snowcones Posted December 8, 2018 Posted December 8, 2018 If there is a single women that you like and are hanging around, but she doesn't like you back, how would prefer for her to let you down? Would you prefer for her to be direct and say "I'm not attracted to you", let you down gently with a "it's me, not you" type of line, or avoid you/ignore you?
Haydn Posted December 8, 2018 Posted December 8, 2018 After 10 seconds most people know that someone isn`t attracted to you or vice versa. Nothing needs to be said. 3
Author snowcones Posted December 8, 2018 Author Posted December 8, 2018 After 10 seconds most people know that someone isn`t attracted to you or vice versa. Nothing needs to be said. That's what I thought....that most people know, and I think you're right, but I was thinking more along the lines of the guy who doesn't know and hangs around. How would he like it to be done?
Erik30 Posted December 8, 2018 Posted December 8, 2018 That's what I thought....that most people know, and I think you're right, but I was thinking more along the lines of the guy who doesn't know and hangs around. How would he like it to be done? Just be direct and let him know you're not interested, you can say something like "he's not you're type." You don't have to be mean but don't leave room for any doubt, or he might think he could change your mind or wait it out. It has to be clear that it will never happen. Don't worry too much about his feelings, being direct is the "nicest" thing you can do. If he doesn't get it after that, you can just ignore him. 2
frankspeci Posted December 8, 2018 Posted December 8, 2018 If there is a single women that you like and are hanging around, but she doesn't like you back, how would prefer for her to let you down? Would you prefer for her to be direct and say "I'm not attracted to you", let you down gently with a "it's me, not you" type of line, or avoid you/ignore you? Depends on how long you've been hanging out and how far it's gotten. Couple early dates? I think just backing out without discussion is fine. Slow fade, even ghosting I'd be ok with. Deeper than that? I'd say just something like "Im not interested anymore," "I dont wanna do this anymore. Or making up an excuse should get the message across. "I'm just busier than I thought," "you're a great guy but I've got some stuff I need to work out." "The timing isn't right." Most girls who didn't want to keep seeing me would say something like that. It wasn't a firm rejection but after the months went by and I never heard from them again, I got the message. What I really hate is when the person feels the need to launch into some long diatribe detailing reasons why they want out. Laundry list of criticisms that they've been building up and they just dump it down your throat when you're on the back foot, and then you're burned because they ditched you right after they laid into you and you never got to respond with your piece. That can leave one scarred...Not speaking from personal experience or anything.
Andy_K Posted December 8, 2018 Posted December 8, 2018 He probably knows. But direct is best, it stops him deluding himself if he's the type to do that. 2
chillii Posted December 8, 2018 Posted December 8, 2018 Yeah true many would know , but,,,, l had one chick it went on 4mths and she still had no clue l wasn't interested, had that before too. l thought it'd be so obvious l shouldn't have had to say a thing buttt. apparently not. Anyway , l'd try gently but honest . 1
Cersei Posted December 8, 2018 Posted December 8, 2018 Depends on how long you've been hanging out and how far it's gotten. Couple early dates? I think just backing out without discussion is fine. Slow fade, even ghosting I'd be ok with. Deeper than that? I'd say just something like "Im not interested anymore," "I dont wanna do this anymore. Or making up an excuse should get the message across. "I'm just busier than I thought," "you're a great guy but I've got some stuff I need to work out." "The timing isn't right." Most girls who didn't want to keep seeing me would say something like that. It wasn't a firm rejection but after the months went by and I never heard from them again, I got the message. What I really hate is when the person feels the need to launch into some long diatribe detailing reasons why they want out. Laundry list of criticisms that they've been building up and they just dump it down your throat when you're on the back foot, and then you're burned because they ditched you right after they laid into you and you never got to respond with your piece. That can leave one scarred...Not speaking from personal experience or anything. I personally disagree with the ghost, low fade, I am busy type stuff. I think it's for cowards. Isn't honesty a good thing? This is why people are so sensitive these days. Tip toe-ing around people's feelings does nobody any good. I mean you don't need to be a dick but a simple "Sorry, this isn't going to work. Best of luck" to me shows much more maturity than being ignored. 2
Happy Lemming Posted December 8, 2018 Posted December 8, 2018 Like others have posted, I like the direct approach. Be polite, but direct. Has this gentleman asked you out?? If so, how many times?? If he does again, a "No thank you, and please don't ask me again" would be appropriate. As men, we don't always pick up on subtle hints and need to be told directly "no". 1
smackie9 Posted December 8, 2018 Posted December 8, 2018 If he hasn't ask you out, just telling him out of the blue you are not interested isn't the way to go. If someone in the group hinted that he likes you, that's when you can be direct, because it's confirmed. You can tell that person or him. If he does ask you out yes just say no I'm not interested. You do not have to go into explaining why. Another thing you can do is assess your actions and behavior around him. If you are flirty, touchy feely, or huggie or make yourself available to him, stop it. If he suggests you hangout say no. And cool it on the texting because he's getting the wrong idea. 1
frankspeci Posted December 8, 2018 Posted December 8, 2018 I personally disagree with the ghost, low fade, I am busy type stuff. I think it's for cowards. Isn't honesty a good thing? This is why people are so sensitive these days. Tip toe-ing around people's feelings does nobody any good. I mean you don't need to be a dick but a simple "Sorry, this isn't going to work. Best of luck" to me shows much more maturity than being ignored. It's a euphemism to say I'm too busy. Takes away some of the sting and most people get the hint. I don't know if it's about sparing feelings so much as keeping up morale. In this day of online dating you go on date after date, sometimes weekly, the impact of mini rejections can really build up, as opposed to keeping a circulation of potential contacts going on in your mind, letting some slowly fade away due to lack of interest, collecting new ones without having to take the burn of those explicit rejections. That's the way I see it at least. 1
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