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I secretly despise that the guy I'm dating is a single father. Should I call it quits

Indigo.Cranes

By Indigo.Cranes
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Indigo.Cranes Established Member

Indigo.Cranes

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Nonetheless thank you for your respectful honesty. I am sorry, I would rather his child's mother died in the womb than have been alive to send him that message and end up concieving child. She's in the way. Her child is in the way. Their pseudo "family" is in the way. Then natural loyalty and protection he will feel because she brought his child into this world is in the way. Her skank a** womb has been a detriment to my future. I loathe her existence. And I bet you I'm just one of the few childfree women bold enough to admit it

 

I despise her for getting pregnant. I will never admit it outside of her but I LOATHE her for not being more responsible with her reproductive system. I don't want her existence infiltrating a budding romance. I don't want to have to f*cking see her facial features around on a child my man is obligated to love and protect. I HATE her for not having more control.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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NuevoYorko Established Member

NuevoYorko

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I practiced extreme discipline and self-restraint so that my romantic journey could be smooth sailing and learning that my soulmate is a single parent is like a leak in the ship so pardon my bluntness, I'm just being honest

 

Looks like your self discipline didn't lead you to smooth sailing like you'd planned. Evidently being a virgin didn't prepare you to make a good choice for yourself. You can't handle being with a single parent, you're not alone in that, move on.

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amaysngrace Established Member

amaysngrace

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So did you have sex with him? I’m not sure if you said.

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Indigo.Cranes Established Member

Indigo.Cranes

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So did you have sex with him? I’m not sure if you said.

 

I wish!!! He's so yummy, you wouldn't believe it!!

chillii Established Member

chillii

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l hear what your saying and how your feeling, about her, him , the life to come , all of it . And l know how he will have to live to be the best dad he can like this.

 

But no way in hell your cut out to deal with it so l really hope for his child, and for him and the job he is trying to do , that you walk away.

 

PS , and talking about being responsible with how you know you feel, why did you even let it go anywhere anyway you would've found out in 15minutes he had a child.

Edited by chillii
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Indigo.Cranes Established Member

Indigo.Cranes

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Looks like your self discipline didn't lead you to smooth sailing like you'd planned. Evidently being a virgin didn't prepare you to make a good choice for yourself. You can't handle being with a single parent, you're not alone in that, move on.

 

Sometimes life gifts you vulnerability and you can't help but at least unravel the string and peek into the package even if you don't empty its full contents..... :(

 

 

 

It literally hurt my soul to say that out loud :(

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Indigo.Cranes Established Member

Indigo.Cranes

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l hear what your saying and how your feeling, about her, him , the life to come , all of it . And l know how he will have to live to be the best dad he can like this.

 

But no way in hell your cut out to deal with it so l really hope for his child, and for him and the job he is trying to do , that you walk away.

 

PS , and talking about being responsible with how you know you feel, why did you even let it go anywhere anyway you would've found out in 15minutes he had a child.

 

Thank you, love, for your sheer honesty and openness. I had never felt such an encompassing connection. He provided everything emotional that was missing with previous lovers *tears almost escape my eyelids at the thoughts*. He was a treasure box of pure protection, encouragement, support, adventure...

 

It's going to rip me apart to let him go :(

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Indigo.Cranes Established Member

Indigo.Cranes

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This is going to be the deepest heartaches of my life. Thank you all for being present and providing insight through it :(:(

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Indigo.Cranes Established Member

Indigo.Cranes

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Guys, how do I just bypass my soulmate over this?? You would feel my dilemma if you saw us together just once....

 

It was like my soul needed a final link to progress and that link was him...and I feel like I can conquer anything with him. Yes, I am sobbing. And apart of me wants to love and accept his child like I love him ( A LOT ) but it's such a scary situation...

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Indigo.Cranes Established Member

Indigo.Cranes

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l hear what your saying and how your feeling, about her, him , the life to come , all of it . And l know how he will have to live to be the best dad he can like this.

 

But no way in hell your cut out to deal with it so l really hope for his child, and for him and the job he is trying to do , that you walk away.

 

PS , and talking about being responsible with how you know you feel, why did you even let it go anywhere anyway you would've found out in 15minutes he had a child.

 

I am crying so hard. Thank you for a vulnerable space to release in. :(

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Indigo.Cranes Established Member

Indigo.Cranes

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Guys, I love him. I don't care about his past, deep down. I feel honored to be wanted by someone like him...what should I do :(

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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Indigo.Cranes Established Member

Indigo.Cranes

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That’s great! Give your virginity to someone worthwhile, not someone who hooks up with KMart skank.

 

 

Feels like something deep inside of me is ripping apart. I wish he never knew her..:(

fieldoflavender Established Member

fieldoflavender

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Yeah you're projecting on this ex - you don't even know her. I did this with my ex because it felt suckier to blame him (although I did) and blamed how cheap she was.

 

But ultimately the person you need to blame is yourself - you made the decision to be with a single father who made bad decisions and chose to be with a bad ex. And now he has to face the consequences and so do you by association.

 

There is a way out. Instead of being so negative and harmful - seriously stop insulting both of them and leave them.

 

It's hard but do-able. Sure he has good attributes but frankly you will never get over it.

 

I never did and I wish I could take those months of suffering.

 

Ultimately you do not respect him. You can't be with someone who doesn't have your respect.

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amaysngrace Established Member

amaysngrace

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Feels like something deep inside of me is ripping apart. I wish he never knew her..:(

 

A big part of love is acceptance. Accepting him flaws and all and accepting the people he loves.

 

Love is a choice but what’s your criteria? Has he crossed a line that makes it impossible for you to ever truly love him?

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chillii Established Member

chillii

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Guys, I f*cking love him. I don't care about his past, deep down. I feel honored to be wanted by someone like him...what should I do :(

 

 

l get the connection and depth because l'm one of the lucky few that live it myself with mine.

This stuff doesn't grow on trees , if some of us are lucky , we might find it , once .

 

But you know what , so if not for his situation , it'd be perfect right . And perfect doesn't exist, and if it does it doesn't usually last because there's always something in life and love.

 

Don't envy you because you got the hardest decision of all life if that's what it is with you two.

But an older wiser man said to me once, well you gotta except it , except it and you'll find peace, don't and you won't.

So in my situation l thought hmm, he could be right, it makes sense, and so l tried, and it worked.

 

So seems as it is as much as it is with him , could you except it rather than lose it all.?

Worked for me.

Edited by chillii
2much4 Established Member

2much4

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I think you already got a lot of good advice. Nobody forces you to be with him.

 

That said, I'd like to add something. This sounds a lot like retroactive jealousy. The problem doesn't necessarily seem to be the child, it's the ex. Or more specifically the things you're projecting on the ex. You're fixated on the fact they should not have had sex if they didn't see a future together, which tells me part of the issue might be incompatible sexual values. I'm not sure if you're simply disgusted by his choice (and think it tells something bad about him as a person) or if on some level you are afraid that one day he will f*** you and leave you even though he can't see a future with you anymore...

 

I'm not saying this to be mean, I know this might not be nice to hear. But if you want to get over this, you need to figure out where your disgust comes from and I don't think the answer is as simple as you make it out.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Andy_K Established Member

Andy_K

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A few thoughts from the perspective of a guy who also has a kid with an ex:

 

and that they must communicate on a daily basis to due a shared child.

 

This is not necessary. If there's a stable custody situation established, you don't need much further chat - certainly not on a daily basis anyway. This is something you may be able to get him to work on

 

her child is always going to come before me

 

Maybe. Maybe not. What's in your future together? Will you two be having kids? As his existing child gets older they'll become more independent, and if you two start a new family you'll be much more dependent on him - I'd expect his priorities to shift significantly in such a scenario, wouldn't you? Have you talked to him about it?

Andy_K Established Member

Andy_K

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On further reading of your thread... you don't sound like a very nice person. You come across as entirely self-centered and have not displayed any of the maturity and empathy necessary for a serious relationship, let alone being involved with a kid.

 

You're probably quite young. At least I hope so. The reality is that very few of us get the fairytale life we hoped for as we were growing up. Your boyfriend probably didn't plan to be a single parent. How do you react when other parts of your life don't go according to plan?

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Tristian Established Member

Tristian

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Ok folks, that was interesting.

 

 

 

After some major language clean-up we'll try this one again. Note that the OPs responses may be delayed a bit while they get accustomed to our Community Guidelines.

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Indigo.Cranes Established Member

Indigo.Cranes

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Yeah you're projecting on this ex - you don't even know her. I did this with my ex because it felt suckier to blame him (although I did) and blamed how cheap she was.

 

But ultimately the person you need to blame is yourself - you made the decision to be with a single father who made bad decisions and chose to be with a bad ex. And now he has to face the consequences and so do you by association.

 

There is a way out. Instead of being so negative and harmful - seriously stop insulting both of them and leave them.

 

It's hard but do-able. Sure he has good attributes but frankly you will never get over it.

 

I never did and I wish I could take those months of suffering.

 

Ultimately you do not respect him. You can't be with someone who doesn't have your respect.

 

Thank you for sharing your life experience with me. How long did you hang in there? What were the pros of the experience?

 

Just to be clear, I have never spoken those words aloud and my blood alcohol level wasn't its best when constructing those posts. I've been dodging time spent with him bc of this situation. He literally would be the perfect life partner for me if it wasn't for his leftover family. It's gonna hurt my heart for a long time to walk away from him. I'll probably never find better.

CautiouslyOptimistic Established Member

CautiouslyOptimistic

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OP, you seem to have some very serious prejudices against single mothers. I suggest you do not date men with children unless maybe they are a widower.

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Indigo.Cranes Established Member

Indigo.Cranes

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A big part of love is acceptance. Accepting him flaws and all and accepting the people he loves.

 

Love is a choice but what’s your criteria? Has he crossed a line that makes it impossible for you to ever truly love him?

 

I honestly don't know. I'm terrified of getting too close to this situation which is why I've been avoiding his invites to spend time together. He wants to come to my shows and be my date but I don't been know if I want to open the door to that kind if dynamic. I'm supposed to go to his company's Christmas party. I know given all the talks here, I should say no but I sincerely just can't resist the chemistry. :( When he hugs me, it feels like I'm floating...it's the stuff that love stories are made of :(

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Indigo.Cranes Established Member

Indigo.Cranes

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A few thoughts from the perspective of a guy who also has a kid with an ex:<snip>

 

I don't know, I'm scared. The whole situation is making me a commitment phone.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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Wallysbears Established Member

Wallysbears

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[]I pray karma never comes back at you for this. While you may THINK that you are saving your virginity for the love of your life and will have the "perfect" intact family unit one day...life has a way of turning dreams on their head.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Trolling insinuation redacted and member moderated
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BaileyB Established Member

BaileyB

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If this is truly how you feel, then this is clearly not the relationship for you.

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