chaos70 Posted September 14, 2005 Posted September 14, 2005 So I've finally decided to get into the scary game of dating again. Been out of that pool for 8 years now, and I discovered that the rules have changed since I've last dated or atleast for some women. Let's take my first date back in the pool. I meet this interesting woman at a bookstore reading about my favorite sports star, and we have a nice conversation. SHE invites me to dinner. I pick the place, and we meet up later. 15 minutes into the "date", she orders her food...and then tells me that right after the meal, she's going to take me back to her place and bonk my brains out. So when did this become first date standards? And I'm sure someone is going to ask, but I politely declined. She was hot, but I guess maybe there is still a bit of chivalry in me. Just seemed way to easy. So after this, I've been asked out 5 times from 5 different women. Which is a bit unique since I've never been the ladies man. So I've jumped into a pool now that I've yet even asked out anyone... Did I miss the memo? Maybe dating in your 20s versus me now in my 30s is a different agenda. I'm just a bit taken back with the forwardness of women.
Kitteney Posted September 14, 2005 Posted September 14, 2005 Hmmm... seems I missed the memo too. I've been out of circulation for waaaaay too long. I was counting up the years and I ran out of fingers. I had to kick off my shoes to finish up. Chaos makes a great point, could someone track down that memo and let us know the current dating/sex etiquette for both men and women? I'm a lost ball in high weeds.
Outcast Posted September 14, 2005 Posted September 14, 2005 Maybe 'Sex and the City' got to a lot of women who were sick of sitting around trying to look desirable and waiting for men to make the move. Chaos, I fear a number of LS men will want to remove your head; they aren't having anything like the luck you've been having. You must be charming and personable to the extent that women flock to you. (And, seemingly, want to 'flock' you too ). Nothing says you have to change your ideals or values. It is possible that you'll meet a woman who asks you out without asking you to bed the same evening. I don't think there has been a general wholesale change of attitudes and 'rules'; I just think that a lot of women got sick of being constantly repressed and are enjoying the freedom of expressing interest in and even desire for men without having to pretend that sort of thing is beneath them.
RecordProducer Posted September 14, 2005 Posted September 14, 2005 Are you bragging or complaining? Oh you haven't come to rule nuber 3: exclusivity talk. It basically means that in the first few months you can date (and screw) other people and she might do the same until the "talk" happens. Cuz somewhere between f*cking your other girlfriends and boyfriends, the two of you should realize that you are actually in love. But don't worry, this period usually is just a formality (and practical for those who use the other one for sex). Most of the time neither has anyone else if they have a big crush on each other. If you understand it as "You are allowed to date others, but you only date me cuz you really like me" rather than "you want to date others cuz you don't care about me" your life will be easier.
pinartgirl Posted September 14, 2005 Posted September 14, 2005 Agree with Outcast! I had the same “moments” of pursuing what I wanted. But mind you… I still believe many of this women who are going for what they want, can be quite different on the second date, third bed-making or fourth hand holding with that guy. The deepest desire and need of women can not change. At least I think so. I think most women still wants a man who pursue her.. either earlier or a bit later in getting-to-know-you stage. As I said I was the same.. sick of scared men who didn’t have the guts to do the first move… or repulsed by princess syndrome (sit and wait). But that were impulses… temporary thing. One year I had an agenda I will go for what I want, next year I was all: if he wants me, he HAS to show me.. or I was a week, or a certain men. I hope I now found something of both worlds that makes me comfortable. For you… I would say enjoy all that what your experiencing right now. It’s a new perspective, new lesson… it can not be bad! And it’s good that you declined politely if the feeling wasn’t right. And if the one comes that you will be interested more seriously, I’m sure you will manage balancing this “power” with her being go-getter quite nicely. I’ll bet that she will melt in your arms and be all feminine, when her wall falls down in a while. Take care
Cecelius Posted September 14, 2005 Posted September 14, 2005 15 minutes into the "date", she orders her food...and then tells me that right after the meal, she's going to take me back to her place and bonk my brains out. .... Did I miss the memo? Maybe dating in your 20s versus me now in my 30s is a different agenda. I'm just a bit taken back with the forwardness of women. You did not miss the memo -- you just ended up on a date with an easy woman. If you're into that, then fine (perhaps it is better than those who plan to have an exclusivity talk first), otherwise, I think you did the right thing. There are plenty of women out there who will let things take their natural course.
elijahBailey Posted September 14, 2005 Posted September 14, 2005 dang Chaos, I've never had it easy, so count yourself lucky dude. Dating's a numbers game, so I suppose if you date enough, you'll end up with someone who'll jump you on the first date. Why did you pass? You sounded like you were scared she's gonna have you for supper.... which, of course, may not be a bad thing
Author chaos70 Posted September 14, 2005 Author Posted September 14, 2005 Trust me, coming out of a failed marriage...it does the ole ego a world of good to have 6 dates with 6 different attractive women. Especially since she stopped making me special long before it ended. Guys, if I knew what I was doing to warrant all the attention from the ladies...I'd pass along the intel. Hell, I was almost convinced that my friends at home somehow were arranging this after I went into "hermit mode" after my separation. I guess one of the reasons I'm unlikely to go that far on the first date is a fear of all the STDs. Yes, I'm so pro condoms...but I'd rather play a bit safe.
mental_traveller Posted September 15, 2005 Posted September 15, 2005 So I've finally decided to get into the scary game of dating again. Been out of that pool for 8 years now, and I discovered that the rules have changed since I've last dated or atleast for some women. Let's take my first date back in the pool. I meet this interesting woman at a bookstore reading about my favorite sports star, and we have a nice conversation. SHE invites me to dinner. I pick the place, and we meet up later. 15 minutes into the "date", she orders her food...and then tells me that right after the meal, she's going to take me back to her place and bonk my brains out. So when did this become first date standards? Who cares! P.S. do you have her number?
Outcast Posted September 15, 2005 Posted September 15, 2005 I guess one of the reasons I'm unlikely to go that far on the first date is a fear of all the STDs. Yes, I'm so pro condoms...but I'd rather play a bit safe. Such a smart dude! Good for you!
Recommended Posts