jc Posted September 13, 2005 Posted September 13, 2005 Hi everyone, Just writing in because I'm feeling very sad today. It's been almost a month since me and C broke up (and I'm glad we did, I really am), but there are days when I miss him so much despite all of his bs. I'm only 25 but I'm scared that I'm never going to meet anyone worthwhile ever again. This can't be true, but when you're single, sometimes it feels like there are no other great single guys to get together with. Why do I even miss him? He was such a jackass, especially in the end (when he signed up on Lavalife for sex with strangers WHILE we were still together). I wish that I could just forget about him, but I still feel very sad and hurt about what happened, about why he could never commit to me. I just want to be happy and at peace with myself again!
Merin Posted September 14, 2005 Posted September 14, 2005 Hang in there JC... AND my guess is, your Ex couldn't just not commit to you, he isn't ready to commit to anyone.. don't make his issues about you.
francis Posted September 14, 2005 Posted September 14, 2005 i think that we can sometimes get caught in the confusion between missing that individual and missing the 'concept' of a boyfriend/girlfriend. Common sense alone can tell you that we are better off without scumbags in our lives, but once they are gone, it's easy to miss the company, or the idea that 'someone' is there to call our own... Stay strong JC, you're only feeling this way because you don't know what the future will hold. Remember, if the old boyfriend doesn't leave, there is no way for the new boyfriend to enter your life. You made the right choice to end a half decent relationship with a guy who couldnt treat you with respect and dignity. You are better off alone than being treated like that. Stand up tall, focus on other areas of your life to build on your identity and confidence. Never rely on a man to do that for you!
Author jc Posted September 17, 2005 Author Posted September 17, 2005 I know for sure that I'm missing the idea of C, not him...that's a very true statement Francis. I just wish that my heart would catch up to what my brain knows. It's also hard to end something with someone when you still love the person very much...I still love C, even though I know that he was not good for me. I know that C's inability to commit is about him, it just ended up affecting me in a terrible way. Why couldn't I recognize his commitment phobia earlier on??? It's funny because in the beginning we were both so in love with one another, but as time went on, the relationship that was once so absolutely wonderful (I've never been so in love), fell completely apart. Part of me feels like I should wait for a while and be single, and part of me wants to go out and meet someone right away. Just lonely I guess:) Thanks for the feedback Merin and Francis
brooke7777 Posted September 17, 2005 Posted September 17, 2005 Jc- I'm only 23 and I am having that feeling that I am never going to meet anyone that will even be worthy of comparing to my ex. We've only been apart one month and those feelings of lonliness and sadness plague me everyday. Some days I make it through feeling ok, but majority of the time I just can't help but feel like I'm falling apart. It just seems like he gave up. We were together for almost 3 1/2 years and it just seemed like one day he decided that he did not know what he wanted anymore. The scariest part is thinking about the future. I had my whole life planned and now it's in shambles. I know that I need to take this time to work on myself, but it's just so hard to let go still. I can't help but thinking...he's going to call today and say everything's ok. We just need to take this time and rediscover ourselves. I know it's definitely easier said than done, but it's a process that we must go through. If anything, we will come out of this tragic time in our lives as stronger individuals regardless of the outcomes of our situations. Hang in there.
kscholze Posted September 17, 2005 Posted September 17, 2005 jc - you WILL find someone who is perfect for you. I know this because from your post you obviously know what it means to be in a commited relationship. I had a hard break up when I was your age (im 29 now)to the girl I thought I would marry. the only thing I regret is not getting over it sooner. I have dated and loved since there is someone out there who loves you, but you have to be out there to find them
Visu Posted September 17, 2005 Posted September 17, 2005 jc - Hang in there. It is tough to deal with the breakup. You are so young! You will meet someone that has all the qualities for a lasting relationship if you continue working on yourself. Cherish this time alone and use it to find yourself. I know you're sad. You may feel like you have the world to offer and there is no greater gift than to share your true self with another person, that is what makes us feel like we have a purpose, right? But you can use this time alone to have a relationship with yourself. That sounds cheesy but it may help you rediscover things that you had forgotten during your relationship with C. Sorry you are feeling sad. We've all been there and we all know its hard, lonely and sometimes sad. But, someone is out there for you. "Keep your chin up, young person"
Zoey Posted September 17, 2005 Posted September 17, 2005 hey JC. Breaking up is really lonely. I'm having a lot of trouble with being alone too. Since we broke up, I've been super boy crazy. It's like I'm frantically searching for someone else to direct this emotion towards. I haven't felt this way in such a long time...it was so nice to be in a committed relationship when you don't have trust issues, etc. I had so much confidence when I was with the boy because I knew that HE loved me and that I didn't have to be the prettiest girl in the room, b/c I always had him to go home with. NOW, I'm suddenly thrust back in the dating scene. It's pretty brutal. I know this sounds horrible, but I don't even think I really want a relationship. I think I just want someone to love me and hold me...I miss that. Also, I hate to admit this, but I feel like a relationship validated me somehow.....it feels good to know that someone thinks you're beautiful and funny, and sees you naked and still loves you....I miss sleeping next to somebody...sadness.
In Sync Posted September 18, 2005 Posted September 18, 2005 Its impossible not to feel lonely after breaking up, you have to resist thinking you shouldn't feel this way. Its only natural that unease and discomfort are a part of the process. I've finally come to the end of a yo-yo, relationship and I'm walking around like a zombie. I cry at sudden up expected moments and feel completely out of my body. Is this shock or denial, I don't know but I keep telling myself it just has to get better. We can't help but replay the relationship from the good moments to the bad, its our way of trying to control the hurt and deal with what happen, so saddness is a part of it...
Author jc Posted September 18, 2005 Author Posted September 18, 2005 Thanks for the replies everyone, It helps to know that there are other people out there going through the same thing. Right now I feel like I'm surrounded by people in happy, successful relationships and marriages, and I'm so jealous! In Sync, I'm past that scary zombie-like stage that you are going through, but I know how it feels. C and I also had a yo-yo relationship (we must have broken up and gotten back together at least 6 times). It's hard ending a relationship like that because part of you wants to go back and try again, just like you did many times before. That's lesson I'm trying to take from me and C: you can love someone so much and try so hard to make things work, but it still doesn't mean that it's going to work out the way you want it too. A very hard lesson for me to learn, I'm not someone who gives up on something easily. On the plus side, people like you and I who have stayed in yo-yo relationships and have tried to make it work know that we have the strength and stamina and commitment to try to make something good. We don't just walk away the second things get tough. Hang it there! You WILL make it through this and in a couple months you'll look back and you won't be able to believe the extent and depth of your sadness and despair. I went out to the bar last night and met a fairly nice guy (or so I thought). I found out later in the night from his twin brother that he had a girlfriend. (And I expressly asked him if he was single, and he said yes). So he lied. At least I found out in the first hour, rather than after 3 years like with C (that's me looking on the bright side of things). Doesn't exactly reaffirm my faith in 20-something men, that's for sure. C and I have been broken up for a month today. I'm still so sad and fighting the urge to call and make everything better, even though I know that it is over for good and that I'm better off without him. I completely know what you mean Zoey....I felt validated by being in a relationship too. I felt like one of those lucky people who had everything figured out, 2 kids and a minivan:) It sucks because even though it's only been a month, I feel like most of my friends and family expect me to be over it. I'm not over it. At this point I feel like I never will, even though I know that this is not true. That's why this forum is so great I guess, you can talk things through for as long as you need to, and that in itself has to be therapeutic. Just wait a month or two I guess, and I'll be writing in about how strong and happy and wonderful I feel (well, here's hoping anyways!)
Author jc Posted September 18, 2005 Author Posted September 18, 2005 Hey Brooke, I also wanted to say good luck to you as well...I can completely relate to your post. It sounds like you're in the denial/hope phase of grieving where you think that maybe he'll call and the nightmare will end. The thing is, he has the right to not know what he wants. It just completely sucks for you. In the long run, you'll be much happier if you're with someone who does know what they want (YOU) and is completely committed to the relationship. Listen to me giving advice...some days I can barely get out of bed! Another great thing about this forum...you can give advice to others about the right thing to do, even when you don't have the courage to do it for yourself yet:)
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