DLB91 Posted December 9, 2018 Posted December 9, 2018 Okay so I've known this woman for almost 3 years. I'm 27 she is 25. We had been friends for almost two years and then we started sleeping together for about 5 months. We didn't see each other from March through til July. We started hanging out again and she finally spends the night with me on the last day of September. We had dry sex and the next day she tells me that she doesn't think we can be more than friends again and she needs space and time. It has been just over two months no contact. We recently talked and she said she loves me and cares about me and that I'm one of the only people in her life that get her and whom she trusts. A best friend. She said she is working her way up to seeing me again but she doesn't want to be more than friends. Now I do value her friendship a lot. We started off that way. I still have romantic feelings for her so I'm always going to want more. I don't want to close the door on our friendship forever because I feel like that would hurt us both but at the same time I know it's not healthy for me to continue a platonic friendship. I don't know what to do. I don't want to seem like I don't value her friendship and say we can't be friends because I have feelings. I do want her in my life but if she's seeing other people it's too painful. I love her. I feel like by staying friends with her I'm lying to myself and her. At the same time it's my only chance to have her in my life and my only shot at proving I love her for who she is and it isn't just about being intimate. Any advice is appreciated thankyou!
Cersei Posted December 9, 2018 Posted December 9, 2018 Ok first of all what is dry sex? I am a big believer that no good can come from being friends with people you have slept with if emotions were ever involved. It never works for me and my feeling always end up hurt. I would not advise being friends with her. It will hold you back from being open to find someone better suited for you. I saw stay away at all costs.
Author DLB91 Posted December 9, 2018 Author Posted December 9, 2018 Dry sex is basically having sex but with clothes on. So it can be intimate but not penetrative. 1
Cersei Posted December 9, 2018 Posted December 9, 2018 Oh ok. Dry humping is the term I am more familiar with.
ExpatInItaly Posted December 9, 2018 Posted December 9, 2018 She doesn't have romantic feelings for you. She knows you like her as more than friends and she's trying to be clear it's not going to develop. Don't worry about trying to "be there" for her as a friend. If she managed two months of no contact with you, she will continue to manage without having you there as a constant presence. I think more than anything, she was trying to reinforce to you that she doesn't see you as boyfriend material. I believe she cares about you, but her talk of being a best friend was overblown, and meant to deter you while softening the blow. You would be wise to take the hint and move on. She is going to start seeing someone else, sooner or later, and it will hurt like hell if you're a spectator to that. 2
Author DLB91 Posted December 9, 2018 Author Posted December 9, 2018 Do you think that she wants me to be the one to say we can't be friends anymore? Because in her mind she can be friends it's beneficial for her. I'm the on hurting here. But if I feel like if I say it then it means we were never friends.
ExpatInItaly Posted December 9, 2018 Posted December 9, 2018 Do you think that she wants me to be the one to say we can't be friends anymore? Because in her mind she can be friends it's beneficial for her. I'm the on hurting here. But if I feel like if I say it then it means we were never friends. I don't think she's putting much thought into that, to be honest. She's told you she needs to "work her way up" to even seeing you. That should tell you everything; she's not that keen to actually be friends at this time, anyway. If she truly felt you were a best friend, you wouldn't have gone two months without talking and need even more time to see each other in person. She's avoiding you. Just fade out. If she contacts you, you can let her know being friends is too difficult for you at this time. She will get why, if she's a rational person. 1
fromheart Posted December 9, 2018 Posted December 9, 2018 Your saying you want her romantically, but she doesn't feel the same way. I'll point something out to you; that's how she felt before, during and after the dry humping. It was selfish on her part. If she cared about you, she should have been honest with her feelings to avoid confusion. If your going to make a friend into a lover or an FWB, their needs to be honest communication beforehand. She didn't do this, so I would conclude that she is not relationship material. I would then point this out to her, and be on my way. She ruined the friendship, along with any chance of earning your respect and trust. 1
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