Just broken up....

[Datergirl]

Hi all, I've just broken up with my boyfriend. I'm trying hard not to go back on my decision as do feel it's for the best. It's just I miss him...I don't miss howhe sometimes made me feel though.

 

The final straw was last weekend, when after a really good night together drinking and dancing, he called me boring. Out of the blue. He said he called me boring because I was acting like he wasn't there. I feel he did this spitefully with the intention to hurt me and play on my insecurities. Which it did.

 

This isn't the first time he's insulted me by name calling. He called me the c word when we were on holiday. Albeit, after a misunderstanding, but still, why resort to that?

 

Writing this all down makes me wonder why I'm second guessing my decision! I guess it's because we really did have, mostly, good times together and for the most part it felt special.

 

Deep down I knew we weren't right for each other and couldn't see it going long term. We'd been together 5 and a half months so make or break time really. I'm not devastated like I thought I'd be. Just a bit lonely now. Is it better to be lonely than in the wrong relationship?

 

Feel free to comment but please go easy as feeling delicate x

[Cersei]

Your feelings are very natural. You definitely did the right thing. Get a piece of paper and write down all the negative things about him. (Ex. Calling you the c-word) Keep that handy and look at it when you feel sad. It will remind you that he was not so great.

 

The sooner you get yourself through this, the sooner you will feel ready for a better guy.

[nolanola]

Yes! You did the right thing. People are not all good or all bad. They can have good qualities but still do things that are not acceptable. Him calling you names is unacceptable.

 

I think when the smoke clears from this you will be so proud of yourself for setting a boundary here (no one is allowed to call you names in a relationship, that is abusive behavior) instead of letting it go on at the expense of your self esteem. You deserve to be with someone that fights fairly and cherishes you.

 

I agree with Cersei. Write down all the things he said about you that made you feel bad. Put it on your phone so you can access it anytime. When you start to think about how much fun you had together, get your phone out. That helps a lot.

[Datergirl]

It would have been at the expense of my self esteem. I do have some insecurity about being a generally reserved person and shy sometimes, I would sometimes like to be more outgoing....I can be when I really want to, or, feel in the mood to. He knew this and used it to hurt me.

 

Why would he intentionally use my insecurities against me? Maybe to cover up his own? Its bullying behaviour when someone does that. If I'd let it carry on I would have gone crazy. Just because I can be quiet and shy does not mean I'm not confident or strong! As he's now found out.

[Gretchen12]

He's a brat and a bully. It's ok, only 5 months. You gave him a chance then you saw what kind of jerk he is and you dumped him. That's how it should be done.