I supposed to just play the disappointing role of a hopeful step-mommy? Am I supposed to just wait on the sidelines hoping that my caring, warm, generous nature can override a plausible blind loyalty to her own mother/life-giver??

There are people who don't break away from their life-giver's incorrect, toxic, dominating personality ripple effect for DECADES for the simple fact that so many wonderous, positive hormones were traded and ingested amongst each other....What kind of reality could that create for me

I am just being sincere about the sheer, problematic level of anxiety this all could create....

Then despite everything else you've said in this thread, step-parenting isn't for you, so don't date men with kids. It's not for everyone! I'm not sure I'd want to do it, and I have kids of my own.

I'm also a Sagittarius so please stop blaming your attitude on your sign . I feel offended by that . (JK, I don't, but it doesn't describe me either).

December 11, 2018

Say I meet that child...and the sight of her makes my heart drop. Say her cheerful smile in her daddy's arms makes all my fiery, Sagittarian, b*tchiness instantly melt...she will never truly be mine to cherish and adorn. Not according to law. Not according to biological logic. Not according to the basic, expected process of parenting. She has a mother. She has an integral influence that dominates her every psychological move. Am I supposed to just play the disappointing role of a hopeful step-mommy? Am I supposed to just wait on the sidelines hoping that my caring, warm, generous nature can override a plausible blind loyalty to her own mother/life-giver??

There are people who don't break away from their life-giver's incorrect, toxic, dominating personality ripple effect for DECADES for the simple fact that so many wonderous, positive hormones were traded and ingested amongst each other....What kind of reality could that create for me

I am just being sincere about the sheer, problematic level of anxiety this all could create....

Agreed, all the potential problems you list are real and likely.

Step parenting, as it is for so many others out there, is NOT for you, on so many levels.

Accept that and move on, before you do irreparable damage to this little family.

December 11, 2018

Then despite everything else you've said in this thread, step-parenting isn't for you, so don't date men with kids. It's not for everyone! I'm not sure I'd want to do it, and I have kids of my own.

I'm also a Sagittarius so please stop blaming your attitude on your sign . I feel offended by that . (JK, I don't, but it doesn't describe me either).

Thanks, darling! I am absolutely ADORING all of your transparent, truthful energy.

Lmao well, I've also got some Aries bits in there too so...you're really telling me you don't have that fiesty fire sign struggle? Maybe you're a water moon or rising?

December 11, 2018

You should be honest with the guy you’re seeing and not with strangers on the internet. But we’re all telling you the same thing: talk to the guy and leave.

And no you just don’t like the kid. Your earlier posts show such resentment and hatred. Your reasoning now is that no one wise would take the risk of loving a child that you have no legal / biological entitlements to. But at the same nature, you have absolutely no holding on the the kids’ father as well. There are no certainties or guarantees in life but you just take that risk if you think it’s worth it.

It’s definitely not easy to love someone’s else kid as your own but that’s perfectly normal. For most including myself that’s a deal breaker but I wouldn’t waste time hating on the past actions of someone.

That's a really good point. Thanks for assessing this attentively and really giving me feedback.

I haven't met the kid lol? I can't just not like someone I haven't met, yeah?

Just for clarity, I don't think NO ONE would take that risk, I just find that risk to be TERRIFYING.

December 11, 2018

No, I think the smartest thing you can do is stay as far away from their precious child as possible. Just deal with the Dad until he finds out who you really are and then it will be over.

Don't try to tear me down with snarky passive aggression because you don't like hearing an honest, transparent perspective from a childless woman that at least over 100 people are relating to in some way.

December 11, 2018

I'm sorry you had to experience something so painful in your childhood but it's not fair or right for you to project your father's emotional incompetencies and his girlfriend's f*ckery onto me, a complete stranger, with brash accusations.

I'm basing it on your previous posts. You don't seem to be very self-aware, OP. You write things that trigger people's reaction and then act like you don't know what they're talking about. You wrote that you can't stand the fact that his child looks like her mom and is influenced by her and I connect it to my father's girlfriend being bothered by my resemblance of my mom. What is unclear? What it that you seek here? And most importantly, what kind of magical solution do you think we can propose to you in this very obvious situation?

It seems like you're here just to pointlessly argue with people who propose the only possible solution to your problem.

December 11, 2018

I would please like to ask posting single parents to not misdirect your own fears, worries, anxieties, or frustrations with your own situation onto me, a complete and total stranger. Someone who's character you have not seen at work (because we will only "know" each other from a screen). Please do not speak to me as if you are well traveled through my internal existence; you are not. Trying to morph me into some evil, Lifetime Movie Network character who's out to destroy the lives of single parents and their children is unecessary and this topic is touchy enough without that toxic energy.

I can imagine, after all your struggles of being a single parent, that getting online and stumbling upon a 100% truthful, unconcealed train of thought like this would spark a lot of negative emotions. Seeing so many people concurring probably feels like a punch to the gut and I am sorry if that's the case. You will probably always wonder if your ex's partner will harbor similar feelings. It's possible you want to lash out because my honesty reminded you of a rejection and I am sorry for that but I cannot help the power of simple honesty.

With all of us, this thread could really be a good point of reference to help many types of people who end up in this situation. Let's not derail from that.

December 11, 2018

Don't try to tear me down with snarky passive aggression because you don't like hearing an honest, transparent perspective from a childless woman that at least over 100 people are relating to in some way.

I'm a childless woman also. I've known all my life I didn't want kids that is why I married a man who feels the same as I do about this subject. I don't have a problem hearing nonsense; that is why I'm here on your thread. I don't think you are a young woman but perhaps aged and a bit bitter.

December 11, 2018

This is every mother's nightmare, that her child will end up with a wicked step-mother/daddy's new girlfriend. Children can easily pick up on hostile vibes directed at them and it's very damaging to their self-esteem. Please do the right thing and end the relationship.

P.S. You mentioned the mother didn't have enough self control to keep her legs closed. Have you ever asked HIM why he didn't wear a condom??

I also mentioned several times in several ways that he was foolish for playing around with procreation with a woman he only wanted in his life for a small amount of time.

I'm sorry that there is no way to deliver this honesty without offending people but it's just the truth. Maybe it sounds selfish or immature but it's the truth and apparently, there are a lot of people who can relate & vibe with my message.

Many people in general would not be cool with their significant other's ex having an open door. Add to that, the ex has a lifelong, permanent, uniquely special bond of a child with your S.O. and the ex is always going to have some biological reflex of protection, love, and time priority from him. How is a child free man or woman supposed to embrace and accept that situation with open arms?? How can you expect us to not genuinely feel extreme frustration, annoyance, and even resentment within that situation? It's a sucky situation.

December 11, 2018

I'm basing it on your previous posts. You don't seem to be very self-aware, OP. You write things that trigger people's reaction and then act like you don't know what they're talking about. You wrote that you can't stand the fact that his child looks like her mom and is influenced by her and I connect it to my father's girlfriend being bothered by my resemblance of my mom. What is unclear? What it that you seek here? And most importantly, what kind of magical solution do you think we can propose to you in this very obvious situation?
It seems like you're here just to pointlessly argue with people who propose the only possible solution to your problem.

No, love, it's not that. With all due respect, I just speak my truth; someone's reaction is their business, not mine. I am not disrespectful. I don't insult people or deliberately antagonize. If you feel insulted by me simply speaking how I feel about a situation with a group of strangers then that is because you haven't worked something out within you. I can't control anyone's emotions; your emotional response is all based on whatever you have not unpacked or healed from.

And I am sorry that my honesty triggered such an awful childhood recollection for you and that your father failed to provide a better memory bank for you but that is out of my hands, love.

December 11, 2018

I imagine this is how his child's mother felt too. So you can't blame her. She didn't get pregnant by herself.

You're exactly right.

December 11, 2018

Yeah, I'm going to take a shot in the dark and guess OP is at least in her late twenties if not older. It would help if she would clarify.

December 11, 2018

I'm basing it on your previous posts. You don't seem to be very self-aware, OP. You write things that trigger people's reaction and then act like you don't know what they're talking about. You wrote that you can't stand the fact that his child looks like her mom and is influenced by her and I connect it to my father's girlfriend being bothered by my resemblance of my mom. What is unclear? What it that you seek here? And most importantly, what kind of magical solution do you think we can propose to you in this very obvious situation?
It seems like you're here just to pointlessly argue with people who propose the only possible solution to your problem.

I try not to be argumentative but I will hold my ground if people displace their own baggage onto me in an accusatory way. People are coming here wanting to argue with me because my honesty about a situation in MY life seems to have resurfaced some unpleasant feelings that they've tried harrrrd to keep weighed down.

So...with that being said, for any readers, if simply hearing truthful insight about this situation is triggering, then stop reading. I don't want to ruin your mood but I'm not going to be a liar to get likes and warm fuzzies.

December 11, 2018

I'm a childless woman also. I've known all my life I didn't want kids that is why I married a man who feels the same as I do about this subject. I don't have a problem hearing nonsense; that is why I'm here on your thread. I don't think you are a young woman but perhaps aged and a bit bitter.

Nah, someone as ambitious as me doesn't have time to be bitter.

December 11, 2018

I have been following this thread biting my tongue so to speak. The OP was asked more than once her age and has not given an answer that I can see. So I am going to assume she is quite young. Correct me if I am wrong OP.

I am not young. 47 to be exact. I met an amazing man not all that long ago. He is a full time Dad! I have no kids. He never hid that from me. In fact the day we met she was with him. I can't imagine life without him! He has a kid but he is worth it. He is kind, patient and considerate. I know it's because he is a caring Dad.

Would I rather go for an evening of wings and drinks over tobogganing? Hell yeah! But let me tell you that kiddo keeps me young. She adores me. I am not trying to be a Mom. I read up on "how to date a single Dad" and it said to act like a cool Auntie. Oh and let me tell you that sneaking around for "alone time" can be pretty risk-aaaay and fun too.

To the OP: You are far to young to settle down and get with one man. Date men, go out and party, find guys with no kids! When you have experienced life a bit more you will be far more ready to settle down with one man for the rest of your life.

I am glad that you opened up and let your anger out but please have some fun in life before settling down; you only live once.

D*mn it, I like the way you think! Lol! Your post is adorable. Glad to hear you're having smooth sailing. And that's another excellent point...like these fathers...is credit not due to the child for molding them to be such caring, loving, protective, responsible men??

And thank you sooo much for being empathetic and not speaking from a place of positivity & realness.

December 11, 2018

I too am a childless person that is with a man who was totally on board with not having children...I told him flat out after about the 3rd date, I'm not having kids. BUT if it came to being with someone that did have children, I would expect he would have a very good relationship with his ex. I wouldn't mind if they shared the holidays together as long as I was along for the festivities. I've grown to appreciate the family unit and it shouldn't be broken.

December 11, 2018

I too am a childless person that is with a man who was totally on board with not having children...I told him flat out after about the 3rd date, I'm not having kids. BUT if it came to being with someone that did have children, I would expect he would have a very good relationship with his ex. I wouldn't mind if they shared the holidays together as long as I was along for the festivities. I've grown to appreciate the family unit and it shouldn't be broken.

Wow, that's impressive resolve.

December 11, 2018

I'm glad that you found a place to vent although it should be with a therapist. But to be clear, he is not your soulmate, assuming those exist. A soulmate doesn't covet someone so much that they wish death on previous relationships. A soulmate would look at a child of the one they love as a part of him. A soulmate would not harbor such resentment that it would be impossible to ever keep it under wraps. A soulmate would love and understand the mistakes a person makes.

I didn't read every entry but I did read that you were (or are) a virgin. If you have not slept with him, what you are experiencing is the emotional equivalent of what his ex did physically. So close your emotional legs as you wished she had done physically and move on. Take solace in the fact that this dangerous level of vileness that you exhibit cannot spring from true, meaningful love but only from selfish, self-reflected coveting. And maybe in time, with therapy, you'll be able to find someone who does not engender such resentment in you.

December 11, 2018

Say I meet that child...and the sight of her makes my heart drop. Say her cheerful smile in her daddy's arms makes all my fiery, Sagittarian, b*tchiness instantly melt...she will never truly be mine to cherish and adorn. Not according to law. Not according to biological logic. Not according to the basic, expected process of parenting. She has a mother. She has an integral influence that dominates her every psychological move. Am I supposed to just play the disappointing role of a hopeful step-mommy? Am I supposed to just wait on the sidelines hoping that my caring, warm, generous nature can override a plausible blind loyalty to her own mother/life-giver??

There are people who don't break away from their life-giver's incorrect, toxic, dominating personality ripple effect for DECADES for the simple fact that so many wonderous, positive hormones were traded and ingested amongst each other....What kind of reality could that create for me

I am just being sincere about the sheer, problematic level of anxiety this all could create....

If she melts your heart then embrace that and let the rest go.

Little kids just want your love and acceptance.

If you treat her that way, I bet she would come to adore you.

She can love her mother and she can love you too.

No one has finite space in their heart.

December 11, 2018

Yeah, I'm going to take a shot in the dark and guess OP is at least in her late twenties if not older. It would help if she would clarify.

I would guess that too, she has found perfect father material in this guy if only he hadn't spoilt it by having a kid already.

She does not want to let go, as he is probably the best candidate in a while and the clock is ticking...

But IMO, this has disastrous train wreck written all over it.

No-one can live with that amount of hate and resentment without it spilling out at some point.

December 11, 2018

And maybe in time, with therapy, you'll be able to find someone who does not engender such resentment in you.

She doesn't need therapy she just needs to avoid dating single Dads...

December 11, 2018

Many people in general would not be cool with their significant other's ex having an open door. Add to that, the ex has a lifelong, permanent, uniquely special bond of a child with your S.O. and the ex is always going to have some biological reflex of protection, love, and time priority from him. How is a child free man or woman supposed to embrace and accept that situation with open arms?? How can you expect us to not genuinely feel extreme frustration, annoyance, and even resentment within that situation? It's a sucky situation.

You are correct and that is why people in general who feel this way do not date or get exclusive with single parents.

December 11, 2018

Being honest about your feelings doesn't make you right for this man or vice versa. Your issue is your prerogative; however, this man has a child and there is no way to turn back the time to make it not so. Given your resentment to this child and woman you have never met, it is best to move forward. It doesn't sound as this is a very serious relationship if you have not met the child just yet. Doesn't sound like much time has been wasted.

And the otlver the top dramatics screams immaturity. This man isnt your soulmate. And I'm a Sag, too... and I cannot relate to any part of any of your posts.[]

Edited December 11, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Topical content and member moderated for trolling accusations.

December 11, 2018

Add to that, the ex has a lifelong, permanent, uniquely special bond of a child with your S.O. and the ex is always going to have some biological reflex of protection, love, and time priority from him.

What gave you this idea? There are plenty of single parents who would happily see their exes fall of the edge of the earth. Rather than protection and love, I would argue that it's statistically more likely that lingering feelings are of disdain. Do you really not know any divorced couples who rue the day they met their partner?? I sure do.

If protection and love is true in the case of your b/f, then you've got a problem. But as a generalistion, it's false.

Sign In

I secretly despise that the guy I'm dating is a single father. Should I call it quits

Recommended Posts

Cersei

CautiouslyOptimistic

elaine567

Indigo.Cranes

Indigo.Cranes

Indigo.Cranes

Lorenza

Indigo.Cranes

stillafool

Indigo.Cranes

Indigo.Cranes

Indigo.Cranes

Blanco

Indigo.Cranes

Indigo.Cranes

Indigo.Cranes

smackie9

Indigo.Cranes

lurker74

olivetree

elaine567

elaine567

stillafool

Starswillshine

basil67

What's New

My Activity Streams

More...