Falling in love

[jayteep]

Falling for someone is the most unique experience in the world. Love or the feeling that leads up to love enraptures us. Especially when they reciprocate. Then our minds collect everything that goes on between both people. Everything that goes on is appreciated and integrated into us about the person. We see their likes and dislikes and because we want to be liked back and hope they are falling for us as well. We hope we make no mistakes in what we say or do. We hope by all means that the feelings are mutual. We learn to be attracted to their faults and imperfections. We learn to appreciate their crazy side. To spend time and invest yourself with nothing to show for is hard. To fall for someone only to land on hard ground face down in a puddle of rain. Drowning in the smallest of hopes. As the storm drowns out everything else. We wish we knew to run from that storm or if we knew better to run into its eye to the center, to its heart where it is safe. It is where we want to be.

 

How does one actually fall in love though? Does it just happen? Is it random? Is it something that happens right away? If it takes long, why? Do you know from the get go if you can or eventually will love this person? Like if you are just communicating and not trying to be with this person but because of time passing and drawing close just by spending time and sharing things can love build and you end up wanting to be with them?

[chillii]

l knew in minutes myself.

But from observation over the years and listening to others , l never use to but these days l do also believe though that it could take seconds, days, wks even build over months.

[carhill]

 

How does one actually fall in love though? Does it just happen? Is it random?

IMO, different for everyone.

Is it something that happens right away? If it takes long, why? Do you know from the get go if you can or eventually will love this person?

For some, they know immediately, or feel it immediately. For others, they wake up one day and realize it. Some never figure it out.

 

Like if you are just communicating and not trying to be with this person but because of time passing and drawing close just by spending time and sharing things can love build and you end up wanting to be with them?

That can happen, sure.

 

My experience has been all over the place. Perhaps that's outlier, presuming people have a unique and definable style.

 

The most recent perhaps helped me define it a bit, that it just flows. The interaction flows, the physicality flows, the emotional and spiritual part flows, etc, etc. There's no real analysis or thought process at all. It's a synergy that either does or doesn't happen. Unfortunately, sometimes, it occurs if/when persons are otherwise involved or committed. Seen that a lot. The one woman who grew on me was also the one who was apparently single/uncommitted and I ended up marrying her many years ago and we had a pretty good marriage for awhile.

 

I remember, after splitting up and in the process of divorcing, I ended up at a male friend's house a lot and, one time, found myself getting a nice foot massage from his daughter. Nothing I'd wanted nor sought out, just happened that way. She sat down on the sofa and started massaging me. That changed something for us, now long in the past. Never gave it much thought at the time. However, looking back, a lot of stuff just flowed. A number of years later she'd tell me, sobbing, that I'd never know how much she loved me. OK, hon, that's good, but perhaps your longtime husband should know this stuff? So, that's where we are today. A black and white life was never in the cards for me, I fear. Like I told her recently, there are some people who are better off being alone, and I'm one of them. That didn't set well but it's the truth. Everyone has a different path in life, including being in love. Sometimes it's healthier to let it go.

[d0nnivain]

For me the spark was always instant. I need the chemistry. I tried dating without it & couldn't bring myself to even kiss the other person.

 

Falling in love takes much longer . . . months. You have to get to know them. The spark is about sexy. Love is about compatible values, trust, reliance etc. While I'm not suspicious by nature (I never assumed men who I dated were going to cheat on me), it would take a long time before I would let myself expect things from them.

 

Falling in love is dizzying & exciting. It's a fun filled emotional roller coaster. For me, being in love is calm & comforting. Its much stronger & steadier.

[jayteep]

Thank you all for that. Very interesting.