ANewBeginning Posted December 9, 2018 Posted December 9, 2018 We'd been messaging on off for a month or so. We finally met and it was one of those chilled connections. It wasn't the fire I am use to but there was this connection like we were a couple already. She seemed shy and non physical. But every now and then there'd be a subtle hand on the arm, pull me to a side or we'd drink from the same bottle. I had to initiate more than usual (I guess I am use to flings/ two way street heavy flirting kind of a thing). We didn't stop talking for 3hrs. I walked her to her car and went for the kiss but got a cheek and an 'oh' from her. She did send me a thank you text later and said she wanted to see me again. This is the first girl who I have gotten a rejected kiss. I'm not sure how to take this i.e. she is just shy or didn't feel how I felt. Thoughts?
ExpatInItaly Posted December 9, 2018 Posted December 9, 2018 If you sensed she was shy and non-physical, then it follows that she didn't want a kiss at the end of the night. You've been talking for a while, but you're still essentially strangers. I know you felt a chilled connection like you were a couple already, but the reality is, you're not. Some are just not comfortable with that level of contact before they get to know someone more. She sounds interested, but she moves at a different pace. I would ask her out again and see how she responds. 1
Philosopher Posted December 9, 2018 Posted December 9, 2018 You two had only known each other for 3 hours and as you mentioned she seemed shy, it is very likely that she was not comfortable kissing you just yet. I would be patient and wait until she is initiating frequent touching with you before going for the next kiss. That may be the next date or it may on the third or forth date. 1
Cersei Posted December 9, 2018 Posted December 9, 2018 Well the good news is she wants to see you again. So you didn't screw it all up. Kissing on the first date or not is a tough decision to make. Everyone has different opinions if it's appropriate. 1
carhill Posted December 9, 2018 Posted December 9, 2018 Smile, try again later. If she likes you, you'll have that later. If not, good to get it out of the way now. Date other women. I learned early on that the ones who genuinely are attracted like some up close physical contact even when strangers. The shocking part was it was so few I remember one in particular where I wasn't fast enough to pick up on that and gave her a hug instead of a kiss after taking her and her kids to the beach boardwalk for the day. 'Oh, a hug'. Dumped. She later married her UPS guy. True story.
smackie9 Posted December 9, 2018 Posted December 9, 2018 She's just that kind of girl that wants to take things slow. Just because she wasn't crawling all over you at the end of the night, doesn't mean she isn't interested. She told you she would like to see you again....she's interested. 1
Cersei Posted December 9, 2018 Posted December 9, 2018 Smile, try again later. If she likes you, you'll have that later. If not, good to get it out of the way now. Date other women. I learned early on that the ones who genuinely are attracted like some up close physical contact even when strangers. The shocking part was it was so few I remember one in particular where I wasn't fast enough to pick up on that and gave her a hug instead of a kiss after taking her and her kids to the beach boardwalk for the day. 'Oh, a hug'. Dumped. She later married her UPS guy. True story. Oh no, a hug is good! (To me any way) You get to feel their hot body up against you and are left with wanting more next time! Sorry about the UPS dude.
carhill Posted December 9, 2018 Posted December 9, 2018 I'm not, met him, he was more fit and had a quantifiably awesome career and retirement. That's how the brutality of the mating game worked in my demographic. Still does actually. Lifestyle and money is very important. Hugs are cheap. Tip for OP: Talking the night away with a woman doesn't mean she's attracted to you. Kissing you, maybe, but that's variable too. So, when she texted she wanted to see you again, how did she respond to you setting up that date? You did, didn't you? If not, Tip #2. No time like the present. Tip #3, don't message on and off for a month. Once a couple of messages go back and forth, ask her out. Don't take waffling as a response. If they waffle or make excuses, thank them and move on. 1
basil67 Posted December 9, 2018 Posted December 9, 2018 My rule of thumb is to not kiss before you can feel chemistry. Did you feel strong chemistry or just some interest?
preraph Posted December 9, 2018 Posted December 9, 2018 You already know she's not shy. Shy people don't touch you on the arm and stuff like that. This was a clear message that she's not getting physical unless and until she thinks it's going to be a good relationship. No kiss on the cheek seems a bit stringent to me, so use your own judgement deciding if she's right for you or whether you're up this or not. Certainly most guys would not be. She may be holding out until marriage. Take her out again and see if you can find out what her goal is. As a woman, I have to say that if I am attracted to a guy, I am at least wanting to kiss them and certainly not going to stop a cheek kiss. Of course, I don't know your ages. If she's older, she may be doing this to protect herself from getting embroiled with someone who is only after sex or isn't a good person and it may be coming from past experience and be an informed decision to some degree. If it's a younger person on OLD, she may be really sick of guys just wanting sex. Or she could be saving it until marriage and be super religious and/or maybe not that interested in sex. So find out about her and then decide.
Noproblem Posted December 9, 2018 Posted December 9, 2018 Just because you had fun talking does not mean you are couples or anything. I feel it's too early to decide to kiss someone after 3 hours of meeting, a hug would have been more appropriate. I am kinda shy too, so that's my input. 1
DrNo1962 Posted December 9, 2018 Posted December 9, 2018 (edited) We'd been messaging on off for a month or so. We finally met and it was one of those chilled connections. It wasn't the fire I am use to but there was this connection like we were a couple already. She seemed shy and non physical. But every now and then there'd be a subtle hand on the arm, pull me to a side or we'd drink from the same bottle. I had to initiate more than usual (I guess I am use to flings/ two way street heavy flirting kind of a thing). We didn't stop talking for 3hrs. I walked her to her car and went for the kiss but got a cheek and an 'oh' from her. She did send me a thank you text later and said she wanted to see me again. This is the first girl who I have gotten a rejected kiss. I'm not sure how to take this i.e. she is just shy or didn't feel how I felt. Thoughts? She sounds like she could be 'structured' (ie have a bunch of rules about when to kiss etc.) Tread carefully here. You want someone that acts in congruence with their feelings (this goes for guys to). If she's holding back because of some rules but her heart is saying she should kiss you then you have to question what its going to be like dating someone like that. On the other hand, you may have misread some non-verbal cues that indicated she wasn't interested in kissing you and perhaps you might need to get better at reading the signs. Edited December 9, 2018 by DrNo1962
d0nnivain Posted December 10, 2018 Posted December 10, 2018 You, like me, think a kiss on a first date is a good thing. Not everybody shares our viewpoint. My husband didn't kiss me until our 3rd date. I found it frustrating but he was worth waiting for. Whether you want to deal or walk is up to you but it wasn't the rejection you are making it out to be. 1
ChatroomHero Posted December 10, 2018 Posted December 10, 2018 You, like me, think a kiss on a first date is a good thing. Not everybody shares our viewpoint. My husband didn't kiss me until our 3rd date. I found it frustrating but he was worth waiting for. Whether you want to deal or walk is up to you but it wasn't the rejection you are making it out to be. I tend to disagree, it is typically up to the guy to initiate so if the guy waits 3 dates because he is too shy to overcome the initial fear of going in for the kiss, that is one thing. When the woman rejects it after he works up the nerve, I have never found it to be a good sign. A shy girl may never initiate a kiss, but they won't usually reject it if they are interested. Whenever I got denied or the cheek from someone I think is interested, it has always been lower interest on her part than I originally sensed and never worked. Any time the woman made a point after to go on another date or said she had a great time, let's do it again, it was a pretty quick fizzle. The next date becomes really tough for a guy at that point too. You were rejected on date #1, so do you go in for a kiss on date #2? Does that mean wait for her to initiate, it's not like she is going to give you a thumbs up or thumbs down at some point during the date. So it becomes an awkward game of...we seem to be having a great time, but can I make any move? Getting denied twice is something you want to avoid, so it can be a painful date #2. It's hard not to think about your end game during the date. I find most women that are interested will accept a kiss even if they are not really ready, but they'll kiss back and then back off a little...but you still know they were kind of into it. When you get the cheek, it is pretty low interest and I don't find it very fun to spend time and money on a girl that probably goes out with me because option A and B were busy and probably made out with A and B last week, then gave me the cheek this week. In my experience, getting rejected on the first kiss is probably 95% low interest, maybe 5% not a first date kisser. 2
lurker74 Posted December 10, 2018 Posted December 10, 2018 I (man) always go for a kiss on the first date if I plan to ask her out again. To me, if I plan to ask her out again, we had easy conversation, laughs, and chemistry, so the kiss at the end is to confirm or confuse what happened on the date, for both of us. I don't think I've ever been turned away from a kiss on the first date but after the kiss, both of us have kind of understood...oh...yeah, this isn't going to work. On the other hand, the kiss has turned an OK date into a "can't wait to see her again" date. Now, like others have said, she may just reserve that part of her life for later. That's totally fine. For me, that wouldn't work because while sex is not everything to me, intimacy is, and after a month of communicating and three hours of a good date, a respectful end of the night kiss is something I would look for and likely move on if she turned me away. You may be different and find the physical connection less important but the physical connection is nearly as important to me as the mental connection.
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