beautifulearth83 Posted December 9, 2018 Posted December 9, 2018 Met a girl a couple months ago. We start talking. We tell each other that we have feelings. She says she wants to snuggle sometime. She ends up relapsing on drugs and goes to detox/treatment. I write her while she's away. She says the kind things I write her make her "smile big". She has on multiple occasions told me that she misses me. The first time was when we hadn't talked/seen each other in a couple weeks and I "liked" one of her Facebook posts. The second time was the other day after I wrote her (after not hearing from her for awhile) a message saying that I hope she is healthy and that I'm always here if she needs somebody to talk to. She says "I miss you so much!!". I respond to her message and say I miss her too. The next day I call and leave a voicemail and I haven't heard back from her yet. We haven't even kissed or gone on a proper date. It has just been all these kind words back and forth. I have made attempts to spend time with her that we unsuccessful, not because she said no, but just because she was sort of aloof. So I am just in this constant state of limbo. This girl tells me she likes me and has all these feelings etc, yet I rarely see her or get a chance to speak with her in a conversation that lasts more than 5 minutes. Some things I am taking into consideration are her issues with addiction and her patterns of getting well and relapsing. And also the fact that she is 23 and I'm 35. She lives with her parents and works at a coffee shop. I haven't given up on her because there really is an amazing connection, and I wouldn't want to spend my life thinking of what could have been, but I have also been told that I shouldn't wait. So should I just back off and let her come to me? I'm getting tired of persuing and waiting for messages and wondering etc etc. And I don't think she's the type of person that would play games or just try to string me along, but you never know I guess. One thought I had is that maybe she is really just trying to get her **** together and the timing isn't really good.
basil67 Posted December 9, 2018 Posted December 9, 2018 Beautifulearth, do you really have no better options than a drug addict 23yo? 3
Cersei Posted December 9, 2018 Posted December 9, 2018 Stay out of this woman's life. She needs to focus on her treatment. 2
Versacehottie Posted December 9, 2018 Posted December 9, 2018 Stay out of this woman's life. She needs to focus on her treatment. Yeah 100%. I think you feeling like you are in "limbo" is because she is sorting out her life in total or trying to. How in the world would you or should you expect her to prioritize a relationship or even deal with it when she is going through everything else?!?!? Guessing she is unsure, confused about her future overall so that's why she is hot/cold and disappears. Add in the fact that she is 23 and not super career stable, you are expecting wayyyyy too much. Take yourself out of limbo. Remain a friend that she can turn to without expectations or pressure of a relationship and if it's meant to be it might in a long time. 1
Larry56 Posted December 9, 2018 Posted December 9, 2018 Beautifulearth, do you really have no better options than a drug addict 23yo? Just look up the term 'captain save a ho'. I think that'll help you.
preraph Posted December 9, 2018 Posted December 9, 2018 Seriously, this is going nowhere, and if it does, you will wish you'd never met her. Just stop. She's a mess. You have opened that door and addicts will make your life miserable. Going to treatment is something that usually does not work. It's the best option for them, but most relapse. Run . 2
ChatroomHero Posted December 9, 2018 Posted December 9, 2018 Seriously, this is going nowhere, and if it does, you will wish you'd never met her. Just stop. She's a mess. You have opened that door and addicts will make your life miserable. Going to treatment is something that usually does not work. It's the best option for them, but most relapse. Run . This is 100 percent true. Stick around and you will get to deal with her going to rehab multiple times, your things and money will disappear, probably get to deal with the police a few times and after a while you'll find it hard to get away from her. When you leave your house you'll wonder when someone is going to break-in, if there are needles under your car seat or in every nook and cranny of your house, who is going to show up saying she owes them money and you are supposed to pay...run. 1
Author beautifulearth83 Posted December 9, 2018 Author Posted December 9, 2018 These are the kind of humbling responses I needed to hear. Thank you all. I still am very fond of her and everything she could be, but it has been causing me heartache. 1
basil67 Posted December 10, 2018 Posted December 10, 2018 Just look up the term 'captain save a ho'. I think that'll help you. It's a really offensive term. No woman deserves to be called that.
DrNo1962 Posted December 10, 2018 Posted December 10, 2018 Just look up the term 'captain save a ho'. I think that'll help you. Overbearing Caregiver is probably a more accurate term. Essentially it's not your job to fix the other person you are dating or in a relationship with.
Purepony Posted December 10, 2018 Posted December 10, 2018 Yup I agree Leave this before you get sucked in. This is not worth the extra stress
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