Karanne Posted December 7, 2018 Posted December 7, 2018 I have known my ex boyfriend 30 yrs. We dated for 2 yrs when we first met. He was a part time musician with no steady job, and wouldn't commit to me and leave his mom. I had 2 small children so I moved on. We ran into each other out 20 yrs later. He moved in with me but still didn't have steady work except for odd jobs. He never married and had no children. After 5 yrs of practically supporting him and still no real commitment, I made him move out. We still texted and visited a few times a month for the next 2 yrs but didnt have sex. He would seem jealous when I didn't respond to his texts right away. He also left birthday and Valentine's gifts in front of my door. When we hung out, he usually would talk about his near homelessness and run down vehicle that he constantly worked on. I noticed about a yr ago, on social pages he was frequently in pictures with a woman. I asked him why was he still visiting me so much if he was now seeing her. He said she was paying him to work on her house. She was a therapist and annoyed him always analyzing his every move. Recently, he came over and asked if I would rent my spare room to him. I asked if he could stay with her while he worked on her house as she seemed to like having him around. That night she called me for the first time wanting to know what kind of relationship he and I had. I said we texted and visited regularly but no sex was involved. She then said they had been practically living together for a year and she had purchased him a truck, iPhone, dental work, and had given him use of 2 of her bank cards. She said he told her he didn't see me at all. Thst night, She told him she was taking away everything she had given him and she was done. The next day she texted and said he was ready to be an honest man and could not apologize enough and said he would never speak to me again if she never brought me up again. She texted 2 more times that day telling me of his commitment to build a life with her. I never received one apology from him even though he lied to me about his dire living and automobile situation on a regular basis. I didn't respond to any of her texts. She texted again a week later saying that he was acting weird again and didn't know if she could believe him because of his past lies. She wanted to vent to me since she promised to never bring it up again to him I didn't respond to that either, however, I haven't heard a word from him. She left a voicemail a week after her last text saying I had been on her mind and wondered if I would meet her for lunch soon. I haven't responded. Unbeknownst to her, I feel hurt that he would know me for so long and not have anything to say to me about this debacle. I certainly don't want to be friends with her and hear about their relationship since I wanted a commitment from him that she may get. Honest opinions please
PegNosePete Posted December 7, 2018 Posted December 7, 2018 I would send her one message: "Thanks for the lunch invite but I don't want anything to do with that useless bum any more, and that includes talking about him. Good luck." And then don't contact either of them ever again. 4
stillafool Posted December 7, 2018 Posted December 7, 2018 Yes and after you send that message block her from contacting you. Also block him from reaching you. Don't waste anymore of your time and years on this bum. Leave them to themselves.
d0nnivain Posted December 7, 2018 Posted December 7, 2018 Interacting with her is probably worse then interacting with him. Leave them to each other. Skip lunch. It will only give you heartburn.
Cersei Posted December 7, 2018 Posted December 7, 2018 Well they both sound like a pain in the butt. Keep them both out of your life for your own happiness! What good can communication with these 2 do you?
nolanola Posted December 7, 2018 Posted December 7, 2018 I agree with what others are saying here. You do not owe her any explanation at all. You can be nice and send her a message to say that you would prefer to not discuss this with her. That's probably the best thing to do as it will give her a clear message. Then block her. As for him, I agree he is being a total douche here. I suspect that he feels stupid that you now know what shenanigans he is up to -- that is why he is not interacting with you. He might be hoping that you will soften if he just backs off a bit and doesn't say anything. Regardless, he's been incredibly shady with both of you. At least you have the strength and self esteem to see that he's being shady. This other woman is obsessed with him and that situation is not going to end well.
Author Karanne Posted December 9, 2018 Author Posted December 9, 2018 Thank you to responders taking time to read my post and reply
ExpatInItaly Posted December 9, 2018 Posted December 9, 2018 A little late to the thread, but there is no way I would be meeting up with her. I would decline, let her know you aren't going to get involved, and cease all contact. With both of them, for good. Their relationship problems are, well, their problem.
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