Grey40 Posted December 7, 2018 Posted December 7, 2018 So been on 3 dates with this woman, date 2+3 got very physical and intimate (just making out and feeling up) as we went dancing at a club. end of date 3 it got really intense and I offered that we go back to my place, she insisted she really couldn’t because she had to wake up really early for work the next day. I kept escalating tried asking a little bit later, but she insisted no, so we ended the date and everything was great. We stay in touch, a 3-4 Days go by and I go to ask her out for a 4th date. Originally ask for Friday, she says she can but had plans with her gf later on that night, so I said no worries how about Saturday or Sunday..strange enough same deal, she can “get dinner” but has plans with her other gf on Saturday and her roommates on Sunday. We always split the bill so it’s not like she’s just getting a free meal. Could she be avoiding the possibility of sex?
GTR King Posted December 7, 2018 Posted December 7, 2018 Could be a possibility.... You asked a few times, so tell her to let you know when she is free and leave the ball in her court...
PRW Posted December 7, 2018 Posted December 7, 2018 Just analyzing what she may be thinking. So been on 3 dates with this woman, date 2+3 got very physical and intimate (just making out and feeling up) That says you were just wanting sex. end of date 3 it got really intense and I offered that we go back to my place, she insisted she really couldn’t because she had to wake up really early for work the next day. I kept escalating tried asking a little bit later, but she insisted no, so we ended the date and everything was great. More of the same. I go to ask her out for a 4th date. Originally ask for Friday, she says she can but had plans with her gf later on that night, so I said no worries how about Saturday or Sunday..strange enough same deal, she can “get dinner” but has plans with her other gf on Saturday and her roommates on Sunday. We always split the bill so it’s not like she’s just getting a free meal.Splitting the bill can imply a lack of commitment or lack of investment. So put those two together with her responses to a 4th date attempt and you get: Guy wants sex without commitment or investment. Girl deflects 4th date attempts with excuses that she wouldn't give a guy if she really wanted to spend time with him. So what do you think it all means? 2
Author Grey40 Posted December 7, 2018 Author Posted December 7, 2018 Just analyzing what she may be thinking. That says you were just wanting sex. More of the same. Splitting the bill can imply a lack of commitment or lack of investment. So put those two together with her responses to a 4th date attempt and you get: Guy wants sex without commitment or investment. Girl deflects 4th date attempts with excuses that she wouldn't give a guy if she really wanted to spend time with him. So what do you think it all means? So she thinks I’m using her for sex only? How do I dispel that? Agree to go on a time constrained date?
Saracena Posted December 7, 2018 Posted December 7, 2018 Could she be avoiding the possibility of sex? Yes, because you were pushing it so much, she most probably believes that's all you're after. Agree with everything PRW said. 3
PRW Posted December 7, 2018 Posted December 7, 2018 So she thinks I’m using her for sex only? How do I dispel that? Agree to go on a time constrained date? First impressions tend to be set in stone and hard to break out of. Go out,...meet other women,...do other dates. Treat these events with more conservative self control. Do not contact her, but if she contacts you then respond, be happy, friendly, and try to set a 4th date with her. Act as if you never noticed the silent time in between. But you probably won't hear from her. Just be more conservative with the next woman and exercise more self control. First impression are important and very hard to change. But if you really are just looking for sex with no commitment, then it is what it is, and there is no point in developing attachments, then wondering why they don't work out. 1
Author Grey40 Posted December 7, 2018 Author Posted December 7, 2018 (edited) First impressions tend to be set in stone and hard to break out of. Go out,...meet other women,...do other dates. Treat these events with more conservative self control. Do not contact her, but if she contacts you then respond, be happy, friendly, and try to set a 4th date with her. Act as if you never noticed the silent time in between. But you probably won't hear from her. Just be more conservative with the next woman and exercise more self control. First impression are important and very hard to change. But if you really are just looking for sex with no commitment, then it is what it is, and there is no point in developing attachments, then wondering why they don't work out. I 100% disagree with this. Especially because this woman was reciprocating in every way with the advances. I didn’t really “push” her hard at all, it was very natural and she loved it. I was respectful when she said she had to go home. She even said at the end of date 3 “you’ll have to be patient and wait until next time to see me in full..” So I’m under the impression its more of a hard to get ploy, or a test to see if I like her for more than just hooking up. But to say I’ll never hear from her? That I doubt, this girl is Definitley into me. But yeah there’s no way in hell she has plans with her friends for every night of the weekend, that’s bs. I don’t get why she can’t just let loose. Edited December 7, 2018 by Grey40
PRW Posted December 7, 2018 Posted December 7, 2018 So I’m under the impression its more of a hard to get ploy, or a test to see if I like her for more than just hooking up. But to say I’ll never hear from her? That I doubt, this girl is Definitley into me. No it is more of a "Slow it down and cool your jets, dude". Don't over-think it. If she contacts you then great. Handle it like I said. I wouldn't contact her yourself, or if you do give it a good [silent] week in between. If you do that and she turns it down,...then you don't do anything till she contacts you,...if she does. I don’t get why she can’t just let loose.Some people have higher moral standards than you give them credit for, but you may have caught them at a weak moment where they were just caught up on the moment, but after they have time to think about it they decide to slow it way down. 2
Author Grey40 Posted December 7, 2018 Author Posted December 7, 2018 No it is more of a "Slow it down and cool your jets, dude". Don't over-think it. If she contacts you then great. Handle it like I said. I wouldn't contact her yourself, or if you do give it a good [silent] week in between. If you do that and she turns it down,...then you don't do anything till she contacts you,...if she does. Some people have higher moral standards than you give them credit for, but you may have caught them at a weak moment where they were just caught up on the moment, but after they have time to think about it they decide to slow it way down. Well she said she’s free Sunday from 4-730 and we could get dinner if I’d like to. So I agreed to that. I’ll play it cool on that date, and then I’ll wait a while to see if she reaches out.
Gretchen12 Posted December 7, 2018 Posted December 7, 2018 So she thinks I’m using her for sex only? How do I dispel that? Agree to go on a time constrained date? Exactly. Go on a date knowing there will be no opportunity for sex later in the evening. Why not? Unless it really is only sex you're after. 2
PRW Posted December 7, 2018 Posted December 7, 2018 Well she said she’s free Sunday from 4-730 and we could get dinner if I’d like to. So I agreed to that. I’ll play it cool on that date, and then I’ll wait a while to see if she reaches out. I only said wait for her to contact you based on those conditions you gave. But if the date goes well then it is just a more normal situation. So just be normal. But I would still maintain the self control, don't repeat the same mistake.
kendahke Posted December 7, 2018 Posted December 7, 2018 I offered that we go back to my place, she insisted she really couldn’t because she had to wake up really early for work the next day. I kept escalating tried asking a little bit later, but she insisted no, Could she be avoiding the possibility of sex? Yes. Begging for sex is rather unattractive and can throw water on the embers... 1
Gaeta Posted December 7, 2018 Posted December 7, 2018 I agree with everything PRW said. You date like a 19 year old who can't wait to get laid. Not every make-out needs to end in bed. It's not because she was enjoying it she wanted to follow you home. You need to date with more control over yourself and more maturity. Contrary to men women don't think hot and heavy needs to end in full sex. 1
Leliu Posted December 7, 2018 Posted December 7, 2018 Hi, I am new here, but not new to dating. I will agree with others that you are going too fast for her. I just went through the same thing with 2 guys. One just said "lets go to my place" while he was grabbing his package in front of me, very bold of him, "waving a huge red turn off flag" for me...LOL the other guy only wanted to know how big my boobs were, and every time I changed the subject he still didn't get the hint. Both blocked and deleted, huge turn off by feeling up a woman that you have not taken the time to get to know by being a trusting friend first. If she can't trust you, she will not let you touch her again. And all these guys I am talking about are well into their 50's still acting childish. New guy is sweet, holds hands as we talk, asks me what my likes and dislikes are, shares food and drinks with me, walks me to my car, opens doors for me. We see each other twice a week, we do not have each other's phone numbers. Have only known him a month. If you like her and respect her treat her with respect. 2
Lotsgoingon Posted December 8, 2018 Posted December 8, 2018 Originally ask for Friday, she says she can but had plans with her gf later on that night ... she can “get dinner” but has plans with her other gf on Saturday and her roommates on Sunday. We always split the bill so it’s not like she’s just getting a free meal. Could she be avoiding the possibility of sex? She's not interested in going any further with you--not for sex and not for romance. Here's the deal: women and men have a no-hassle, use-any-time free pass from friends to skip friend time to pursue romantic or sexual time or even romantic or sexual possibility. If she were interested in getting together with you again, she would tell you how disappointed she is not being able to go out with you on the nights you proposed ... and she'd go out of her way to give you the soonest possible date when she can get together with you. And she'd tell you loudly and plainly how much she is enjoying her time with you. Doesn't mean you did something wrong. For whatever reason (often we never learn the reason) she has decided not to go any further with you. It' one of those ironies of life ... that people can get physical with someone for hours ... and then ten minutes after saying goodbye and leaving ... people often know they don't really want to see the other person again. Let go and move on. 1
Simple Logic Posted December 8, 2018 Posted December 8, 2018 If she did not want to see you she would not offer restricted hours, she would just refuse the date. She is doing the only thing she knows to post a speed limit to slow you down some. Go to dinner, have fun, and stow the sexual advances. 1
alphamale Posted December 8, 2018 Posted December 8, 2018 she's trying to see if you just want to be a f**k buddy or are long-term material 2
alphamale Posted December 8, 2018 Posted December 8, 2018 oh I forgot to mention that the more a woman has to offer the longer she will make you wait for sexual activity 2
Author Grey40 Posted December 8, 2018 Author Posted December 8, 2018 (edited) she's trying to see if you just want to be a f**k buddy or are long-term material Yeah my gut is usually accurate and this is what I initially thought as soon as the interaction happened. Could also be another guy in the picture somewhere, always possible. Multiple times on date 3 she was saying stuff like “you’re bad..I like it” and telling me “you prObably have a couple gfs don’t you?” I’m also a musician and not bad looking so she has this stigma that I’m a player of some sort too I’m sure, so this makes a lot of sense if she’s considering this as more than just a casual thing, I agree if she didn’t want to see me again she would have either declnded the date or just never responded. The fact that she’s fitting me in a All isn’t a bad sign. Though we’ll seee if the date holds, she could always back out last minute and then it’ll be more clear where she stands. But I’m going with my gut here. Thanks for the replies Edited December 8, 2018 by Grey40
diddilybop Posted December 8, 2018 Posted December 8, 2018 I offered that we go back to my place, she insisted she really couldn’t because she had to wake up really early for work the next day. I kept escalating tried asking a little bit later, but she insisted no. yeah, she got annoyed and turned off by your repeated attempts. I don’t get why she can’t just let loose. maybe she wants to take things more slowly, maybe she wants to feel things out before deciding whether she wants to get sexually intimate with you or not. that's her decision and not a place for you to pressure her. this next time you see her, have fun and be yourself but chill out a little bit on the physical stuff. you don't want to turn her off again.
PRW Posted December 8, 2018 Posted December 8, 2018 We see each other twice a week, we do not have each other's phone numbers. Have only known him a month. That part is interesting. I like it.
PRW Posted December 8, 2018 Posted December 8, 2018 oh I forgot to mention that the more a woman has to offer the longer she will make you wait for sexual activity Ah! I hadn't put it in those words before,...but yea, good perspective. 1
elaine567 Posted December 8, 2018 Posted December 8, 2018 oh I forgot to mention that the more a woman has to offer the longer she will make you wait for sexual activity I do not believe that to be true, some women with little to offer are just not into sex, and some women with a whole lot to offer are at it like rabbits early on... It is myths like this that steer men into sexless marriages. "She made me wait a year for sex, she must be a great prize..." Grown ups* tend to like sex, if an adult is deliberately withholding sex, stalling or not allowing comfortable natural progression, then it probably means sex is not that important to them, they have a problem with sex, or they have little or no desire for you specifically... Here he tried to force things to go quicker than she was comfortable with - not good. He tried to skip to the good bit and it resulted in a pull back. (* excluding virgins and the very young/inexperienced and the religious) 1
Gaeta Posted December 8, 2018 Posted December 8, 2018 she's trying to see if you just want to be a f**k buddy or are long-term material *Rolling my eyes* why do you have to see games everywhere? Most women, and I bet as usualy this one is younger, don't like to jump into bed on a 1st or 2nd date. Has nothing to do with playing games. 2
Gaeta Posted December 8, 2018 Posted December 8, 2018 Multiple times on date 3 she was saying stuff like “you’re bad..I like it” and telling me “you prObably have a couple gfs don’t you?” I’m also a musician and not bad looking so she has this stigma that I’m a player of some sort too I’m sure, so this makes a lot of sense if she’s considering this as more than just a casual thing, and YOU, out of everything that was said on here, this is what you find the most logic! She was flirting! Can a girl flirt and not want to open her legs right away? You're always stuck with the stigma of being a musician and the fact that it scares women, what do you do to counteract this? ....you nag her to go home with you! About you counteract with being a gentleman and keeping your sexual suggestions under control. Why would this girl take you seriously AT ALL? I also think the man should initiate the first kiss and show his attraction but he should let the woman make the invitation to get to bed. . 3
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